I just don't understand women.

[unregistered]

 

[Etaski]

I've been teased so much in my life that I require a woman to either come right out and say what she wants or kiss me before I take her seriously.

Same thing right back atcha, guys.

I think back...and things only happened when SOMEONE asked, "May I kiss you?"

 

[satindesire]

@MilesLong ~ Interesting how you went from coming across rather jerk-ish (I do get that it was a joke) and then becoming completely endearing in such a limited number of posts. I think I'll pay attention to what you say in the future. (Sorry, no rose, I'm happily married).

Newbie-Break-In-Period's a bitch. Sometimes my ignore button gets itchy but I always give newcomers a month to really dig themselves into a hole before I toss them.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Just think of a man, then take away reason and accountability.

 

[RedButterflySlut]

When I write about men, I think of a woman and take away empathy and foresight of negative social consequences.

I kid, I kid. But seriously. Both genders have a lot to learn about treating their lovers better.

 

[Felix_Jones]

When I write about men, I think of a woman and take away empathy and foresight of negative social consequences.

I kid, I kid. But seriously. Both genders have a lot to learn about treating their lovers better.

I'm certified, I took lessons on treating potential partners better. Although that came with a lesson about the legal consequences if you are perceived not to. It's frightening, I'm never getting into a relationship ever.

 

[RedButterflySlut]

I'm not saying that all men lack empathy or foresight of negative social consequences, and I agree that some women lack reason and accountability. Stamping a label on both genders gets no one anywhere, except really sore wrists and an increased sales in tissues both for crying and cleaning up messes.

Denying yourself relationships out of fear that your lover will misunderstand you sounds sad I don't know your story, so I won't judge, but that's a really harsh response.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I'm not saying that all men lack empathy or foresight of negative social consequences, and I agree that some women lack reason and accountability. Stamping a label on both genders gets no one anywhere, except really sore wrists and an increased sales in tissues both for crying and cleaning up messes.

Denying yourself relationships out of fear that your lover will misunderstand you sounds sad I don't know your story, so I won't judge, but that's a really harsh response.

Here's the deal in my province (I'm Canadian), if the police are called for any reason during a domestic somebody has to be charged with assault. No matter what happens. This wasn't me that this happened to, just happen to meet a lot of guys that it did. That somebody, ten times out of ten, will be the man and the courts, police and judges are given a lot of leeway as to what constitutes assault. Which, by the way, is a federal crime. Women are starting to wise up to this bit of tough on crime legislation and it's creating a whole class of guys with serious criminal records, also enriching a lot of lawyers.

In summation, I'm going to stay away, this type of cudgel, when vengeance can become this grievous, is not worth any type of companionship. I'd rather remain single, but free and employed.

 

[RedButterflySlut]

Here's the deal in my province (I'm Canadian), if the police are called for any reason during a domestic somebody has to be charged with assault. No matter what happens. This wasn't me that this happened to, just happen to meet a lot of guys that it did. That somebody, ten times out of ten, will be the man and the courts, police and judges are given a lot of leeway as to what constitutes assault. Which, by the way, is a federal crime. Women are starting to wise up to this bit of tough on crime legislation and it's creating a whole class of guys with serious criminal records, also enriching a lot of lawyers.

In summation, I'm going to stay away, this type of cudgel, when vengeance can become this grievous, is not worth any type of companionship. I'd rather remain single, but free and employed.

Just to clarify, does that include a screaming match between two people? What about rough sex where the girl is left with bruises over her body? I've been a part of both, and it certainly wasn't assault. Wow. I overheard that Toronto changed their assault laws, but I didn't really read into it. That just blows my mind.
Something has to be done about the way that women are treated and how domestic violence is handled, but that's not it.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Just to clarify, does that include a screaming match between two people? What about rough sex where the girl is left with bruises over her body? I've been a part of both, and it certainly wasn't assault. Wow. I overheard that Toronto changed their assault laws, but I didn't really read into it. That just blows my mind.
Something has to be done about the way that women are treated and how domestic violence is handled, but that's not it.

Not even that much. As long as the Police are called, then someone (i.e. someone with a penis) gets booked. Hey, I don't hit women, never have, but this is enough to make a guy reticent. The law was written as a result of domestic abuse cases where the missus changes her mind and drops the charges.
Either way, better safe than sorry. I've never claimed to have the foggiest about what women want, and now my ignorance can send me to jail.

 

[jake34]

Why do women flirt with a man, get him all interested, then walk away, ignore him completely and flirt with other men?

Are they trying to wind him all up? Are they just flirting for the attention and to make themselves feel good? Do they even care that a man might get his hopes up about actually having a chance with someone for a change, only to realize that these women who flirt with him are just stringing him along?

Ladies, what is up with that?

Many women thrive on the attention. They miss it within their own lives and try to make up for it by trying to find as much of it as possible. So they end up causing the same hurt that they themselves were the victims of. Not that all women are like this. Just seems like many are. It is what it is.

 

[RedButterflySlut]

Not even that much. As long as the Police are called, then someone (i.e. someone with a penis) gets booked. Hey, I don't hit women, never have, but this is enough to make a guy reticent. The law was written as a result of domestic abuse cases where the missus changes her mind and drops the charges.
Either way, better safe than sorry. I've never claimed to have the foggiest about what women want, and now my ignorance can send me to jail.

I'm horrified. That is not a good response at all. UGH. I can see why you'd want to be hesitant around women, but I swear not all of us call the police at a drop of a hat, and very few of us try to make men out to be enemies.

I've had a few friends (that didn't remain friends) that tried to call rape, but later admitted nothing had happened, they where just upset. Those girls are few and far between.

 

[jake34]

My first thought was: I can't even count the number of GUYS that have done this to me.

Try lightening up about it. It's flirting, it's not a marriage proposal, and you are not entitled to ANYTHING from a woman no matter who she is or how much she flirts with you. Nada. Zero. Zip. Maybe some women are picking up on your super intense energy and get spooked by it.

So is it wrong then for someone to have super intense energy?

I guess we should all just go about life and not have any passion at all.

Then we can all be much less spooky.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Felix_Jones]

I'm horrified. That is not a good response at all. UGH. I can see why you'd want to be hesitant around women, but I swear not all of us call the police at a drop of a hat, and very few of us try to make men out to be enemies.

I've had a few friends (that didn't remain friends) that tried to call rape, but later admitted nothing had happened, they where just upset. Those girls are few and far between.

They're out there, hordes of them in fact. This business is alreaday filling up prisons, because god forbid you already have a criminal record and you get dinged with a bogus assault charge.
It's sad. I mean, women and men are going to get together no matter what. Still, not all men are blessed with my winning combination of mediocre looks and fear of incarceration, so I've got the advantage there. It's a relief, liberating even, to decide that it's going to be singlehood and that's all. Nobody to asnwer to, nobody to accommodate and nobody to call the police when I forget to put down the toilet seat.

 

[bailadora]

So is it wrong then for someone to have super intense energy?

Not at all. It just means that someone with that sort of personality might have to work a bit harder to find someone he or she is compatible with.

Personal space is not just a physical concept and it's possible someone with very high energy is unwittingly making someone else feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with being super intense, but IMO, I think it pays to be cognizant of how that sort of personality might affect others.

 

[jake34]

Not at all. It just means that someone with that sort of personality might have to work a bit harder to find someone he or she is compatible with.

Personal space is not just a physical concept and it's possible someone with very high energy is unwittingly making someone else feel uncomfortable - without ever being aware of it. There's nothing wrong with being super intense, but IMO, I think it pays to be cognizant of how that sort of personality might affect others.

Personal space is more of a mental thing than anything else. I think that anything passionate that we do or say can be interpreted as something uncomfortable by someone else. Our culture has become way too mundane and indifferent. So when someone comes along with anything close to a more intense personality automatically we put up our guard. It is sad that we have to consider being more reserved just so as to fit in to the more boring norms. But in the end it does not matter what our intent is. It matters more how it is taken in.

 

[bailadora]

Love the line and the movie. Jack Nicholson = completely awesome. .

As an actor, yes. As a person? I dunno. I don't do well with arrogance.

Back to the topic at hand: it's interesting. I only tease and lightly flirt with people with whom I feel safe. Those who know I'm happily married and that such interactions are going nowhere.

 

[jake34]

As an actor, yes. As a person? I dunno. I don't do well with arrogance.

Back to the topic at hand: it's interesting. I only tease and lightly flirt with people with whom I feel safe. Those who know I'm happily married and that such interactions are going nowhere.

Quick question.

Would you be okay with your other half teasing and lightly flirting with others?

 

[bailadora]

Quick question.

Would you be okay with your other half teasing and lightly flirting with others?

Yes. My husband has always been one of those guys that gets along much better with women than with other men. He explained this to me when we first started dating and once I understood that, I was fine.

But he'd also tell you that I'm somewhat of an odd bird. Some things that bother a lot of women (ie him going to a titty bar or watching porn) don't phase me at all. Then again - he's never given me any reason to doubt his fidelity.

 

[bailadora]

It is sad that we have to consider being more reserved just so as to fit in to the more boring norms.

Meh - I'm a reserved person to begin with, so it takes me awhile to get to know people. That's standard MO for me.

But in the end it does not matter what our intent is. It matters more how it is taken in.

Gotta disagree with you there. I think both are equally important. If I don't understand the intent, I'm much more likely to misinterpret someone and take offense. If someone tells me from the get go - "Hey - don't mind me. I'm an (insert adjective here) kind of person", I'm much more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

[jake34]

Yes. My husband has always been one of those guys that gets along much better with women than with other men. He explained this to me when we first started dating and once I understood that, I was fine.

But he'd also tell you that I'm somewhat of an odd bird. Some things that bother a lot of women (ie him going to a titty bar or watching porn) don't phase me at all. Then again - he's never given me any reason to doubt his fidelity.

Then I truly can say that you are a rare "bird" around these parts.

You seem to have a mutual understanding and shared respect with your other half.

You flirt a little at times yet are not threatened when he innocently may do the same.

I admire the fact that you seem to be a rather consistent and quite fair person.

I think that the first thing that confuses some of us men is when women just seem to contradict themselves and/or change their minds left and right. Perhaps this is part of why the OP asked his original question.

 

[bailadora]

You seem to have a mutual understanding and shared respect with your other half. You flirt a little at times yet are not threatened when he innocently may do the same.

I think the reason he and I are both able to do this is because we have a solid foundation of trust. In absence of that, I don't think it would be possible.

I think that the first thing that confuses some of us men is when women just seem to contradict themselves and/or change their minds left and right. Perhaps this is part of why the OP asked his original question.

*laughs* You don't think men do the same thing? Honestly, I don't think this is gender thing. I think this is a *people* thing. Sure there are some people out there who get off on the bait and switch. But most of the time, I think it goes back to what we were discussing earlier - the misinterpretation between intent and perception.

 

[dreami]

in response to the OP's original posting

1) when you have feel teased and then let down to you express this and try to resolve it to everyones satisfaction... or are you so aggrieved that you forget to listen to why she has responded in that way.

2) when a woman says yes i like you but this is moving too fast do you take a step back and give her a chance to catch-up, while at the same time showing your caring sharing side - or do you just go into woman playing games and not caring about your feelings mode

as a woman and from my point of view only

each of the sexes is raised very differently and have different expectations

imo girls need to develop trust and a bond before really being prepared to put it out - not talking well trained subs or slaves here - this means that more is expected of you when you see an encouraging smile, not less. That means respect and patience. telling a girl you love face sitting and then wondering why you arent getting anywhere isn't rocket science. us women are an emotional bunch and while not one of mans strongest inclinations learn from those who get laid... they look, listen and laugh. so watch for signs of coyness, shyness and uncertainty - everyone likes a bit of reassurance from time-to-time.

I sometimes chat to people and make it expressly clear that cam sex or strips arent on the agenda, but still it is coaxed and cojoled as if my feelings and levels of comfort have no regard. just because i agree to cam doesnt mean that any boundries i have placed can be ignored because it doesnt suit the person i am chatting with. you agreed to cam within my comfort zone how can i learn trust if you show no respect - we arent the game players here - we said these are the rules and you agreed.
and that kind of thing it signals a big fat red light to me

who wants to be with someone who isnt prepared to meet them halfway. ok no cam strip this time but next time she will know me a bit better ...
try to build on mutual agreements, be charming and listen. women are pretty honest and direct. we go into moan mode when we feel we have been disappointed, let down etc.

its cause and effect.
ask questions when you feel unsure. girls share a lot more easily than boys so us trying to ask you guys something is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

always be reassuring, genuine and honest. e.g. i want more why cant i have more. ok why do you feel like that - what can i do to make you feel better.

women dont only think about sex, we are round and curvy cos we think that way. we like to chat about things other than sex, we like to be taken out and treated right. it shows us you have time for us and will be bothered with us after you have had your way with us.

most girls arent looking to trap a man but looking for relationship material - if we dont like what you do in the early days then for us its a sign of things to come. many girls continue to give the guy a hard time so he leaves first or provokes a fight that way she hasnt had to dump him and that goes to show we are not cold hearted but stay around hoping that things turn out right.
(isnt it always that girls find themselves in bad relationships but never guys?)

guys are straight and broad cos what u see is what you get.
and each time we see a guys back (with little warning) and never hear from him again we become more suspect and less willing to trust the next guy who comes along.

we dont mean to play games - we arent the sportsmen... but sometimes when we are just ourselves you miss the pitch and play the ball... and 9 times out of 10 miss... leaving 2 dissatisfied parties.

so decide the game plan together - it may be fun being on the same team and a whole lot more rewarding. and anything that improves a mans stamina (patience) can only improve his performance all round.

batter up................
and good luck!

 

[Corbal]

Try not to take it so seriously, it's just flirting. Most men love it, because they understand that it is just someone being playful and fun. Some women (and some men) are so good, it's a sight to behold . Lit women are masters of it .

It's meant to be fun, so flirt back and if you want to see if it's anything more than just flirting, then push it a little. She likes you enough to flirt with you, but that doesn't always mean she'll get naked for ya. Good luck.

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