Lets talk about humilation play

[lil_slave_rose]

Or at least what I think may be humilation..

One of the things my Dom has started doing lately is having me verbalize specific sexual things I want to do or try. The vast majority of these things are well outside the realm of BDSM and are simply adventurous vanilla sex. I have a very difficult time saying the words.. but he has a way of coaxing them out of me. Nothing cruel, he just knows me well. It really turns me on to be made to say these things but, at the time I feel something akin to shame. Maybe it is embarressment, I dunno. I was nearly in tears the other day when I finally blurted out something I was particularly embarrassed about. Let me re-interate, these are all activites I want to particpate in, even if I have a dread/desire feeling about them. He is only forcing me to say things that I have expressed an interest in via a checklist or in conversation (where all I could bring myself to do was nod my head) LOL

Has anyone else had this experience? How do you overcome your inner turmoil?

BTW, I do understand what he is doing and why. But that doesn't make it any easier! LOL

LOL i know exactly what you are saying, Master does this to me often, very often and somehow He always gets me to say whatever it is. i know that He is pushing my limits and that's a good thing but sheeesh sometimes i'm almost in tears by the time He gets me to say it. on a different take of the same situation i'll tell ya a story about when He was here. we were in a scene and He was using clothes pins, (He is my first Master and my first BDSM experience ever) He had told me well before hand that if it became too much for me, i was to say those exact words. well He continued on and He says He knew evenbefore i said it that it became too much. but i couldn't say the words. i wanted to take His pain so badly that i just couldn't do it..i took the pain for a while and then it became way too much to bear and i HAD to say it was too much. i spent alot of time apologizing for not being able to do it, but unbeknownst to me at the time, He knew it was going to be too much, He was pushing a limit and WANTED me to speak out and say it was too much, but good god it was hard to do. though sometimes it may seem to not make sense to us why they do things..there's always a reason in those glorious sadistic minds of theirs *grins* for me to get past being 'embarressed' by it i have to remind myself in my mind that i am His and He's asking me to do something that will please Him, and that He will not judge me because of my answer to whatever it is. does that make sense?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

It is My job to push, becuase you can not take the journey without leaving your comfort zone.
It is on Me to nurture so you have the trust to go further.
It is on Me to guide so you can follow.
On the edges you find growth and reaffirm your slavery to Me.

 

[whimpering_brunette]

Humiliation Verbalization

Or at least what I think may be humilation..

One of the things my Dom has started doing lately is having me verbalize specific sexual things I want to do or try. The vast majority of these things are well outside the realm of BDSM and are simply adventurous vanilla sex. I have a very difficult time saying the words.. but he has a way of coaxing them out of me. Nothing cruel, he just knows me well. It really turns me on to be made to say these things but, at the time I feel something akin to shame. Maybe it is embarressment, I dunno. I was nearly in tears the other day when I finally blurted out something I was particularly embarrassed about. Let me re-interate, these are all activites I want to particpate in, even if I have a dread/desire feeling about them. He is only forcing me to say things that I have expressed an interest in via a checklist or in conversation (where all I could bring myself to do was nod my head) LOL

Has anyone else had this experience? How do you overcome your inner turmoil?

BTW, I do understand what he is doing and why. But that doesn't make it any easier! LOL

i'm pretty sure i know exactly where you're coming from here.

i spent a loooong time bouncing in and out of the closet until this summer. In all that time, i could not for the life of me, get a partner to use the words that i needed to hear. Mustering up the courage to ask was hard enough, but being met with disgust and recoil was *truly* humiliating for me.

i've been reading and discussing on this alot these days, because, my Former posed to me the question, "How can it be humiliating to you when you like it?" and i've been stumped, literally, for months. i've just been reading tonight, the transcript of a BDSM D/s Humiliation Lecture, and i feel BoundLady hit the nail right on the head... her stance is that humiliation in D/s is inherent, that it's part of the kink, but that the SSC rule needs always stand. For example, if my Dom during the scene called me a f*cking idiot, then that would be a most unhappy trigger. However, other names, just enhance the sense that i'm truly owned, if only at that moment (since i do not belong to anyOne right now).

On the one hand, i love it / need it / desire it... and the world's just not right without it... on the other hand, i loathe it and find it truly challenging to say those words / ask for what i want myself. Fortunately, my Former was very patient, and coaxed me slowly, drawing heavily on my desire to please and innate obedience, especially when anywhere even near approaching subspace. Slowly, i was able to verbalize names out loud (parts of the body, names for myself) during play. He instituted a rule whereby, when W/we first began a conversation, i would refer to myself as one of many names... Your (my name) or Your one would mean i needed tenderness and/or support... Your pet/kitten meant i was feeling playful/slightly rambunctious, whereas Your slut/whore/bitch meant, Babe, You need to jump me *now* and L/let's push some limits. (*grins* He really was a great Dom in many ways, and it's soooo too bad that it did not work out for U/us.)

i can now refer to myself in any one of these ways during play, though still with some sense of pushing boundaries, and still, with that blush, unless i'm right in subspace, at which point i'd do or say just about anything.

i don't think i'll ever truly be free of the tiny blush that remains, and for me, i think that's a good thing, since it's always a jolt/a shock, which is half the joy of submitting for me. Of course *s* i could be entirely mistaken.

i hope sharing my experience sheds a little light for O/others.

~ whimpering brunette

 

[Netzach]

I'm not sure I'd presume someone would want to "fix" a reluctance to use crass slang... it's not something I'd ever been comfortable with, and for a while I was in a Friendship with someone who felt the same. Vulgarity was not an option, period- especially for a Lady. (Which suited me just fine)

I'm not sure how common or uncommon that attitude is, though...

I've known some couples with this kind of arrangment, even discipline for unladylike behavior. I'm too much of a belching sailor to actually do this with someone else because it'd be too hypocritical, but man I find it hot. If anything I think most women are much better at being the proverbial slut in the bedroom than they want to let on, and much worse at being the lady outside it, which is hard work.

Seriously, making a "lady" of some of the girlfriends I have would be a really heavy almost crazy-making kind of discipline and rigidity!

 

[sullivan96]

i've always been into humilation play to see what i can get a lady to do-i like the idea of knowing that the woman i'm outside with was recently on a leash barking for me-of course she didn't have to do it, she could have used the safe word-but she chose not to-bdsm is about choice (at least for me) i've never forced anyone to do anything y'know? turns me on

 

[Bredon]

I had this plan to make my sub stand on a table (possibly in a public place or with the threat that others might be in the room), with blindfolded eyes and bound hands and make hir tell me all hir dark desires.
Sadly we broke up before I could do that

Bredon

 

[azncumgirl]

pain/humiliation and more

i guess i'm into the even more rough stuff...rape play, humiliation, pain, and other forced stuff...my fantasies are so dark...=(

 

[papilllon]

Or at least what I think may be humilation..

One of the things my Dom has started doing lately is having me verbalize specific sexual things I want to do or try. The vast majority of these things are well outside the realm of BDSM and are simply adventurous vanilla sex. I have a very difficult time saying the words.. but he has a way of coaxing them out of me. Nothing cruel, he just knows me well. It really turns me on to be made to say these things but, at the time I feel something akin to shame. Maybe it is embarressment, I dunno. I was nearly in tears the other day when I finally blurted out something I was particularly embarrassed about. Let me re-interate, these are all activites I want to particpate in, even if I have a dread/desire feeling about them. He is only forcing me to say things that I have expressed an interest in via a checklist or in conversation (where all I could bring myself to do was nod my head) LOL

Has anyone else had this experience? How do you overcome your inner turmoil?

BTW, I do understand what he is doing and why. But that doesn't make it any easier! LOL

I think it is quite normal to be a bit shy to say these things if you're not used to do so. Intimate fantasies can be a bit difficult to spit out at times. But to me, that's part of the fun.

As you keep saying these things or get used to admit your personal desires, you'll get more used to it.

I understand how you feel though because such things can be very embarassing at times. The naughtier the desire, the hardest it is to admit...

Papillon

 

[zamm]

yes, let's talk about it

i guess i'm into the even more rough stuff...rape play, humiliation, pain, and other forced stuff...my fantasies are so dark...=(

let's explore this. i have some ideas. zipzap0506@yahoo.com

 

[tenedaveslilslut]

i used to have a very hard time being verbal about certain things... certain words, specifically slang for parts of the body, just caused me to freeze, it was like having a persistant mental block. it bothered my Sir a lot when we would be talking and all of a sudden i would freeze up when we got to a particularly sexual part. we worked though it, partly becuase i wrote erotica for him using the words i had trouble with, and partly becuase he would ask me questions and coax me through saying the things that bothered me.

Well, i don’t have a problem with saying certain words, in fact I enjoy talking dirty so i don’t know if this qualifies as humiliation play because it has to do with pee play (not golden showers however) but to me i think it fits right in. Master wants to expand my limits with pee play, (which is a no at the moment) but lately i have been thinking about it and I am now considering this very thing. My biggest hang up is going to the bathroom in front of someone. i have not gone in front of ANYone, practically since i was potty trained, not even my ex husband. But his is a VERY big hang up with me, and i have been thinking about it of late because i want to do what my Master wants and to be the good sub that He and i desire.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Well, i don’t have a problem with saying certain words, in fact I enjoy talking dirty so i don’t know if this qualifies as humiliation play because it has to do with pee play (not golden showers however) but to me i think it fits right in. Master wants to expand my limits with pee play, (which is a no at the moment) but lately i have been thinking about it and I am now considering this very thing. My biggest hang up is going to the bathroom in front of someone. i have not gone in front of ANYone, practically since i was potty trained, not even my ex husband. But his is a VERY big hang up with me, and i have been thinking about it of late because i want to do what my Master wants and to be the good sub that He and i desire.

*giggles* i haven't used the bathroom alone for hmmm...13 years, since i had my first child..LOL

 

[tenedaveslilslut]

*giggles* i haven't used the bathroom alone for hmmm...13 years, since i had my first child..LOL

In my family we were raised and taught that using the bathroom was very private and personal thing. So that is ingrained in my head and it's very hard to get it out right now. i do hope that i will be able to do this someday for Master, because i do love him so much and want to please the heck out of him. *giggles*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

In my family we were raised and taught that using the bathroom was very private and personal thing. So that is ingrained in my head and it's very hard to get it out right now. i do hope that i will be able to do this someday for Master, because i do love him so much and want to please the heck out of him. *giggles*

*smiles* well if it helps any, when Master was here, i was shy about the same thing, everytime i went to the bathroom i was afraid He would come in and just sit down and start talking to me..LOL....luckily i don't think He ever did (hard to remember so much in my head from that time) but i'm sure that doesn't mean He won't ever, but by about 3 days after Him being there i was more comfortable with that kind of thing and left the bathroom door open and whatever it didn't really bother me much anymore, hell, i figure He's seen me in my not so good moments what is there left?? seeing me pee is nothing compared to some of the other places He's taken me LOL

 

[Suchagoodgirl]

For me, saying 'naughty' words or describing something sexual isn't too hard- online.
In person, however, I can't seem to overcome this.
I trust my husband, but still can't come out and tell him, "I really want you to do X to me."
I'm getting better at describing to him what we are doing, but I think if he tried to make me tell him what I really want, I'd clam up.

It is odd though, as I fantasize about all sorts of humiliating (to me) things being done to me.
Ah, if dh could only read minds...

 

[Lancecastor]

I get great pleasure in having a woman say and do things that embarass and scare her...that's a big chunk of D/s anyway, I think...at least it is for me.

It could be anything...from blindfolding her and having her repeat "please fuck my dirty cunt" while you watch her masturbate...to making her wear her choke chain to work, first under a turtleneck, then under a buttoned blouse, then with one button undone, then on full display at the mall, and so on...

The idea is to discover the things that make her both wet and afraid...then take her by the hand and walk her off her personal cliff(s).

She gets to discover mind-blowing arousal... and you get the credit.

It makes for a tight connection.

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

I had one subbie that was into humiliation and the unknown. I would tie her with ropes to a ceiling hook, her arms tied high over her head, legs spread wide, and I would temporarily remove her senses of seeing and hearing. I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours. She knew I was either buying groceries, toys, or having a couple of beers with my buds.
I would instruct her to count off 90 seconds, continuously, while I was gone. At the end of 90 seconds, she would have to gyrate her hips and then push her pussy forward and hold it there for 10 seconds, then repeat the steps over again (or some other humiliating view of her).
She never knew when I got back home, or if I brought someone home with me. I usually would not touch her or let her know I was home, and she would remain oblivious to my where-abouts for at least 4 hours. She would find out I was home by having her clit pulled, or fingering her when she had to thrust her pelvis up, or perhaps her nipples being played with or sucked. She would remain in this state for another 2 or 3 hours. During those final hours, I would slowly lower her arms so she wasn't too uncomfortable.
This was a huge turn on for her and for me as well. She found it very humiliating to never know if I had been alone or if I had brought a friend or two back from the pub to fondle/play with her.
Cheers,
Dread.

 

[FurryFury]

I had one subbie that was into humiliation and the unknown. I would tie her with ropes to a ceiling hook, her arms tied high over her head, legs spread wide, and I would temporarily remove her senses of seeing and hearing. I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours. She knew I was either buying groceries, toys, or having a couple of beers with my buds.
I would instruct her to count off 90 seconds, continuously, while I was gone. At the end of 90 seconds, she would have to gyrate her hips and then push her pussy forward and hold it there for 10 seconds, then repeat the steps over again (or some other humiliating view of her).
She never knew when I got back home, or if I brought someone home with me. I usually would not touch her or let her know I was home, and she would remain oblivious to my where-abouts for at least 4 hours. She would find out I was home by having her clit pulled, or fingering her when she had to thrust her pelvis up, or perhaps her nipples being played with or sucked. She would remain in this state for another 2 or 3 hours. During those final hours, I would slowly lower her arms so she wasn't too uncomfortable.
This was a huge turn on for her and for me as well. She found it very humiliating to never know if I had been alone or if I had brought a friend or two back from the pub to fondle/play with her.
Cheers,
Dread.

Really?

 

[callinectes]

I had one subbie that was into humiliation and the unknown. I would tie her with ropes to a ceiling hook, her arms tied high over her head, legs spread wide, and I would temporarily remove her senses of seeing and hearing. I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours. She knew I was either buying groceries, toys, or having a couple of beers with my buds.
I would instruct her to count off 90 seconds, continuously, while I was gone. At the end of 90 seconds, she would have to gyrate her hips and then push her pussy forward and hold it there for 10 seconds, then repeat the steps over again (or some other humiliating view of her).
She never knew when I got back home, or if I brought someone home with me. I usually would not touch her or let her know I was home, and she would remain oblivious to my where-abouts for at least 4 hours. She would find out I was home by having her clit pulled, or fingering her when she had to thrust her pelvis up, or perhaps her nipples being played with or sucked. She would remain in this state for another 2 or 3 hours. During those final hours, I would slowly lower her arms so she wasn't too uncomfortable.
This was a huge turn on for her and for me as well. She found it very humiliating to never know if I had been alone or if I had brought a friend or two back from the pub to fondle/play with her.
Cheers,
Dread.

You would leave her restrained and alone? For hours at a time even? Dangerous much?

 

[jadefirefly]

I hope she had a damned good chiropractor, to fix all the damage you've done to her arms and shoulders.

Three cheers for being an inconsiderate, physically harmful cockmonkey. An extra three if you've just made that up as a fantasy off the top of your head, for even thinking it's reasonable.

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

In my defense, I shall said that her legs were spread, she could stand up at any time to lower her own arms. I had tried on numerous occasions tying up her arms before we got into this type of play to see how long she could handle it.
When I did go away, it was for a brief period, I was usually back in less than an hour. However, she never knew when I had returned. She never had problems with her limbs that either one of us were aware of after.
Dread.

 

[Never]

Post 1:
I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours.

Post 2:
I was usually back in less than an hour.

Post 3:
???

 

[wildhate]

My biggest hang up is going to the bathroom in front of someone. i have not gone in front of ANYone, practically since i was potty trained, not even my ex husband. But his is a VERY big hang up with me, and i have been thinking about it of late because i want to do what my Master wants and to be the good sub that He and i desire.

I hope you dont mind me butting in for a moment, but I was just reading this thread, and what you said really drew me in because it is also one of my own hang ups. I am petrified with someone hearing me or even seeing me, which is silly I suppose because everyone does it.

What I wanted to pick your brain over was the fact he wanted you to do it. A gentleman in my life frequently tries to persuade me to do that, and I hate it and refuse to do it..so what I wanted to know, was this something he specifically asked you to do because you told him you hate it? Meaning, how did he find out that you are hung up on this? And I assume that is the very reason he wants you to do it?

 

[jadefirefly]

Post 1:
I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours.

Post 2:
I was usually back in less than an hour.

Post 3:
???

You. Nail. Hit on head.

 

[jnubbs]

I wish someon would

Hit my head on the nail!

 

[Tommy4u]

Humiliation Serves As a Bond.

I think humiliation is an integral part of bdsm. We all have desires that we are afraid of. Being forced to reveal out darkest secrets allows us to overcome our fears and pushes us out of our shell. It also establishes trust.

When I'm subjected to humiliation, it reinforces my submissiveness and reinforces the control that a woman has over me. If I have to ask permission before I masturbate or wear panties underneath my clothes, It reminds me of who is in control. If I'm called a slut and treated like a slut and my limits are pushed, I feel a sense of accomplishment after it's over. This is what establishes a strong bond between domme and sub.