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Humorous Poetry

Some paani puri
With chicken tandoori......
'Tis a Great Way
To kick-start yer' day !!
 
Gone but not forgotten.

A long time ago I had to walk to shit
To the end of the garden, a fair bit
Where the smelly shed was dank
And ponged a lot to be frank.

Inside the hut was dark and murk
Who knew what creatures there lurk?
Why fear Horrors under the bed?
The real ones lived in that shed.

There were worms, flies and mice
Rats, beetles, some pubic lice
Spiders stringing clammy webs around
And those things that made a sound.

The paper was rough cut and hung
Leaving print smears on my bum
To darken my jamas and sheet
Matching the mud smear on my feet.

Cheer for the glory of an indoor flush
A lighted space, no need to rush
No more dark stains, nor pissing rain
I wouldn't want that shed back again.
 
till i can come up with something new, i hope these 2 older things will do :)


undercover agents

when I checked out his pen
it seemed out of ink
so i started to twist
screwing its barrel

he took it from me
warned me it might expel
unexpectedly spill
said he didn't want stains
on the shag pile

no, really, he said
don't shake it that way
it'll squirt up the walls
let everone know we were spies

suck it and see
see if it will leak
invisible ink
we can write with

trust me
he said
my word is my bond







working out with Jasper

oh fuzzy-faced, contented cat
preferring cushions to the mat;
rotund, we both need exercise
I touch my toes - you roll your eyes;
you stretch, I jog till oh so hot;
I sweat - you scratch an awkward spot.

determined to burn calories
I twist and lunge, bend at the knees;
you flick your tail and preen a whisker,
lick a paw and deign to risk a
little shake, and then you drop
down cushionwards just as I flop
exhausted, wondering if I'm thinner;
you eye your empty bowl - where's dinner?
 
WillOtheWisp said:
'Scuse me Miss Spell? Your butt plug here. I'll be
blunt and get right to the point. Your bum, she's
my chum... but silicone can get lonely...
And your friends sound nice. Can I meet them please?

That Harry Hill sounds fun to fill, and as
for Butters, sounds like a natural fit.
I hear that Angeline is into ass
(or was that 'jazz'?), and GreenMountaineer? It's

hopeful, we'll find his yodel, I know just
where to look. So put on tea...don't mention me;
everyone loves surprises. Soon your guests
will be impressed! But I won't be pushy,

I know new tushies are shy. You'll demonstrate,
it will all be great, oh I cannot wait!
Click to expand...

A talking butt plug! Whatever next? Could lead to several interesting interactions!
 
oggbashan said:
A long time ago I had to walk to shit
To the end of the garden, a fair bit
Where the smelly shed was dank
And ponged a lot to be frank.

Inside the hut was dark and murk
Who knew what creatures there lurk?
Why fear Horrors under the bed?
The real ones lived in that shed.

There were worms, flies and mice
Rats, beetles, some pubic lice
Spiders stringing clammy webs around
And those things that made a sound.

The paper was rough cut and hung
Leaving print smears on my bum
To darken my jamas and sheet
Matching the mud smear on my feet.

Cheer for the glory of an indoor flush
A lighted space, no need to rush
No more dark stains, nor pissing rain
I wouldn't want that shed back again.
Click to expand...

Newspapers cut into handy squares and hanging on a hook? Uhuh been there!
 
butters said:
till i can come up with something new, i hope these 2 older things will do :)


undercover agents

when I checked out his pen
it seemed out of ink
so i started to twist
screwing its barrel

he took it from me
warned me it might expel
unexpectedly spill
said he didn't want stains
on the shag pile

no, really, he said
don't shake it that way
it'll squirt up the walls
let everone know we were spies

suck it and see
see if it will leak
invisible ink
we can write with

trust me
he said
my word is my bond
Click to expand...

If it's Daniel Craig count me in :)
 
HoneyAdored said:
*This is an oldie that I have tweaked to make it from the male perspective, though I'm not sure if it works but there is only one way to find out :D

‘O’logy

I think I’d like an ‘O’logy
A Poemology Degree
I guess I’d need to study
How hard could it possibly be?
So I sit at my desk with furrowed brow
My pen is poised for verse
I wait for divine inspiration
But nowt comes, I think I’m cursed

So! I twiddle my thumbs
I twiddle my hair
My hand slips between my knees
I twiddle down there
Without a care
An ’O’ Level to achieve
With a sigh of relief
My tension’s released
I go back to my study
I thumb through a book
But as soon as l look
Surprise!!!
Damp does arise

So! I submit to my insatiable appetite
An orgy of poets will be my demise
Auden ‘blow’s softly…in my ear
I start to feel a little queer
Rich’s mouth hovers across my chest
With Ginsberg I’m just a howling mess
I’m feeling and squealing and cumming with Cummings
And as delight is reached with Swinburne’s tongue
I moan!
And finally
With Donne
I am done!

Now! With Keat’s bright A-stars in my eyes
My focus still somewhat bleary
I knuckle down to write again
Although, I’m feeling quite weary
But for all my vivid imagining
My brain conjures nowt but porn
I admit, yet again, I have got the horn
This latest need, needs rubbing out
The error of my ways
Erase! Erase! Eeeeerase!!!

I try to concentrate once more
A sonnet to be born
But a sexy romp‘s playing inside my head
Of a well hung Lothario and French maid in bed
And as my eyes begin to glaze
My brain is dazed in a sex filled haze
I’m just a satyr I must confess
As l bang my book upon my desk
And suddenly I’m filled with the realisation
If degrees were granted for Master BAtion
My walls would be covered in…
…certification
Click to expand...

.. Mine degee says: Soonta Cum Loudly
 
An Oldie but favorite of mine, dedicated to all those men who get up 4 times a night to pee:

TURP

As I was saying "I love you"
to my anesthesiologist,
Darth Vadar tested his lightsaber wand
which in medico-Italian
is called a resectoscopio
because it looks like Pinocchio's nose.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Cara," I said
to my love who was talking to Darth
about how strong Midazolam is
which, if memory serves correct,
is what they called the love child of
Ungoliant and Vala Melkor.

"Don't touch" said Darth,
"Oui, oui, I said,
having reality well in hand,
when, Eureka! my urethra
got reacquainted with my glans!

"Such an exquisite corps!"
 
:d :d :d

for some reason my grinning smiley's not coming out. but i am grinning.
 
Last edited:
greenmountaineer said:
An Oldie but favorite of mine, dedicated to all those men who get up 4 times a night to pee:

TURP

As I was saying "I love you"
to my anesthesiologist,
Darth Vadar tested his lightsaber wand
which in medico-Italian
is called a resectoscopio
because it looks like Pinocchio's nose.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Cara," I said
to my love who was talking to Darth
about how strong Midazolam is
which, if memory serves correct,
is what they called the love child of
Ungoliant and Vala Melkor.

"Don't touch" said Darth,
"Oui, oui, I said,
having reality well in hand,
when, Eureka! my urethra
got reacquainted with my glans!

"Such an exquisite corps!"
Click to expand...

Fabulous!
 
Men are like books, they sit around in groups
not giving out what
they're really like inside by their titles.
They waffle on in a long dialogue
before getting to the crux of the matter,
and even throw in a red Herring or two
to trip the unwary, then dump
the fertile seeds of their ridiculous ideas
before rolling off the bed never to be found again.
 
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