Let's Talk About... Outing The Players

[julybaby04]

This is truth. If it doesn't make sense, or you disagree, you really shouldn't be playing in the Playground. This is not the place to be looking for true love and happily ever after. I'm not saying it hasn't happened, but the odds are obviously very slim.

Odds are probably just as good here as they are in real life and on dating sites...

 

[beachbaby179]

Odds are probably just as good here as they are in real life and in dating sites...

Now THAT is truth! hee hee

How you doing, lady? Good to see you back.

 

[JennyNo1]

I think it's rather foolish to think that you can go anywhere at all where men and women interact and where there is flirtation, sexual content, hooking up, or what have you and NOT have anyone's feelings get hurt. It's happened to the vast majority of us, and most of us have been on both sides of the issue. Whether you come here, go to a bar, get on a dating site - you'd better have your big boy or girl attitudes ready. Just because someone ghosted you and/or a dozen of your closest friends doesn't make it all right to turn them into the Villain of Lit. Where I have the problem is with the people who pull sick stunts like pretending they're someone's relative announcing that they have died, or pretending to be of the opposite sex to make "friends" with others. While it's not the nice thing to do, playing with more than one person at a time doesn't cross that line, at least in my opinion. I think the best thing to do is just to assume you're not the only one, even if you've gotten the impression you may be.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I think in real life a wedding ring, a car seat, maybe the family stickers in the car window tend to give things away. Pretty easy here to hide who you are.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I probably shouldn't be posting here, drowning in a world of emotions.

Honesty is key. That's all. Don't steal someone's heart and promise her the world if you're doing the same with everyone else. The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her. And her. And her.

You're perfectly welcome to post here, drowning or no.

 

[julybaby04]

Now THAT is truth! hee hee

How you doing, lady? Good to see you back.

Thank you ma'am! Doing ok.

 

[julybaby04]

I think in real life a wedding ring, a car seat, maybe the family stickers in the car window tend to give things away. Pretty easy here to hide who you are.

Or people can just be honest and let interactions be whatever they will be at that point.

 

[Spenser41]

I think I need to find the Dear Litster thread because I’m totally lost.

Yea me too... it’s like I came in the middle of a movie and they did a big reveal and everyone is talk about it and I’m...clueless.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Okay, I think we're off to a great start! Lots of questions, lots of opinions, lots of discussion! WOOT!

I'm hungry and dead-tired, so I'm off for a while.

Play nice while I'm gone!

 

[Deacon_Voss]

Or people can just be honest and let interactions be whatever they will be at that point.

I agree, I'm just saying, if you've been ghosted twenty times in three years, maybe you're looking for something that's really hard to find here at Lit. I'm not saying it's perfect out there in the real world either, but the Playground is like it's name implies, an adult playground

 

[JennyNo1]

Okay, I think we're off to a great start! Lots of questions, lots of opinions, lots of discussion! WOOT!

I'm hungry and dead-tired, so I'm off for a while.

Play nice while I'm gone!

That's right, stir the pot and then disappear!

 

[ydahecnot]

Or people can just be honest and let interactions be whatever they will be at that point.

True. I would never hide being married. Often, married/married is the best, because the sense of perspective is built in

 

[LostGirlTink]

I guess my thoughts, since everyone is posting theirs and YMMV... is that no matter how much maybe someone should "expect" that people are doing these things, it doesn't mean the potential for heartbreak isn't there.
People don't generally go into this thinking "I'm going to fall in love and blah blah blah"
No one expects it. No one plans for it. No one thinks they are going to get in over their head.
People catch feelings whether they want to or not sometimes.
It happens.
And sometimes the other person doesn't have the same feelings, or their feelings aren't as deep and meaningful as person A's might be.
And there are people that engage with lots of people and there are people that engage with just 1 and there are people all over the scale.
People get hurt.
Empathy for that matters I think but others are free to disagree. I think there'd be a LOT less heartbreak if people remembered that on the other side of the screen is a real person.
And I think we all also need to remember that not everyone "does lit" the same way but that I'd hope that people would communicate the way they do it and what their expectations might be. Be honest. Just... be... HONEST.
I prefer to not be super cynical. I'm naive in some ways, and even I have taken the "House mantra" to heart to a degree.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtfw7k6r-GEvDoX8-63f99Y1seOyJ4Oyulfpi9ajHbDEf93rhOeQ

I guess the difference is that someone that is a player, tends to be predatory about their behavior and that's not really ok.

 

[beachbaby179]

I probably shouldn't be posting here, drowning in a world of emotions.

I used to be a lifeguard. And I still have the skillz.

Here - take this till I get there!
https://odditymall.com/includes/content/upload/27-summer-water-toys-894.jpg

 

[hotoldrguy]

So here's my two cents (my, my - the change jar is filling up fast). I'm really not sure how I feel about it. As sunshine said, there are certain people who just need to be run off with torches, for all the pain they cause. But in general, this is an adult site, and we're all adults, capable of making our own decisions. Most of the time, the players make themselves known. And anyone following them will see for themselves.

I got a pm one time from a very well meaning woman, letting me know that someone I was flirting with in the threads was a 'player'. I found this very amusing, because generally if I flirt with you in the threads, you're a good friend. Very rarely do I flirt publicly with anyone I'm involved with - because when it ends, (and 99% of the time it does) that can get messy and uncomfortable. I've seen it time and time again.

So back to the topic - this is an anonymous, sex-centered forum. It's bound to attract people who like to see just how much they can get away with. Anyone with half a brain should know that exclusive doesn't mean exclusive - it probably could mean "exclusive if you don't count my wife". Should they be outed for that? I don't think so. Should we pine for them? In private, maybe (if they were THAT good). But move on, people. They'll burn themselves out in time.

ETA - there are exceptions to everything I've said above - I don't mean to start arguments - and I know several couples who have met here and moved it to RL and on their way to making it permanent. God bless them - but it's rare. So to expect it is foolish.

I have to go with BB on this. At the same time I do have to say that people developing relationships online can become extremely emotionally involved. And even if the relationship can never come to a real life fruition...being dumped or ghosted seems as real as real life when so much emotion and exposure of your feelings is involved.

 

[Deacon_Voss]

I think everyone has the right to fall for someone, and I think they deserve respect. I also believe they deserve sympathy if they get their heart broken.

Ask anyone, I get angry when someone get's hurt. I've ghosted friends on this forum for the way they've treated people. I don't support the players, I'm just saying that we're stuck with them. You can't get them banned, and even if you could, they'd just change their IP and return.

 

[LostGirlTink]

I think everyone has the right to fall for someone, and I think they deserve respect. I also believe they deserve sympathy if they get their heart broken.

Ask anyone, I get angry when someone get's hurt. I've ghosted friends on this forum for the way they've treated people. I don't support the players, I'm just saying that we're stuck with them. You can't get them banned, and even if you could, they'd just change their IP and return.

Where do you stand on breaking their kneecaps?

 

[lacandy]

The bottom line is when we get hurt is when we don’t listen.... we don’t listen to people around us and brush things off as “it wasn’t him/her, it was that other person” or their just jealous. We get hurt most especially when we don’t listen to ourselves... to the little voice that is telling you something isn’t quite right. We brush that away as being self conscious or not being needy.

Listen to yourselves! Every time that I’ve been burned here is because I ignored my own advice.

 

[beachbaby179]

Where do you stand on breaking their kneecaps?

*runs to get my Louisville slugger*

 

[Pantyboy74]

Ok I'm not going to debate what is or isn't a player.
I'm sure there are a few people who would class me as one.

However I did want to add my two Pennies.

Lacandy has hit on an important point.

• Player or not, if you tell someone you think they are being played, you run the risk of being the bad guy.
• If you keep quiet, you run the risk of seeing a friend in pain.
• If you then tell them after you knew what was happening, you risk losing everything.

Honestly I've been in all these positions, it's not nice for anyone. Worse still is when you have people warning you that your friend is going to be hurt, but you then start to think, "Am I being played".

Lit is always going to have its players, it's lairs, cheats and scoundrels. I just hope the real genuine people can keep the place normal.


On another similar note though.

Another thing that is happening, is people attacking others quietly using alts. But doing it so to put suspicions on others. Or even just straight lying.

In my opinion that's worse than players.

 

[ydahecnot]

Alts, for the most part, are a bigger issue than players....when they are used to fool or attack.

 

[JennyNo1]

I guess my thoughts, since everyone is posting theirs and YMMV... is that no matter how much maybe someone should "expect" that people are doing these things, it doesn't mean the potential for heartbreak isn't there.
People don't generally go into this thinking "I'm going to fall in love and blah blah blah"
No one expects it. No one plans for it. No one thinks they are going to get in over their head.
People catch feelings whether they want to or not sometimes.
It happens.
And sometimes the other person doesn't have the same feelings, or their feelings aren't as deep and meaningful as person A's might be.
And there are people that engage with lots of people and there are people that engage with just 1 and there are people all over the scale.
People get hurt.
Empathy for that matters I think but others are free to disagree. I think there'd be a LOT less heartbreak if people remembered that on the other side of the screen is a real person.
And I think we all also need to remember that not everyone "does lit" the same way but that I'd hope that people would communicate the way they do it and what their expectations might be. Be honest. Just... be... HONEST.
I prefer to not be super cynical. I'm naive in some ways, and even I have taken the "House mantra" to heart to a degree.
*pic snip*

I guess the difference is that someone that is a player, tends to be predatory about their behavior and that's not really ok.

I think everyone has the right to fall for someone, and I think they deserve respect. I also believe they deserve sympathy if they get their heart broken.

Ask anyone, I get angry when someone get's hurt. I've ghosted friends on this forum for the way they've treated people. I don't support the players, I'm just saying that we're stuck with them. You can't get them banned, and even if you could, they'd just change their IP and return.

I think I sounded much more harsh and unsympathetic than I really feel. The feelings here are just as real as those in r/l situations. And it's just as cruel for people to play on those feelings. And it's not okay. But as with a lot of things in r/l, we have to just deal with them on an individual basis. Every time I see one of my friends suffering through the heartbreak, I want to reach out and hug them and play with their hair til they fall asleep.

Where do you stand on breaking their kneecaps?

....then again, this seems a little harsh too!

 

[ydahecnot]

Footnote: this thread definitely needs Roo

 

[Deacon_Voss]

Where do you stand on breaking their kneecaps?

I live in the Mojave Desert, so I know where to bury the bodies. If you want kneecaps broken, that's an option

 

[neakman]

I have read through this whole thread so far and I think BB, Candy and Jenny all made some very cogent points. Like all threads it has started to fragment into what people want to express and maybe gotten away from OP's original intent.

Im sure there is a host of people on here who categorize me as a "player". Yet, I have never promised or deceived any woman as to my intent. I think that is key point, deception. I am very flirty and brash and playful in my estimation with many women, but I dont portray a phony side in private. What you see is what you get.