My 14 year old daughter came home with a hickey...

[Eilan]

Tacky on a grown woman? No. Tacky on a fourteen year old girl?

Visible hickies are trashy no matter how old someone is.

OP, why don't you let your daughter spend time with her boyfriend at your house?

 

[quietman1]

Visible hickies are trashy no matter how old someone is.

OP, why don't you let your daughter spend time with her boyfriend at your house?

I wasn't going to judge grown women. They can do what they want.

 

[Anjasa]

Wait, do some people actually aim to /give/ hickeys? Like, that's their goal to just keep suckin' 'til it bruises?

Because any time I've given or received them has just been in a spur of the moment, super passionate make out session. It's no like I'm sitting there going 'hur hur hur, I can't wait to mark this guys neck all up!'

It's more an after the fact 'ah, shit, turtlenecks for a few days' scenario.

 

[lanciaguy]

Dont do what I did

I read cmky's post and she seems very sensible.

I saw my daughter go through the whole bad b/f bit, banned her from seeing him, banned him from our house (where they would have been supervised). I could see him for what he was, a young horny and much more expereinced teen.
Despite the bannings and the groundings she still found ways to see him, and as his family thought he was wonderful they were allowed to do anything they wanted at his home.

My advice, be nice invite him around, a lot, and always be there, take them treats, drinks, check they are ok. In the end he will decide its just too hard and seek easier prey. While you are supporting their relationship but ever present things will be under control.

 

[quietman1]

Wait, do some people actually aim to /give/ hickeys? Like, that's their goal to just keep suckin' 'til it bruises?

Because any time I've given or received them has just been in a spur of the moment, super passionate make out session. It's no like I'm sitting there going 'hur hur hur, I can't wait to mark this guys neck all up!'

It's more an after the fact 'ah, shit, turtlenecks for a few days' scenario.

Seriously? You lack that much control. Guess you get lots of dates that you don't have to give head. If you can't control kissing there is no way a sane man is going to put his cock in that mouth.

 

[Anjasa]

Seriously? You lack that much control. Guess you get lots of dates that you don't have to give head. If you can't control kissing there is no way a sane man is going to put his cock in that mouth.

That's awful presumptuous, considering I've only been with one man...

 

[quietman1]

That's awful presumptuous, considering I've only been with one man...

Not really. If you can't control the suction you probably are going to hurt someone if they go for head. Hickies are indeed a choice. In your case you choose to let go of your control and cause subdermal hemotomas. If you follow your proclivities it does indeed lead to penile injury for the guy.

Plain and simple, it's inexperience or a choice to do damage. Either way it's fixable. And not to be encouraged in a fourteen year old.

 

[themilf]

We've talked and I have concluded...

This mark is a result of inexperience. YAY!
We have such a great relationship that I feel perfectly confident that she is telling me the truth.
We have spoken about birth control & STD's. We have spoken about all kinds of things.
I agree that... I think it looks trashy, tacky & cheap. I agree with the reference to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. And no he wont, not to MY daughter! And it was so minimal that it has pretty much vanished.
She said that he absolutely respects her for her refusal to give it up to him. And she will continue to refuse. But when she chooses to be active, we will see my doctor. She is "all in"!

 

[WaitWhatt]

Visible hickies are trashy no matter how old someone is.

This. There's a chick here who is like 23..cashiering at a gas station and always has hickies on her neck. I don't know one person who doesn't think she looks like a trashy whore. I've even seen people make comments when they were walking out. Some people don't care what others think..but that's not going to make others stop having opinions.

 

[WaitWhatt]

Wait, do some people actually aim to /give/ hickeys? Like, that's their goal to just keep suckin' 'til it bruises?

When 14 or even 16, yes. It's a marking thing. If someone has a hickey on their neck they're taken.

 

[lasher49]

This mark is a result of inexperience. YAY!
We have such a great relationship that I feel perfectly confident that she is telling me the truth.
We have spoken about birth control & STD's. We have spoken about all kinds of things.
I agree that... I think it looks trashy, tacky & cheap. I agree with the reference to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. And no he wont, not to MY daughter! And it was so minimal that it has pretty much vanished.
She said that he absolutely respects her for her refusal to give it up to him. And she will continue to refuse. But when she chooses to be active, we will see my doctor. She is "all in"!

Congratulations on what sounds like a job well done. As I read through this thread I did so with much trepidation and a bit of stomach turning memories.
My wife and I always worked first and foremost on education and instilling good common sense values, these are the tools that work best for parents. Once you have opened the channels of communication and talked openly about everything, then you have to do the hardest thing you will ever go through, you have to trust them.
We went through some tough times with my daughter when she hooked up with the wrong guy and she wouldn't let go. It was a tough couple of years of delicate advising from my wife and a bit of a stronger hand by Dad. In the end when she decided it was over we parents swooped in to make sure it stuck and that poor boy has not been seen in these parts for sometime.
So the bad news, hickies are nothing it can get much worse. The good news is that if you keep talking and trusting she will be ok.
You on the other hand should plan on being a mental case for the next 15 years or so.
Good Luck
Lasher

 

[themilf]

Good Morning, All,


With everyone out of the house, I'd like to take a moment on my PC instead of my mobile to thank everyone for their input and to add just a couple of things.

Interestingly, she's not asked to go to his house this weekend, no sign of him here, either. But I understand he's been shopping for Valentine's Day so I'll have to invite him over within the next day or two, I guess.

I just thought I'd share how freaking open minded and objective I was trying to be.

The young man attends an "alternative school" having been suspended for the year from the local high school. For fighting. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was defending someone's honor. Or someone less fortunate than him. I should have asked more questions but didn't want to push her away.

When I asked her what she liked about him, she waffled a bit. I asked if he was intelligent since of course, MY kids are and she said "Well, not so much". I know from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE it's very difficult to have a relationship with someone who is less intelligent that yourself. I don't care if you have an IQ of 115 and he has an IQ of 95 or if you have an IQ of 75 and he has one of 35, it's difficult.
But he tells her she's beautiful and of course she is.

The first time I took her over to their home, he opened the door to let me in so I could see that Mom was there and to meet her. She was standing in the kitchen wearing a Tshirt and panties. She made no move to cover up, she resembles Roseanne Barr. She came into the room to introduce herself and shake my hand.

Last straw and this happened the day I dropped her off to visit, the fateful day of the hickey/hickie.

Dad comes to and opens the door (DIRTY t-shirt, dirty sweat pants, looks like he hasn't showered in three days) and the dog slips out. I reach for the dogs collar to help him get her back in the house and he says "She'll bite ya". Lovely. I assume she'll bite my daughter as well?

I didn't want to sound judgemental but I guess I do. But I guess in the event that I need to protect and guide my children, there will just be times that I will need to be judgemental.

I for one, am finished with this family.
Thanks anyway for your hospitality.

I'll keep my daughter at home.

(Huge thanks to the person who said and I paraphrase "Be a MOM, not a friend"... )

 

[serpentwrap]

The rebuke is well deserved in this particular case, and well taken. Clearly, a mom's intuition rode roughshod - and rightly so in hindsight - over all logic, rationale and sophistry. Thats why moms are moms I guess.

So yes, I eat crow in this case... I guess, we all have our own intuitions...

 

[themilf]

The rebuke is well deserved in this particular case, and well taken. Clearly, a mom's intuition rode roughshod - and rightly so in hindsight - over all logic, rationale and sophistry. Thats why moms are moms I guess.

So yes, I eat crow in this case... I guess, we all have our own intuitions...

No, No! No Rebuke. No crow eating at all (Although I hear they taste like chicken~)!
I just wanted to share the backside of the story, and I wanted to hear everyone's opinions, that's what I love about this place! Freedom, Freedom, Freedom! To share ideas, opinions, photos!

I asked because I wanted to know, I loved all the answers, truly!

 

[satindesire]

Whether or not YOU think he's bad, she's set for him for now. I suggest taking your daughter to get the HPV vaccine, start her on hormonal birth control of some sort, and supplying her with condoms.

You cannot stop her from having sex unless you lock her Ala Disney Princess style into a tower somewhere far far away. But you CAN give her the tools to keep from getting pregnant or getting a STI.

Try and be as gracious and non-judgmental as you can. The way you carry yourself will forever more be the bar she sets for herself in adulthood. Graciousness can go far, judgment will just make you seem like a lesser person.

 

[SweetErika]

No, No! No Rebuke. No crow eating at all (Although I hear they taste like chicken~)!
I just wanted to share the backside of the story, and I wanted to hear everyone's opinions, that's what I love about this place! Freedom, Freedom, Freedom! To share ideas, opinions, photos!

I asked because I wanted to know, I loved all the answers, truly!

To be honest, I read it the same way as Serpentwrap (and others, I suspect). Without the appropriate emoticons, the tone of your post comes across as pretty sharp with a healthy dose of "I told you so" thrown in.

You added a lot of info that totally changed the meaning of [to paraphrase] "I think he's beneath us" statement in your original post. I think we responded to the potentially haughty and unjustified tone of that (after all, some people say such things when they see people who simply don't wear designer labels, don't have the 'proper' pedigree, etc., right?). Then when you added more info, it was abundantly clear you had solid reasoning behind the statements in your OP. The addition just tended to read like, Fuck you very much to all of the idiots who failed to understand me in the first place! Since that was clearly NOT your intent, maybe you could go edit that additional post for clarity so those who read it later on don't misinterpret. Adding "There's much more info in Post #XX" or the explanation from that second big post to your OP probably wouldn't be a bad idea, either -- unfortunately, there are plenty of members who only read and respond to the first posts in threads.

It's SO easy to miscommunicate/be misunderstood in this type of medium when we don't provide sufficient explanation in the first place (or say something like, "I'll be back later to explain more"), use precise language and/or give cues to indicate our tone! Most of us who have been around for a bit have had issues with this at least a few times. At least in my case, the great news is those misunderstandings have made me a better thinker and writer, which has translated to clearer communication in other areas of my life.

 

[nakdsub]

Okay Milf, I will make one more attempt here...

If you will contact me on PM, I will give you access to tools that will help keep your child safe!
You can sign up FREE, no charge. This is not to spy on your child, but it will give you notice if your child is engaging in risky behavior, or if someone else is trying to bully her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

I am not trying to sell you anything or scare you. I offering legitimate help.

 

[bailadora]

Ugh. Why do parents always insist on bullshitting their children to death?

It's not that parents insist on bullshitting their kids. It's just that we remember all the stupid shit we did as kids/teens. And with the benefit of maturity, experience and wisdom we also now see the myriad ways those situations could have gone horribly wrong. It's parental instinct to want to protect your kids as much as possible.

But I suspect that's something that's hard to understand until one becomes a parent. My SIL was young when I met my husband and I often silently disagreed with my inlaws over their decisions during her teen years. My ideas on parenting changed a whole lot when I actually became one.


ETA: I have a son as well as daughter and there are no double standards in my house. If my son were to come home with a hickey, you can bet your ass my husband and I would be initiating a conversation about it.

 

[SweetErika]

Apparently Hamilton disappeared into thin air, Bailadora. I went to reply to his assertion that he was complaining about this place because he was enjoying himself in the masturbating thread, and when I didn't see his post anywhere, I came here to see if it was a one-off thing or not. Bizarre.

 

[bailadora]

I see that. How does an entire post get deleted? I thought that wasn't possible.

 

[satindesire]

I see that. How does an entire post get deleted? I thought that wasn't possible.

Two likely possibilities. Either he complained to a mod that he made an error in judgement and knew he'd probably get flamed for that holier-than-thou post so the mod took it down for him. OR, so many people reported that post for being icky that a mod took it down to prevent any problems.

 

[SweetErika]

It's not just the posts, it's the entire user that disappeared. When I tried to click on his name earlier, it told me I didn't have permission to access that page. Obviously I've seen every post from a person get froggied, their status changed from member to guest and the "Loves Spam" custom title, but I've yet to see a member and their posts simply disappear.

 

[satindesire]

It's not just the posts, it's the entire user that disappeared. When I tried to click on his name earlier, it told me I didn't have permission to access that page. Obviously I've seen every post from a person get froggied, their status changed from member to guest and the "Loves Spam" custom title, but I've yet to see a member and their posts simply disappear.

Hrn.

Then I'm out of ideas.

 

[dapimpnut]

Thats fishy yes...Im just sayin

 

[dapimpnut]

How do i just be GOOD!!!???