Is it a bad thing?

[DigitalDrifter]

Let me say again, we BOTH know what happened.

She was kinda turned on, and kinda pissed at the same time.

It was hot <to her> that I "let myself go"....

And it was hot to ME, that she was "unconcience" <spelling, again> while I did it.

Hell.. it was a teenage fantasy come true.

We both have discussed it. And she's cool with me wanting her, and trying different things... We both are open to new experiences.

What I'm dealing with here, is the guilt I feel from taking advantage of someone I love and want to be with for the rest of my life.

Call it what you will, I'm realizing now that I'll get some heavy judegment from folks on an open site....

What I need/am asking for, is has anybody else delt with this? And if so, how did it resolve?

I'm feeling soo damm guilty now that we can't have sex. I get flashbacks of what I did. It was hot when it happened.. hell, who <male> hasn't fantasized about taking advantage of a beautiful sleeping beauty?... I just am looking for answers here.

 

[Cathleen]

Let me say again, we BOTH know what happened.

She was kinda turned on, and kinda pissed at the same time.

It was hot <to her> that I "let myself go"....

And it was hot to ME, that she was "unconcience" <spelling, again> while I did it.

Hell.. it was a teenage fantasy come true.

We both have discussed it. And she's cool with me wanting her, and trying different things... We both are open to new experiences.

What I'm dealing with here, is the guilt I feel from taking advantage of someone I love and want to be with for the rest of my life.

Call it what you will, I'm realizing now that I'll get some heavy judegment from folks on an open site....

What I need/am asking for, is has anybody else delt with this? And if so, how did it resolve?

I'm feeling soo damm guilty now that we can't have sex. I get flashbacks of what I did. It was hot when it happened.. hell, who <male> hasn't fantasized about taking advantage of a beautiful sleeping beauty?... I just am looking for answers here.

My advice still remains the same. Seek a professional consultation. This isn't a simple thing as you've obviously found out.

 

[Shaq]

Nice, real nice.


Speak for yourself (your words ). Obviously I stated I was raped, so are you assuming I can't have an open mind on the subject? I think it's clear I do - I've addressed his feelings seriously and with genuine concern.

Now, just because of my history is what it is doesn't mean I don't have fantasies of non-consent. It can be a real turn on to me at times.

I never said you didn't have fantasies of nonconsent.

#1 fantasy among women according to my sources.

 

[Cathleen]

I never said you didn't have fantasies of nonconsent.

#1 fantasy among women according to my sources.

My comment was directed at your statement that if someone experienced something similar they would not grasp his SOs reaction. I disagree.


I think your sources are correct.

I'm done here Shaq - it's been nice discussing it with you though.

 

[SweetErika]

What I'm dealing with here, is the guilt I feel from taking advantage of someone I love and want to be with for the rest of my life.

Call it what you will, I'm realizing now that I'll get some heavy judegment from folks on an open site....

Dude, you're judging your own actions. You feel guilty, and I believe that's a good thing because it shows you know what you did was wrong, and will hopefully prevent you from doing it, or similar, again in the future.

As for 'judgement from folks on an open site,' you ASKED if it was wrong/a bad thing. We're telling you YES, and exactly why that's the case. We're giving potential and usual feelings, reactions, and informing you of the possible repercussions of assault and rape. You have NOTHING to complain about on that count.

What I need/am asking for, is has anybody else delt with this? And if so, how did it resolve?

I'm feeling soo damm guilty now that we can't have sex. I get flashbacks of what I did. It was hot when it happened.. hell, who <male> hasn't fantasized about taking advantage of a beautiful sleeping beauty?... I just am looking for answers here.

As we've noted, fantasy and reality are completely different, so it doesn't really matter who/how many have fantasized about it. I'm certain other people have, but very few have done more than touch their unconscious spouse.

It sounds like you'd benefit from individual and couples counselling as others have said. That will help you deal with the emotional effects of your actions. A good counselor can help you and your girlfriend work through it and make a plan to live out your fantasies safely in the future. I'm guessing it'd greatly benefit your gf as well...there may be some effects she's not feeling or identifying yet. Getting help now could help her avoid a lot of pain.

Counselling certainly won't hurt, so why not go and check in with someone? They're impartial; see what they say, and how they might be able to help you.

 

[Cathleen]

Dude, you're judging your own actions. You feel guilty, and I believe that's a good thing because it shows you know what you did was wrong, and will hopefully prevent you from doing it, or similar, again in the future.

As for 'judgement from folks on an open site,' you ASKED if it was wrong/a bad thing. We're telling you YES, and exactly why that's the case. We're giving potential and usual feelings, reactions, and informing you of the possible repercussions of assault and rape. You have NOTHING to complain about on that count.


As we've noted, fantasy and reality are completely different, so it doesn't really matter who/how many have fantasized about it. I'm certain other people have, but very few have done more than touch their unconscious spouse.

It sounds like you'd benefit from individual and couples counselling as others have said. That will help you deal with the emotional effects of your actions. A good counselor can help you and your girlfriend work through it and make a plan to live out your fantasies safely in the future. I'm guessing it'd greatly benefit your gf as well...there may be some effects she's not feeling or identifying yet. Getting help now could help her avoid a lot of pain.

Counselling certainly won't hurt, so why not go and check in with someone? They're impartial; see what they say, and how they might be able to help you.

You are such an impressive woman.

 

[Cheyenne]

Where is Chey and Angel?? I just love those 2

Present!

 

[Emerald Eyed]

Present!

Hiya darlin!! How is Mr. ?

 

[Emerald Eyed]

I'm feeling soo damm guilty now that we can't have sex. I get flashbacks of what I did. It was hot when it happened.. hell, who <male> hasn't fantasized about taking advantage of a beautiful sleeping beauty?... I just am looking for answers here.

Hey, I thought it improved your sex life....... You said so yourself

 

[M's girl]

Forgive me but I'm very confused...

First post today at 06:37 and he's talking about "the other day"... now, I know that could also mean a few days ago, right? Also he says "she felt great the next day", he does not say she felt great this morning...

In his 07:12 post he says they are getting married and right after he wonders out loud if maybe he needs someone else that is weirder..... hmmmm....

And what was that with the 15 minutes ago thing? I wonder about that one too. At 07:56 he says "I was drunk spilling my guts out with her beside me" .... does that mean the rape took place last night? Because that's what it sounds like. He was first spilling his guts at 06:37 this morning.... or was he drunk yet again?

In his 07:33 post he states he molested his drunk girlfriend; she must be wonderwoman really when she was drunk ánd molested and still fine the next morning, wow.

This whole story does not make sense and I'm not even talking about his attitude.

 

[Eilan]

I say, non consent sex is hot if both partners are ok with it.

If they both agree to it beforehand, then it's not nonconsent sex, now, is it?

Didn't you say in a GB thread that 11 year old girls want to fuck middle aged men?

 

[5pintshefound]

At least, I hope I'm not the only one.

Am I so freaking wrong? I'm seeking the only outlet I know to vent this.. its killing me......

ya know, i could have sworn that you said in a previous post that you and you GF were 'over' it, and now you said its killing you???

also, you felt ok when you had sex-without consent- and you were to the point that you were going to put your penis inher ass. someplace you said she hasnt let you go yet. dude.. thats so not cool. also, if you dont want people to respond negativly to your posts, DONT ASK QUESTIONS! when you ask a question, like the above, your bound to get people that say YOU ARE WRONG.

 

[5pintshefound]

ok, i posted my first post, before i finished reading the rest of the thread...


my other thought for this is:

WHY do people automatically assume that everyone on LIT are hedonistic and/OR immoral? yes, i like sex, yes, i talk about sex, BUT my morals dictate to me that things like non-consent is WRONG WRONG WRONG. perhaps im not as 'sexually liberated' as other people, but it WORKS for me. AND my spouse. i am so tired of hearing that just because i have a stricter moral code than someone else, taht i am wrong. LITEROTICA is a place that screams FREEDOM OF SPEACH, censor free.

 

[kiwichyck]

Ok I'm just going to take this at face value. I can't be arsed checking times and wondering on the vadility of the op.

I kinda have been in this situation. My so is a morning person and often wakes at 4am or thereabouts wanting some lovin'. I on the other hand sleep most deeply at about that time.

Many times over the years I have woken up in the middle of sex. In the beginning it kind of irritated me. Then we talked about it, and it stopped happening. After a while I realised that I missed it. We talked again and decided that it was a good thing and we're both happy with it.

The other posters have a valid point. What you did was very very very wrong. Wrong because it was rape/attempted rape. Also wrong because you engaged in activities that you already knew were specifically repugnant to her. You suck man and your concience is killing you over it. Your concience will make you feel bad about it only as long as you need to feel bad.

Now, you are currently the luckiest bastard in the world. You lucked out because your fiancee, although kinda pissed, was turned on and somewhat accepting of what you did. Now you need to sit down together and establish specific limits. You need to know whats ok and whats not. She needs to be totally comfortable with it. If she seems in any way hesitant or uncomfortable, you need to forget about ever doing this again ever.

If there is ever another woman in your life, talk to her first. Don't ever spring that sexual surpise on her. Bad judgement man.

 

[Cathleen]

ok, i posted my first post, before i finished reading the rest of the thread...


my other thought for this is:

WHY do people automatically assume that everyone on LIT are hedonistic and/OR immoral? yes, i like sex, yes, i talk about sex, BUT my morals dictate to me that things like non-consent is WRONG WRONG WRONG. perhaps im not as 'sexually liberated' as other people, but it WORKS for me. AND my spouse. i am so tired of hearing that just because i have a stricter moral code than someone else, taht i am wrong. LITEROTICA is a place that screams FREEDOM OF SPEACH, censor free.

Yeah, it's a tired line. I have my own moral and standards of conduct but just because I'm here and open to discussing sex and sexual issues does not mean I engage in illegal or immoral activities (moral as based on my defined standards, legal as set by the government).

Like I said, it's such a tired thought.

 

[LinearMan]

What I need/am asking for, is has anybody else delt with this? And if so, how did it resolve?

Usually the rapist ends up in jail.

 

[Eilan]

The law says sodomy (anal sex) is a crime.

Actually, the US Supreme Court ruled that sodomy laws were unconstitutional--almost three years ago. Other countries' laws may vary.

I'm wondering if Digital Drifter's posts could be used against him if his fiancée decides that she isn't okay with what happened. Assuming, of course, that this whole thread isn't part of someone's drunken fantasy-babble.

 

[5pintshefound]

I'm wondering if Digital Drifter's posts could be used against him if his fiancée decides that she isn't okay with what happened. .

im thinking it could!

 

[rcuhljr]

wow...

 

[Cheyenne]

Hiya darlin!! How is Mr. ?

He's doing well! Keeping busy outside mostly. Spring time he spends a lot of time with the grass, planting, etc.