Is it a bad thing?

[LadyJeanne]

Because in my heart I feel bad about it.. I've been forgiven.

But I have not forgiven myself.

I was taught at a young age that "sex was bad".... by a freaky catholic grandmother...


And I've been trying for years now to overcome that, and just be myself.

This place seemed to be a "non judgemental" spot for me to vent.

Am I wrong?

Sex is not bad. The way you had sex with your girlfriend WAS bad. In fact, it's RAPE.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

I'm not asking for judgement..

In the title to this thread you asked


"Is it a bad thing"

You later asked if you were wrong.



You are getting the answers to your questions

 

[Shaq]

No big deal.


Everyone's relationship is different.

If I were asleep and my SO fondled me it would not be a violation of trust it would be at best enormously sexy, at worst a minor annoyance.


For some couples if you want money and you don't have any you simply go into their purse/wallet and take what you want. In their relationship that wouldn't be stealing.


If his girlfriend says its rape then its rape.

But if she just says its not cool but kinda hot then they have a different situation going on.


I say, non consent sex is hot if both partners are ok with it.

 

[Cathleen]

Because in my heart I feel bad about it.. I've been forgiven.

But I have not forgiven myself.

I was taught at a young age that "sex was bad".... by a freaky catholic grandmother...


And I've been trying for years now to overcome that, and just be myself.

This place seemed to be a "non judgemental" spot for me to vent.

Am I wrong?

Non-judgemental? You're intitial question is asking for a judgement!

It was wrong - WRONG and really stupid. You're not off the hook either. If given a little time (15 minutes???) she thinks about this you could be in deep shit - DEEP DEEP shit.

She might want to talk about it with a friend and what the hell do you think her friend will say?

I think your focus on wanting to talk to others who might have had a similar experience is strange. Maybe the timing is off but something is off. If you want to know about someone who has had a similar experience then you're talking to her. However I didn't find out until much later. Bottom line, I was raped.

 

[Shaq]

In the title to this thread you asked


"Is it a bad thing"

You later asked if you were wrong.



You are getting the answers to your questions

His girlfriend is the only one who can answer those questions.



It may be wrong for you and not for her.

 

[Shaq]

. Bottom line, I was raped.

Yeah, I kinda guessed that.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

His girlfriend is the only one who can answer those questions.



It may be wrong for you and not for her.

She already answerd it too, she wasnt happy about it

 

[Shaq]

Be glad I'm not your girlfriend, mr happy would be mounted on the wall right now.

Seriously, what you did goes beyond anything most people would be happy with or allow, Oh and yes it is a bad thing.

Speak for yourself.


I hereby proclaim to my current love interest that I not only intend to, I VOW to fondle and molest you while you are drunk or asleep and tell you all about the dirty things I did to your body the next morning

 

[Shaq]

She already answerd it too, she wasnt happy about it

But did she say it was rape?


Rape has automatic negative connotations.

Rape almost automatically means you were violated/victimized etc.


Not being happy can occur if you order a Cafe mocha with slim and they give you whole milk.

 

[DigitalDrifter]

Screw you.

I ask for some constructive feedback, on a freaking adult porn site, and I get shit.


I'll edit what I said, because some folks <who obviously were not as drunk as I was> were posting.

I'm not a glory hound....

And I think I had better shut my proverable mouth before I say too much.
I asked for this, and If I can't handle the feedback, mebbie I shouldn't post.

thank you.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

But did she say it was rape?


Rape has automatic negative connotations.
.

Oh I am sure this will come up between them later at some other time.

 

[Shaq]

This is too much...


I guess I deserve some of it.

Let me say again..

I molested my fiance' when she was drunk.. I took advantage of her.. I shouldn't have done it. I TOLD HER ABOUT IT THE NEXT DAY!... We got over it... I'm asking if anybody else in here has done that, or delt with that, and how they did it, or got over it.
.

*claps*


See, in their relationship it wasn't that big a deal.

They got over it the next day and he wants to hear if this happened to anyone else and how they got past it.


What I'm reading is people trying to tell his girfriend how she should feel in her own relationship.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

Screw you.

I ask for some constructive feedback, on a freaking adult porn site, and I get shit.


I'm gone.


For the record, she watched me post this.. and agreed with some of this. But the attitudes here <atm> are sucking. <and not in a good way>.

Fuck off..

Waaa waaa waaa

 

[LadyJeanne]

If his girlfriend says its rape then its rape.

But if she just says its not cool but kinda hot then they have a different situation going on.


I say, non consent sex is hot if both partners are ok with it.

It isn't non-consensual if they talk about it beforehand and are ok with it happening again in the future. Then it's a plan.

 

[Shaq]

Oh I am sure this will come up between them later at some other time.

Why would you say that?


I'm sensing a lot of ppl who probably had rape experiences in their past and they are taking out the anger they have on the men that raped them on this guy.


He said he and his gf are past it.

But you know his gf better than he does so you just KNOW it will come up later?

:avery:

 

[chris9]

It was not RAPE. It was however, non consentual.

Rape is sexual contact without consent. At least around here the consent does not have to be communicated, the raper does not have to know about it, but the 'rapee' has to consent. Note that it's not only against their will, but also without their will. And from a criminal perspective anything happening afterwards is not taken into consideration, so agreeing to whatever happened later on does not change the nature as rape. So, yes, it was rape!

If she can forgive you, good for you. But honestly, if you think something like it could happen again (who knows what you might do next time she is out drunk), you should get counselling. And set up some safety net for both of you so it won't happen ever again.

All that said, since your girlfriend apparently likes the thought and of course you obviously do, I think the next thing you should do is look around for BDSM information, there is a section of the forums reserved for just that, and go over it with your girlfriend.

It can't hurt to look over information about BDSM. But that's about submitting to another's will, allowing another person to do what they like to you within certain limits. And for doing stuff without consent you get fried at least as much on the BDSM forum than you did here, if not more.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

*claps*


See, in their relationship it wasn't that big a deal.

They got over it the next day and he wants to hear if this happened to anyone else and how they got past it.


What I'm reading is people trying to tell his girfriend how she should feel in her own relationship.

Notice the first post......He never mentioned her knowing about it...he added it later after getting some negative feedback....


As a matter of fact, he kept changing and back peddling through this whole thread

 

[Cathleen]

But did she say it was rape?


Rape has automatic negative connotations.

Rape almost automatically means you were violated/victimized etc.


Not being happy can occur if you order a Cafe mocha with slim and they give you whole milk.

Well, here in the US there are laws that state what is and isn't rape. We might differ or disagree with the defined law but that doesn't matter to the law.

Rape has automatic negative connotations.

Rape almost automatically means you were violated/victimized etc.

Almost? How is it almost? As for ''negative connotations'', yeah well darn that societal standard.

 

[Shaq]

Waaa waaa waaa

And now you mock him.


How mature. I guess that part about respecting other posters only applies if you agree with what they did right?

People confess to doing things like cheating on spouses here.


When they ask for something other than condemnation are you going to go "waaa waaa" in there threads too?

 

[LadyJeanne]

*claps*


See, in their relationship it wasn't that big a deal.

They got over it the next day and he wants to hear if this happened to anyone else and how they got past it.


What I'm reading is people trying to tell his girfriend how she should feel in her own relationship.

All we're hearing is his side of it. How do you know what's really going on? Why do you trust his word that's she's fine with it?

 

[Emerald Eyed]

Why would you say that?


I'm sensing a lot of ppl who probably had rape experiences in their past and they are taking out the anger they have on the men that raped them on this guy.


He said he and his gf are past it.

But you know his gf better than he does so you just KNOW it will come up later?

:avery:

Hmmmm.....I still bet this comes up later. Wait till he pisses her off

 

[Cathleen]

Screw you.

I ask for some constructive feedback, on a freaking adult porn site, and I get shit.


I'll edit what I said, because some folks <who obviously were not as drunk as I was> were posting.

I'm not a glory hound....

And I think I had better shut my proverable mouth before I say too much.
I asked for this, and If I can't handle the feedback, mebbie I shouldn't post.

thank you.

on a freaking adult porn site

And there it is folks, the good old ''porn site'' line. I'm surprised it took this long actually.

Just because you, and the rest of us are at an adult porn site, does not mean we have no morals or values. It's obvious you do or you'd not feel badly. Give us the same courtesy.

 

[Shaq]

Well, here in the US there are laws that state what is and isn't rape. We might differ or disagree with the defined law but that doesn't matter to the law.



Almost? How is it almost? As for ''negative connotations'', yeah well darn that societal standard.

You're talking about the law, he's talking about his relationship. The law says sodomy (anal sex) is a crime.

What we're talking about is the nature of what he did and how it impacts his relationship and if others have similar experiences.


Call it rape or whatever but the fact is he and his gf have come to terms with what happened.

Thier relationship can still last despite what happened so in their relationship rape was "almost" because it didn't damage to the point of ending (or involving the law)

 

[Emerald Eyed]

And now you mock him.


How mature. I guess that part about respecting other posters only applies if you agree with what they did right?

People confess to doing things like cheating on spouses here.


When they ask for something other than condemnation are you going to go "waaa waaa" in there threads too?

I love how you are so into defending him. Either you and him are one of the same, or you are guilty of this yourself.


Either way, when someone tells everyone to fuck off because they do not like what they are hearing, that post becomes fair game to waaa waaa about

 

[Shaq]

All we're hearing is his side of it. How do you know what's really going on? Why do you trust his word that's she's fine with it?

Why would you trust the first post when he says he took advantage of her and not trust the rest?

You want to pick and choose which part is true?

-It's true when you raped her
-It's not true when you told her
-It's true she found out.
-It's not true that you and she moved past