I just don't understand....relationship

[Somehowyou]

There is soooooo much more going on here than shaving/not shaving..

Personally, you need to run, not walk, away... The lack of respect is cause enough and it wont get better.. IMHO

But since you both "love" each other then you need to figure out what is going on here. Could be as simple as cold feet on his side.. The counseling should help greatly.

Counseling????How about Nair or something like that. I myself hate hair as well. Tto go down on a woman with stubble on her muff is not my cup of tea...I prefer not to.

Let me ask you a question. Is it important for you to have hair on your body? Now if I were him I would give you some gift certificates for the spa where you can be pampered and yes waxed! This is win/win. Try to oblige him and see what happens. If he is just on grateful and making an excuse then its time to go your separate ways.

I myself prefer my women to be smooth.

Good luck!

 

[Adakgirl]

Ya know what Lacy? Marrying the man whom you are having your first adult relationship with... is a really, really, bad idea. I see BIG red flags popping up all through your original post when it comes to this man's attitude towards you.

He sounds very sexually self-absorbed and probably has not bothered to take the time to learn that making love to a woman begins long before getting to the sex in the bedroom. He is not even giving you a chance to become sexually responsive to him. He sounds like he is very immature and selfish and or just ignorant about woman in general.
. He needs to WANT to know what it takes to please you and he needs to WANT to take whatever amount of time it takes with you so you both can enjoy a happy satisfying sex life.

Regardless if these issues come from his previous relationship (red flag) or if they are deeper than just being picky over a fuzzy pussy.

(BTW If any man were to ever ridicule my pussy in such a way, he would have been answered with an old fashioned hard slap in the face. I have been having sex with men for 35 years, and in that time not one single man has ever said such a thing about my pussy, be it hairy as hell, shaved bare, fuzzy, stubbly whatever condition it has been in. NEVER! How could he be so rude and insulting to you? A simple apology for being an ass, would not be a good enough one for me)

If he is not in tune with you enough to know when you need some compassion and loving understanding, and if he insults you rather than responds to your sexual advances towards him....these are HIS problems NOT YOURS and I'm afraid you are going to be making a big mistake by marrying him.

I doubt seriously you will get him into counseling, he will not see any problem with his actions, so will not see any reason to seek counseling. I suggest you become un-engaged, call it off, tell him you think he needs more time and then go from there. This is all my personal opinion and advice of course, take it or leave it.

Love goes a long way, but it takes MORE THAN LOVE to make for a happy marriage, much, much more than just love. It takes mutual respect, compromise, understanding, compassion, patience, and so much more.

It may take you to keep your self respect intact and to give your fiance a BIG wake up call before he finally gets it. Some never do.

 

[infinity706]

I wouldn't say marrying the first guy you date is always a recipe for disaster, though. My mom did that and and they've been happily married for 26 years.

 

[Blackbich]

Oh lord where to start?

He complains about not getting sex more than twice a week, but every time I approach him for sex (the last 4 times and it just happened again today -- over a several month period) he always either turns it down or he says something that just totally destroys whatever sexual mood I was in.

You need to point out to him this is what he's doing and tell him to shut the fuck up the next time he whines about not getting sex. I have heard this sooo many times and I don't get it. It's obviously not about you showing initiative and letting him know you're ready because if that were the case you wouldn't keep getting turned down. There are so many things I could say to this but I'll just repeat the one word that's been repeated...counseling.

I get that some guys don't like hair on women <snip> but when he called it disgusting today it really hurt my feelings.

Excuse. I don't give a rats ass if he would prefer you hairless, it's still bull stank. I have never ever had a man complain about the hair on my snatch. Even when it's been months since I've trimmed and I hardly ever shave except on special occasions. Here's the bitch in me...the next time he comments about your disgusting hairy puss, tell him his hair is disgusting and that he needs to shave his pubes and nutsack when he wants sex. When he bitches, because most likely he will, ask him what the difference is then stab him in the head with a sharp object when he points out you're a woman and it's your responsibility. Out of curiosity, since he knows about your lightheaded issues, has he ever offered to shave you?

Not only that, but when we do have sex, it is a pain in the ass to even get him to warm me up. I am a woman, I can't be ready in two seconds. I love him, and he really is a great guy, or I wouldn't be engaged to him and living with him, but our bedroom situation is really getting on my nerves.

Sista girl...this is the time when he should be trying to impress you. People become complacent in a relationship, if he's ALREADY not giving two shits about your satisfaction... You can try counseling with this one but if he's a selfish bastard in the bedroom, I don't think this is a changeable trait. Based on previous actions, he's already proved that it's all about him.

Yes, I've been thinking about couple's counseling, but I haven't figured out how to ask him to go.

Make an appointment, tell him when it is, if he doesn't go you have your answer. If he's not willing to go to a counselor to fix the relationship issues, that implies that he's happy with the way things are and you already know it's not worth saving if that's the case.

 

[Adakgirl]

And know this, there is a big difference between couples counseling and sex in a relationship counseling

 

[Dearelliot]

I read where some think problems with sex in marriage is a bad sign..I dont think thats true I think getting married and commiting your life to someone you have to expect ...this isnt like fitting perfect peas in a pod..not everything fits exactly as you both might wish...and some adjustments are necessary...Yeah I suppose once every blue moon the perfectly compatible couple meet..but for most..thats seldom the case.
As for counseling...I think spending some time enjoying life together and above all doing things together.. put some effort into working out your problems miight be the first step... I believe many counselors can cause more problems than they resolve. I feel most reasonably intelligent people who love each other can work on the issues...mind you not resolve them ...because I think that only happens on sitcoms...I think too many people expect marriage to be like the sitcoms they watched growing up. I would add..for men....the woman you married last year isnt the woman you are married to this year and she will be a very different woman in the years to come...After being married for 51 years my belief is ladies change as times goes by.

 

[Noor]

Believe me when I tell you if your guy turns you down for sex because you haven't shaved, he's got MAJOR problems and they have nothing whatever to do with what grows out of a follicle!! Best get to a counselor pronto if the two of you are not able to discover and discuss whatever it is that has angered or upset him.

Okay I have had it with stuff like this. Red flag!

 

[NightL]

There is a follow on to this thread... started the very next day from the original post...

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=701409

 

[Keleigh]

I might be wrong, but I read this as she wasn't willing to do basic shaving her legs and stuff---not even getting into shaved, waxed, bikini maitenance, but simple keeping your legs not hairy type of effort.
Did I read it wrong?

 

[Adakgirl]

I read where some think problems with sex in marriage is a bad sign

Wronf dearelliot, read again...I think problems with sex BEFORE you marry the guy is a bad sign. And it is.

 

[Dearelliot]

Wronf dearelliot, read again...I think problems with sex BEFORE you marry the guy is a bad sign. And it is.

I was simply stating that sex in marriage isnt unusual and people should work through it.. together..
As for before marriage..to be honest before a commitment...it all is in la la land..I dated many ladies and did many different things, many crazy..what did I care if I wasnt interested Id play, she could get "out of the car" anytime she wanted.. depending on how serious I was interested in the person. So to me, sex problems of the unmarried or better yet uncommited arent very interesting...been there done that with casual dates, and Im sure many ladies did it to me too..when I married my wife 51 yrs ago she didnt shave under her arms...German girls didnt..but to b e honest, I loved her, I damn sure wouldnt consider it a problem if she didnt shave under her arms or her pubes. Damn that does seem shallow..but I agree if you cant stomach her physical appearance...well Id suggest moving on...but it isnt the woman who has a problem

 

[Somehowyou]

I might be wrong, but I read this as she wasn't willing to do basic shaving her legs and stuff---not even getting into shaved, waxed, bikini maitenance, but simple keeping your legs not hairy type of effort.
Did I read it wrong?

Yes Keleigh...this is the gist of it. She won't even consider shaving her legs or waxing for her man. We all do little things for our significant others and she can't even shave her legs. And most the people commenting on this forum are aghast that a partner may prefer something. I like woman to wear heals and stockings and a lot of perfume in bed, she likes when I wash my cock with a certain soap and apply a certain lotion on it. She wants me to wear this or that shirt and jacket when we go clubbing etc...

 

[Keleigh]

Yes Keleigh...this is the gist of it. She won't even consider shaving her legs or waxing for her man. We all do little things for our significant others and she can't even shave her legs. And most the people commenting on this forum are aghast that a partner may prefer something. I like woman to wear heals and stockings and a lot of perfume in bed, she likes when I wash my cock with a certain soap and apply a certain lotion on it. She wants me to wear this or that shirt and jacket when we go clubbing etc...

I've been following along with this and I'm stunned. Is it really that odd for someone to expect their partner to want to meet their basic wants/desires?
I mean I'm with you, if my partner wanted me to wear heels and stockings and perfume I'd try accomodate him, because I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO TURN HIM ON. I would want him to find me sexually appealing not just show up and be like--- ok, I'm here, I've made no effort to find out what you want, fuck me cuz I'm in the mood.
At the very least if I knew something was a turn off (ie: not shaving my legs) I'd damn well make sure I did the contortionist thing in the sink that I do to keep my legs smooth

 

[bigreaper10]

If these problems are being experienced now BEFORE marriage then that is a very very bad sign. Your significant other obviously has little tact and couldn't care less about your feelings. I would seriously rethink my relationship with this man.