Married people, a question of affairs!

[Guest]

Just a few thoughts. My own humble opinion of course.

I think the determination of what constitutes cheating is dependent upon the individual. We all claim to be of high morals but we differ when we define what high morals are.

We humans have an interesting way of justifying our acts in such a manner that makes us feel good about the outcome.

I'm having Cybersex, but it's OK because it's not real sex.

I'm having an affair, but it's OK because I'm discrete. No one will ever know therefore no one will ever be hurt.

I'm having an affair, but it's OK. I'm just getting even with my spouse and showing how his/her affair is hurting me.

I'm having an affair but it's OK. I'm a loving husband/wife but am not getting enough sexual satisfaction at home. I will never divorce my husband/wife and will discretely satisfy my needs outside the home.

portal65

 

[zeebee3]

married;affairs

The dirty litle secret about marriage is that people who love each other become bored,disappointed,disenchanted and lose desire for each other. More correctly, it's usually one of the two that is disaffected. Regardless, intimacy and sex becomes a chore to be endured. Throw in ,the disaffected one doesn't want to make it better. Thankfully, many(most?) marriages evolve this way creating a pool of "married and looking " partners available for affairs. As Clinton might say,"is cheating really cheating?". Or, maybe grading on the curve .

 

[MacCortz]

Re: Re: Cheating on the Net?

Okay, I am a bit confused. You are saying that if you keep to the web,its not cheating?

No it's not cheating, unless, unless you subscrib to some narrow puritanical view. If you feel guilt then it is cheating? No, I don't think so...did you "lust in you heart" as Jimmy Carter did? (great x-president)

I'm saying that a cyber affair is just a modern extention of an erotic/romantic novel or an exchange of letters. If you and I get togeather and discuss child rearing is that cheating, if we discuss procreation is that cheating, if we discuss how we like to preocreate is that cheating?

Some would have us think so, I say Hell No!

sorry for the length of time it took my to respond, computer crashed.

 

[lovetoread]

Re:Cheating on the Net?

Some would have us think so, I say Hell No!

Thanks.

 

[MacCortz]

anybody read any good books latly

How about any good posts, or emails or chat phrases?

 

[~The Printer~]

If my being here is a form of cheating, then my wife reading romance novels and getting off on them from time to time would be cheating too I guess. So why doesnt it bother me that she reads about sex love and romance and thinks of the character in the book instead of me? Because I dont feel threatened! I come here, with no intention of seeking out the people I talk to. It's a thrill to come here, at least it is for me. I have exchanged letters with a woman off and on for a while now, my wife knows about it, but she knows she is the one that fullfills my "real life" desires. She is always welcome to be a part of this site with me, it's not something I hide from her.

As for cheating with another, cut the crap, it isnt fair to the unknowing spouse, because if you are getting laid by someone else you are putting your wife at risk of STDs, and dont say you are careful, because it's never 100% safe. So if you are going to do it, know the risks and face the fact that you may ruin the life of that person you loved enough to marry.

Someone said we justify our cheating, maybe we all do, but its hard to justify hurting someone else.

C-ya.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Now I'm really gonna mess with some heads

OK, for the most part we agree that an online affair isn't cheating.

Suppose you're having an online affair, and your online partner carries on with someone else online? How many online relationships have you seen crash and burn for that very reason?

It's not the sex. It's emotional fulfilment we're seeking. It's not that my wife won't "do me the way I like". It's the lack of physical affection on top of an indifference I can't describe. A lack of communication and unwillingness to compromise.

We've all heard someone say, "I love my spouse but ..."

Come on, I for one believe love is enough. If you're willing to cheat, then you're lying to yourself about being in love.

Relationships are living things. If you don't nurture them they can die. Sex is a symptom of love.

If you close your mind to the possibility then it's dead before you've ever had the chance. You're responsable for your own happiness.


One of my many favorite expressions
"you don't have to agree with me, as long as you understand me"

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Now I'm really gonna mess with some heads

OK, for the most part we agree that an online affair isn't cheating.

Suppose you're having an online affair, and your online partner carries on with someone else online? How many online relationships have you seen crash and burn for that very reason?

True...

 

[naughtywife]

Some sad people out there!
Marriage can easily work, you just have to pick very carefully in the first place.
I've been married 10 years. Have been with my wife 12 years.
We still have (and it continues to get better) great sex but we also make love at the same time.
What is cheating?
Does it count when my wife gets extra turned on talking about you people looking at her pictures i've posted?
As someone else said people can get turned on by the Sun newspaper, are they being unfaithful?
It's a question of trust and love.
My wife wouldn't really want strangers using her body, but fantasy is a wonderfully erotic medium.

Find the right partner and make sure your sexual drives are on a par with each other. Nothing worse than stroking a womans breast and finding nothing happens. You know Zip response......
It's no fun when a woman chats about the neighbours cat when you are climaxing inside her!

Love each other.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Now I'm really gonna mess with some heads

OK, for the most part we agree that an online affair isn't cheating.

Suppose you're having an online affair, and your online partner carries on with someone else online? How many online relationships have you seen crash and burn for that very reason?


Relationships are living things. If you don't nurture them they can die. Sex is a symptom of love.



One of my many favorite expressions
"you don't have to agree with me, as long as you understand me"

Several points here,

What do you consider an online affair?
Flirting on the boards?
Emails?
Chatting in real time?
Cybering?
Phone sex?

When do you cross that line and say "I am having an online affair" ?

If you want a online relationship that is mutually exclusive then you need to state that somewhere in the beginning, if you feel that the friendship is headed that way.
Men and women can talk about sex, even in great detail and still remain just friends.

Cassidy

 

[Guest]

Cyber sex can turn into cheating. I feel like I'm cheating on my wife. I've been involved with a woman for over a year now. I love her. When my wife isn't around, I'm on the phone with my sweetie having phone sex.
I think when it becomes personal, and there's more involment than just flirting, then it's cheating. This woman and I have done everything but touch.
Think of it this way. If you went out every day, and you and your neighbor stood in your backyards, and stripped down naked, talked dirty to each other, and masturbated until you both came, and then blew each other a kiss, and said, "I love you!" but never touched, would you feel like you cheated on your spouse?
Physical contact is just one way to make love to someone.

 

[Jack Steed]

Think of it this way...

If there were no cheating by married folks, there would be no country music....

And if there were no cheating by unmarried couples, there would be no rock 'n' roll music....

I, for one, can't imagine living in such a world....

~J~

 

[ThePerfectGentleman]

Simple Definition

Simple decision if online cybering is cheating. If your spous would consider it so, it is. Cheating is not as much a physical act (obviously that too) but a mental one dealing with trust, honestly, loyalty, etc....
My wife would be very hurt if I cybered online and would view it that way, hence it is cheating. Even if I don't agree with her completly, once married you accept it, and woudl not do it, as it would devistate your spous.
As someone briliantly put, humans are amazingly good at justifying their acts.

The Perfect Gentleman

 

[Crichton]

hmmmm

Hmm, I think the matter of whether or not online participation is cheating devloves down to one thing. Would you have the same conversation with that person, in person, in front of your spouse. For instance, if you filrt with someone on line ask yourself if you would likewise filrt with that person (or who you imagine that person to be) if you were to run into them at the grocery store while picking up kitty litter with the wife/husband present. If the answer is yes, then you are not cheating. If the answer is no, then you are cheating.

This rule likewise goes beyond just flirting. If you are sending naked pics in your emails, ask yourself is you would strip naked for another person in front of your spouse. If you are screwing away like rabbits, ask yourself if you would do that in front of your spouse. If the answer is yes, even thought you are having sex, its not cheating. You are simply living an alternate lifestyle than I am. If the answer is no, then you are cheating.

We rationalize excuses why the things we do aren't bad because we do not wish to face our shadows. We dont want to admit that getting our rocks off is more important to us than our loved one's feelings, so we say that its not really happening, and anyone who trys to claim it is happening is just being reactionary. But we know, really, deep down. We know.

What is cheating? Its different for different people. But we each and everyone know exactly where it is for us, whether we want to own up to it or not.

 

[whoopsdaizy]

I could go on for days and days......

wowza....what to say first....lol

i have been married for 8 yrs. our sex life gets better and better! but the reason it gets better and better is because we communicate our wants, needs, fantasies and desires. so i completely agree w/ relationships being a living thing which must be nurtured.
i often wonder how two people can marry, (hopefully because they are in love), and not either already know or make it their life's work to find out what their partner's desires (sexual or not) are.
we have 2 small children...so life gets in the way of our relationship an awful lot, but we know that and constantly work at making time for each other.
on cheating....i feel if you are going outside of your marriage for lack of sex...you are lacking much more than just sex in your marriage. how can it be fixed if both don't know it's broken? if both know it's broken and don't put forth the effort to fix it...WHY????
if my husband told me he was not getting what he needed from me sexually (within reason...lol) and vice versa...we would find a way to compromise, that is what people who love each other do.
every single one of us thinks about cheating, the smart ones weigh the consequences.
i would f**k the s**t out of mark mcgwire in a heart beat, but that is exactly what it would be...f**king (i don't think anyone has brought up the difference between love and sex yet). would that be considered cheating?
on cyber sex...i love it and my husband loves me loving it. i get turned on and he gets turned on knowing i am talking dirty with some other guy. no, it's not cheating.
before this turns into more of a novel (lol)
it's cheating anytime you are hiding what it is you are doing.
kinda like "would you be doing this if your partner knew you were doing this?"
like my title....i could go on for days.......

 

[slipperywetnsc]

I have been married for almost 20 years. During that time, I have had 3 affairs. I am currently having an affair now.
Have I been caught? Once..... and we eventually had a 3-some at my hubby's suggestion.
My husband and I have discussed affairs many times. We both agree that there is a huge difference between love and sex. Neither one of us is convinced that monogamy is necessary over the long term.
We also know that sexually, we aren't always in tune with each other.... right now, he is very stressed and on some medications that lower his drive. I, on the other hand, seem to want sex all the time! LOL
So, I'm seeing a man who is married, loves his wife and family, but like me, has needs that aren't being met at home. We are friends as well as fuckbuddies. We both know that this is for fun only. Neither of us is interested in a divorce; and both want to spend the rest of our lives with our current spouse. Sex with my lover relieves the "tension" and reminds me that I'm still sexy even though my hubby never approaches me for sex anymore (he generally responds positively when I initiate it... I just get tired of having to start things up all the time).
Do I want to know if he's having an affair? Not really... in spite of myself, I get a little jealous, so I'd rather not know. Could he be having an affair? Absolutely Have I caught him in the past? Yep... It wasn't a problem, once I realized that he still loved me.
Am I rationalizing? Probably, but who cares?!

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

I have been married for almost 20 years. During that time, I have had 3 affairs. I am currently having an affair now.
Have I been caught? Once..... and we eventually had a 3-some at my hubby's suggestion.
My husband and I have discussed affairs many times. We both agree that there is a huge difference between love and sex. Neither one of us is convinced that monogamy is necessary over the long term.
We also know that sexually, we aren't always in tune with each other.... right now, he is very stressed and on some medications that lower his drive. I, on the other hand, seem to want sex all the time! LOL
So, I'm seeing a man who is married, loves his wife and family, but like me, has needs that aren't being met at home. We are friends as well as fuckbuddies. We both know that this is for fun only. Neither of us is interested in a divorce; and both want to spend the rest of our lives with our current spouse. Sex with my lover relieves the "tension" and reminds me that I'm still sexy even though my hubby never approaches me for sex anymore (he generally responds positively when I initiate it... I just get tired of having to start things up all the time).
Do I want to know if he's having an affair? Not really... in spite of myself, I get a little jealous, so I'd rather not know. Could he be having an affair? Absolutely Have I caught him in the past? Yep... It wasn't a problem, once I realized that he still loved me.
Am I rationalizing? Probably, but who cares?!

****

I think you have a great attitude and no illusions! Now if I could just get my wife to initiate sex I would be set!!

 

[married301971]

I am married 30 years and my husband is unable to get an erection due to medical reasons. After three years of no intercourse, and not much else, I decided to find a sexual partner. I checked the personals online and found two very nice men. I met with both of them and started an affair with one. I am still having the affiar with the one I chose. This has been going on now for 6 months. It is strictly for sex and I am not in love with my lover. We just get together and have a great sex.
He gives me what I can't get at home and I do the same for him. We play out our fantasies.

I work afternoons and my husband works days so that makes it easy to carry on. I have no guilt feelings, which bothered me at first. The man is also married. Neither of us get anything at home so we have a mind-blowing encounter when we do meet. It is not as often as either of us want but it wonderful when we do meet. We are both open to trying things and it has been wonderful. I had never used toys, fruit, etc. and we do all of that.

It has partially solved my problem. I still masturbate a lot but realize there is nothing wrong with that. I use the literotica personals to masturbate a lot.

An affair may not work for everyone but it sure does for me. I am very happy with the personals since they worked well for me.

 

[Vinny]

good

Sounds like you are happy so hats off to you. As for the masterbation part, I get what I need at home but still masterbate several times a week. It is the controlling of my orgasm that does it. Also, at times I masterbate with other women because the sound of their voices while masterbating can drive you wild. Maybe today I will get lucky and find a partner in crime to cum with LOL

 

[armyjim_2000]

an affair...I wonder if I could

I've been married for almost 10 years now. Sometimes, I'd like to have an affair, just for general purposes (I'll probably get beat up for this thought, but oh well...). I remember my single life fondly, but I see the stuff singles go through now and kiss my wife on the cheek and thank her for rescuing my dumb ass from it. Besides, out here in the sticks (where if you fart, your neighbor can tell you what you had for breakfast), it's not a good idea.

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

 

[juicylips]

Re: an affair...I wonder if I could

.

 

[lovetoread]

Re:an affair...I wonder if I could

Online works out well, so far, but there is still the chance of getting caught posting or calling. You are also tempted to take it into the next level of real life. No easy answers here.

Ditto there....

So hard to keep it all apart.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Re:an affair...I wonder if I could

.

 

[NJrunr102002]

Married Affairs

I have been married since 1979....my wife and I have had our share of ups and downs. I know for a fact my wife has never strayed, and I dont think she ever will, though at times I wish she would, not out of meanness but out of adventure for herself.

I have had 3 affairs during my marraige and have had many discussions with women online and made many friends. I think online romances are not a bad thing, it provides an outlet for your desires and does expand your mind and your feelings. One affair pushed me very close to leaving my marriage, but my children would be devastated, as would my wife. I do care about my wife and she knows about all my past affairs and has made the comment to me, she cannot stop me from doing what I want or desire to do. She just chooses not to break up our family, as do I. I can honestly say my wife is my best friend, I enjoy her company and she has supported me through many hard times.

However, she cannot fulfill my desires, my passions. This is something we have discussed and all she asks is discretion on my part. I know it sounds odd, but she and I have come closer since this new openess emerged between us. I choose to meet and discuss my passions with other married women as they normally share my viewpoint. Not many people in all honesty, want to go through a messy expensive divorce, when all they want is fun and excitement, passion and maybe fulfilling a fantasy or two or three.

I am sure I may get some lively discussion from this view, but I am being honest and sharing my own perspective. I love to share fantasies and writing, so any ladies out there interested feel free to email me

NJrunr

 

[Nicodemus]

I can definately empathise with the lines becoming blurry when it comes to looking forward to the post from that special online friend.

Lit provides an outlet for some of the pent up frustration.

Nic,