Lets talk about humilation play

[Netzach]

Post 1:
I would leave her like that and go out for a few hours.

Post 2:
I was usually back in less than an hour.

Post 3:
???

*inhale*

dude.

 

[Netzach]

I do a lot with humiliation, but most of my partners have very little trouble articulating sexual things, that's not so much of an issue. I *do* engage in emotional SM, and I *do* use terminology like "idiot" - which 90% of the playing populace would not stand for for a moment. The people I play with get what they need out of that though, anything short of that doesn't push far enough. I find that humiliation that heads higher up than waist level really really creeps people out and pushes at their ego. Some people can't handle that and a small handful thrive on it. There's probably something wrong with me for enjoying such hateful vileness as saying these things aloud, but I like whatever it is, so I do.

 

[skittles_lm]

Wow. This thread is awesome! I am suprised at how on-topic it has stayed, for one, and the lack of nagging and finger pointing too!

I do not understand the humiliation you guys feels about using foul language, since I just have a really foul mouth at times. But the saying exactly what i want or fantasize about... out loud... to Him...eek! What if He laughs? What if He looks at me like I'm crazy or sick? What if (dear lord) He actually made me do some of the things I fantasize about? Have I said eek! already?

I want to know why humiliation is such a turn on for me and some of you. Does anyone know? Is there a clinical explanation or something? Cuz damned if I understand it at all, but oh man do I love it...hate it..aw hell, you know what I mean!

 

[petes478]

Humiliation Cravings

A few years ago I had a devoted enthusiastic sub who craved to be humiliated as part of our sexual experience. She liked me to pinch her nipples and cum on her hair and face and then let it dry on her. We also experimented with a third person watching as I spread my sub's legs and smacked her clit and smacked her ass, etc. She got a real charge out of it, though I'm not convinced this qualifies as humiliation if she's getting a charge out of it. One experience we had was after she blew me one morning and I had cum on her in a few places, we got ready to go out, and as we left a reastaurant after eating breakfast, she noticed a dried cumshot on her blouse. Neither of us had noticed it till then (it was mid-morning several hours after the event). She felt embarrassed and humiliated and told me so. I assured her that no one noticed, but she couldn't let this go for a long time.

 

[Otto26]

I want to know why humiliation is such a turn on for me and some of you. Does anyone know? Is there a clinical explanation or something? Cuz damned if I understand it at all, but oh man do I love it...hate it..aw hell, you know what I mean!

Control. It's mostly about control.

 

[Netzach]

Wow. This thread is awesome! I am suprised at how on-topic it has stayed, for one, and the lack of nagging and finger pointing too!

I do not understand the humiliation you guys feels about using foul language, since I just have a really foul mouth at times. But the saying exactly what i want or fantasize about... out loud... to Him...eek! What if He laughs? What if He looks at me like I'm crazy or sick? What if (dear lord) He actually made me do some of the things I fantasize about? Have I said eek! already?

I want to know why humiliation is such a turn on for me and some of you. Does anyone know? Is there a clinical explanation or something? Cuz damned if I understand it at all, but oh man do I love it...hate it..aw hell, you know what I mean!

Think about what the human body does when you are turned on - erections, flushed face, warmth, tingling ...right?

Now think about how your body feels when you are totally mortified. The same things can happen.

Physiologically it's like a little 15 degree bend to the right.

 

[sullivan96]

but they want to do it...

yeah it's about control but when the sub willingly agrees to do something-walk on a leash, bark and beg, perhaps even lift their leg in the bathtub and pee-that's hot

 

[drtyblonde_69]

I am glad I came across this thread. I am currently dealing with this type of thing. I WANT to be able to talk dirty to my man, tell him what I want him to do. Pretend to be a dirty slut and all that "nasty" stuff. I'm such a good, shy girl. He wants me to do this too. He'd rather me tell him what I want him to do to me then for me to make him say it. He says it is hot to hear me say what I want. Things like "I want you to tie me up and fuck me in the ass" or more vulgar, kinky things.

Any advice on where to begin?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I am glad I came across this thread. I am currently dealing with this type of thing. I WANT to be able to talk dirty to my man, tell him what I want him to do. Pretend to be a dirty slut and all that "nasty" stuff. I'm such a good, shy girl. He wants me to do this too. He'd rather me tell him what I want him to do to me then for me to make him say it. He says it is hot to hear me say what I want. Things like "I want you to tie me up and fuck me in the ass" or more vulgar, kinky things.

Any advice on where to begin?

Ain't nothing to it but to do it....

It aint nuttin but words.

 

[sullivan96]

fun simple suggestion

i always like using a marker to write "slut" across my slave's buttcheeks. knowing that she's going around like that turns me on.

 

[Ice2000]

lol@sullivan I gotta remember that one.

Sex is 70% mental and 30% physical in the BDSM world. Most people I know in this circle don't go round telling there local social club "I'm a slut" It is a dirty little secret you share most likely only with very close friends and your lovers. Mommy told you to always be good girl, admitting that your really aren't is exciting, even if it is a struggle. Being forced to admit it adds to the excitement and exercises more of your Dom's control.

And it makes your Dom feel great when he knows he pushed your limits a little. That is really the fun part is't it?

 

[wenchhh]

I can relate!~

I know this post was started months ago, but I can totally relate to this. I too have a very difficult time saying what I need in the bedroom. It is embarrassing to me as well, to the point of painful at times, but some of the most powerful, soul connecting orgasms I've ever had were when my lover understood that and made me push thru the discomfort anyhow. I'm sure there is some Freudian explanation. Cest la vie!

 

[AAkasha]

I am glad I came across this thread. I am currently dealing with this type of thing. I WANT to be able to talk dirty to my man, tell him what I want him to do. Pretend to be a dirty slut and all that "nasty" stuff. I'm such a good, shy girl. He wants me to do this too. He'd rather me tell him what I want him to do to me then for me to make him say it. He says it is hot to hear me say what I want. Things like "I want you to tie me up and fuck me in the ass" or more vulgar, kinky things.

Any advice on where to begin?

If you can articulate it in your head but just feel like you will sound silly saying it, try whispering it right into his ear. Somehow, for me (when I was younger and shy about this and new to it) whispering made it like it wasn't really me, and also added just a little bit of melodrama. I was surprised at how easy it was to whisper all kinds of really nasty things that I would never say out loud.

Akasha

 

[Otherhalves]

As a sub, I find it hard to vocalize what I want - because intrinsically, I feel that it doesn't matter.

But if he asks, I try to talk.

:O)

 

[petes478]

pain/humiliation and more

i guess i'm into the even more rough stuff...rape play, humiliation, pain, and other forced stuff...my fantasies are so dark...=(

Hi. Kat?

 

[Goldenfinger]

Or at least what I think may be humilation..

One of the things my Dom has started doing lately is having me verbalize specific sexual things I want to do or try. The vast majority of these things are well outside the realm of BDSM and are simply adventurous vanilla sex. I have a very difficult time saying the words.. but he has a way of coaxing them out of me. Nothing cruel, he just knows me well. It really turns me on to be made to say these things but, at the time I feel something akin to shame. Maybe it is embarressment, I dunno. I was nearly in tears the other day when I finally blurted out something I was particularly embarrassed about. Let me re-interate, these are all activites I want to particpate in, even if I have a dread/desire feeling about them. He is only forcing me to say things that I have expressed an interest in via a checklist or in conversation (where all I could bring myself to do was nod my head) LOL

Has anyone else had this experience? How do you overcome your inner turmoil?

BTW, I do understand what he is doing and why. But that doesn't make it any easier! LOL

This is something that my wife likes to do. Not just for the humiliation factor but also because it’s erotic.

 

[staciliv]

I want to know why humiliation is such a turn on for me and some of you. Does anyone know? Is there a clinical explanation or something? Cuz damned if I understand it at all, but oh man do I love it...hate it..aw hell, you know what I mean!

Damned if I know! for me when a man talks down to me, puts me in my place, calls me degrading names I first feel anger - but that anger soon turns into the hot sweet burn of humiliation. I fought this for years but the attraction is just too strong; I'm resigned to what is obviously my submissive nature.

As others have stated there is am element of self hatred and shame. I HATE it but at the same time I NEED it! No logic involved, just go with "bitches be crazy"!

 

[Bighammerfucker]

I’ve been dabbling in exploring and “fixing” this issue for a lot of years now.

I’ve always had it. I battle with a lot of different kinds of sexual shame, but I’ve never been closer to figuring it all out.

I do think a good summary would be to say that yes, absolutely, there are a ton of different pressures in every way we’re constantly aware of, and even more aware of how we’re not measuring up. I believe the root of this feeling comes from that. It’s the knowledge that we’re supposed to do or be a certain way but aren’t, and feel inadequate or incapable over it, and thus shame.

This can be overcome for me with practicing deep submission to the point of subspace. Or altering your beliefs - but this takes a long time and can be very difficult.

You have to be careful though - sometimes yes, you have shame over things that are truly great internal fantasies. But for one sometimes at the end of the day they just aren’t things you want to share and that’s okay. If pushing your limits isn’t really an enthralling or positive experience, I do think the question needs to be asked - is this really right for me? Am I ready for this, am I okay to continue?

Another thing I’d say is really important is, sometimes we feel shame about parts of ourselves and wish that we could change them. You have to be careful here with this. There are some things that are able to be changed, and some that aren’t. For example, I used to have a lot of shame over my sexual orientation, so I would have BDSM sex with men to try to see if I could not find a way to hack it by mixing my fetishes in with het sex. I was able to eventually enjoy het sex without shame and just pleasure - but at the cost to nearly eventually losing my entire self and identity.

So just be careful is all. It’s a super awesome thing to want to throw off shame and test limits but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and always listening to yourself. If you aren’t benefitting from it, stop doing it!