Long Distance Relationships

[Darq.Desirez]

Two years, wow! That takes a lot of work, congrats on you two taking it to the next level.

Ty Ebony. We are very much looking forward to this. All I can say is 59 days and counting.

 

[Bandit58]

How do you cope with the loneliness and the despair of waiting for someone........My lover is married and for the moment he's stuck with her, even though the marriage is very rocky. I know he loves me and I will wait for him but sometimes the pain of being apart gets to me and I just get so sad It's been almost 2 months since we were together and he's flat out studying now so we don't get a lot of time to talk. There is a possibility that he will have a job soon which will mean just email contact is left. I am unemployed at the moment but I'm trying to keep busy by going to computer classes and studying by correspondence. It will be at least a year before we can be together.......I keep telling myself that his studies and the job will mean that will happen for us but I get so depressed sometimes when we have so little contact now. I am free to have other liaisons if the chance arises and we're totally open and honest with each other about everything. He's only my second partner ever and I love him so much I just don't know if I can go through with anything sexual with anybody else.......I told him it would seem like a betrayal of him but he doesn't see it that way. He says he doesn't want to tie me to him when he's not free to be with me.....sorry if this sounds muddled but my emotions are all over the place right now

 

[cocktail42]

How do you cope with the loneliness and the despair of waiting for someone........My lover is married and for the moment he's stuck with her, even though the marriage is very rocky. I know he loves me and I will wait for him but sometimes the pain of being apart gets to me and I just get so sad It's been almost 2 months since we were together and he's flat out studying now so we don't get a lot of time to talk. There is a possibility that he will have a job soon which will mean just email contact is left. I am unemployed at the moment but I'm trying to keep busy by going to computer classes and studying by correspondence. It will be at least a year before we can be together.......I keep telling myself that his studies and the job will mean that will happen for us but I get so depressed sometimes when we have so little contact now. I am free to have other liaisons if the chance arises and we're totally open and honest with each other about everything. He's only my second partner ever and I love him so much I just don't know if I can go through with anything sexual with anybody else.......I told him it would seem like a betrayal of him but he doesn't see it that way. He says he doesn't want to tie me to him when he's not free to be with me.....sorry if this sounds muddled but my emotions are all over the place right now

Hello Bandit,
I promised myself that I would not post on Literotica for quite some time if ever again but your post stirred my emotions.
You need to go out and buy a bullet and then you need to bite on it because the rest of what I have to say is hard.
You are inexperienced and your emotions are real - your lover is telling you that your desires will not be answered. I am sorry to say this, at the present time you have been reduced to a tool for his needs - not yours. He may have genuine emotions about you but he is only interested in what he needs. He has a wife so he will not acknowledge you. He needs to study so he does not call you. He is not employed so his world is unstable. When it becomes stable he will stay with the familiar - very likely. You are a transition piece, literally. Be fair to yourself and find someone that at least can provide you with the basics - honesty, attention, acknowledgement and a willingness to deal with your needs as you are willing to deal with his.
I know you will cling to him because it's exciting, present, romantic and a little bit naughty. You feel like you are controlling this relationship - you are deeply in love but don't have to spend the time because he is not available. You demonize his wife but she will have priority - because she has the weapons of legal and economic right; keep in mind he must have liked her at one point, he married her.
Get out by making the only choice you really have - whether to stay or leave. Restore your own humanity and do not allow yourself to be exploited by the selfishness of someone else. He has many problems, they need not and should not be yours.
It will hurt, it will be painful but you will find someone that will make you happier and will be available.

 

[Neftoon_Zamora]

Oh wow.

I've been here, done that. Got that talk, didn't listen. Got deeper, got hurt worse and am licking the wounds now, as we speak.

All situations are different, but I have to say- Cocktail, you hit it on the head. Sometimes LDR's have happy endings. More often than not, they don't. Especially if one or both are married. There is no easy way out of it, no way of getting out with your heart intact. This board seems a great place for venting, crying, and being supported however. It's not the same as a physical hug, but it sure the heck helps sometimes.

Good luck Bandit. Cocktail? Well written. Thank you.

 

[cocktail42]

*

 

[MercyMia]

wow, cocktail and neftoon, wow.

 

[cocktail42]

wow, cocktail and neftoon, wow.

Dear Mercy,
How are we to interpret "wow" - so many referents and only one meaning. I read some of your other posts and I would definitely love to 'talk' to you. Did I read Southeast Asia in your profile? That would be an extreme LDR. Meanwhile I give you a very big and many, many x 10 to the 6th and one for good luck.

 

[MercyMia]

hi cocktail. this should probably be a PM but that might be too forward. i said wow because i loved the plain, unvarnished, hit between the eyes, bit the bullet 200 proof truths in what you and neftoon said.

when you look for the truth with open eyes, it comes from many sources.

yes, i'm in se asia. and many back to you.

please call me
mia

 

[SexyChele]

Hello Bandit,
I promised myself that I would not post on Literotica for quite some time if ever again but your post stirred my emotions.
You need to go out and buy a bullet and then you need to bite on it because the rest of what I have to say is hard.
You are inexperienced and your emotions are real - your lover is telling you that your desires will not be answered. I am sorry to say this, at the present time you have been reduced to a tool for his needs - not yours. He may have genuine emotions about you but he is only interested in what he needs. He has a wife so he will not acknowledge you. He needs to study so he does not call you. He is not employed so his world is unstable. When it becomes stable he will stay with the familiar - very likely. You are a transition piece, literally. Be fair to yourself and find someone that at least can provide you with the basics - honesty, attention, acknowledgement and a willingness to deal with your needs as you are willing to deal with his.
I know you will cling to him because it's exciting, present, romantic and a little bit naughty. You feel like you are controlling this relationship - you are deeply in love but don't have to spend the time because he is not available. You demonize his wife but she will have priority - because she has the weapons of legal and economic right; keep in mind he must have liked her at one point, he married her.
Get out by making the only choice you really have - whether to stay or leave. Restore your own humanity and do not allow yourself to be exploited by the selfishness of someone else. He has many problems, they need not and should not be yours.
It will hurt, it will be painful but you will find someone that will make you happier and will be available.

Damn! Bar none, this is the best freakin' advice I've ever seen anywhere on these boards! Preach it, Cocktail, and I'll say AMEN!

Attempting to get involved with anyone who is married is an emotional booby trap. I don't know much of Bandit's situation, but from what I've read, I've lived it. Wait. Yeah, this line gets old after a while, "Just wait for me, baby, one day I'll be free and all our dreams will come true." That's just what they are - dreams. If it's not the kids, it's the job. If not the job, it's the bills. If not the bills, it's the wife. I think the most telling statement is the fact when a married guy you are fooling around with (and, yes, it IS "fooling around", nothing serious), tells you to go out and get laid cuz he feels bad. Ayup. End of relationship.

Bandit, you are best off listening to the advice above. Go out. Live. Meet people. Enjoy life. If this guy is truly meant to be with you, it'll happen. But don't bet on it, and don't wait for it. He's going to be with his wife until she picks up and files for divorce. Overwhelmingly, it is women who file for divorce, not men. And, of course, if she divorces him, will he come to you? Nope. For some reason, men who get divorced always find some one new to play with.

Get as far away as possible from this guy. He has absolutely nothing to offer you that is yours to take.

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks everyone for your input.....even though it's hard to read

I'm getting out and living my life even though I miss him so much it hurts. Just the other day he did say it's not fair to make me wait while he's stuck 5 hours away from me. He's not making me do anything, he has to get his shit sorted out before I'll even think of being with him, and if it takes a year or more then so be it. I was married to the wrong man for 23 years, so I know when the right one has come along.

Go out. Live. Meet people. Enjoy life. If this guy is truly meant to be with you, it'll happen.

Thanks Chele That's what he wants me to do too, not because he feels guilty, but because he knows that's what I need to do. I hid myself away for a long time, so now I'm going to enjoy myself

 

[cocktail42]

Thanks everyone for your input.....even though it's hard to read

I'm getting out and living my life even though I miss him so much it hurts. Just the other day he did say it's not fair to make me wait while he's stuck 5 hours away from me. He's not making me do anything, he has to get his shit sorted out before I'll even think of being with him, and if it takes a year or more then so be it. I was married to the wrong man for 23 years, so I know when the right one has come along.



Thanks Chele That's what he wants me to do too, not because he feels guilty, but because he knows that's what I need to do. I hid myself away for a long time, so now I'm going to enjoy myself

There is a psychological theory called cognitive dissonance. What it means is that we tend to repeat what we are used to irregardless whether it is good or bad - that the comfort of the familiar supercedes the rationality of finding something better. Keep that in mind when you are making decisions.

 

[cocktail42]

Damn! Bar none, this is the best freakin' advice I've ever seen anywhere on these boards! Preach it, Cocktail, and I'll say AMEN!

Thank you Sexy - I am glowing. Ever fool around with unmarried men.

 

[SexyChele]

Thank you Sexy - I am glowing. Ever fool around with unmarried men.

Hmmm...he gives great advice, he's glowing, and he's not married. Do I fool around? Hell YES!

 

[cocktail42]

Hmmm...he gives great advice, he's glowing, and he's not married. Do I fool around? Hell YES!

The line from "Chicago" (better spoken by Gwen Verdon):
Screwing around is fooling around without dinner.
We definitely must have dinner - where do you like to eat? How do you like to be eat... I meant do you have any preferences?

 

[alwaysawake]

Great stuff...may I get an Amen!, brothers and sisters?? AA

 

[cocktail42]

Great stuff...may I get an Amen!, brothers and sisters?? AA

Hallelujah Brother - and I am an Atheist

 

[tonitits]

LDR 's are hard. I am in my first and so is he. We only have Jenny and Oman to look to for inspriation. It can work, I know ours will. Once we meet and make sure that the chemistry part is there. We have taken the time to become friends and have found out everything about each other and have fallen very deeply in love with each other. I am not saying that it is easy, but it is doable. But then again we are both grown single adults who went into this with our eyes wide open. We did not come here to find our soulmates, but it did happen. There are great men out there. But sorry ladies....this one is mine! And we will be together forever!

 

[Top Cat]

My second LDR worked...

Hi people, I made mistakes in the first LDR I was involved in. I then vowed never to get into another one.
I then met a lady online from Sydney (I'm in Brisbane, about 1000kms or 600 miles) we just wanted some to talk to, who would not judge or try to control eachother. We ended up in love meeting and being very happy.
I have 12 more days until I move down to be with her. We are both very excited and very nervious. It was not lit where we met, just a chat room.

All my best to those involved in or just entering into a LDR. My thoughts are with Oman and Jenny, I will keep in touch and let you all know how things are.

Have fun this weekend, enjoy life,

TC

 

[Top Cat]

Oh, and Amen AA!!

 

[hatara]

Don't have time to read them all and haven't been on in quite a while for personal reasons but HI to everyone!!

Top Cat it's about time hun and big kiss. I am so happy for you and wish you only the best!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: My second LDR worked...

Hi people, I made mistakes in the first LDR I was involved in. I then vowed never to get into another one.
I then met a lady online from Sydney (I'm in Brisbane, about 1000kms or 600 miles) we just wanted some to talk to, who would not judge or try to control eachother. We ended up in love meeting and being very happy.
I have 12 more days until I move down to be with her. We are both very excited and very nervious. It was not lit where we met, just a chat room.

All my best to those involved in or just entering into a LDR. My thoughts are with Oman and Jenny, I will keep in touch and let you all know how things are.

Have fun this weekend, enjoy life,

TC

Great news TC. Now you know why we say never say never. Keep us posted. After all, you are family!

Eb

 

[tonitits]

Re: My second LDR worked...

Hi people, I made mistakes in the first LDR I was involved in. I then vowed never to get into another one.
I then met a lady online from Sydney (I'm in Brisbane, about 1000kms or 600 miles) we just wanted some to talk to, who would not judge or try to control eachother. We ended up in love meeting and being very happy.
I have 12 more days until I move down to be with her. We are both very excited and very nervious. It was not lit where we met, just a chat room.

All my best to those involved in or just entering into a LDR. My thoughts are with Oman and Jenny, I will keep in touch and let you all know how things are.

Have fun this weekend, enjoy life,

TC

Congratulations TC Best wishes to you and your special lady! May you find true happiness and live happily ever after!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Don't have time to read them all and haven't been on in quite a while for personal reasons but HI to everyone!!

I hope everything is fine with you Hat.

Take care.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

I second that AMEN!

Hi people, I made mistakes in the first LDR I was involved in. I then vowed never to get into another one.
I then met a lady online from Sydney (I'm in Brisbane, about 1000kms or 600 miles) we just wanted some to talk to, who would not judge or try to control eachother. We ended up in love meeting and being very happy.
I have 12 more days until I move down to be with her. We are both very excited and very nervious. It was not lit where we met, just a chat room.

All my best to those involved in or just entering into a LDR. My thoughts are with Oman and Jenny, I will keep in touch and let you all know how things are.

Have fun this weekend, enjoy life,

TC

I'm so happy for you, TC! I will certainly keep you in my thoughts as you make this big step. Believe me, it was much easier than I expected, since I realized after I met Oman that I needed to be physically near him (not hundreds of miles away).

I don't think I could have continued very effectively with a Long Distance Relationship, and I definitely couldn't devote the time and energies it involves to keep it going if Oman was still a married man.

BIG HUGS to Ebony and Hat!

I don't get on the boards very steadily, but it's been great seeing so many familiar names.

Thanks to all of you for keeping this thread going! I wish only the best for all the relationships, both the near and distant ones.

Never say "never"!

 

[hatara]

I don't know anymore.

Maybe some of us weren't meant to find a love that lasts in this life. Sometimes you meet the love of your life and it can never be. Maybe then you just have to try and make the world a better place. Sometimes that's all you have left.