Humorous Poetry

[Angeline]

Wow! My latest humorous poem now has a Green E .

https://www.literotica.com/p/caesars-wife-1

It has just jumped from a rating of 3.00 to 3.75. The E shows at least one person liked it.

Thank you, Angeline, for your comments.

Most welcome. Like I said it made me giggle plus it has the historical accuracy thing going for it.

 

[legerdemer]

Sausage Dinner

Would I assuage your sausage if I could?
Soothe the need, relieve the wood?
Forsooth, my touch may satisfy
if other thirsts are pacified
and other appetites becalmed…

And if your sausage is indeed assuaged,
what prize, sweet sir, will you in turn gift me
to satiate my fathomless wet sea?


Note: I wrote this (or a slightly modified version of it) long ago, under a different guise. One of you might just recognize it. I confess it tickles my funny bone, a little like laughing at one's own joke. This thread gives me the chance to dust it off.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Good Night, Irene, Good Night

How goes it with the Mrs., Smitty?
Life colder than a witch's tit,
another 3 dog night in bed
with Irene who I see's
reading Corinthians 3:14?

Heading for your bathroom, Smitty,
for a pseudo-wifey visit
with your wifi Samsung tablet?

Webcam's tracking; Smitty's wacking
Buffy on his Mastercard,
but she's only blown the circuit,
so it's back to bed despite
ain't no sweet dreams; so it seems.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Wow! My latest humorous poem now has a Green E .

https://www.literotica.com/p/caesars-wife-1

It has just jumped from a rating of 3.00 to 3.75. The E shows at least one person liked it.

Thank you, Angeline, for your comments.

Well done! Just one thing should that be 'this he derides'?

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Angeline]

This is what happens when I try to write funny....

That gnu is old.
That old gnu who used to date Babe
the Blue Ox knew a thing or two
about the blues and whose turn
it was to buy the cud which he'd rather
do being a cud connoisseur unlike Babe
who'd get confused and buy used mud
on the banks of Big Muddy from a skipper
who wouldn't know Blue if she stepped
on his shoe, let alone cud and here
she'd come plodding with her muddy mud
and nothing to chew, but she was a sod
and Old Gnu often wished she was.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Tee hee hee

 

[oggbashan]

Well done! Just one thing should that be 'this he derides'?

Could have been, but I wrote and meant HIS - i.e. there are no rules for his behaviour. She must be, or appear to be, virtuous; he can play around as much as he likes.

 

[HarryHill]

Stolen from FB

It aint poetry but funny...
..

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, it's me arse. I'd look ya ta take a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another £10 note appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?.
"Well fur gudness sake take it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy " I knew I wasn't feeling two fookin grand.

 

[butters]

It aint poetry but funny...
..

*groans*

and, yes, i laughed

 

[Remec]

It aint poetry but funny...
..

*groans*

and, yes, i laughed

Ah, but it's the sort of 'ain't poetry' that could be used to construct a narrative poem or even a ballad, of sorts.

(Don't look at me. I was jus' sayin'. )

 

[butters]

Ah, but it's the sort of 'ain't poetry' that could be used to construct a narrative poem or even a ballad, of sorts.

(Don't look at me. I was jus' sayin'. )

and i'm too lazy

 

[Remec]

and i'm too lazy

That's sort of what I was getting at. hehehe 'Sides, my ballads always seem to come out much too sing-songy for my tastes.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

How to enter another dimension, if only for a few minutes

I suffer from Positional Vertigo
and if I sit for too long,
standing up is a whole new experience.
I guess I'm wired all wrong!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You grumble with your eyes afire,
complain and gripe you never tire
when I ask what your problem is
I need a fuck , is all you sez

You always tell me you need dick
but you've put on weight, you're awful thick
I'll get hard if suck me quick
yes I know, I'm such a prick.

You're not much like those lovely girls
who lick and suck and tongue in swirls
and hasten my cock to unfurl
and drip those tiny precum pearls.

I knew not, when I married you,
the hell you'd someday put me through
and gave no thought when love was new
to the things those downtown girls will do.

So long ago when you looked hot
when we smoked weed and drank alot
I labored in your honey pot
it was so good then, but now it's not.

Call them prostitutes or whores
those are the ladies I adore
they ask for money, nothing more
and wave when they go out the door.


So use my cock then go to sleep
when you get done I'll beat my meat
my thoughts of ladies of the street
with them you simply can't compete

Now take this cock you wretched bitch
and use it now to scratch your itch
that I might have some peace and quiet
and slumber well in dreams tonight.

Glad I'm not married to you! It's the person inside that matters and all you can think of is your dick.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Purely humorous fiction I assure you, but at least it rhymes and isn't long winded broken up sentences that seldom divulge a meaning! And I might add that if that's your pic in the profile, I'm also glad you're not married to me! And before you cry out for a moderator, you threw the first insult here!

My, my we left out sense of humour at the door didn't we!

 

[HarryHill]

Purely humorous fiction I assure you, but at least it rhymes and isn't long winded broken up sentences that seldom divulge a meaning! And I might add that if that's your pic in the profile, I'm also glad you're not married to me! And before you cry out for a moderator, you threw the first insult here!

We don't scream for mods here at Pobo Lit, we usually call a cunt a cunt and be done with it, you don't want feedback/criticism for a poem don't post, that's her poor sainted mother in the pic, you should be ashamed

 

[UnderYourSpell]

We don't scream for mods here at Pobo Lit, we usually call a cunt a cunt and be done with it, you don't want feedback/criticism for a poem don't post, that's her poor sainted mother in the pic, you should be ashamed

Harry!!! lol by the way I've a feeling our 'friend' here has posted many times before, under many other names (which keep getting removed) and lives to Troll and like other Trolls should sprayed with toxic fumes labelled 'Best ignored'.

 

[greenmountaineer]

In Vino Veritas

It's amazing how clear things are
after a third glass of wine,
the solution for Palestinians
and why the Euro's so critical,

but as to why this anti-fungal
spray doesn't spray is beyond me
after nearly a bloody 6 pounds
for a 2 oz. bottle at the chemist.

Alas, it's a small price to pay
for peace in the Middle East,
and I'll get a refund tomorrow
with a money back guarantee.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Harry's name calling don't amount to a fart in a wind storm! My old daddy always told me there's not a lot of sense in getting upset and pissed off at a dumbass I can sit on my hands and out think! I have in fact had posts deleted because of age references and you're wrong, I never logged in to this sight under any other name. I don't create drama which is more than I can say for at least two of the members on this thread!

What you fail to understand is, we are all friends here, so when someone like you comes in and tries to stir up trouble well lets say life could get very lonely. So carry on posting your ditties, it's akin to talking to yourself.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I rest my case M'Lord

 

[Ashesh9]

Bewildered query ??!

I rest my case M'Lord

Who's this Chuck Norris rip-off ?? He can't spell 'site' ( calls it sight) : about as ill-educated as Don Trump 'n why's he beatin' up on Annie ??!!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Who's this Chuck Norris rip-off ?? He can't spell 'site' ( calls it sight) : about as ill-educated as Don Trump 'n why's he beatin' up on Annie ??!!!

Resident Troll who thought it was safe to try it on again because Angeline is not so well, pretty mean that in my book.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Pig Roast

Higgledy, piggledy
South Carolinian
boys will be boys
pee in the pit

turning the spit until
Billy Joe Ray Taylor
Budweiser-wisingly
squats over it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can everybody learn to swim
Or do I sink alone?
It isn't like I haven't tried,
I might as well be stone.
I kick my legs quite frantically
and hang onto those floes,
once more I heading downwards,
frigging water up my nose!
There's those that can, that splish
and splosh, look at me askance.
Bog off and splash some other one
give me a frigging chance.
I have no fun on hoiidays
when still clutching to the sides
watching kids of two or three
whizz down upon those slides.
I'll never be a mermaid fair,
nor dive down like Tom Daley,
never in a million years, though
I practise my sinking daily.