kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Posts
- 135,693
Hi there {{{{smooth}}}} Now that is hysterical! And then I think she is breeding more like her!
Have a great night.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Jan 7, 2002
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- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
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- Posts
- 135,693
A man goes to see the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it," said the man.
"What's wrong?" asked the Rabbi.
"My wife is poisoning me," the man replied.
Very surprised by this, the Rabbi asks, "How can that be?"
"I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me," the pleads. "What should I do?"
"Tell you what," offers the Rabbi. "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
"Yes," said the man.
"Take the poison."
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it," said the man.
"What's wrong?" asked the Rabbi.
"My wife is poisoning me," the man replied.
Very surprised by this, the Rabbi asks, "How can that be?"
"I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me," the pleads. "What should I do?"
"Tell you what," offers the Rabbi. "Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
"Yes," said the man.
"Take the poison."
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .. kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the damn chair.'
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the damn chair.'
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
limiwa
Something new every day
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2005
- Posts
- 9,851
From our lovely Washington Post...contest winners. 
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 21, 2006
- Posts
- 2,017
Dear omahaman2 and limiwa,From our lovely Washington Post...contest winners.
...
Thanks for the very enjoyable start to the day!
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like it was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer; I'm just fine," the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 21, 2006
- Posts
- 2,017
I didn't see that one coming! Very cute! Thanks, omahaman!
G
Guest
Guest
Roamnce isn't Dead... yet
Think you're in love?
You may have to think again...
1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricular
fibrillation and Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack).
2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Parkinson's Disease
3. Constant smiling.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Bell's Palsy
4. Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease
5. Frequent or constant sexual arousal.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Nymphomania
6. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Multiple Sclerosis
7. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
8. Bruising on neck, breasts and other tender areas.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Leukemia
9. Insomnia.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
10. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him or her when not in his/her presence.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Schizophrenia
Happy Valentine's Day you guys
{{{Kayte}}}
http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s46/pma111/profileassist2/funny_19.gif
Think you're in love?
You may have to think again...
1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricular
fibrillation and Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack).
2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Parkinson's Disease
3. Constant smiling.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Bell's Palsy
4. Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease
5. Frequent or constant sexual arousal.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Nymphomania
6. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Multiple Sclerosis
7. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
8. Bruising on neck, breasts and other tender areas.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Leukemia
9. Insomnia.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
10. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him or her when not in his/her presence.
You think it's: Love
Medical possibility: Schizophrenia
Happy Valentine's Day you guys
{{{Kayte}}}
http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s46/pma111/profileassist2/funny_19.gif
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 21, 2006
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- 2,017
Excellent! Nice cartoon, too! Thanks!
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
The Trunk Monkey!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs.
A blonde female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
She became annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin 'Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them herself.
Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think.
A blonde female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
She became annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin 'Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them herself.
Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm
shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of pl ay
when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine
14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match..
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm
shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of pl ay
when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine
14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match..
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue inan effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.
Thank You,
Human Resources
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue inan effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.
Thank You,
Human Resources
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Hi Kat ~ Welcome to Lit and to the thread. Have a marvelous time.
Thank you Kayte
Kowboy61
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2003
- Posts
- 168
This one made me LOL. Thank you Kate. I always enjoy your contributions.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars , I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars , I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
...... This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a
refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her
that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he
can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?' ! ;
In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a
refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her
that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he
can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?' ! ;
In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
Kowboy61
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2003
- Posts
- 168
Glad to see you. That AV of yours is hot as always sweetie.
Kayte,
Thank you for saying so. You are too kind.
Icey*Fire
PG #36
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2003
- Posts
- 25,667
courtroom q&a..
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
bumper stickers...
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"
My other car is a broom.
I brake for no apparent reason .
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
bumper stickers...
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"
My other car is a broom.
I brake for no apparent reason .
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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