T.H. Oughts
Oh the thoughts of Oughts
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If married and in RT, if you have an affair with someone that is not your partner, and your partner does not know about the affair, then it's cheating. Full Stop.
Married people, a question of affairs!
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Sassy7
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I had an affair 20 years ago, when I was still married. My husband was not very attentive and our sex life was almost non existant. We went to my mother in laws Christmas party and she had invited her boss, who was very good looking and he flirted with me most of the evening. I guess you could say I was hungry for the attention. Well, he started calling me at home and finally I arranged to meet with him. Looking back now, I really regret what I did, but I guess I had a need to feel that I was attractive to someone. The affair lasted almost 1 year. It didn't really help my marriage, but eventually helped me make the decision to end my marriage. I don't think I would have ever had the affair if something was not lacking at home, but I don't condone what I did and still feel guilty. I have been single for 17 years and always make sure not to date men who are married or attached. Funny thing though, I found out after my divorce that my ex was having affairs most of the 16 years we were married. One was with my best friend who was married to my husbands best friend.
NJrunr102002
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Affairs do not end marriages....
I think one of the commentaries on marriage that I have found is that affairs are the result of something lacking in a marriage. People stray from each other and lose something that brought them together. Some people decide to stay in the marriage and others make the break.....we all have our reasons. Affairs are the result of a person needing attention and not wanting their spouse to give that attention, or just wanting it from someone else.....
I think that passion is something that lives inside all of us.....something we want to be fulfilled.....something we lust after....not just in an erotic way....
I think one of the commentaries on marriage that I have found is that affairs are the result of something lacking in a marriage. People stray from each other and lose something that brought them together. Some people decide to stay in the marriage and others make the break.....we all have our reasons. Affairs are the result of a person needing attention and not wanting their spouse to give that attention, or just wanting it from someone else.....
I think that passion is something that lives inside all of us.....something we want to be fulfilled.....something we lust after....not just in an erotic way....
S
ShamelessFlirt
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IF ...
Your feelings are your own, guilty or if you forgive yourself. I won't presume to try and tell you how to feel, but I will point out that if you never had the affair you may have stayed in a relationship with a man who claimed to love you, yet cheated on you.
You may have deluded yourself into thinking everything was OK. Or you may have turned a blind eye, not caring about his affairs and remained devoted to your husband at the time. You would have been doing the honorable thing, but how would you have felt inside? Where would you have found fulfilment?? Is simply knowing you're doing the right thing enough?
What I think we're looking for, that elusive thing ...
"Someone to see in us what we think they should find there"
Acknowledge our faults, flaws and phobias and embrace us regardless. Marriage vows are idealistic. But relationships are fragile and ever changing. You may have "fit" or been in love at the start. Everything may have seemed right. You may have even been able to make it work. But you'll never know.
Were you wrong to have an affair?
Maybe.
Are you wrong to want to be happy?
I think not.
Are you breaking your word by breaking your vows?
If the situation hadn't changed and the relationship not evolved would only be excuses. The short answer would be yes. But I think you're allowed if there's nothing but deciet and malice left. Maybe you should have left first. Maybe you needed to see for yourself. Whatever the reason, you were dying inside.
If you want to embrace idealism, don't embrace the idealism of marriage vows. Embrace the piece of your heart that gave in to your emotions and sought solace when you had none. The part of you that whisperd that something wasn't right.
Happily ever after can be found anywhere you want if you're writing the story.
Sassy7 said:
Your feelings are your own, guilty or if you forgive yourself. I won't presume to try and tell you how to feel, but I will point out that if you never had the affair you may have stayed in a relationship with a man who claimed to love you, yet cheated on you.
You may have deluded yourself into thinking everything was OK. Or you may have turned a blind eye, not caring about his affairs and remained devoted to your husband at the time. You would have been doing the honorable thing, but how would you have felt inside? Where would you have found fulfilment?? Is simply knowing you're doing the right thing enough?
What I think we're looking for, that elusive thing ...
"Someone to see in us what we think they should find there"
Acknowledge our faults, flaws and phobias and embrace us regardless. Marriage vows are idealistic. But relationships are fragile and ever changing. You may have "fit" or been in love at the start. Everything may have seemed right. You may have even been able to make it work. But you'll never know.
Were you wrong to have an affair?
Maybe.
Are you wrong to want to be happy?
I think not.
Are you breaking your word by breaking your vows?
If the situation hadn't changed and the relationship not evolved would only be excuses. The short answer would be yes. But I think you're allowed if there's nothing but deciet and malice left. Maybe you should have left first. Maybe you needed to see for yourself. Whatever the reason, you were dying inside.
If you want to embrace idealism, don't embrace the idealism of marriage vows. Embrace the piece of your heart that gave in to your emotions and sought solace when you had none. The part of you that whisperd that something wasn't right.
Happily ever after can be found anywhere you want if you're writing the story.
lovetoread
hello daddy
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Re: IF ...
never mind
never mind
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G
Guest
Guest
I got married because i was in love.....still am after 43 years....but I've had loads of affairs....I love the variety of different tastes and smells and reactions to my educated tongue and at 65 an occasional good fuck....
Variety is the spice of life....
PS....I encourage my wife to go get laid.
Variety is the spice of life....
PS....I encourage my wife to go get laid.
affairs of the heart
Forgive this new voice to this thread. I have been married for 20 years and have yet to have an affair, although I was very close once, but she backed out after a year long flirt. Somethings you just can't express within a marriage once the rules are set. Still, I don't seem able to find a similarly interested woman. Any suggestions? I rarely meet folks outside of work, and my senior level position makes going outside the bounds very risky indeed. My recent on-line relationship seems to have hit a dead-end once I declared my marital status. Any threads that address this issue further?
Forgive this new voice to this thread. I have been married for 20 years and have yet to have an affair, although I was very close once, but she backed out after a year long flirt. Somethings you just can't express within a marriage once the rules are set. Still, I don't seem able to find a similarly interested woman. Any suggestions? I rarely meet folks outside of work, and my senior level position makes going outside the bounds very risky indeed. My recent on-line relationship seems to have hit a dead-end once I declared my marital status. Any threads that address this issue further?
paulo1556,
Just keep plugging away. Establish a rapport with as many people as possible and perhaps a connection can be made.
It's very important to be honest. That you lost a relationship because you were honest was fine because it would have come out eventually. To have it end now is better than to wait till emotions ran deep.
Relax and take your time, you'll find someone with similar interests.
Just keep plugging away. Establish a rapport with as many people as possible and perhaps a connection can be made.
It's very important to be honest. That you lost a relationship because you were honest was fine because it would have come out eventually. To have it end now is better than to wait till emotions ran deep.
Relax and take your time, you'll find someone with similar interests.
S
ShamelessFlirt
Guest
Re: affairs of the heart
I SO know what you mean, yet I refuse to lie about being married. I've found that you can be anyone you want to online, but you have the most fun being yourself. Eventually I hope to establish a rapport with someone and bring it into real life. It hasn't happened yet, but by not lying I know from the start if I'm just making friends. As long as they know where I'm comming from, I can flirt and see where it goes.
here's something I wrote very tongue in cheek about it ...
"Slut"
I am an offer
representing possabilities galore
friendship is yours
let me know if you want more
No excuses, no remorse
absolutely guilt free
Just say the word
and you can have me
paulo1556 said:
I SO know what you mean, yet I refuse to lie about being married. I've found that you can be anyone you want to online, but you have the most fun being yourself. Eventually I hope to establish a rapport with someone and bring it into real life. It hasn't happened yet, but by not lying I know from the start if I'm just making friends. As long as they know where I'm comming from, I can flirt and see where it goes.
here's something I wrote very tongue in cheek about it ...
"Slut"
I am an offer
representing possabilities galore
friendship is yours
let me know if you want more
No excuses, no remorse
absolutely guilt free
Just say the word
and you can have me
S
ShamelessFlirt
Guest
Re: Re:an affair...I wonder if I could
The real question is, do you WANT to keep it apart.
And if you were willing, what circumstances would let you?
lovetoread said:
The real question is, do you WANT to keep it apart.
And if you were willing, what circumstances would let you?
armyjim_2000
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My quotes will change on occasion
You liked that one, juicy? See what you think of this one.
You liked that one, juicy? See what you think of this one.
armyjim_2000
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Now, as to the board...
It's funny. I don't really think about my wife having affairs, although I know she's FULLY capable, and has an opportunity every day (she works in a city nearby). I know I couldn't though...this town is way too small for that. I get off listening to the gossip around here, and wonder who I am supposed to be screwing (haven't been listening close enough yet..HA HA!). Small town folks should understand this; most are all alike. I don't know what would happen if she did...would I forgive her? Would I divorce her? Would I have my own affair, or two, or three? I really dont know. Divorce sucks; I know from personal experience (damn expensive too). I don't contemplate this often, so I can't worry about it. Are the consequences of cheating worth the risk of exposure, even on the net? Is this (the BB) considered cheating?
It's funny. I don't really think about my wife having affairs, although I know she's FULLY capable, and has an opportunity every day (she works in a city nearby). I know I couldn't though...this town is way too small for that. I get off listening to the gossip around here, and wonder who I am supposed to be screwing (haven't been listening close enough yet..HA HA!). Small town folks should understand this; most are all alike. I don't know what would happen if she did...would I forgive her? Would I divorce her? Would I have my own affair, or two, or three? I really dont know. Divorce sucks; I know from personal experience (damn expensive too). I don't contemplate this often, so I can't worry about it. Are the consequences of cheating worth the risk of exposure, even on the net? Is this (the BB) considered cheating?
armyjim_2000
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My quotes will change on occasion
You liked that one, juicy? See what you think of this one.
Damn...sorry about the repeat folks....im still learning the ropes here, and I didn't intend to repost it....
You liked that one, juicy? See what you think of this one.
Damn...sorry about the repeat folks....im still learning the ropes here, and I didn't intend to repost it....
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Don't give up!
You say your relationship hit a dead-end when you stated you were married. Who did the ending? Based on what you wrote, I'm guessing it was her. If that's the case, then my next question would be this: Does she know what type of relationship you are seeking? If she ended it, maybe she thinks you told her you were married because you DIDN'T want things to go any further, and that's why she broke it off. She may have gotten angry, or she could have said OK so as not to hurt your feelings. Make sure you get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! If you're talking about who I think you are (I saw your other posts - great writing!!!!), she seems like a nice lady. Maybe it's something to take another look at.
paulo1556 said:
You say your relationship hit a dead-end when you stated you were married. Who did the ending? Based on what you wrote, I'm guessing it was her. If that's the case, then my next question would be this: Does she know what type of relationship you are seeking? If she ended it, maybe she thinks you told her you were married because you DIDN'T want things to go any further, and that's why she broke it off. She may have gotten angry, or she could have said OK so as not to hurt your feelings. Make sure you get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! If you're talking about who I think you are (I saw your other posts - great writing!!!!), she seems like a nice lady. Maybe it's something to take another look at.
Golden Eyes
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Wow, Just found this thread today, Lets bump it up to the top once again ok?
I do not believe that its cheating when you come here and find something that you are missing at home. I do believe that many of us that are married, (most are lol) come here for something, Be it friendship, love, add alittle spice to their life. What are your views on this?
I do not believe that its cheating when you come here and find something that you are missing at home. I do believe that many of us that are married, (most are lol) come here for something, Be it friendship, love, add alittle spice to their life. What are your views on this?
lovetoread
hello daddy
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Oh gawd. This is old.
I was still married then.
I still feel that its not cheating to be here.
I was still married then.
I still feel that its not cheating to be here.
Golden Eyes
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LOL
Hi, I am fairly new here. Only a few months. I also do not believe it;s cheating being here. Thanks for your input.
Hi, I am fairly new here. Only a few months. I also do not believe it;s cheating being here. Thanks for your input.
n-erasmus
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Property ??
I don't *FEEL* like I am property, but most people (mainly single people or people in their first 5 years of marriage) seem to think that everyone must "belong" to someone else. You must do this and you must do that or you cannot have a married relationship. And then it turns out that *VERY* few people do these things.
So are we almost all hopeless hypocrits?? Or maybe the whole thing is skewed somehow?
I don't *FEEL* like I am property, but most people (mainly single people or people in their first 5 years of marriage) seem to think that everyone must "belong" to someone else. You must do this and you must do that or you cannot have a married relationship. And then it turns out that *VERY* few people do these things.
So are we almost all hopeless hypocrits?? Or maybe the whole thing is skewed somehow?
Affairs
I've been married for 30+ years and had my first (and only) affair about a year ago. Over time, my marriage had beome dull and my wife and I didn't care much for each other. We began to spend less and less time together and finally began to live live separate lives. Sometime ago, my wife also had a one-night stand with a friend of our's.
I met an old GF at a high school reunion---and we just clicked. Although we lived more than a thousand miles apart we found ways to be together. The sex was wonderful but it really wasn't about the sex. It just felt so good to be with someone I cared for and who cared about me.
Of course, our spouses found out and the s... hit the fan. We are both trying to rebuild our marriages---not sure if it's going to work but at least my wife and I are trying.
I've been married for 30+ years and had my first (and only) affair about a year ago. Over time, my marriage had beome dull and my wife and I didn't care much for each other. We began to spend less and less time together and finally began to live live separate lives. Sometime ago, my wife also had a one-night stand with a friend of our's.
I met an old GF at a high school reunion---and we just clicked. Although we lived more than a thousand miles apart we found ways to be together. The sex was wonderful but it really wasn't about the sex. It just felt so good to be with someone I cared for and who cared about me.
Of course, our spouses found out and the s... hit the fan. We are both trying to rebuild our marriages---not sure if it's going to work but at least my wife and I are trying.
ChrisBrit48
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Re: Married people, a question of affairs
I think the problem is that we are all changing every day with every new experience. Over the years (23 in my case) of being in a faithfull relationship with someone (by which I mean NO actions, only possibly thoughts of others), it is to be expected that both parties will have changed somewhat. For those marriages where both parties change at the same rate and in the same direction, the likelehood of relative happiness is high (IMHO).
But for those marriages where one of the parties doesn't change much, or the other party changes a lot, then there is an imbalance that causes a problem. Of couse there are traumatic or medical reasons why these changes may be accelerated, but for the most part they are slow enough to be almost imperceptible.
So what happens to the relationship? Does one party have to suffer or be repressed until death resolves the issue? Just so that we are not hypocrites ! Or do we look at the situation and try to find a reasonable way to at least get some of what we are looking for in a relatively safe way?
Hindsight is nearly always 20/20 but sometimes it gets in the way as well. As Bob Seeger said "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" (Against The Wind).
n-erasmus said:
I think the problem is that we are all changing every day with every new experience. Over the years (23 in my case) of being in a faithfull relationship with someone (by which I mean NO actions, only possibly thoughts of others), it is to be expected that both parties will have changed somewhat. For those marriages where both parties change at the same rate and in the same direction, the likelehood of relative happiness is high (IMHO).
But for those marriages where one of the parties doesn't change much, or the other party changes a lot, then there is an imbalance that causes a problem. Of couse there are traumatic or medical reasons why these changes may be accelerated, but for the most part they are slow enough to be almost imperceptible.
So what happens to the relationship? Does one party have to suffer or be repressed until death resolves the issue? Just so that we are not hypocrites ! Or do we look at the situation and try to find a reasonable way to at least get some of what we are looking for in a relatively safe way?
Hindsight is nearly always 20/20 but sometimes it gets in the way as well. As Bob Seeger said "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" (Against The Wind).
Golden Eyes
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Kenny
Thanks for posting, I hope things work out for you and your wi fe. I myself have never had an affair. Married 17 years, Its just not in me, but I do come here and have fun, flirt meet people. As I said earlier, its not the same as cheating on your spouse when you come here. We all need something that we dont have a t home, thats why I believe most of us come here.
GE
Thanks for posting, I hope things work out for you and your wi fe. I myself have never had an affair. Married 17 years, Its just not in me, but I do come here and have fun, flirt meet people. As I said earlier, its not the same as cheating on your spouse when you come here. We all need something that we dont have a t home, thats why I believe most of us come here.
GE
Hi all
Interesting thread, in a previous existance (marriage) I was the victim of a wandering wife, often ariving home to find a strange person "fixing the wardrobe" and usually ariving home to two kids sleeping alone. It nearly killed me with depression. I have since found happiness but seem to want more. Not tried this cyber thing, but it seems as though it could be the perfect solution if true anonimity could be maintained with the added benefit that no one would need to fix any wardrobes.
Toga
Interesting thread, in a previous existance (marriage) I was the victim of a wandering wife, often ariving home to find a strange person "fixing the wardrobe" and usually ariving home to two kids sleeping alone. It nearly killed me with depression. I have since found happiness but seem to want more. Not tried this cyber thing, but it seems as though it could be the perfect solution if true anonimity could be maintained with the added benefit that no one would need to fix any wardrobes.
Toga
Golden Eyes
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Toga
Welcome to this OLD thread LOL. If you want to chat with people try LIterotica Chat room, Syds Hot TUb is the best. Great people there, good friends. Let me know how you do. Have fun
GE
Welcome to this OLD thread LOL. If you want to chat with people try LIterotica Chat room, Syds Hot TUb is the best. Great people there, good friends. Let me know how you do. Have fun
GE
Matt Twattingle
Experienced
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Affairs
Marrige in the 20th and 21st century is a very difficult thing. The fact that such a high percentage of marriges end in divorce is a threat to our civilization and our economy.
We need to find a new way.
Some people can have exclusive relationships. Many can't or won't
some try alternative lifestyses
On line sex is an alternative. If it helps you through the tough times are you any worse than someone who left their children in a tough situation.?
I think not!
I would like to hear from others who found "alternative lifestyles"that worked for them.
Marrige in the 20th and 21st century is a very difficult thing. The fact that such a high percentage of marriges end in divorce is a threat to our civilization and our economy.
We need to find a new way.
Some people can have exclusive relationships. Many can't or won't
some try alternative lifestyses
On line sex is an alternative. If it helps you through the tough times are you any worse than someone who left their children in a tough situation.?
I think not!
I would like to hear from others who found "alternative lifestyles"that worked for them.
Unstuck in Time
Experienced
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Good thread. I've been married over 30 years and can't recall how many affairs I have had. It's not an easy balancing act and the first couple of times were quite guilt ridden. However, over the years, I've learned to accept that I have a wonderful wife, but she hasn't cared very much about sex in many years. You can call me morally decadent, but along the way, I learned to keep my marriage and my love for my wife separate from the joys of sex that I found elsewhere. I also learned to recognize ladies that felt the same way. The best ones were older and tired of "raising" men. They wanted the pleasure and none of the hassles. Thanks for starting this thread. Like many here, I'm here because something is missing and this subject is close to my heart.
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