Let's Talk About... Outing The Players

[barefootgirl69]

I don't even know where to start.

As much as I try to realize people are married, and go into things with this in mind, sometimes feelings do develop...I just don't let them get carried away. For the most part. This is Lit - we're here to mingle and chat and whatever, people live great distances away, etc. <<< my mantra to myself.

However, sometimes someone comes along and all that flies out the window. We're only human, after all.

Players can be married, but single guys are just as bad. Promises and plans made, and hopes growing... and, come to find out they are playing you.

My best friends know my heart aches and woes. I try not to put it out on the threads cos it's not everyone's business... and I don't like to give my enemies ammunition! I don't like to let the guy know I'm hurting either, so I post happy things... I'm not going to build his ego up!

Every Litship has two sides, and I am not sure outing someone as a player will cure anything. Especially if others (like me) know he's a player, and it doesn't matter cos we're both talking to others.

I'm rambling.

And content with what I have at the moment.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Where do you stand on breaking their kneecaps?

I live in the Mojave Desert, so I know where to bury the bodies. If you want kneecaps broken, that's an option

I keep my bat handy, too, just down the road from Deacon.

 

[TongueLust]

Footnote: this thread definitely needs Roo

Are you sure?

 

[ydahecnot]

Oooh yes

 

[SoulAssasin247]

You see someone posting hurt feelings, it's okay to support them and try to comfort them, but if you're publicly outing them ( because I already know it happens behind the scenes ) I don't like people choosing sides without hearing the full story. I know there's 2 sides to the story. If you publicly out anyone, most will automatically choose sides and say bad things about this person, a witch hunt will ensue. I am a person who wants to hear both sides to a story, it's a fair question to ask. All I am saying is, I don't agree with chastising a person publicly, after only hearing one side of the story. These situations are very emotional and complicated, making a public spectacle of it and leading a witch hunt without knowing the whole truth is wrong.

 

[Girly_girl]

I guess my thoughts, since everyone is posting theirs and YMMV... is that no matter how much maybe someone should "expect" that people are doing these things, it doesn't mean the potential for heartbreak isn't there.
People don't generally go into this thinking "I'm going to fall in love and blah blah blah"
No one expects it. No one plans for it. No one thinks they are going to get in over their head.
People catch feelings whether they want to or not sometimes.
It happens.
And sometimes the other person doesn't have the same feelings, or their feelings aren't as deep and meaningful as person A's might be.
And there are people that engage with lots of people and there are people that engage with just 1 and there are people all over the scale.
People get hurt.
Empathy for that matters I think but others are free to disagree. I think there'd be a LOT less heartbreak if people remembered that on the other side of the screen is a real person.
And I think we all also need to remember that not everyone "does lit" the same way but that I'd hope that people would communicate the way they do it and what their expectations might be. Be honest. Just... be... HONEST.
I prefer to not be super cynical. I'm naive in some ways, and even I have taken the "House mantra" to heart to a degree.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtfw7k6r-GEvDoX8-63f99Y1seOyJ4Oyulfpi9ajHbDEf93rhOeQ

I guess the difference is that someone that is a player, tends to be predatory about their behavior and that's not really ok.

The bottom line is when we get hurt is when we don’t listen.... we don’t listen to people around us and brush things off as “it wasn’t him/her, it was that other person” or their just jealous. We get hurt most especially when we don’t listen to ourselves... to the little voice that is telling you something isn’t quite right. We brush that away as being self conscious or not being needy.

Listen to yourselves! Every time that I’ve been burned here is because I ignored my own advice.

I don't even know where to start.

As much as I try to realize people are married, and go into things with this in mind, sometimes feelings do develop...I just don't let them get carried away. For the most part. This is Lit - we're here to mingle and chat and whatever, people live great distances away, etc. <<< my mantra to myself.

However, sometimes someone comes along and all that flies out the window. We're only human, after all.

Players can be married, but single guys are just as bad. Promises and plans made, and hopes growing... and, come to find out they are playing you.

My best friends know my heart aches and woes. I try not to put it out on the threads cos it's not everyone's business... and I don't like to give my enemies ammunition! I don't like to let the guy know I'm hurting either, so I post happy things... I'm not going to build his ego up!

Every Litship has two sides, and I am not sure outing someone as a player will cure anything. Especially if others (like me) know he's a player, and it doesn't matter cos we're both talking to others.

I'm rambling.

And content with what I have at the moment.

I wish I could quote everyone that has posted, a lot of really good points from everyone. I don't like to show my hurt here, but sometimes it gets the best of me. I have been ghosted twice in my time here. The first one no longer has an account here, it was not too long after me joining. I had posted my pic in the faces thread, he pmd me saying he thought I was beautiful. We started chatting everyday about just about anything. We discovered we lived within an hour of each other, he wanted to take me out and had eventually told me he was head over heels. I was skeptical but I enjoyed his company. We would flirt openly on certain threads, it was just a great connection. After about 3 months, he didn't sign on one day or anytime again soon. It was gut wrenching after all that time getting to know so much about someone and them wanting to cross over into reality and then disappear. He did eventually come back and tell me he was married and expecting his first child, he had been afraid of our connection ending had I found out. As much as I respected that, he caused me a lot of hurt by getting my hopes up. The second one... Was so incredibly hot and intense... I guess what I'm trying to say is don't say things if you don't mean them....**drops the mic and walks away to hide**

 

[tolyk]

Ok I'm not going to debate what is or isn't a player.
I'm sure there are a few people who would class me as one.

However I did want to add my two Pennies.

Lacandy has hit on an important point.

• Player or not, if you tell someone you think they are being played, you run the risk of being the bad guy.
• If you keep quiet, you run the risk of seeing a friend in pain.
• If you then tell them after you knew what was happening, you risk losing everything.

Honestly I've been in all these positions, it's not nice for anyone. Worse still is when you have people warning you that your friend is going to be hurt, but you then start to think, "Am I being played".

Lit is always going to have its players, it's lairs, cheats and scoundrels. I just hope the real genuine people can keep the place normal.


On another similar note though.

Another thing that is happening, is people attacking others quietly using alts. But doing it so to put suspicions on others. Or even just straight lying.

In my opinion that's worse than players.

Alts, for the most part, are a bigger issue than players....when they are used to fool or attack.

The thing about both of these posts is that they are actually no different than the players. They are exactly the same. Lies. Deception. For selfish gain. Or another's misery.

It all boils down to honesty. Communication.

Creating an alt to attack someone is deceitful. Playing with people's emotions when you have no intention of following through is deceitful. Playing with multiple people and saying you aren't, is deceitful. It's all about deception.

We can be better than this.

Is it right to attack someone publicly for being a deceitful asshole? I would like to think it is justified. Turning it into a witch hunt isn't always the answer, but discussing it, yeah.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Ok I'm not going to debate what is or isn't a player.
I'm sure there are a few people who would class me as one.

However I did want to add my two Pennies.

Lacandy has hit on an important point.

• Player or not, if you tell someone you think they are being played, you run the risk of being the bad guy.
• If you keep quiet, you run the risk of seeing a friend in pain.
• If you then tell them after you knew what was happening, you risk losing everything.

Honestly I've been in all these positions, it's not nice for anyone. Worse still is when you have people warning you that your friend is going to be hurt, but you then start to think, "Am I being played".

Lit is always going to have its players, it's lairs, cheats and scoundrels. I just hope the real genuine people can keep the place normal.


On another similar note though.

Another thing that is happening, is people attacking others quietly using alts. But doing it so to put suspicions on others. Or even just straight lying.

In my opinion that's worse than players.

That's just cowardly and others supporting it, will encourage others to start this trend

 

[ydahecnot]

The thing about both of these posts is that they are actually no different than the players. They are exactly the same. Lies. Deception. For selfish gain. Or another's misery.

It all boils down to honesty. Communication.

Creating an alt to attack someone is deceitful. Playing with people's emotions when you have no intention of following through is deceitful. Playing with multiple people and saying you aren't, is deceitful. It's all about deception.

We can be better than this.

Is it right to attack someone publicly for being a deceitful asshole? I would like to think it is justified. Turning it into a witch hunt isn't always the answer, but discussing it, yeah.

Dibs

 

[SoulAssasin247]

If you're single and complaining about this, you have every right, but if you're in a real life relationship and complaining about being played on lit, news flash you're a player too lmao and it's hypocritical

 

[emsway]

I have no problem with people in Lit who flirt and play with multiple people as long as they are honest about it. I’ve seen a lot of misunderstandings happen when the other party makes assumptions in regards to exclusivity. I’m big on communication and stating (and overstating) what may seem obvious. Assume nothing. If I find the flirtation moving into a deeper, more complex friendship, then deeper more complex conversations on the nature and boundaries of the friendship are warranted. If I’m not getting my needs met in the friendship then I speak up about it and either accept the other person’s feelings and choices, or walk away. I can’t fault someone for not wanting what I want. It was my choice to put my heart on the line on the first place. And I would never consider that person a player.

A person who lies about their intentions, or lack of intentions to gain or maintain the interest of another person is a player. Regardless of whether it’s with one person at a time, or several.

 

[tolyk]

Dibs

*Laugh* okay, that was good

 

[makemewet69]

I’ve never outted players, but I have outted asshole scumbags for being vile douche canoes women should watch for. Especially the photo stealing Litsters should be outted in big bold letters.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I’ve never outted players, but I have outted asshole scumbags for being vile douche canoes women should watch for. Especially the photo stealing Litsters should be outted in big bold letters.

In fact the Moderators should cancel their accounts. If someone is caught stealing photos with the intention of posting here or another website, then the Moderators should cancel all activity from that IP address

 

[Trekka]

Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

~Ghandi +/or Ice T

 

[KarenB59]

This is something that's a sore spot with me. When I get a pm from someone and we chat for a couple of minutes and I never hear from them again, that doesn't bother me. Sometimes you can tell from a short chat you really have nothing in common. But when I've chatted with someone for days and weeks and there is some kind of a connection, whether it be just friends or more, and they suddenly stop and won't reply any longer it does hurt. Even if you didn't expect the relationship to go beyond here there is still that feeling of rejection

 

[Suz_anne]

In general, I'm not a fan of airing private grievances in public. And as others have said - when you don't get both sides of the story, it seems a bit unfair. On the other hand, it does liven things up around the boards for a day or two.

If someone is repeatedly ghosted or deceived here, it would seem that a certain amount of self-reflection and change in approach to the Lit realm would be in order. Or maybe Lit isn't your "game".

Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

~Ghandi +/or Ice T

https://78.media.tumblr.com/0d0c8cc92a010e05c19e98b6a1393180/tumblr_pbvj88WZr61try5b4o1_400.jpg

 

[tolyk]

In general, I'm not a fan of airing private grievances in public. And as others have said - when you don't get both sides of the story, it seems a bit unfair. On the other hand, it does liven things up around the boards for a day or two.

If someone is repeatedly ghosted or deceived here, it would seem that a certain amount of self-reflection and change in approach to the Lit realm would be in order. Or maybe Lit isn't your "game".




https://78.media.tumblr.com/0d0c8cc92a010e05c19e98b6a1393180/tumblr_pbvj88WZr61try5b4o1_400.jpg

I read your comment.. then I read it again and in my head changed one word. I changed ghosted to raped. And then it was victim blaming. Is it less victim blaming with the original wording?

 

[Suz_anne]

I read your comment.. then I read it again and in my head changed one word. I changed ghosted to raped. And then it was victim blaming. Is it less victim blaming with the original wording?

I think exchanging those two words is unfair because they are not comparable.

All I was trying to say is if your actions/interactions in Lit elicit a repeated response that you don't want, you have some power in making a change.

 

[parker77]

i don’t hate ya, playa.

and i don’t hate the game.

just rolling with the punches. stick if happy; walk if not. don’t know why it needs to be any more complex than that.

 

[curvyangel1969]

I believe that being purposely hurtful and/or deceitful in any platform is uncalled for and saying "this is lit" and "you should expect it" is just making it easier for those who see no wrong in it, to do it. Not saying anything is just setting the stage for the next victim. But there is a difference in being a player and being involved with someone and you end up hurt because it just doesn't work out for one reason or another. Those people in that situation should probably remain private.

 

[ydahecnot]

I have a sudden need to take a bath. At one time, this had context

 

[HBergeron]

Interesting idea for a thread - 'playerism' is most certainly a gender-neutral, equal opportunity passtime.

I no longer believe in monogamy in 'real' life, so I sure as hell don't believe in it here. The idea of flirting, carrying on with sexy talk and all that, is fun, but (AND THIS IS MY OWN OPINION, OKAY?) the whole Cyber thing about SOs, one-and-onlies, GF, BF whatever, is just patently absurd.

If you get to know somebody here, and use that chemistry to actually meet in person and something develops, that's when it gets real, and only then - the rest is daydreams.

 

[done_got_old]

Interesting idea for a thread - 'playerism' is most certainly a gender-neutral, equal opportunity passtime.

I no longer believe in monogamy in 'real' life, so I sure as hell don't believe in it here. The idea of flirting, carrying on with sexy talk and all that, is fun, but (AND THIS IS MY OWN OPINION, OKAY?) the whole Cyber thing about SOs, one-and-onlies, GF, BF whatever, is just patently absurd.

If you get to know somebody here, and use that chemistry to actually meet in person and something develops, that's when it gets real, and only then - the rest is daydreams.

Very well put.

A few years ago, a woman on Lit accused me of being disrespectful to her online BF. I didn't know her boyfriend and wasn't in the market for an online BF when I had a real one at home. As in real life, there are crazies here. (including me)

 

[AnalCreampieGiver]

Interesting idea for a thread - 'playerism' is most certainly a gender-neutral, equal opportunity passtime.

I no longer believe in monogamy in 'real' life, so I sure as hell don't believe in it here. The idea of flirting, carrying on with sexy talk and all that, is fun, but (AND THIS IS MY OWN OPINION, OKAY?) the whole Cyber thing about SOs, one-and-onlies, GF, BF whatever, is just patently absurd.

If you get to know somebody here, and use that chemistry to actually meet in person and something develops, that's when it gets real, and only then - the rest is daydreams.

I second this.