Litiquette

[Aquagal]

I was serious.

 

[perkyT]

*snort*

 

[ChainedUp]

Life coach , doesn't that equate to parenting for a full grown adult capable of making good decisions but wants someone else to tell them what to do.

 

[KalIsBack]

Life coach , doesn't that equate to parenting for a full grown adult capable of making good decisions but wants someone else to tell them what to do.

In one word? No.

Sometimes you lose the ability to discern between what you want and what you need. You lose your sense of direction, your sense of conviction. Everyone needs help at some time or another. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of older people went through mid-life crises at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean they wanted someone else to tell them what to do. They just got a little bit lost, and that's where a life coach would come in, to help put them back on track. It's not parenting.

 

[Aquagal]

Life coach , doesn't that equate to parenting for a full grown adult capable of making good decisions but wants someone else to tell them what to do.

Yes..

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

In one word? No.

Sometimes you lose the ability to discern between what you want and what you need. You lose your sense of direction, your sense of conviction. Everyone needs help at some time or another. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of older people went through mid-life crises at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean they wanted someone else to tell them what to do. They just got a little bit lost, and that's where a life coach would come in, to help put them back on track. It's not parenting.

There are a lot of people who see helping someone who is foolish as a worthless endeavor Kal. I am not one of them, but there are many who feel that way.

 

[KalIsBack]

There are a lot of people who see helping someone who is foolish as a worthless endeavor Kal. I am not one of them, but there are many who feel that way.

And I challenge anyone here to tell me honestly that they've never been foolish, and never had someone set them back on track.

 

[NotHisLady]

And I challenge anyone here to tell me honestly that they've never been foolish, and never had someone set them back on track.

Isn't that what my therapist is for?

 

[AbsintheFather]

- - - - -

 

[KalIsBack]

Isn't that what my therapist is for?

What's the difference? Doesn't your therapist give you advice? Listen to your problems?

 

[NotHisLady]

What's the difference? Doesn't your therapist give you advice? Listen to your problems?

she doesn't ever tell me how to solve them though
I tell her what's bothering me and she asks me the right questions until I figure out the answer myself--teaches me to do that on my own.
It isn't as easy as someone making suggestions or leading me.
The process is much more difficult but in the more worthwhile IMO

 

[KalIsBack]

The original question... If I were to meet someone? I'd have an extensive Q&A session beforehand, to answer any questions she might have. Everything out in the open. No holds barred. And then when we meet, she can compare her knowledge with her expectations. We'd probably start out with coffee and end up in bed by the next hour. And then get around to all the other intermediate things later.

 

[KalIsBack]

she doesn't ever tell me how to solve them though
I tell her what's bothering me and she asks me the right questions until I figure out the answer myself--teaches me to do that on my own.
It isn't as easy as someone making suggestions or leading me.
The process is much more difficult but in the more worthwhile IMO

Mhm. But is there any fundamental difference? They give you the solution to your problems, whether they help you to formulate a plan or give you tools to apply in every day life or let you ramble until you figure it out yourself, they're still giving you the solution to your problems. They're there to help you.

 

[ChainedUp]

For the record, I'm in support of helping people that need it and supporting those that provide said help.

My comment is in reference to what I perceive as an overall softening of society. There once was a day when we needed guidance we sought out a spouse, a partner, a couple friends and you bounced things off of them and they would tell you what they thought. This was also back in the day when friends were more, how can I say, true. Back when a friend told you what you they thought especially if they thought you were making a poor decision. Then once you made your choice, they backed you 100%. That's rare these days.

Life isn't easy, and it's rarely black and white but I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that has the confidence to make a decision, if it's wrong, change course and move on.

Sometimes I really believe we make life out to be harder than it really is.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

Sorry I shoulda answered the question myself, to keep the thread on track.

I HAVE met people from Lit. The first was unfortunately a married woman that I ended up having an affair with. VERY short lived. We were both lonely. I was single at the time and broke it off when I just couldn't take being the other man.

The second was a girl who really was like two different people. Online she was very flirty and sexy and outgoing, but when we met, she became like a shy little girl, barely speaking or looking at me. We were in a group setting, so it wasn't even like she had to meet me alone. It was strange to me.

The third person is my current GF of 4 years. We live together and basically we met because I needed a place to live. That was a gamble for both of us, we met for the first time at a bus station. Its worked out, but it was daunting.

I guess if I ever met anyone again, it would be in public, with lots of exchange of information beforehand.

 

[KalIsBack]

For the record, I'm in support of helping people that need it and supporting those that provide said help.

My comment is in reference to what I perceive as an overall softening of society. There once was a day when we needed guidance we sought out a spouse, a partner, a couple friends and you bounced things off of them and they would tell you what they thought. This was also back in the day when friends were more, how can I say, true. Back when a friend told you what you they thought especially if they thought you were making a poor decision. Then once you made your choice, they backed you 100%. That's rare these days.

Life isn't easy, and it's rarely black and white but I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that has the confidence to make a decision, if it's wrong, change course and move on.

Sometimes I really believe we make life out to be harder than it really is.

Oh, there's no doubt about that. We've gotten soft. Lost an edge. I don't know why or how, but it's a societal shift that we've not undone yet, if we ever will. I think we're so worried about offending people nowadays to be honest....

At any rate.

I do the same thing, for the most part. Wrong is wrong, learn your lesson, try not to do it again. I think lots of times when people make mistakes, they're too busy fretting about the consequences and the mistake itself to ever get past it. Living life with few to no regrets is probably the way to live, even if it's difficult to do. It lets you be honest with yourself, with the people around you.

 

[Aquagal]

Mhm. But is there any fundamental difference? They give you the solution to your problems, whether they help you to formulate a plan or give you tools to apply in every day life or let you ramble until you figure it out yourself, they're still giving you the solution to your problems. They're there to help you.

I see that as a huge difference. Figuring out where you got sidetracked rather than someone telling you where you where you went wrong.

Okay, I'm off to see the wizard.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

For the record, I'm in support of helping people that need it and supporting those that provide said help.

My comment is in reference to what I perceive as an overall softening of society. There once was a day when we needed guidance we sought out a spouse, a partner, a couple friends and you bounced things off of them and they would tell you what they thought. This was also back in the day when friends were more, how can I say, true. Back when a friend told you what you they thought especially if they thought you were making a poor decision. Then once you made your choice, they backed you 100%. That's rare these days.

Life isn't easy, and it's rarely black and white but I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that has the confidence to make a decision, if it's wrong, change course and move on.

Sometimes I really believe we make life out to be harder than it really is.

I dont see our society as getting softer Chain. It's getting harder. Meaner, and colder. We are now taught that kindness is duplicity and compassion is weakness. We are taught that competition is the most sacred of things in life and that winning is everything. This despite the complete obliteration of the value of winning , by giving awards for merely attending. We are a society of burgeoning sociopaths. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the fastest growing mental illnesses in the WORLD.

 

[KalIsBack]

I see that as a huge difference. Figuring out where you got sidetracked rather than someone telling you where you where you went wrong.

Okay, I'm off to see the wizard.

Are you one of those people that doesn't like asking for directions when you're lost?

Mid-life crises probably entail doing a lot of stupid, reckless, utter shit because you've gotten sidetracked.

Okay. Analogy. I love analogies. It's like playing Frogger. Remember that? Say you're poor little Frogger, all alone in the middle of the river on a rock, with rafts and turtles and alligators all around you, and you have no bloody clue as to what you should do. The only difference between a life coach and a therapist would be that a life coach takes your hand (erm... whatever appendage Frogger has) and guides you to a safe shore. A therapist would say 'where do you think you need to jump?' and takes you through the whole process of elimination until you finally figure out how to get out of the muck.

Fundamentally, I don't see any real difference. You've got someone helping you, and isn't that what matters?

 

[may_I_please]

I think our society is getting split: between the haves and the never-hads. Segments of society existing in an underbelly of poverty. Generations growing up with a what's in it it for me mentality that isn't corrected by parental influences and barely addressed by society. Limited funding to deal with children getting lost to crime, gangs, drugs.

Life-coaching is for the middle classes IMO.

 

[perkyT]

Sometimes I really believe we make life out to be harder than it really is.

Truth.

I dont see our society as getting softer Chain. It's getting harder. Meaner, and colder. We are now taught that kindness is duplicity and compassion is weakness. We are taught that competition is the most sacred of things in life and that winning is everything. This despite the complete obliteration of the value of winning , by giving awards for merely attending. We are a society of burgeoning sociopaths. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the fastest growing mental illnesses in the WORLD.

MrBlack. I am so sad that you see the world this way. Compassion & kindness are major in my world.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I think our society is getting split: between the haves and the never-hads. Segments of society existing in an underbelly of poverty. Generations growing up with a what's in it it for me mentality that isn't corrected by parental influences and barely addressed by society. Limited funding to deal with children getting lost to crime, gangs, drugs.

Life-coaching is for the middle classes IMO.

I would agree with you if White Collar crime were not the fastest growing time of crime in america. And it is almost exclusively perpetrated by the middle and upper class. The criminal mentality is not solely a product of poverty.

 

[Thandi]

Compassion & kindness are major in my world.

Mine too. I was called yesterday, by 4 separate people, one of the most compassionate people that they had ever met.
To me, that should be ingrained in everyone.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

Truth.




MrBlack. I am so sad that you see the world this way. Compassion & kindness are major in my world.

Oh no no no no. That was not what I meant. I value compassion and kindness and honor and integrity and all those 'old fashioned' things. But my generation (was born in '83) WAS basically taught that soft means weak. We were taught that life is a game with the goal of getting ahead and only players win.

 

[Paul_Chance]

They primarily differ in the subject matter, though there is some overlap at the edges. I have a life coach, from whom I buy a couple of hours a month, either in person or by telephone. The life coach is someone who can provide me with a.) tools to assist in making decisions regarding my career and professional life and b.) a knowledge sounding board for ideas I might have.

I have a nice circle of friends who are rich with wisdom and advice, so why have a life coach? Specialization. Only one of my friends works in the same field as I do and she's in a different part of the process - so, which she has valuable insight, her knowledge of what I do is limited. My life coach specializes in supporting people in my line of work (I am a consult who works on the planning and implementation side of major software projects for large private or public entities). As such, he has access to a tremendous amount of experience (his other clients), data (his education and training), and information (subscriptions to the appropriate libraries of white pages, articles, etc.). If I run into something that is at the edges of my experience, he can give me vital guidance. Additionally, he helps me stay on my personal professional track (it is easy to get sidetracked) which allows me to build my career.

Same reason I have a therapist - different specialization though. I have a therapist for dealing with the influence of PTSD on my life, through her specialization, I am in a very good place, years later, with minimal influence from the demons of a misspent youth.

Most of my friends do not have a relationship with either a therapist or a life coach. Some of them are doing fine. Some of them are trapped in their own personal hells and could use a therapist. Some them are stuck in jobs they hate and could use a life coach. It's all about buying specialized knowledge to me. If you are contemplating therapy or a life coach, personally, I would recommend it. In the same way I would recommend a spiritual counselor (in my case, my confessor), a tax professional, or a personal stylist (if appearance matters to you). In our complex world it is simply impossible for person to possess all of the specialized value available to them.