Isolated BDSM Blurts - Roosters are Vicious

[Farawyn]

And now to humor Dr. Depends up there...

Thoughts: I don't feel drawn to age-play, in the sense that I ever feel younger than I am, biologically. A quick read around the 'little' groups over at Fet and it was clear that i didn't have much in common with most of them. Ahem. I am very comfortable being fifty. It took me a long time to get here, and I think that I like myself better than ever before. But I do often feel 'little,' as in 'vulnerable.'

Sometimes I feel little in response to negative circumstances, and I'd like to withdraw to a safe place to hide. But sometimes I feel little in a supportive environment, surrounded by people I like and/or trust. Because the 'little' dynamic is still relatively new-ish to me, I often think of it as feeling submissive relative to the people around me. The two look similar to me on the outside... I don't know if that makes sense?

Life sometimes requires me to live at the top of the food chain, but I'm much more comfortable (and effective, I think), in a secondary role. As long as the people around me aren't a-holes, and as long as my needs for attention, affection, and affirming words are being met ('Quality Time,' 'Physical Touch' and 'Words of Affirmation' if you're familiar with the 5 Love Languages), I think I'm fairly accommodating, and I like it that way. I'm a pleaser and nurturer by nature, which doesn't mean that I can't be a leader, too, but I don't like to be an enforcer. That is definitely one of my least favorite jobs as a mother, ugh.

So. Where was I? I feel a lot of overlap between feeling little and feeling submissive in a general sense, around people I know. I don't know if there's a better term for that? Just feeling really comfortable about being vulnerable around others I guess, but then letting my little side out requires more than that. An acceptance on their part that I can be little and be a responsible, mature adult at the same time. And an assurance that I won't lose respect or status within the group for revealing that side of me. (Interestingly, but totally OT, the couple of times that I explored femdom, I felt completely vulnerable doing that, too. It was much harder, and much scarier... though not without a certain intoxicating appeal)

I am a mother of eight, and sometimes I have to be a shark, but there are days when I'd like nothing better than to be the resident café cat, pampered and coddled and petted and fed treats off of everyone's plates and allowed to wander across the tables and sleep in everyone's laps and of course the position comes with a veritable wardrobe of bling-y collars with jingle bells!

*sigh* I guess I'm just longing to be spoiled... and belong somewhere.

I don't have 8 kids, but I'm in my 40s, I'm a mom and an RN, and feel much the same.

I'm getting there. It's hard to admit to even want that- your last sentence. It feels selfish to me, although logically I know it is not.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thank you, ladies. Thank you for making me feel... reasonable, in my feelings, needs, and desires.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[midwestyankee]

And now to humor Dr. Depends up there...

[SNIP]

*sigh* I guess I'm just longing to be spoiled... and belong somewhere.

Isn't this the very essence of what most of us seek in our relationships? To feel that our partner is indulging our needs just because they are ours and not out of habit or societal expectations? Seems to me that one of the core characteristics of any form of power-dynamic relationship (Dom-Sub, Daddy-Little, etc.) is that both parties get their best jollies from actions and behaviors that deeply satisfy their partners. Thus both the Daddy and the Little become spoiled by the particular attentions of the partner.

 

[Endless_Night]

Interesting post, Honey. I’ve never been able to fully define my kink. It bothered me greatly for a long time. These days I worry about if less. I’ve come to accept the my sexual submissive is…well, lets call her quirky. She’s difficult to coax out of the shadows. As to keeping her there, don’t even get me started!

This resonated particularly:

And an assurance that I won't lose respect or status within the group for revealing that side of me.

I also have a slight “little” edge. Not age-play. Definitely not. More in the manor of crawling into you lap, and “pets”. That part of myself is incredibly difficult to let out. I’ve always assumed it was due to my habit of controlling my environment. I am a stress controller. The more stressed, the more controlling.

Your explanation makes more sense.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I wonder if that's got it all out of my system..?
Kind of hope not

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[OralDave]

I am aware I am being a poor corespondent with people here I care for. I am flibbertygibbetty and finding it crucial to balance and I hope people know I care.

Anyone who uses the word flibbertygibbety is alright with me.

 

[cookiecat]

A few days of feeling sad has me back here for some laughs and other fun things. Scanning this thread made me feel better/happier if only for a little while. I laughed at some of your posts...like CnC's comment about cutting jalapenos before petting her cat. MeekMe's 'super sub' and cape comments.

However, the one that hits home is cookies' comments on wanting to 'perv all over' even through sad times. I'm going with coping mechanism here cookie. It has set in big time. I think through love, sex, kink, connection...whatever you call it...it helps us to feel alive and celebrate life. It doesn't cure the sad times or feelings, but it puts them on the back burner for a little while.

Hope everyone has a chance to share love, sex, kink, connections, or whatever makes you feel happy or aids you in being in a better place for a time.

Otherwise, it's back to the chocolate!!!

I was thinking earlier today about that first holiday without someone.

Although husband is still here -- -- it's our first holiday apart. I'm not supposed to sleep over in the nursing home but I'm thinking Christmas eve would be a good time to break the rules.

I know I'm all over the board - literally on Lit sometimes... part of it is just that, Apple. Connecting without having to go at it full force. Enjoying conversation, lusting after possibilities and pictures. Sometimes it's all the energy I have before it's too sad... so I leave it at being online is good enough for now.

 

[cookiecat]

And now to humor Dr. Depends up there...

Thoughts: I don't feel drawn to age-play, in the sense that I ever feel younger than I am, biologically. A quick read around the 'little' groups over at Fet and it was clear that i didn't have much in common with most of them. Ahem. I am very comfortable being fifty. It took me a long time to get here, and I think that I like myself better than ever before. But I do often feel 'little,' as in 'vulnerable.'

Sometimes I feel little in response to negative circumstances, and I'd like to withdraw to a safe place to hide. But sometimes I feel little in a supportive environment, surrounded by people I like and/or trust. Because the 'little' dynamic is still relatively new-ish to me, I often think of it as feeling submissive relative to the people around me. The two look similar to me on the outside... I don't know if that makes sense?

Life sometimes requires me to live at the top of the food chain, but I'm much more comfortable (and effective, I think), in a secondary role. As long as the people around me aren't a-holes, and as long as my needs for attention, affection, and affirming words are being met ('Quality Time,' 'Physical Touch' and 'Words of Affirmation' if you're familiar with the 5 Love Languages), I think I'm fairly accommodating, and I like it that way. I'm a pleaser and nurturer by nature, which doesn't mean that I can't be a leader, too, but I don't like to be an enforcer. That is definitely one of my least favorite jobs as a mother, ugh.

So. Where was I? I feel a lot of overlap between feeling little and feeling submissive in a general sense, around people I know. I don't know if there's a better term for that? Just feeling really comfortable about being vulnerable around others I guess, but then letting my little side out requires more than that. An acceptance on their part that I can be little and be a responsible, mature adult at the same time. And an assurance that I won't lose respect or status within the group for revealing that side of me. (Interestingly, but totally OT, the couple of times that I explored femdom, I felt completely vulnerable doing that, too. It was much harder, and much scarier... though not without a certain intoxicating appeal)

I am a mother of eight, and sometimes I have to be a shark, but there are days when I'd like nothing better than to be the resident café cat, pampered and coddled and petted and fed treats off of everyone's plates and allowed to wander across the tables and sleep in everyone's laps and of course the position comes with a veritable wardrobe of bling-y collars with jingle bells!

*sigh* I guess I'm just longing to be spoiled... and belong somewhere.

This is awesome. First off, 8 kids? Holy cats. I can only imagine you want to take off your mom hat and just let someone else take care of you.

So much this:

Life sometimes requires me to live at the top of the food chain, but I'm much more comfortable (and effective, I think), in a secondary role.

Kinky sex has always been awesome but I never felt like I fit in a relationship. That whole 'I have to be equal' thing. It took a while to realize virtually every relationship has a power dynamic to it. In most settings, we acknowledge it - at school, work, parent/kid. But we don't tend to acknowledge it within a love relationship. I've had - and seen - so many fights because both partners needed to be right.

I quit beating myself up for being a hot mess who needs structure from an external source. It's not a "bad" thing. It just is. I'm great at other things. I get things done. Within my personal relationships, I'm better as a follower. I'll be your #1 cheerleader.

When I recognized people out there enjoy leading, who get off on providing structure and who just might want to, you know, do interesting things in order to hold me accountable, made it even better.

Yay for self discovery. And a huge for sharing, Honey.

 

[cfuhrer]

It took a while to realize virtually every relationship has a power dynamic to it. In most settings, we acknowledge it - at school, work, parent/kid. But we don't tend to acknowledge it within a love relationship.

There's a great exchange in Maclom In The Middle and I forget exactly how it goes but the gist is that Lois has realized that Hal loves her more than she loves him. And he says something to the effect of "there, there. Of course there's an inequality - otherwise no couple would ever make it out of bed".

Not quite the sentiment you were expressing but it's always stuck with me that it's okay to be unequal in a relationship.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Anyone who uses the word flibbertygibbety is alright with me.

I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me flibberty or give me death.

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

I was thinking earlier today about that first holiday without someone.

Although husband is still here -- -- it's our first holiday apart. I'm not supposed to sleep over in the nursing home but I'm thinking Christmas eve would be a good time to break the rules.

I know I'm all over the board - literally on Lit sometimes... part of it is just that, Apple. Connecting without having to go at it full force. Enjoying conversation, lusting after possibilities and pictures. Sometimes it's all the energy I have before it's too sad... so I leave it at being online is good enough for now.

cookie,

You BREAK the rule if you feel like it. The rules are more than flexible in situations like these. Do what makes you feel most comfortable. Besides, rules are meant to be broken.

As for being "all over the board" or place...Again I say, coping mechanism. We do what we have to do to make it through another day. If we can avoid the pain, the loss, the emptiness in some way, can it be wrong? I say, NO!

Here for you sweetie. Hugs!
Apple

 

[cascadiabound]

cookie,

You BREAK the rule if you feel like it. The rules are more than flexible in situations like these. Do what makes you feel most comfortable. Besides, rules are meant to be broken.

As for being "all over the board" or place...Again I say, coping mechanism. We do what we have to do to make it through another day. If we can avoid the pain, the loss, the emptiness in some way, can it be wrong? I say, NO!

Here for you sweetie. Hugs!
Apple

Ditto all over the place.
(((( Cookie))))
And Apple...you Rock.

 

[cfuhrer]

I am aware I am being a poor corespondent with people here I care for. I am flibbertygibbetty and finding it crucial to balance and I hope people know I care.

People who know you, won't mind.
And the one's who mind, don't know you.

(heavily paraphrased Bernard Baruch)

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

There's a great exchange in Maclom In The Middle and I forget exactly how it goes but the gist is that Lois has realized that Hal loves her more than she loves him. And he says something to the effect of "there, there. Of course there's an inequality - otherwise no couple would ever make it out of bed".

Not quite the sentiment you were expressing but it's always stuck with me that it's okay to be unequal in a relationship.

It's funny the stuff that sticks with us. I still find myself muttering "serenity now" every so often.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yU94KwDzxw

 

[OralDave]

I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me flibberty or give me death.

You know.... flibberty isn't free.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

Where's MastersDelight?

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

Ditto all over the place.
(((( Cookie))))
And Apple...you Rock.

Right back at you cb. Your support of others is all over the boards. Thank you for being you. We can "Rock" together.

 

[MeekMe]

Life feels kind of crazy. I'm not sure how I feel about the world right now. Just last night there was a shooting in the apartment complex where my friend lives. I'm there all the time, we were there together just before it happened. :sigh: