Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[AnnieLit]

This whole 'relationship' thing is not easy. I think I've forgotten how to do a lot of the things.

We need a hug "like" emoji, similar to FB

 

[Paul_Chance]

Relationships are rarely easy. Being non-monogamous simply means you're in more than one relationship, which means more complexity, not less. Best of luck there, hope things settle in.

 

[KimGordon67]

Did S go on the date?

Yes he did. There was no sex (and I pretty much believe him when he says that). Things were a bit weird for a week or so, really until I saw him, which was last weekend - I couldn't really get a handle on where things were at, which is always a bit stress-making for me. And I feel like I slipped into being a bit needy, which is never attractive. But I think we're back on an even keel now.
It's just being a bit tricky adjusting to the whole 'this is an actual thing' instead of just being pretty casual and non-committal. And it's also not got the insane intensity that other things have had ... which is a good thing, because that level of intensity is either not sustainable, or is totally crazy-making. Either way, definitely not healthy. I have to keep reminding myself that in *normal* relationships, it takes a while for people to get to know each other and for the shape of things to become clear.

 

[AveryElle]

This is such a fascinating thread. I’ve been following but just caught up. Thanks for sharing all of this, Kim

 

[ultramarineblue]

I’m really glad to see that you’ve been posting again.

 

[KimGordon67]

Wow ... it's been a LONG time since I've been here!

 

[KimGordon67]

So it's interesting to read back through some of this thread ... I've been with S for two-and-a-half years now, and I would say we're pretty much in it for the long haul. And things changed pretty dramatically ... after the event that I mentioned with him having the random date, I realised that I actually care a LOT if he had sex with anyone else. And I really have zero interest in having sex with anyone else myself. I have no idea what that means with respect to all of the previous 55 pages of discussion. I definitely still believe CNM is viable conceptually, and that it's something that should be accepted as a way of doing relationships. But it's definitely no longer a thing for me. I really haven't even thought about it for a couple of years ... I had a conversation or two with S after the situation outlined above, and that was that. Every now and then he raises some point that makes it clear that he still worries a bit that I might be fucking other people, but that happens less and less ... in fact, I can't remember the last time he said anything like that.
So ... I don't know ... maybe for me the CNM thing was only desirable/possible in more casual contexts where I wasn't that emotionally attached to the person? Which says a lot about the previous relationship I was in ... when I think about that now, it seems so clear that so many of the decisions I made and the things I wanted were about keeping some distance between myself and him, because I never really saw that as a relationship with any real future.
Life is pretty weird sometimes.

 

[bitslinger]

I've posted to this thread once or twice. None of the last 55 pages matters at all if you're enjoying your life, partner, and sex on your own terms. Every relationship is different and we all change over time. Sometimes what we want evolves out of our relationship. Sometimes we just grow and change as people. I'm happy for you.

 

[KimGordon67]

I've posted to this thread once or twice. None of the last 55 pages matters at all if you're enjoying your life, partner, and sex on your own terms. Every relationship is different and we all change over time. Sometimes what we want evolves out of our relationship. Sometimes we just grow and change as people. I'm happy for you.

Oh ... I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with either what was happening before, or what's happening now. It's just interesting to me how much things changed.

I am still having great sex, which is ... well, great.