pplwatching
Full grown man
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 2,374
Hello World,
I'm having a little trouble with my 6 year old daughter that I think is outside of the realm of just birds-and-bees, and I'd like to nip some of it in the bud while encouraging her to ask questions. A fine line if there ever was one. It's kind of a test-the-boundaries and a see-what-kind-of-a-reaction-I-can-get-from-this sort of nightmare.
Lately she's been curious about nipples. Okay, more like obsessed with them. Why do daddy's have hair around them, will hers be as big as mommy's when she grows up or more like daddy's with hair, dark like mommy's or light like daddy's. I can see your nipples under your shirt .. poke .. pinch .. poke. It's not that I really care one way or the other, but when she sneaks up on me and just grabs the old nips for a pinch and twist, of course she's going to get a reaction! She'd probably get the same thing if she pinched me anywhere else, for that matter. Dinner yesterday was accompanied by a nipple rhyme song that she's made up and loves to sing (a variation on I see London, I see France, ...). My wife and I try not to react, figuring it will blow over, but my son thinks it's funny and encourages her.
I think that what set this off was a little discussion about why she had to wear a swimsuit that covered her top, while her brother didn't. Around the house we haven't ever pushed the issue of "decency", but she's usually hanging out in her p.j.'s or in whatever she's already worn for the day. When she comes out topless, we have never said anything. Swimming season brings out boys (and daddy) in just trunks, but women with their nipples covered up. I'm not having a problem explaining the reproductive function of nipples, and she gets that concept. It's easy enough to explain how babies get milk from them, but explaining a 'societal aversion to them" just seems to stigmatize them. The explanation that she has to wear a shirt to cover hers up because she's a girl just isn't working. So, Q1 is how have people dealt with explaining this sort of thing? Not the sexual side, but the society side.
And then there's her cruel side. My daughter has been barging into the bathroom while my son is using it, pointing at his penis and laughing with a very cruel mocking laugh. He usually yells, and my wife or I shoe her out of the bathroom. I don't want him to lock the door (he's only 4), but she thrives on his reaction. I've caught both of them harassing each other in this way. She blows it off, but he's having real problems with it. When we use a public bathroom, he insists on using a stall because "he's afraid that people will laugh at his penis". While towelling off after a swim today he said "I'm going to take my swimsuit off now, don't laugh at me, Okay?" So, Q2 is how to get her to stop and Q3 is how do you teach a 4 year old that he doesn't need to worry about people laughing at his penis. I really don't want him growing up terrified that girls are going to laugh at it.
When my son was born, we chose not to have him snipped. I am circumcised. I am not sure if he's aware that he's "different", but we shower together at home and change together at the pool. He's seen other kids in the raw. I'm not sure how much of his 'trauma' is fed from this. He has never pointed out the difference between us (other than that I have pubic hair and he doesn't). He's only 4, and I'd like to wait for him to ask questions rather than giving him information that he's not ready to understand.
Waiting for the storm to blow over. Any experiences you'd like to share are most welcome.
I'm having a little trouble with my 6 year old daughter that I think is outside of the realm of just birds-and-bees, and I'd like to nip some of it in the bud while encouraging her to ask questions. A fine line if there ever was one. It's kind of a test-the-boundaries and a see-what-kind-of-a-reaction-I-can-get-from-this sort of nightmare.
Lately she's been curious about nipples. Okay, more like obsessed with them. Why do daddy's have hair around them, will hers be as big as mommy's when she grows up or more like daddy's with hair, dark like mommy's or light like daddy's. I can see your nipples under your shirt .. poke .. pinch .. poke. It's not that I really care one way or the other, but when she sneaks up on me and just grabs the old nips for a pinch and twist, of course she's going to get a reaction! She'd probably get the same thing if she pinched me anywhere else, for that matter. Dinner yesterday was accompanied by a nipple rhyme song that she's made up and loves to sing (a variation on I see London, I see France, ...). My wife and I try not to react, figuring it will blow over, but my son thinks it's funny and encourages her.
I think that what set this off was a little discussion about why she had to wear a swimsuit that covered her top, while her brother didn't. Around the house we haven't ever pushed the issue of "decency", but she's usually hanging out in her p.j.'s or in whatever she's already worn for the day. When she comes out topless, we have never said anything. Swimming season brings out boys (and daddy) in just trunks, but women with their nipples covered up. I'm not having a problem explaining the reproductive function of nipples, and she gets that concept. It's easy enough to explain how babies get milk from them, but explaining a 'societal aversion to them" just seems to stigmatize them. The explanation that she has to wear a shirt to cover hers up because she's a girl just isn't working. So, Q1 is how have people dealt with explaining this sort of thing? Not the sexual side, but the society side.
And then there's her cruel side. My daughter has been barging into the bathroom while my son is using it, pointing at his penis and laughing with a very cruel mocking laugh. He usually yells, and my wife or I shoe her out of the bathroom. I don't want him to lock the door (he's only 4), but she thrives on his reaction. I've caught both of them harassing each other in this way. She blows it off, but he's having real problems with it. When we use a public bathroom, he insists on using a stall because "he's afraid that people will laugh at his penis". While towelling off after a swim today he said "I'm going to take my swimsuit off now, don't laugh at me, Okay?" So, Q2 is how to get her to stop and Q3 is how do you teach a 4 year old that he doesn't need to worry about people laughing at his penis. I really don't want him growing up terrified that girls are going to laugh at it.
When my son was born, we chose not to have him snipped. I am circumcised. I am not sure if he's aware that he's "different", but we shower together at home and change together at the pool. He's seen other kids in the raw. I'm not sure how much of his 'trauma' is fed from this. He has never pointed out the difference between us (other than that I have pubic hair and he doesn't). He's only 4, and I'd like to wait for him to ask questions rather than giving him information that he's not ready to understand.
Waiting for the storm to blow over. Any experiences you'd like to share are most welcome.
