I'm addicted to an ex girlfriend

[Pearljwah]

ugh. itching to text her.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Hey at least you're not addicted to crack.

 

[toshiskitten]

ugh. itching to text her.

Don't do it. I was like that with my ex and every time I talked to him or texted him I got hurt all over again. It's hard but you have to move on.

 

[SweetErika]

ugh. itching to text her.

So, channel that energy into something healthy, like writing a list of all of the bad things she's done and/or reasons why you're actively choosing to cut all ties with her. Write it by hand (it's more effective psychologically than typing) and make copies of it to post all over your space until the urge to talk to her has passed.

While you're writing stuff down, write some positive affirmations about how you WILL overcome these urges, attract good people into your life, you deserve the best, etc.

You could also communicate with a friend who supports you in your efforts to cut ties. Ask that person to distract you, remind you of why this woman is bad for you, etc. Hopefully you have more than one friend who can act as you support system/sponsor so you don't wear one person out.

Is there any valid reason why you haven't deleted her from your contact lists yet? Aren't you just asking for trouble by leaving her info in you phone, email, etc.?

 

[fuckmeat]

ugh. itching to text her.

This is one of the downsides to the digital age, easy access social networking and so on. If you had to get off your ass and go to her house whenever you had something to say, or even pick up a landline phone and call her direct, you probably wouldn't. You already know that texting her isn't going to get you anywhere but you still have the compulsion to. That's not healthy. Plus, text messages can easily be misinterpreted.

Cut your ties. Do it now. Delete her number and take her off of any social network through which you can make contact. No IM, no FB, no Myspace, get her gone.

Then, if your fingers are still that itchy, sit your ass down with a pen and paper and write her a letter. Unload all your feelings and vent all your hurt and frustration.

Then never post it. Or better still given how much of your own worst enemy you are, burn it along with any keepsakes you may have from the relationship.

Get yourself a huge tub of ice cream, sit around in your jammys and watch a film that's guaranteed to make you cry. Wallow in your despair for an evening. One evening. No more. Then the next morning slap yourself round the face and tell yourself that this is the first day of the rest of your life.

Us girls have been purging this way for generations.

The angst, not the ice cream!

Then, you can move forward with your life and one day maybe even meet someone who loves you and wants to be with you. By obsessing over your ex you're denying yourself that possibility and establishing a bad pattern for any future relationship.

 

[Pearljwah]

I appreciate all the advice everyone. Thank you.

I do journal. I do see a therapist (have for many years just because its healthy for me!) and stay busy.... i have my moments


I deleted her off Facebook months ago and took her out of my phone months ago. however, her contacting me as made me memorize her number. So that sucks

I blocked her number on Verizon (didn't even know you could do this) for a few days. Today for some reason i unblocked it (panic mode i guess) and not 5 minutes later she texted me...

I havent responded. I hope I dont.

 

[Sir Victor]

I appreciate all the advice everyone. Thank you.

I do journal. I do see a therapist (have for many years just because its healthy for me!) and stay busy.... i have my moments


I deleted her off Facebook months ago and took her out of my phone months ago. however, her contacting me as made me memorize her number. So that sucks

I blocked her number on Verizon (didn't even know you could do this) for a few days. Today for some reason i unblocked it (panic mode i guess) and not 5 minutes later she texted me...

I havent responded. I hope I dont.

If you helped raise her daughter for 2 years then you have a bond with her, and it will be highly damaging to the child to loose it, something the mother should be putting above her own sick needs. So, you have a greater loss than just a past lover and it is therefore very complex and understandable that you would take it so hard. But you have to look out for yourself now and get completely out of it for your own good. It is important to mourn the loss of both relationships, make a book of memories about the child so that you can revisit it without having to contact them and so that you can put it away and out of your mind. Children remember a lot if she is old enough, especially kindness but don't use the child as an excuse to see her since the mother will just use your kindness to manipulate both you and the girl.
Do you think you lean toward a co-dependent relationship, it is probably why you have so much trouble letting go.

 

[gmtech1980]

Perfectly good people get hurt. My situation is a divorce, but it still hurts the very same way. For me, not being able to put an answer to every problem is what gets me. Its taken every bit of 8 months of counseling for me to finally say, "you know what, I don't need to know why, thats just how it is". Looking back, I think we all look past crazy things when we are in love. I've lost what makes me happy, and I'm looking to regain that. I've cried a lot, and asked my self many times, is it me? Sometimes, its not you. Sometimes, its 98% not your fault. Its hard as hell to ignore feelings for someone you love, but it gets easier when you relize the love you gave, was not returned full circle. Good luck, pm me if you need to talk.

 

[philosophygirl]

I appreciate all the advice everyone. Thank you.

I do journal. I do see a therapist (have for many years just because its healthy for me!) and stay busy.... i have my moments


I deleted her off Facebook months ago and took her out of my phone months ago. however, her contacting me as made me memorize her number. So that sucks

I blocked her number on Verizon (didn't even know you could do this) for a few days. Today for some reason i unblocked it (panic mode i guess) and not 5 minutes later she texted me...

I havent responded. I hope I dont.

Good luck, it's hard to do. Sometimes who we want most is the worst for us.

 

[MsGoodBody]

.....

 

[Pearljwah]

i definitely lost touch with my zen!

Ill block her for a day then unblock her...its bad. But im working out, hanging with friends, going out with girls, meeting people, journaling, reading, writing music etc...

Not sure why i just cant keep her blocked...

 

[Pearljwah]

was doing well. Sure, some ups and downs..strikes and gutters...

But tonight I think i hit rock bottom...which i think means i can finally move forward....if i choose to.

 

[old_scratch]

I need serious help. I could go on and on and on and on about the relationship and how toxic it was. Doesnt matter. Im addicted. I cant let it go. I get anxiety over it. I get angry, frustrated, sad. Ive dealt with depression for 10 years and mostly have it under control. This causes it flare up. I reach out to her for validation. i dont get it. It was an unhealthy relationship. I tried to "Save her". Not possible, my fuckup and shouldn't be my deal. Yet I cant let her go. Changed my number and was happy for three weeks. Even met a healthy girl. Someone capable of a true loving relationship. Then i fucked up one night and texted the ex. Ive been a mess ever since. I try to stay away but i can't. I keep reaching out. One day im fine, the next im a mess and can barely get out of bed. I drive myself crazy. I drive myself sick. Its like my fucking crack. When im in a good spot and we can just chat via text or email...i feel happy and elated that i get to speak with her. Then the come down when things dont go the way i want. I think i love the idea of her. BUt its not what is. It hurts. I'm rambling. One day she wants to marry me. The next she feels nothing for me. A month later she tells me she loves me. A week later she is sleeping withsomeone else. She has a beautiful daughter that i helped raise for two years. I feel like im on the fucking jerry springer show. Why do i do this to myself? I know what to do. Block her number. Workout. Journal. Read. See my therapist. I keep beating myself up.

I hate this.

Ugh.

You are going to have to do some soul-searching and figure why you are reacting to the break-up the way you are.

You say you are hurt because you still love her, but what you describe doesn’t sound like a man who has been hurt, rather you sound like a man who has been humiliated or betrayed, or both. Big difference between being hurt, and being betrayed and humiliated.

As men, we think we have to be able to “fix” everything, but we can’t: sometimes we just have to face the fact, “shit happens”, and walk away.

This woman doesn't sound like she knows what she wants to do. It's not your fault that she can't get her act together: time to dump her and move on.

 

[Pearljwah]

Thank you thank you thank you. To everyne who has responded.

Im not doing the BEST job...but deep down inside...i am beginning to know that she is....not deserving of me....I am slowly making progress....slowly....but progress.


Thank you

 

[old_scratch]

Thank you thank you thank you. To everyne who has responded.

Im not doing the BEST job...but deep down inside...i am beginning to know that she is....not deserving of me....I am slowly making progress....slowly....but progress.


Thank you

Progress is good.

Women are like buses: another one comes along every 30 minutes. Some are good rides, others are pretty shabby. Try to avoid the shabby ones.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

old_scratch: not sure I like the analogy.
How about "one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch" and there are alot of apples out there. You just have to pick the right one!

 

[Pearljwah]

.....ugh

 

[Starr_girl]

.....ugh

Hang in there. Hang on to whatever you have to, to make it through. Just keep taking things a day at a time. Progress, even slow progress, is still a move in the best direction.
Lots of ((((((hugs))))).

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Holidays are the worst.
Keep your chin up. Try to think of those things that move you in a positive direction (mentally, emotionally, and physically).

 

[Pearljwah]

shitty party is...well..great part is....i met someone fantastic....

So most days are fine but there is always the lingering feeling/anxiety and addiction still

Ugh.

Im coming down from an emotional weekend visiting friends and family....not helping the anxiety...this makes me want to reach out to the ex.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Holidays are the worst.
Keep your chin up. Try to think of those things that move you in a positive direction (mentally, emotionally, and physically).

 

[Pearljwah]

She calls and leaves a message or texts me when she hears a song that reminds me of

She lets me know when her daughter asks about me

BUt then she also tells me how wellt hings are going in her new relationship.

She also wants to meet up and say hi.


I hate her.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

UGH - she seems very manipulative. If possible, don't take the calls. Make an excuse to get off the phone. Anything to end the bleeding!
Don't be her doormat anymore.

 

[Pearljwah]

Ugh, i know.

My thought process is so pathetic. If I block her from my being able to txt or call me and she finds out...it will just give her more ammo to think im the unstable one and its exactly why she walked away. ugh.

 

[The Gimp]

What's in this toxic relationship for you? Sex? Companionship? Money? It has to be something.