Is she pregnant?

[Las Angles]

So I had sex with this girl like a month ago. Around the end of April. Anyway so I ask her when her last period was and she's like I don't remember. I'm like that's not good. BUt she tells me she has had light periods lately due to her stress(She's got a lot of troubles in her life). That and she says she doesn't have cramps when she hasn't had sex in awhile. Their enough to use a tampon. But she reffers to them as light. Also she's been eating a lot. But that was always the case. She also one day was like wow I'm feeling nauscious(I butchered that). So am I over reacting or she under reacting by saying she doesn't want to take the test and that she's not.

 

[LukkyKnight]

From what you say? No knowing.

Any number of things can cause what you describe. Of course, unprotected sex would tip the betting in favor of a pregnancy.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

it;s her body. She will do with it what she must.

 

[Las Angles]

When's it too late for an abortion?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

When's it too late for an abortion?

They generally won't perform one in the third trimester, I believe.. but maybe that's just here in my province.

And don't you dare put pressure on her to do what YOU want. Again, it is HER body. She will make her own decisions regarding it.

 

[Las Angles]

I'm not forcing her to do anything other than taking the test. if she's not willing to take the test. Then why is it my full responsibility to assist in nurturing the child. If she can't take 5 minutes to piss in a cup for a piece of mind, then I sure as hell not planning on spending the next 18 on taking care of a kid. Especially when it can be prevented.

 

[SweetErika]

When's it too late for an abortion?

Most people and doctors favor within the first three months if it's an elective procedure (versus a medical problem). Some doctors won't do one after that point.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not forcing her to do anything other than taking the test. if she's not willing to take the test. Then why is it my full responsibility to assist in nurturing the child. If she can't take 5 minutes to piss in a cup for a piece of mind, then I sure as hell not planning on spending the next 18 on taking care of a kid. Especially when it can be prevented.

You can't force her to take the test either! All you can do is hope she's not pregnant. She probably won't take the test because she doesn't want an abortion if she is pregnant, so pushing isn't going to help any...she'll just wait until it's too late for an abortion. You might want to think about discussing pregnancy and abortion before engaging in sex again, but even then, it's the woman's choice. If she's pregnant, you're going to have to live with your choice of not preventing it better. You can be a stand-up guy and support the child, or you can be an irresponsible loser. Those are your choices.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

You can't force her to take the test either! All you can do is hope she's not pregnant. She probably won't take the test because she doesn't want an abortion if she is pregnant, so pushing isn't going to help any...she'll just wait until it's too late for an abortion. You might want to think about discussing pregnancy and abortion before engaging in sex again, but even then, it's the woman's choice. If she's pregnant, you're going to have to live with your choice of not preventing it better. You can be a stand-up guy and support the child, or you can be an irresponsible loser. Those are your choices.

Thank you!

 

[dollface007]

I'm not forcing her to do anything other than taking the test. if she's not willing to take the test. Then why is it my full responsibility to assist in nurturing the child. If she can't take 5 minutes to piss in a cup for a piece of mind, then I sure as hell not planning on spending the next 18 on taking care of a kid. Especially when it can be prevented.

Try and make that argument to a family court judge when you get sued for child support someday. He/she will laugh in your face.

If YOU had put on a condom in the first place, it wouldn't be an issue. You are the first line of defense against pregnancy, not an abortion. She probably doesn't want to take the test b/c she knows she's not pregnant and she's pissed that you won't get off her back. You're not clearly mature enough to have sex with ANYONE.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Look, we're not trying to be bitchy... but your post doesn't show much sensitivity for HER. Most women know their bodies well enough to know when to be concerned.

My other comment is this: If you weren't properly protected when it happened, and you're freaking out like this at the mere prospect of a pregnancy, you're not ready to have sex.
The lack of protection implies a lack of readiness to have sex.

 

[SweetErika]

Look, we're not trying to be bitchy... but your post doesn't show much sensitivity for HER. Most women know their bodies well enough to know when to be concerned.

My other comment is this: If you weren't properly protected when it happened, and you're freaking out like this at the mere prospect of a pregnancy, you're not ready to have sex.
The lack of protection implies a lack of readiness to have sex.

Excellent points, vixenshe!

 

[ethicalslut]

If she wants to take the pregnancy test, she'll take it. If she is, indeed pregnant, it'll become obvious soon enough, and then she'll have a decision to make. Is she in denial right now? Possibly. However, it's also possible that she is in tune with her body and doesn't feel like she could be pregnant. Either way, you can't *force* her to take a pregnancy test, unless she's ruled mentally incompetent and you are her legal guardian, which I highly doubt. Would I? Probably, but I'm a bit of a control freak and a worrier. Hell, I've taken pregnancy tests when my period was a half a day late and I hadn't had unprotected sex for three months. Does that mean that I think she should, right now? Not necessarily. A friend of mine who *knew* that she was pregnant put off taking the test for a few weeks because she could only handle so much at one time. She is now a wonderful (if unplanned) mother to a beautiful baby boy. Another wanted to know right away so she could make her decision as soon as possible. This is a VERY personal, very individual decision, one that some women want to make by themselves and that some women want lots of outside input about.

 

[Vixandra]

Vixen, Erika, Doll and Ethical are all right.

You can't force her to take the test.
And if you aren't ready to plunk down the next 18 years of your life raising a child you sure as hell shouldn't be having unprotected sex!
Use a condom, even if she's on BCP's (birth control pills/patch/whatever). Cause an unwanted pregnancy can be bad, but an STD like AIDS can really screw ya over.

 

[ReadyOne]

You girls are being too hard on the poor guy. He's trying to care for his unborn child.

I hear you says that he shouldn't interfere with her not getting prenatal care, and that he should pay child support.

You can't have it both ways. If she's pregnant, which has not been confirmed, then he's either in 100% and can make her get care, or he's out 100% and shouldn't pay support. You want her to "have her cake and eat it too".

Since he's linked by law to any child, he has the right in many places to compel her to take care of it even before it's born. There have been people charged with substance abuse while pregnant on the basis of the damage to the unborn. (Not that this is the case here, but it illustrates the logic used.)

If she's pregnant she needs to be eating right, not drinking, etc. Postponing confirmation isn't wise. He should be able to compel her to take a test and act on the result. If he can't, then he's not a party to the child because he has no control over its welfare.



Nor do all women "know" their bodies as perfectly as you want to give them credit for. Remember: most of you have been pregnant before so you know a LOT more about how it goes than she would.



Finally, my personal opinion. Sex outside an agreed commitment to care for a possible child should not bind the father to support the child.

If a guy finds out a girl he had a weekend fling with is pregnant with his child, and he doesn't want it, and mom keeps it, then he shouldn't have to support it.

BC is a two way street but the money street seems only one way. The accidental pregnancy, if treated as an auto accident, would assign blame 50-50. But for an accidental child, it seems the blame is 100% to the father.

In any other activity, "bad faith" or "fraud by deception" would be a defense that would nullify any implied contract. The girl implicitly represented by making casual sexual contact that she was aware of the possibility of becoming pregnant, took actions to stop from being pregnant if she did not want to become pregnant, and by keeping the child voluntarily assumed the consequences of raising it.

What she did not do was implicitly or explicitly enlist the father to help raise it; indeed she gave tacit assurances that there would be no child because she is able to prevent herself from getting pregnant which is a foreseeable outcome of casual sex. Because of the unavoidable costs to her of pregnancy she has the obligation to mitigate them. She can do that by explicitly contracting with her partner to support any (accidental) child.

Now if two people couple up, live together, share resources, become partners then there is an implicit contract of mutual support. Indeed, this the the old "common law" marriage contract. So, if they become pregnant then he is obligated. He can't move out when she tells him and walk away without obligation.

But casual sex isn't common law marriage, except to a preacher. A one night (weekend stand) isn't a promise of support. And, there are girls who "trap" guys by deliberately getting pregnant either by casual sex or by deliberately breaking an agreement to use BC. Either case is a fraud perpetuated on the man by the woman.

IMHO.


PS: I've put on my asbestos pants.

 

[Imi]

PS: I've put on my asbestos pants.

Doesn't that itch? Make it hard to walk?

 

[dollface007]

Spoken like a true deadbeat, ReadyOne. Bravo.

I would say more, but i don't even know where to begin.

 

[sheath]

Spoken like a true deadbeat, ReadyOne. Bravo.

I would say more, but i don't even know where to begin.

No kidding. I read over that post in amazement.

If he doesn't want to be 'trapped' or have to come up with all sorts of excuses like you have just done? He needs to keep his dick in his pants. Once he drops those pants, he has made a choice to accept his own consequences. That's the way the adult world works. Period.

S.

 

[drew62]

Boy, the response of the guys on here make me ashamed to be a man. If he cant take 30 seconds to put on a condom, then he shouldnt be whining about her not taking 5 minutes to pee in cup.


It shouldnt matter if there is no implied commitment when 2 people have a child together. The sperm donor, which is what some males are, need to be responsible for the upbringing of the child.

 

[sheath]

So I had sex with this girl like a month ago. Around the end of April. Anyway so I ask her when her last period was and she's like I don't remember. I'm like that's not good. BUt she tells me she has had light periods lately due to her stress(She's got a lot of troubles in her life). That and she says she doesn't have cramps when she hasn't had sex in awhile. Their enough to use a tampon. But she reffers to them as light. Also she's been eating a lot. But that was always the case. She also one day was like wow I'm feeling nauscious(I butchered that). So am I over reacting or she under reacting by saying she doesn't want to take the test and that she's not.

Now to the original question...

I agree...you can't make her do anything. You can ask her. You do have the right to do that, and to make your wishes known.

Let's calm down and think about this...Bottom line...you have one instance of a woman feeling queasy, a woman who has periods that are enough to have to use a tampon to handle. Not much evidence there to support the pregnancy claim, huh?

Seems like you are jumping the gun here, my friend. If you are THIS worried about whether or not she is pregnant? Please, for God's sake, please...don't have sex again until you are READY to deal with whatever consequences might come along!

S.

 

[ReadyOne]

I suppose you've never paid for anything in your (dating) life.

Give me, give me, give me -- You had fun that night and now you want a free ride...

But back to the real question: Can he get prenatal care for his child?

PS: If you look at the court records, you'll find I've paid over $150K of child support in the last three years. My highest wage earnings ever off my social security statement is about half that, and I've been disabled for the last 2 years. I don't have wage insurance, stock, a trust or other source of income. Child support is not tax deductable, so the tax man collected 40+ per cent of my income the one year I had signifcant earnings. Now go do the arithmetic and see if I'm a deadbeat.

 

[Las Angles]

Condoms aren't 100% effective. Ever heard of one breaking. It's not like I wanted to have sex and worry for ever and ever. I was drunk I was stupid. Not that I'm using it for an excuse or anything. I just want her to take the test so we can have an ease of mind. If she's pregnant at least I know. Instead of spending the next 5 months in complete and utter suspense. How do you expect me to plan for the future if I don't now what it holds? Perhaps I want to know if she is so I can start making preperations. Who knows?

And back to my original question. Do you think she's pregnant? See if I was still forcing her I would have never posted this to begin with. But I'm doing this for some ease of mind.

 

[sheath]

I suppose you've never paid for anything in your (dating) life.

Give me, give me, give me -- You had fun that night and now you want a free ride...

PS: If you look at the court records, you'll find I've paid over $150K of child support in the last three years. My highest wage earnings ever off my social security statement is about half that, and I've been disabled for the last 2 years. I don't have wage insurance, stock, a trust or other source of income. Child support is not deductable from taxes, so the tax man collected 40+ per cent of my income the one year I had signifcant earnings. Now go do the arithmetic and see if I'm a deadbeat.

THAT explains your post. You are bitter as hell over having to pay out so much to support a child that you helped to create.

Certainly puts your comments in a whole new light.

S.

 

[ReadyOne]

While I am unhappy with the court system, I've always held the opinion that a female has responsibility for her body. Given BC availability for the last 40 years and the post WWI economic change in the status of women, the reasons for "1 fuck" = "lifetime support" don't exist any more.

Everything that is said to the guy ("if you can't keep your pants on...", "if you can't take 1 minute to put a condom on...") applies equally to the girl.

Females are NOT helpless. They do not have to economically prostitute themselves.

So what is wrong with saying the responsibility lies equally between them?

And what's wrong with applying normal contract and liability law concepts? They work for everything else...

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Condoms aren't 100% effective. Ever heard of one breaking. It's not like I wanted to have sex and worry for ever and ever. I was drunk I was stupid. Not that I'm using it for an excuse or anything. I just want her to take the test so we can have an ease of mind. If she's pregnant at least I know. Instead of spending the next 5 months in complete and utter suspense. How do you expect me to plan for the future if I don't now what it holds? Perhaps I want to know if she is so I can start making preperations. Who knows?

And back to my original question. Do you think she's pregnant? See if I was still forcing her I would have never posted this to begin with. But I'm doing this for some ease of mind.

Yes, condoms break, but they are 97 percent effective.

SHe eats a lot normally, so that's not a factor. It's when she starts craving pickles on ice cream that you should be worried.

She has light periods. Women with light periods often have some that are so light they might not notice.

And nausea can come from many things besides pregnancy. Pregnancy nausea comes at the same time most days, or is triggered by the same thing (an aversion to meat during pregnancy, or something). Jesus, I get nauseated if I have too much sugar in my system, or not enough salt. *shrug*

Basically, I'm going to revert to my statement that MOST women are aware when there's something wrong or different in their bodies. The first time I was pregnant, I knew it before I took the test. I just.. knew. My body felt different. My body felt.. fuller. But that's just me. Many women are the same.. we are in tune with our bodies.

And again, if you aren't willing to accept the consequences of having sex, then you shouldn't have it. Every SINGLE time I have sex, I am aware that I could conceive. I conceived TWICE on birth control. so I take extra precautions. I am on Depo, which is 99.7 percent effective, and we use condoms every time. If you're that concerned, double up on birth control. No, I don't mean two condoms, but use spermicidal lube, or the pill or patch with a condom, or something. There are condoms out there that have spermicidal lube already on them, and give those a shot.

And again, without sounding bitchy, your post didn't sound like a responsible man making plans, but a freaked out teenager.