Svenskaflicka
Fountain
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2002
- Posts
- 16,142
Tatelou said:
You DO want to survive December, don't you..?
You DO want to survive December, don't you..?
G
Guest
Guest
Svenskaflicka wrote:
destinie21
Daddy's Brat
- Joined
- May 27, 2003
- Posts
- 3,612
I've been working like mad on my nano piece but I'm wondering if the dialouge is a to confusing,To me the issues discussed are a part of my life and therefore familiar but I need to know if maybe it's too "Deep" into the issue for the readership to"get". I see that I'm talking in nonsensical circles so here's an excerpt.
Not only did she write her opinions in published books boldly proclaiming them in black ink on ivory pages with her name on the cover, she also lived breathed and spoke those opinions. Anyone who came in our house ready to make a sly comment or provoke mama got a piece of her mind. With mama a piece of her mind meant long drawn out debates. The language of my childhood became filled with political and civil rights terms. One night when my parents were having a get together I snuck out of my room and sat at the top of the stairs to listen.
I was convinced from all the laughing and noise that they were making that they were having the time of their lives down there. There was enough cigarette smoke wafting up to the ceiling to make the room look like it was covered in light fog. From where I sat I could see the back of mama’s head she had her arm stretched out over the back of the sofa with a lit cigarette in her hand and a light brown drink in the other. For a moment I was worried that she would burn the sofa but then she sat forward and laid her cigarette in one of the grooves of the glass ashtray. She relaxed again as a red skinned black man with dreads began speaking as if the middle of a conversation.
“What about Marcus Garvey’s back to Africa movement Regina that’s what we should be reviving instead of staying in a country that don’t hardly want us. Look at what happened to Sistah Assata Shakur and that started in 73. Or that boy Yusef Hawkins that just happened in last year, folks is still being lynched and jailed and you're acting like everything is fine.”
73 sounded plenty ancient to me but that was only because I hadn’t even been born until nine years later. 89 had only been a year ago but still I had never heard of the people he was talking about.
Mama sipped her drink and rested it on the table before speaking I didn’t understand what mocking entailed at the age of nine but had I known that’s the word I would have used for her tone.
“Well my brotha the movement that Marcus Garvey started was misguided, not to mention that it began nearly three-quarters of a century ago so it’s outdated too. Besides that Africa doesn’t want us, hell they don’t even want the black folks they got, and you know what else Greg it’s not just the whites who don’t want us there it’s the black folks too. I’ll tell you what else Africa is a beautiful place, and a desolate place, and a place I’ve been but I would never want to live there. What happened to Assata in 73 and Yusef in 89 is a travesty but you‘re a damn fool if you think Africa is any better. For god sakes look at Nelson Mandela, and you know with them trying to break down the apartheid there’s black men and woman dying every day of hate crimes. 99 percent of them aint even the making the paper. The grass on the other side is not any greener in fact it’s fucking dead.”
The man sucked his teeth and made a face as though mama’s words had disgusted him
“It’s people like you who hold up the black race.”
Mama laughed out loud at that
“First of all lets not point fingers Greg. Because if we do I might say something I should regret, like how it’s people like you who don’t have the knowledge but want to start a revolution, that are more dangerous to the black race than people like me who would rather stay put instead of running to the motherland like some prodigal son. There won’t be any fatted calves or royal robes for us there my brotha just cold resentment. Let me ask you how would we look coming over there like some revolutionaries and demanding our piece of the pie? Aside from that all of south Africa is geared up because of what looks like the fall of apartheid, I may not be completely happy with the situation here but it would be foolish to move into what could potentially be the another Civil war in Africa.
I couldn’t understand what was going on mama’s words sounded right because she spoke them with conviction although her tone still suggested mockery when she called Greg "my brotha" . I couldn’t fathom how just one person could mess up things up for all black people. Before I could grasp what mama had just said the man started talking again this time he was practically screaming, while leaning forward in his seat as if mama and the other’s in the room had suddenly gone deaf.
“No Regina! It’s cowards like you who can’t handle what needs to be done. You’re forever touting that knowledge bit as if you’re better than every black person because you’ve got a degree with your name on it. Come off it and admit that the kind of knowledge you get from institutions and schools is just an excuse to stay out of the struggle a little longer. You hide behind it and you know it, brother Malcolm said by any means necessary.
He sat back in his chair as if he had settled everything. Even with her back turned I could tell by the set of her shoulders and the rigid way she held her body that mama was angry. I felt sorry for poor Greg because mama could cut folks to shreds with her words. When she spoke her tone was clear cold and deceptively calm. When mama was that calm it meant her anger was boiling something fierce and just when you got lulled into comfort she would strike.
“Greg don’t be a jackass. First of all don’t you dare raise your voice to me in my houseand don't call me a coward. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. It’s easy to see my nice house and car and every other tangible item that indicates success and then say my life is easy, and that I took the cowards way out But how the hell do you suppose we got all this? Do you think I didn’t have to struggle and pay dues and scrub toilets and enter houses through the back way to make it where I am today? You think i haven’t been called every thing from a nigger to a jigaboo? Baby I’ve been up to my hairline and struggle and I’m only here now because I fought tooth and nail for everything I have . I had to fight my way into college then prove I was at least twice as smart as those white kids before the professors would even call my name. Even if my hand was the only hand up with an answer ready to pop out of my mouth. You can denounce College all you want, but this is what the blood of our ancestors ran for. You know as well as I do that there were slaves who risked their lives just to learn how to read, and that for too long we were kept uneducated for fear of what we might do with the knowledge. I know Malcolm said by any means necessary but he also said we need education if we plan on going anywhere.”
Greg was silent for a moment then he spoke again
“So once we have the knowledge then what?”
Mama relaxed against the couch again as her anger flowed out of her like a cool breeze. They continued talking long after I crept back into my room I was confused and suddenly worried for the black race but I sort of thought mama had won though I wasn’t sure.
Not only did she write her opinions in published books boldly proclaiming them in black ink on ivory pages with her name on the cover, she also lived breathed and spoke those opinions. Anyone who came in our house ready to make a sly comment or provoke mama got a piece of her mind. With mama a piece of her mind meant long drawn out debates. The language of my childhood became filled with political and civil rights terms. One night when my parents were having a get together I snuck out of my room and sat at the top of the stairs to listen.
I was convinced from all the laughing and noise that they were making that they were having the time of their lives down there. There was enough cigarette smoke wafting up to the ceiling to make the room look like it was covered in light fog. From where I sat I could see the back of mama’s head she had her arm stretched out over the back of the sofa with a lit cigarette in her hand and a light brown drink in the other. For a moment I was worried that she would burn the sofa but then she sat forward and laid her cigarette in one of the grooves of the glass ashtray. She relaxed again as a red skinned black man with dreads began speaking as if the middle of a conversation.
“What about Marcus Garvey’s back to Africa movement Regina that’s what we should be reviving instead of staying in a country that don’t hardly want us. Look at what happened to Sistah Assata Shakur and that started in 73. Or that boy Yusef Hawkins that just happened in last year, folks is still being lynched and jailed and you're acting like everything is fine.”
73 sounded plenty ancient to me but that was only because I hadn’t even been born until nine years later. 89 had only been a year ago but still I had never heard of the people he was talking about.
Mama sipped her drink and rested it on the table before speaking I didn’t understand what mocking entailed at the age of nine but had I known that’s the word I would have used for her tone.
“Well my brotha the movement that Marcus Garvey started was misguided, not to mention that it began nearly three-quarters of a century ago so it’s outdated too. Besides that Africa doesn’t want us, hell they don’t even want the black folks they got, and you know what else Greg it’s not just the whites who don’t want us there it’s the black folks too. I’ll tell you what else Africa is a beautiful place, and a desolate place, and a place I’ve been but I would never want to live there. What happened to Assata in 73 and Yusef in 89 is a travesty but you‘re a damn fool if you think Africa is any better. For god sakes look at Nelson Mandela, and you know with them trying to break down the apartheid there’s black men and woman dying every day of hate crimes. 99 percent of them aint even the making the paper. The grass on the other side is not any greener in fact it’s fucking dead.”
The man sucked his teeth and made a face as though mama’s words had disgusted him
“It’s people like you who hold up the black race.”
Mama laughed out loud at that
“First of all lets not point fingers Greg. Because if we do I might say something I should regret, like how it’s people like you who don’t have the knowledge but want to start a revolution, that are more dangerous to the black race than people like me who would rather stay put instead of running to the motherland like some prodigal son. There won’t be any fatted calves or royal robes for us there my brotha just cold resentment. Let me ask you how would we look coming over there like some revolutionaries and demanding our piece of the pie? Aside from that all of south Africa is geared up because of what looks like the fall of apartheid, I may not be completely happy with the situation here but it would be foolish to move into what could potentially be the another Civil war in Africa.
I couldn’t understand what was going on mama’s words sounded right because she spoke them with conviction although her tone still suggested mockery when she called Greg "my brotha" . I couldn’t fathom how just one person could mess up things up for all black people. Before I could grasp what mama had just said the man started talking again this time he was practically screaming, while leaning forward in his seat as if mama and the other’s in the room had suddenly gone deaf.
“No Regina! It’s cowards like you who can’t handle what needs to be done. You’re forever touting that knowledge bit as if you’re better than every black person because you’ve got a degree with your name on it. Come off it and admit that the kind of knowledge you get from institutions and schools is just an excuse to stay out of the struggle a little longer. You hide behind it and you know it, brother Malcolm said by any means necessary.
He sat back in his chair as if he had settled everything. Even with her back turned I could tell by the set of her shoulders and the rigid way she held her body that mama was angry. I felt sorry for poor Greg because mama could cut folks to shreds with her words. When she spoke her tone was clear cold and deceptively calm. When mama was that calm it meant her anger was boiling something fierce and just when you got lulled into comfort she would strike.
“Greg don’t be a jackass. First of all don’t you dare raise your voice to me in my houseand don't call me a coward. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. It’s easy to see my nice house and car and every other tangible item that indicates success and then say my life is easy, and that I took the cowards way out But how the hell do you suppose we got all this? Do you think I didn’t have to struggle and pay dues and scrub toilets and enter houses through the back way to make it where I am today? You think i haven’t been called every thing from a nigger to a jigaboo? Baby I’ve been up to my hairline and struggle and I’m only here now because I fought tooth and nail for everything I have . I had to fight my way into college then prove I was at least twice as smart as those white kids before the professors would even call my name. Even if my hand was the only hand up with an answer ready to pop out of my mouth. You can denounce College all you want, but this is what the blood of our ancestors ran for. You know as well as I do that there were slaves who risked their lives just to learn how to read, and that for too long we were kept uneducated for fear of what we might do with the knowledge. I know Malcolm said by any means necessary but he also said we need education if we plan on going anywhere.”
Greg was silent for a moment then he spoke again
“So once we have the knowledge then what?”
Mama relaxed against the couch again as her anger flowed out of her like a cool breeze. They continued talking long after I crept back into my room I was confused and suddenly worried for the black race but I sort of thought mama had won though I wasn’t sure.
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G
Guest
Guest
Dest, I got it just fine, but then I know all the refs. and names and I'm an extraordinary reader if I do say so myself. Do NOT dumb down. Keep it up, it's very fine work, woman.
Perdita
Perdita
Svenskaflicka
Fountain
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2002
- Posts
- 16,142
OK, Perdy, I'll go and write.
*sigh*
Thank you, -ita! I need a whip over my head.
Not that that means the same thing on THIS site...
*sigh*
Thank you, -ita! I need a whip over my head.
Not that that means the same thing on THIS site...
BardsLady
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 30, 2003
- Posts
- 255
Okay, Here's the next excerpt from my book. This time, Terri, and her sometime boss and longtime friend, Stephanie Grant, are in the jaccuzzi. Terri has just unloaded the whole... well, most of the whole, story about what happened:
Two hours later, Steph was looking a tad bit dazed and confused. I gave her the entire story with a single omission. I was NOT, repeat Not going to tell her that my step-father was Yakuza. I figured that that was one thing that needed to be kept quiet. For both our sakes. If I knew anything about crime organizations, it’s they dont like being outed by a photographer. I may hate my dad, but hey, he taught me things that made my life as a photographer go a bit smoother.
When I ended the story, I sighed, “And now you know what I know. The photos are up on the cubbard when you get done soaking.”
She nodded, “Terri, you’ve got yourself into a deep hole and it’s getting deeper by the moment. Whatever you’ve got, girl, you find a way to get rid of it and fast.”
I stared long and hard at the bottle in my hand. “If I knew what the hell it was, I’d have destroyed it long ago. But it seems that I’m stuck with them until I figure it out.” I drained the second bottle. “Now, you don’t seem to be freaking over the ghost and goddess thing. Care to share?”
She actually had the grace to blush. “Well, to spill the beans, so to speak. I see ghosts all the time.” She ran a hand through her brown hair that had a touch of silver at the temples. “Not many people know about the other side of my life. I try to keep it quiet because I dont want to be known as a freak.”
I nodded. “And the Goddess end?”
She chuckles. “I am what is known as a Pagan, Terri. I’m a Solitary ecclectic. I worship the Goddess. Your Amaterasu seems to be just another manifestation of the Mother.” she smiles. “If she talkes to you, then you’re more in goods with her than I am with mine.”
She waved a hand at the medallion I still wore around my neck. “The fact alone that She allowed Sara Ashi to give you that is proof enough.”
I smiled and caressed the small medallion. As my thumb ran across the japanese characters etched on the back, a tingle went through my fingertips as the image of the man I knew as Markus swam through my head. I mentally studied his face. That naturally salt and pepper hair along with those liquid amber eyes of his made fire run through my veins.
“TERRI!” came the loud voice. So loud, in fact, I jumped, splashing warm water everywhere. It was Stephany.
I looked over at her, “What? What??”
She chuckled. “You looked so strange with that moonstruck look on your face.” she had a gleam in her eye, “Met someone finally, have we?”
I blushed, I couldn’t help it. “Will you quit looking like a cat who just got the bowl of cream?” I grumbled and ducked under the water to get control of my face. Resurfacing, I looked at her out of my right eye, “You know I’ve never had any serious form of a love life before. Hell, everytime I thought I had found Mr. Right, Dad always found a reason for him being Mr. Wrong.” Yes, I sounded resentful. Because it was true.
She grinned and leaned forward eagerly. “That wasn’t exactly a NO, I heard. So tell me, tell me everything. “
Shaking my head, “Oh no you dont. I’m not telling because there’s nothing to tell!” I pointed to the envelope. “Check those out and see if they’re usable for your photo spread. I know Cosar’s dead and all that, but maybe there’s something you guys can use as a Life and Times thing about Cosar.”
I could tell she wanted to press the issue, but her curiosity got the better of her. She climbed out of the water, toweled off, then donned one of the robes. “I trust you to be thorough in your work, Terri.” she said as she opened the envelope to remove the stack of photos.
I smiled and closed my eye, relaxing back into the water. “Oh, so that’s the reason why my name is always at the top of your autodial list. Don’t deny it. When your regular shutterbugs freak out at the eggshell walking, I’m the one you turn to.” I smiled and put a hand over my heart. “And here I thought you just liked me for my good looks.”
Retaliation came in the form of an ice cube dropped onto my chest, causing me to gasp at the cool fluid rapidly melting on my overheated skin. “Behave yourself, woman.” she laughed at the reaction.
What most people dont know is that Stephany is a closet lesbian. In her line of work, there’s still that social frowning on same sex relationships. Who knew? She’s found a way around it by arranging `business meetings’ with her partner. Who is also an executive of a different company.
I’m the only one who could get away with teasing her about her lifestyle. Being straight, I was her confidant, her sounding board, things that.When I first met her, I was doing an architectural shoot for another company and I wanted to get some pictures of her office building. She made a comment that she just had to get me hooked up with someone. I was too beautiful to be single. And the fun never stopped from there.
I looked up at her and wiped the sweat out of my eye. She was giving me the look. “What?” I asked, “What’s wrong with the pictures?”
“Nothing,” she said, “Just that the negatives and the other pictures are missing.”
I sighed, “Sorry Steph. The negatived and the cd disk stay with me for the time being. Call it a hunch but I’m going to need them as insurance to keep my butt safe.”
She sighed, “When has your butt ever been safe?” she asked. “Okay, I can use these, tho.” she smiled. “Your paycheck will be in the bank tomorrow. Now, I have to get home and get some rest. That and ask the Goddess for advice on how to get you attatched.”
I shooed her out the door. “Always the flirt! Get going or Rachel will be mad at you!” I warned in a light hearted voice. “Lock the door when you leave. I’m going to be in this boiling pot for a little while longer.”
She waved and headed back in the house. Moments later, the door clicked closed, then the dock gate slammed shut with it’s usual thunk. By this time it was pretty dark outside, but I could still see her as a shadow, making her way up the dock. Then she was lost amongst the rest of the boats in the marina.
I smiled at the empty air above my head, “Thank you, Amaterasu. I needed to unload on someone. Steph was a good choice, I just hope she stays safe. I have an idea that this is going to get nasty soon.”
An ethereal voice said, with amusement, “You don’t know the half of it.” a chuckle came as the outline of a beautiful asian woman formed out of the steam. “But don’t turn down allies. Trust your instincts. If all else fails, pray? You know I will answer you.” she winked, then disappeared.
I leaned back to rest my head on the lip of the jacuzzi and closed my eye once again. I reached back for the bucket of ice and grabbed a chunk, running it over my face. In my minds’ eye, I saw Markus again. Only this time, my body reacted. Just his amber gaze was enough for my lower regions to start tightening and liquid fire racing through my system.
This time, I was alone, I indulged in a slight fantasy, while I ran the ice over my body. Instead my hand that directed the ice, it was Markus. In my imagination, his hands dropped below the waterline while his lips caressed my neck from behind. I moaned out loud as his teeth lightly nibbled the pulse point just below my earlobe.
I squirmed as I turned my head to capture his lips with my own. He groaned into my mouth as I nibbled his lower lip and explored that sensual mouth of his. Meanwhile his fingers were at the junction of my legs and were slowly, agonizingly, teasing their way nearer to the inner folds of pleasure. His other hand came up to cup one of my breasts and pinch the nipple, not enough to truly hurt, but enough to send pins and needles of pure pleasure shooting downwards.
As Markus deepened the kiss, his fingers found their mark It had been too long since I’d even thought about going out with a man, much less having an erotic evening with them. That touch sent me soaring to the coulds in mind blowing orgasm. It was only then, as the pleasure became delicious aftershocks, that I opened my eyes to discover that I was alone. It was my own hands that had been doing what I thought Markus had done.
I said a heartfelt, “DAMN!” to the enclosed walls of the deck and got out of the water. I couldn’t believe that I had just had one of the best times of my life over a man that I had met just once!
I was still grumbling as I stepped back into the shower and cooled my body with lukewarm water. Minutes later, I was safely ensconced into bed. The moment my head touched the pillow, the events of the past two days caught up with me and I fell into oblivion with only a sigh to mark my passage.
Two hours later, Steph was looking a tad bit dazed and confused. I gave her the entire story with a single omission. I was NOT, repeat Not going to tell her that my step-father was Yakuza. I figured that that was one thing that needed to be kept quiet. For both our sakes. If I knew anything about crime organizations, it’s they dont like being outed by a photographer. I may hate my dad, but hey, he taught me things that made my life as a photographer go a bit smoother.
When I ended the story, I sighed, “And now you know what I know. The photos are up on the cubbard when you get done soaking.”
She nodded, “Terri, you’ve got yourself into a deep hole and it’s getting deeper by the moment. Whatever you’ve got, girl, you find a way to get rid of it and fast.”
I stared long and hard at the bottle in my hand. “If I knew what the hell it was, I’d have destroyed it long ago. But it seems that I’m stuck with them until I figure it out.” I drained the second bottle. “Now, you don’t seem to be freaking over the ghost and goddess thing. Care to share?”
She actually had the grace to blush. “Well, to spill the beans, so to speak. I see ghosts all the time.” She ran a hand through her brown hair that had a touch of silver at the temples. “Not many people know about the other side of my life. I try to keep it quiet because I dont want to be known as a freak.”
I nodded. “And the Goddess end?”
She chuckles. “I am what is known as a Pagan, Terri. I’m a Solitary ecclectic. I worship the Goddess. Your Amaterasu seems to be just another manifestation of the Mother.” she smiles. “If she talkes to you, then you’re more in goods with her than I am with mine.”
She waved a hand at the medallion I still wore around my neck. “The fact alone that She allowed Sara Ashi to give you that is proof enough.”
I smiled and caressed the small medallion. As my thumb ran across the japanese characters etched on the back, a tingle went through my fingertips as the image of the man I knew as Markus swam through my head. I mentally studied his face. That naturally salt and pepper hair along with those liquid amber eyes of his made fire run through my veins.
“TERRI!” came the loud voice. So loud, in fact, I jumped, splashing warm water everywhere. It was Stephany.
I looked over at her, “What? What??”
She chuckled. “You looked so strange with that moonstruck look on your face.” she had a gleam in her eye, “Met someone finally, have we?”
I blushed, I couldn’t help it. “Will you quit looking like a cat who just got the bowl of cream?” I grumbled and ducked under the water to get control of my face. Resurfacing, I looked at her out of my right eye, “You know I’ve never had any serious form of a love life before. Hell, everytime I thought I had found Mr. Right, Dad always found a reason for him being Mr. Wrong.” Yes, I sounded resentful. Because it was true.
She grinned and leaned forward eagerly. “That wasn’t exactly a NO, I heard. So tell me, tell me everything. “
Shaking my head, “Oh no you dont. I’m not telling because there’s nothing to tell!” I pointed to the envelope. “Check those out and see if they’re usable for your photo spread. I know Cosar’s dead and all that, but maybe there’s something you guys can use as a Life and Times thing about Cosar.”
I could tell she wanted to press the issue, but her curiosity got the better of her. She climbed out of the water, toweled off, then donned one of the robes. “I trust you to be thorough in your work, Terri.” she said as she opened the envelope to remove the stack of photos.
I smiled and closed my eye, relaxing back into the water. “Oh, so that’s the reason why my name is always at the top of your autodial list. Don’t deny it. When your regular shutterbugs freak out at the eggshell walking, I’m the one you turn to.” I smiled and put a hand over my heart. “And here I thought you just liked me for my good looks.”
Retaliation came in the form of an ice cube dropped onto my chest, causing me to gasp at the cool fluid rapidly melting on my overheated skin. “Behave yourself, woman.” she laughed at the reaction.
What most people dont know is that Stephany is a closet lesbian. In her line of work, there’s still that social frowning on same sex relationships. Who knew? She’s found a way around it by arranging `business meetings’ with her partner. Who is also an executive of a different company.
I’m the only one who could get away with teasing her about her lifestyle. Being straight, I was her confidant, her sounding board, things that.When I first met her, I was doing an architectural shoot for another company and I wanted to get some pictures of her office building. She made a comment that she just had to get me hooked up with someone. I was too beautiful to be single. And the fun never stopped from there.
I looked up at her and wiped the sweat out of my eye. She was giving me the look. “What?” I asked, “What’s wrong with the pictures?”
“Nothing,” she said, “Just that the negatives and the other pictures are missing.”
I sighed, “Sorry Steph. The negatived and the cd disk stay with me for the time being. Call it a hunch but I’m going to need them as insurance to keep my butt safe.”
She sighed, “When has your butt ever been safe?” she asked. “Okay, I can use these, tho.” she smiled. “Your paycheck will be in the bank tomorrow. Now, I have to get home and get some rest. That and ask the Goddess for advice on how to get you attatched.”
I shooed her out the door. “Always the flirt! Get going or Rachel will be mad at you!” I warned in a light hearted voice. “Lock the door when you leave. I’m going to be in this boiling pot for a little while longer.”
She waved and headed back in the house. Moments later, the door clicked closed, then the dock gate slammed shut with it’s usual thunk. By this time it was pretty dark outside, but I could still see her as a shadow, making her way up the dock. Then she was lost amongst the rest of the boats in the marina.
I smiled at the empty air above my head, “Thank you, Amaterasu. I needed to unload on someone. Steph was a good choice, I just hope she stays safe. I have an idea that this is going to get nasty soon.”
An ethereal voice said, with amusement, “You don’t know the half of it.” a chuckle came as the outline of a beautiful asian woman formed out of the steam. “But don’t turn down allies. Trust your instincts. If all else fails, pray? You know I will answer you.” she winked, then disappeared.
I leaned back to rest my head on the lip of the jacuzzi and closed my eye once again. I reached back for the bucket of ice and grabbed a chunk, running it over my face. In my minds’ eye, I saw Markus again. Only this time, my body reacted. Just his amber gaze was enough for my lower regions to start tightening and liquid fire racing through my system.
This time, I was alone, I indulged in a slight fantasy, while I ran the ice over my body. Instead my hand that directed the ice, it was Markus. In my imagination, his hands dropped below the waterline while his lips caressed my neck from behind. I moaned out loud as his teeth lightly nibbled the pulse point just below my earlobe.
I squirmed as I turned my head to capture his lips with my own. He groaned into my mouth as I nibbled his lower lip and explored that sensual mouth of his. Meanwhile his fingers were at the junction of my legs and were slowly, agonizingly, teasing their way nearer to the inner folds of pleasure. His other hand came up to cup one of my breasts and pinch the nipple, not enough to truly hurt, but enough to send pins and needles of pure pleasure shooting downwards.
As Markus deepened the kiss, his fingers found their mark It had been too long since I’d even thought about going out with a man, much less having an erotic evening with them. That touch sent me soaring to the coulds in mind blowing orgasm. It was only then, as the pleasure became delicious aftershocks, that I opened my eyes to discover that I was alone. It was my own hands that had been doing what I thought Markus had done.
I said a heartfelt, “DAMN!” to the enclosed walls of the deck and got out of the water. I couldn’t believe that I had just had one of the best times of my life over a man that I had met just once!
I was still grumbling as I stepped back into the shower and cooled my body with lukewarm water. Minutes later, I was safely ensconced into bed. The moment my head touched the pillow, the events of the past two days caught up with me and I fell into oblivion with only a sigh to mark my passage.
Thank you Perdita and Lauren, your encouraging comments are just what I needed. 
I have managed about 2k today so I think I'm back in the groove.
I haven't had time to read other extracts posted but will make time tomorrow.
Feeling on top of the world.
Will's
I have managed about 2k today so I think I'm back in the groove.
I haven't had time to read other extracts posted but will make time tomorrow.
Feeling on top of the world.
Will's
Icingsugar
peas o kayk
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2003
- Posts
- 2,051
Ugh. I wany some of that groove right about now. After a flying start, my brain has been stuck all day. I have only 10k to the 50, and I think I'll manage that without any problem (if push comes to shove I'll poop out something lousy for the word count), but my story needs at least 70 k to be told well, and if my current pace is any indication, I'll reach that due Christmas.Wills said:
/Ice
Icingsugar said:Ugh. I wany some of that groove right about now. After a flying start, my brain has been stuck all day. I have only 10k to the 50, and I think I'll manage that without any problem (if push comes to shove I'll poop out something lousy for the word count), but my story needs at least 70 k to be told well, and if my current pace is any indication, I'll reach that due Christmas.
/Ice
Hi Icingsugar,
Well if Tatelou's feedback about your story is anything to go by there's no way you'll 'poop' out! If it takes 70K of words to tell the story and you finish it around Christmas time that would be one hell of a present to yourself
G
Guest
Guest
Well, I am still behind at 22,171. I was gone pretty much all day yesterday, so I was not able to sit down at the computer at all. I have written a little bit today but not much. Still hoping to knock some more words off before the night's over with.
Icingsugar
peas o kayk
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2003
- Posts
- 2,051
Not complaining really. When I started this I didn't think I could haul myself over 10x in a month, so I have already won big time already.DarkLight said:Hi Icingsugar,
Well if Tatelou's feedback about your story is anything to go by there's no way you'll 'poop' out! If it takes 70K of words to tell the story and you finish it around Christmas time that would be one hell of a present to yourself
But y'know, I'm getting greedy. With 40k of readable novel ready yesterday, my goal has become 75 to 80 k of something that I'd read myself. But damn, it's hard work, and I'm flogging myself here. I really don't want to do that for another month, but I really don't want to leave this unfinished either. Oh, darn...
/Ice
Dingus Guy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2003
- Posts
- 720
Catching up
I've fallen way behind, but not willing to throw the towel in just yet. I've been sick with a double ear infection for the past 2 weeks and it has given me some vertigo. Well, I am finally done with the medicine that has knocked me pretty much out during this time and I am writing again. I have finally passed the 20,000 mark and need to do some bronco busting to finish with my work schedule. Nevertheless, I trek on with high hopes. I wish I had the time to read all your submitted passages, but felt I just didn't have the time to look let alone read them. No offense. I am sure they are all scrumptious reading. I do read your very encouraging words. I would like to thank you all that have pushed the rest of us to continue. I know I would not have done this if it wasn't for this support thread. Thanks Tatelou, especially for your updates. Mine is late but forthcoming.
Keep on keeping on, and I will see you all at the finishing line.
I've fallen way behind, but not willing to throw the towel in just yet. I've been sick with a double ear infection for the past 2 weeks and it has given me some vertigo.
Well, I am finally done with the medicine that has knocked me pretty much out during this time and I am writing again. I have finally passed the 20,000 mark and need to do some bronco busting to finish with my work schedule. Nevertheless, I trek on with high hopes. I wish I had the time to read all your submitted passages, but felt I just didn't have the time to look let alone read them. No offense. I am sure they are all scrumptious reading. I do read your very encouraging words. I would like to thank you all that have pushed the rest of us to continue. I know I would not have done this if it wasn't for this support thread. Thanks Tatelou, especially for your updates. Mine is late but forthcoming. Keep on keeping on, and I will see you all at the finishing line.
wildsweetone
i am what i am
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2002
- Posts
- 6,809
Hi all, sounds like almost everyone is doing great! It's awesome fun and I'm loving the writing.
Sorry Lou, I keep missing your word count deadlines... blaming it on the time zone difference, and the rugby and the teenagers with exams and... never mind you get the picture I'm sure.
I've managed 14,370 on my NaNo project, and I haven't a clue how much writing I've done on other stories. No, I'm not going to combine them all for my word count. I'll just stick with my novel and with a bit of luck I'll have it half finished by Christmas. lol
The main character just arrived. His mother finally gave birth to him, I was beginning to think she'd drag me through nine real months with her eh. It's been an eventful nine months for her though. lol
I hope this thread stays around after NaNo, I'd like to go back when I've time and read everyone's excerpts.
Anyhow, off to write some more. Keep it up everyone! We are doing great!
It's awesome fun and I'm loving the writing. Sorry Lou, I keep missing your word count deadlines... blaming it on the time zone difference, and the rugby and the teenagers with exams and... never mind you get the picture I'm sure.
I've managed 14,370 on my NaNo project, and I haven't a clue how much writing I've done on other stories. No, I'm not going to combine them all for my word count. I'll just stick with my novel and with a bit of luck I'll have it half finished by Christmas. lol
The main character just arrived. His mother finally gave birth to him, I was beginning to think she'd drag me through nine real months with her eh.
It's been an eventful nine months for her though. lolI hope this thread stays around after NaNo, I'd like to go back when I've time and read everyone's excerpts.
Anyhow, off to write some more. Keep it up everyone! We are doing great!
Hi all
I've been reading posted extracts this morning over breakfast, now I've got toast crumbs in the keyboard.
In no particular order:
BardsLady, nice intriguing extract.
D21, unlike P I'm not up to speed with the story background, but what I've read makes me want to read more.
Perdita, just loved you piece about the dead, I hope your going to find a way to let me read the finished story. "caress my calditas" - just love it
Carrie, looks like I'll be reading yours on Lit.
Pops, every time I read an extract it reads like Famous Five for grown ups I'm enjoying.
Lou, don't know how you are keeping it all together and writing so well, post more extracts please.
IS (CM) Nice bit of disarming Now I want to know, does he nail her?
Raph, Your going to post this somewhere, right? I need the whole thing now.
CrimsonM, It's reading really well, just keep going
Doffy, Great Club scene, enjoying the reads.
Amazing range of story's some clearly destined for Lit. I hope there is a way to read some of the others.
Ogg, haven't had time to look at your published output but will def. get round to it.
Will's
I've been reading posted extracts this morning over breakfast, now I've got toast crumbs in the keyboard.
In no particular order:
BardsLady, nice intriguing extract.
D21, unlike P I'm not up to speed with the story background, but what I've read makes me want to read more.
Perdita, just loved you piece about the dead, I hope your going to find a way to let me read the finished story. "caress my calditas" - just love it
Carrie, looks like I'll be reading yours on Lit.
Pops, every time I read an extract it reads like Famous Five for grown ups
I'm enjoying.Lou, don't know how you are keeping it all together and writing so well, post more extracts please.
IS (CM) Nice bit of disarming
Now I want to know, does he nail her? Raph, Your going to post this somewhere, right? I need the whole thing now.
CrimsonM, It's reading really well, just keep going
Doffy, Great Club scene, enjoying the reads.
Amazing range of story's some clearly destined for Lit. I hope there is a way to read some of the others.
Ogg, haven't had time to look at your published output but will def. get round to it.
Will's
wildsweetone said:
Evening everyone
Hi wildsweetone it's great to see you stick with it! I'm rooting for you but whatever your count what you write is great so I'm sure it will be a joy to read.
Wills, I know you asked about an extract. The only two pages I've edited are the first two and that was so I could include it on my profile for the NaNo boards (it's comdey sc-fi). So here it is. I have a reputation for writing some wacky stuff so bear with me and try to think like a madman as you read it!
The General had to crane his neck back and even arch his back to see the summit of the sleek, metallic ship before him. It reminded him of the spaceships in the comics he used to read as a kid.
"You're sure this thing will fly?"
The scientist in his white cloak nodded vigorously, grasping a clip board to his chest.
"Oh yes, we have no doubt it will fly..."
The General turned towards the scientist, expecting him to finish what he had started. Eventually the General got fed up, deciding to prompt the conversation himself.
"But..."
The scientist stood still, staring up at the ship obviously proud of his team's work. Distantly he replied, "But what?"
"I don't know," continued the General, "that's why I'm asking you!"
The scientist turned towards the General and stared blankly at him for a second. You could see the scientist chewing his bottom lip trying to grasp the question. A look of triumph spread across his face and he smiled at the General, revealing his revelation.
The General's shoulders slumped as the scientist responded, "What about what?"
"Stop!" the General screamed back. His eyes bulged from their sockets and his cheeks puffed out. Gradually he started to regain his composure. With a deep breath he continued, "Scientists, whenever they give good news, always, and I mean always do it with a 'but'. In other words what's going to go wrong?"
The scientist glanced back at the ship and decided his shoes were more interesting. Pensively, he stated, "The ship will fly into space. That we do know. We just don't know for certain if it can go faster than the speed of light and once we get it to that speed, how to stop it, and..."
Throughout this statement of honesty the General's bushy eyebrows rose until they appeared as if they would leap of his face and ferociously attack the scientist. The scientist watched the episode, trying to decide if he should be afraid or make note of the phenomenon.
For a few seconds they both stood still facing each other, the sleek star ship towering over them.
"And..." the General squeezed out between gritted teeth.
"Well, we do have one other problem. Minor really so I'm not sure it's even worth a mention."
"Oh? What would this minor problem be?"
Looking back down at his shoes the scientist mulled the question over. He noted he should buy a new pair. Black leather was just too severe for him. He remembered the local shopping centre had a very cosy looking suede pair for sale. The scientist accessed his neural implant studying his to-do list. All he had on there was the testing of the anti-matter drives but that didn't matter. The manufacturer promised the government they would work so that was good enough for him. He decided to delete that job. The to-do list now flashed only one job 'Buy suede shoes (five hours until reminder)'.
The scientist remembered where he was, "Sorry General, did you say something?"
"What is this minor problem?" again through gritted teeth. This time the scientist heard the grinding, making him wince.
"Like I said it's nothing really. We believe everything will work but (and only a small but), we aren't sure how to prove it. You see, this is the problem. If we launch the ship and it works, it will be in Alpha Centauri before you can say blue suede shoes."
"What the hell does blue suede shows got to do with anything?!" screamed the General, "And why can't we prove anything? Won't it shoot across the sky or something?"
"You don't understand General. The ship will accelerate so quickly, I doubt your brain will even recognise the event. It will be gone in the blink of an eye. Oh, and the blue suede shoes thing, is, um, a saying I think."
"So you are telling me we have spent fifty trillion credits over ten years to do a project we can't even prove will work?"
"Yes."
"Shit," concluded the General.
Both turned towards the ship in front of them and admired its sleek silver shape. It was contained in a hanger nearly half a mile high. The roof was currently retracted and sun light glinted off the pointed nose of the ship. Perhaps there is some hope thought the General.
"One last thing," asked the general in a softer voice, "how many of these babies do we have?"
This question seemed to perk the scientist up!
"We have plenty Sir. As of later today we have thirteen on standby. All prepped for launch. We were thinking tomorrow if no-one had much on."
The General nodded in acknowledgement. His thoughts far off, perhaps wishing he would also have a chance one day to reach for the stars.
Would you believe it! Everytime I look at the same two pages I see something else I want to change, add, etc! I dread to think about the typos in the rest of the novel. Unlike Tatelou I'm a very messy typist!
G
Guest
Guest
DL, that is a well written, funny (near subtle, so better) and interesting bit. I am not a sci-fi reader but I would read more of your story. I'm impressed. I'm also stuck .
(Nah, I don't want a pep talk, just let me whinge; I'll get it over it.)
cheers, Perdita
.(Nah, I don't want a pep talk, just let me whinge; I'll get it over it.)
cheers, Perdita
wildsweetone
i am what i am
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2002
- Posts
- 6,809
I knew I shouldn't have come back...
Light,
Thank you! *blushing*
I wasn't going to check in here again today... but yours is the first extract I've read since the month began and I have to say... damn but I'm hooked! lol
I can't wait to read more of your writing!
DarkLight said:
Light,
Thank you! *blushing*
I wasn't going to check in here again today... but yours is the first extract I've read since the month began and I have to say... damn but I'm hooked! lol
I can't wait to read more of your writing!
Thanks for the kind words!
Thank you Perdita and wildsweetone for those encouraging words (which reminds me I have to get back to it in a minute!) Your feedback spurs me on!
Reading everyone's extract has been fun. Seeing all those wonderfully written words, different styles and varied plots in one one thread is astounding!
Light
Thank you Perdita and wildsweetone for those encouraging words (which reminds me I have to get back to it in a minute!) Your feedback spurs me on!
Reading everyone's extract has been fun. Seeing all those wonderfully written words, different styles and varied plots in one one thread is astounding!
Light
BardsLady
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 30, 2003
- Posts
- 255
Thanks, Wills, for the compliment on my exerpt.
Every once in a while I write what I think is a good exerpt. So I sort of copy and paste them. I'm finding my characters are being complex and extraordinary at the moment. I have one loose end that I need to figure out before hte end of the book, tho.
`Lou: Word Count is up to: 25,272
Every once in a while I write what I think is a good exerpt. So I sort of copy and paste them. I'm finding my characters are being complex and extraordinary at the moment. I have one loose end that I need to figure out before hte end of the book, tho.
`Lou: Word Count is up to: 25,272
**** I've just written 2k words about my main charactor's first meeting with the girl and set it around an Easter festival in a Portuguese village completely forgetting that in the story line its July ****, ****
Which bit to change.
Will's
(immensely peeved)
Which bit to change.
Will's
(immensely peeved)
Alex De Kok
Eternal Optimist
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2000
- Posts
- 1,498
Gloom! Gloom! All is gloom!
Well, not quite all. I quite like my telepathic cats.
I haven't posted a second excerpt and I won't be. I'm on a go-slow at the moment and my aliens have turned into cardboard cutouts my granny could see off with a yard broom. December will see them being made meaner!
There are gaping holes in my story and my efforts are getting dangerously close to the end of my original outline with 14k words still to go. I'm still enjoying myself and I will finish it! Then I'll rewrite it . . .
Alex
Well, not quite all. I quite like my telepathic cats.
I haven't posted a second excerpt and I won't be. I'm on a go-slow at the moment and my aliens have turned into cardboard cutouts my granny could see off with a yard broom. December will see them being made meaner!
There are gaping holes in my story and my efforts are getting dangerously close to the end of my original outline with 14k words still to go. I'm still enjoying myself and I will finish it! Then I'll rewrite it . . .
Alex
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
I think that, in Portugal, there are a lot more festivals and a lot more apropriate to meet women in July than during Easter.
G
Guest
Guest
Aye, aye, aye!
Amigas y amigos de Nanolandia:
I am saved. I gave 40 some pages of my novel to my mentor and former English lit. professor. She sent me this email today. I have also decided that it will not matter if I do not get to 50K by Dec. 1. I will try, but it is not my chief goal anymore. I want to finish this draft and then really get to work. Judging by the other ‘novel’ I wrote some ten years ago (and have done nothing with) I will need a few months. They will be happy months. —Perdita
Dear ____,
It is really wonderfully good. I know it will be published and be a great success. You will remember that I left ___'s party early because I had to get up at six the next morning. Alas! I let myself start reading your novel and COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. So I got to bed very late. (specific criticism here) Boy, have you REALLY found your work in life. I am very, very happy for you.
Love, Rose
Amigas y amigos de Nanolandia:
I am saved. I gave 40 some pages of my novel to my mentor and former English lit. professor. She sent me this email today. I have also decided that it will not matter if I do not get to 50K by Dec. 1. I will try, but it is not my chief goal anymore. I want to finish this draft and then really get to work. Judging by the other ‘novel’ I wrote some ten years ago (and have done nothing with) I will need a few months. They will be happy months. —Perdita
Dear ____,
It is really wonderfully good. I know it will be published and be a great success. You will remember that I left ___'s party early because I had to get up at six the next morning. Alas! I let myself start reading your novel and COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. So I got to bed very late. (specific criticism here) Boy, have you REALLY found your work in life. I am very, very happy for you.
Love, Rose
Dear LH
I know! Thing is another important part of the relationship happens at Easter, I got brain stuck in Easter creating a false linkage between an initial meeting and a life changing event.
There is an underlying theme in this 'novel' about the ways in which societies values changed in the last third of 20C, if you like its about how Portugal lost a dictator and found a democracy and how the UK lost democracy and found political dictatorship and the way both cultures adapted to accommodate those changes, so traditional events, like Easter and Xmas become useful frames to paint change. Its an ambitious write which I may never have found the courage to start without NaNo.
Anyway I like the way I wrote up the Easter festival that's why I'm spitting.
Will's (Feeling calmer)
I know! Thing is another important part of the relationship happens at Easter, I got brain stuck in Easter creating a false linkage between an initial meeting and a life changing event.
There is an underlying theme in this 'novel' about the ways in which societies values changed in the last third of 20C, if you like its about how Portugal lost a dictator and found a democracy and how the UK lost democracy and found political dictatorship and the way both cultures adapted to accommodate those changes, so traditional events, like Easter and Xmas become useful frames to paint change. Its an ambitious write which I may never have found the courage to start without NaNo.
Anyway I like the way I wrote up the Easter festival that's why I'm spitting.
Will's (Feeling calmer)
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