"I seek like minded individuals"

[TaintedB]

let's get back on topic before this becomes another one of those thread given over to meaningful discussions or thoughtless flirting... anyone have a new ad to make fun of?

I thought I would be helpful and keep this thread on track so I went looking for fun-poking material over at collarme just now. Instead I found this joke:

Three ducks were arrested and brought to the judge.
Judge (to duck #1) : what's your name and why are you here?
Duck #1: My name is "Quak" and I blew bubbles in the pond.
Dudge: $50 fine. Next.
Judge (to duck #2) : what's your name and why are you here?
Duck #2: My name is "Quak-Quak" and I blew bubbles in the pond.
Dudge: $50 fine. Next.
Judge (leans towards duck #3) : Let me guess. Your name is "Quak-Quak-Quak"?
Duck #3: No, your honor. My name is "Bubbles".

Oh well. :/

 

[shy slave]

I have the same problem - but with geezers (sorry DVS)

But the problem is it's gotten to the point where my profile says you will not get a kindly answer if you are over the age of 37/38 and try to extend yourselt to me in any way. They just don't get that a submissive wouldn't respect a so-called dominant who can't read and follow directions - I mean, how can you entrust your safety to someone that disrespects your wishes so thoroughly?! ARGH and even if they say the contact is for friendship reasons, I've already stated that I am not interested, and really what am I going to have in common with someone that remembers Kennedy being shot? Or worse, fought in the Korean War?

That any my profile now reads switch instead of submissive because for a limited time only, I've opened myself up to more expeirmentation... but that doesn't stop the 24/7 Masters from asking me to be their slave or to join their harem.... <bangs head against wall>

We need to swop respondents
I am fed up with those who are switches or subs who want me to train them

 

[TaintedB]

Got an amazing message from a guy on alt...Am I crazy for not replying or what??

Dear lttle Sexslave,
.

I missed this one when you first posted it. It's priceless! Particularly for its generiticity. It's kind of a messily-organized congomeration of hundreds of domly ad responses I've seen my friends get.

 

[TaintedB]

there was a guy like that on c.com that would constantly send me messages from different account names - but all had the same photograph of this barechested olivey skinned man slunking in a chair.... nice six pack - but dense as a rock

Slunking is a great word! Saves you the trouble of writing two. May I borrow?

Last week poor out-of-it taint thought a "six pack" meant a beer belly. But now I KNOW. (preens self proudly!) Although, I had to suffer under the threat of constant cock exposure to gain that one precious piece of slangage.

 

[TaintedB]

*laughing*I tried match last year~ all vanilla. I did a keyword search on yahoo personals using various words and got nothing. There was one that came back for 'brat' and the dude was odd, and not using the term like I was. His ad says something like 'you must be very attractive because I am very intelligent.....if you think you can except my challenge.....
How's that for intelligent huh?

You just don't have an in-depth enough undertanding of Internet dominants, I fear. If you did, you would already be in total awe of this guy, because bad spelling in an I-Dom indicates that they are so much the masters of their own ships that they don't give a hoot about conventional slavish rules such as those belonging to the realm of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. In fact, one could make a good argument that the more atrocious the spelling or otherwise inarticulate the message in an IDmail (I-DOM E-MAIL), the clearer the signs are that this is a man who stands up to authority and makes his own way through life in every endeavor. Do you see the error of your ways now, leitle won?

 

[Krinaia]

I forgot to mention the hilarity I found in a personal I couldn't refind if I wanted but.... this dominant male's ad stated that he planned on collaring someone by April and amde all sorts of remarks to the extent that we should hurry up and contact him now because the deadline was fast approaching... he also listed a date I think.

That's sort of like if I were to tell men at bars, I plan on getting married May 7th so if you aren't free on that day, better go hit on someone else because I only take serious inquiries and let's face it, I only have a month left.

 

[snowy ciara]

ooh ooh, pick me, pick me! giggling madly


I just got a pm from a MASTER with a virgin tag here... 1 post so far since January. Apparently, it's time for me to "fish or cut bait", get brave and "get off the porch and run with the big subs" I am a poseur sub and I need to prove my worth, prove that I'm a "true submissive" by finding my "heart's true MASTER." Gods man, cliché much!?

Luckily for me, all I have to do is give him my yahoo, my msn AND my passwords and my phone number and he'll "take you(me) in hand" and rescue me from my pathetic "life of quiet desperation."

Dude, here's a roll of quarters and there's the machine, now go buy a fucking clue.

 

[~hellbaby~]

You just don't have an in-depth enough undertanding of Internet dominants, I fear. If you did, you would already be in total awe of this guy, because bad spelling in an I-Dom indicates that they are so much the masters of their own ships that they don't give a hoot about conventional slavish rules such as those belonging to the realm of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. In fact, one could make a good argument that the more atrocious the spelling or otherwise inarticulate the message in an IDmail (I-DOM E-MAIL), the clearer the signs are that this is a man who stands up to authority and makes his own way through life in every endeavor. Do you see the error of your ways now, leitle won?

OH, I see he is SO smart he dusn't have to spell rite!I better run back over there and beg him to let me bask in his glow

 

[graceanne]

Ok, I got something similar to Snowy's. I got some guy who IM'd me, with a virgin tag, said he'd seen my ad in the personals. So I PM'd him back and said 'um what?' So he IM'd me back to say that he'd seen me around the bdsm forum, and did I want to talk. I said I was married and wasn't gonna cyber, and he hasn't PM'd me back.

Also, I got myself an Alt account so I could look at dolfs account. I put on my profile why I had an account and that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I also didn't put a picture of myself up, cause I don't want to encourage people who are seriously looking for someone. So yesterday I got 'winked at' by some dude in Seattle (about 5 or 6 hours from me). What the hell was he winking at? I didn't post a picture or anything about myself or anything. I so don't get it.

 

[Marquis]

Ok, I got something similar to Snowy's. I got some guy who IM'd me, with a virgin tag, said he'd seen my ad in the personals. So I PM'd him back and said 'um what?' So he IM'd me back to say that he'd seen me around the bdsm forum, and did I want to talk. I said I was married and wasn't gonna cyber, and he hasn't PM'd me back.

Also, I got myself an Alt account so I could look at dolfs account. I put on my profile why I had an account and that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I also didn't put a picture of myself up, cause I don't want to encourage people who are seriously looking for someone. So yesterday I got 'winked at' by some dude in Seattle (about 5 or 6 hours from me). What the hell was he winking at? I didn't post a picture or anything about myself or anything. I so don't get it.

He must've been really stunned by your age, sex and height.

 

[graceanne]

He must've been really stunned by your age, sex and height.

What their aren't any other 27 year old women who are 5' tall? For God's sake, I didn't even put my weight or bra size. I could be 500 freaken pounds. I almost wish I was . . . then I'd take a nude pic of myself and send it to him saying 'Take me, baby.' LOL

 

[shy slave]

What their aren't any other 27 year old women who are 5' tall? For God's sake, I didn't even put my weight or bra size. I could be 500 freaken pounds. I almost wish I was . . . then I'd take a nude pic of myself and send it to him saying 'Take me, baby.' LOL

Its the height thing, wannabe Doms like short women it makes them feel big 'n' brave 'n' tall and stuff.
Trust me at 4'10" weird people who like to tower over me get in touch ALOT!

They need to figure out that even 5' people tower over me so apart from seeing their nasel hair its an everyday event for me
Heck everyones tall when your short lol

edited to add tried looking for a pic of a 500lb woman for you to put on alt but no joy so far

 

[Marquis]

Attack of the midget subs!

 

[blue kat]

I like midget subs! I can Dom them without the stilettos! I like stilettos, but they're the tallest shoes I have and a girl likes a little variety in her wardrobe, y'know. So I don't want to wear them ALL the time.

 

[SweetDommes]

I like midget subs! I can Dom them without the stilettos! I like stilettos, but they're the tallest shoes I have and a girl likes a little variety in her wardrobe, y'know. So I don't want to wear them ALL the time.

I don't need to be taller than our boys to Dominate them (although, it is nice sometimes) - I prefer to be "taller" by putting guys who are taller than I am on their knees ... although our current favorite potential is 1" shorter than me, so anything other than my sneakers, and I will tower over him (unless he has shoes or lifters or something that make him look taller ... lol). I'm thinking about wearing my 4" heeled boots when we go meet him the first time to see if he gets intimidated

 

[shy slave]

Attack of the midget subs!

You should be so lucky !!!!!!!

 

[Aeroil]

I don't need to be taller than our boys to Dominate them (although, it is nice sometimes) - I prefer to be "taller" by putting guys who are taller than I am on their knees ... although our current favorite potential is 1" shorter than me, so anything other than my sneakers, and I will tower over him (unless he has shoes or lifters or something that make him look taller ... lol). I'm thinking about wearing my 4" heeled boots when we go meet him the first time to see if he gets intimidated

Lol, if you do you hafta promise to post it in the funny stories thread Karen

 

[graceanne]

Its the height thing, wannabe Doms like short women it makes them feel big 'n' brave 'n' tall and stuff.
Trust me at 4'10" weird people who like to tower over me get in touch ALOT!

They need to figure out that even 5' people tower over me so apart from seeing their nasel hair its an everyday event for me
Heck everyones tall when your short lol

edited to add tried looking for a pic of a 500lb woman for you to put on alt but no joy so far

I was gonna find one too, but dolf pointed out with my luck then I'll get more people 'winking' at me. Geez. All I can say is that when a person winks or send PM"s to someone who's made it CLEAR they're not looking that just screams of desperation.

That actually is one of the reason the one guy who PM'd me (the one who said he saw me on the personals, then changed his story?) irritated me. If he actually spent any time here, he'd know I'm in a relationship and not looking. The fact that he PM'd me tells me he read a few post, then figured he knew me well enough to PM me.

 

[cellis]

I was very clear that I was not into gangbangs ans such, yet....

I do not have time to waste, therefore I am very straightforward. you are 5'2", how much do you weigh ? I see 44DD tits and with that size you must have more than Ample weight. I seek a Gangbang "Mascot" that I can restrain...tie her legs back to expose her pussy and asshole to be fucked while sucking a cock. MYSELF and the "Group" are looking for a slave to produce milk for us...you would be put on a pumping schedule and at time you would be put on all fours with your tits hanging down and being pumped as several Men would be behind you fucking (their choice) your asshole or pussy. I am speaking of a slave who totally accepts directions,discipline if failing to follow Orders(tit,pussy,ass, spankings with whips,paddles,belts,hands,whatever is available. A 24/7 slave who has NO Rights.


There is more but you get the idea.

 

[Marquis]

There are so many emails like that going around, you would think they must get a response ocassionally.

 

[DVS]

I was very clear that I was not into gangbangs ans such, yet....

I do not have time to waste, therefore I am very straightforward. you are 5'2", how much do you weigh ? I see 44DD tits and with that size you must have more than Ample weight. I seek a Gangbang "Mascot" that I can restrain...tie her legs back to expose her pussy and asshole to be fucked while sucking a cock. MYSELF and the "Group" are looking for a slave to produce milk for us...you would be put on a pumping schedule and at time you would be put on all fours with your tits hanging down and being pumped as several Men would be behind you fucking (their choice) your asshole or pussy. I am speaking of a slave who totally accepts directions,discipline if failing to follow Orders(tit,pussy,ass, spankings with whips,paddles,belts,hands,whatever is available. A 24/7 slave who has NO Rights.


There is more but you get the idea.

There are truely a lot of different "types" out there, and the Internet does allow them to come out and be seen. God help this society if there are a lot of them...I seriously hope this one's "Group" is just him and his hand.

There are so many emails like that going around, you would think they must get a response ocassionally.

I agree, but if this is true, there should also be the flip side, where the less than weird get replies, too. I do consider myself "different" but when seeing the other participants on ALT, I don't see myself as scary. Actually, I see myself as more approachable than some. I'm serious, I'm honest, I'm cute and cuddly, I'm creative and I've got a sense of humor, not to mention I have all of my teeth and they're not green! The only flaw that I can find against me in the ALT world is I'm 52 years old this month and bald on top of my head. Now, on the plus side, I have a cock that grows and stays and I know how to use it. It's called experience.

If this whacko gets responses, then why don't I?

 

[SweetDommes]

Lol, if you do you hafta promise to post it in the funny stories thread Karen

maybe ....

 

[Aeroil]

maybe ....

*in his best begging voice*
pllleeeeeeeeeaaaasssseeeee?

 

[Etoile]

MYSELF and the "Group" are looking for a slave to produce milk for us...you would be put on a pumping schedule and at time you would be put on all fours with your tits hanging down and being pumped as several Men would be behind you fucking (their choice) your asshole or pussy.

Pffffft. This one is a poseur. Believe me, I've looked into lactation as a fetish, and it is almost always carried out by women who have recently been pregnant and breastfeeding. It is quite difficult to force a woman to produce milk otherwise without the help of something like estrogen shots or taking domperidone, a gastric drug that has a side effect of increasing lactation. So, basically, he's full of crap. But you knew that!

I haven't gotten one from the "you are not a true sub" cliche freak. Damn! I feel left out.

 

[graceanne]

Pffffft. This one is a poseur. Believe me, I've looked into lactation as a fetish, and it is almost always carried out by women who have recently been pregnant and breastfeeding. It is quite difficult to force a woman to produce milk otherwise without the help of something like estrogen shots or taking domperidone, a gastric drug that has a side effect of increasing lactation. So, basically, he's full of crap. But you knew that!

I haven't gotten one from the "you are not a true sub" cliche freak. Damn! I feel left out.

I did once, on collar me. That was before I put on my profile that I was not looking for a relationship. I just rolled my eyes, laughed, and deleted it.