My BF likes to be too aggressive...

[DDC11B]

If you feel a need to seek answers from the internet if something is too rough….Its too rough.
DUMP HIM
And seek assistance. Counselor, parent, understanding friend.

 

[IARainman]

Thank you for your support

Hope the takeaway is "not all men are criminally assholes, learning which ones are is the trick."

Reach out again if you need more help. I think you've seen there's support here

 

[CarlyAnn]

Call the National Domestic Hotline 1.800.799.7233
Tell your parents
Notify the police
Apply for a restraining order (make notations of the abuse)

My advice is due to the violence I received many years ago.

This song lets you know it’ll only get worse

 

[ToPleaseHim]

This is not BDSM. This is abuse. Please follow the advice you’re receiving in this thread and leave him now. This only gets worse.

 

[DynamicFigure]

Sometimes if he gets a little bit too angry for your heart in his apartment, he'll kick my leg or throw me a little bit too hard against the wall and I bruise easily because I'm very pale

You need to end the relationship unless you enjoy being physically abused. If this was my problem, I would also seek some counseling, etc. to determine why I attracted a person like him into my life. What he's doing is not normal and it's not safe. You can involve the police if he bothers you after you leave him.

 

[fool4u]

Call the National Domestic Hotline 1.800.799.7233
Tell your parents
Notify the police
Apply for a restraining order (make notations of the abuse)

My advice is due to the violence I received many years ago.

This song lets you know it’ll only get worse

Powerful song. Good advice. I hope Cali chick is hearing us all and can make the changes she needs to.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Please take photos and takes notes (dates, time, what was said/done) to aid in any restraining order you might need.

Start telling people in your life what is going on, people you trust. End your relationship and go "no contact".

 

[Ash999]

DUMP HIM
CC to National Domestic Hotline

 

[Poprockz]

The difference between sexual aggression in bdsm and abuse is whether the one being subjected to the punishment/roughness is consenting, willing, and enjoying. In bdsm, there are rules and mutual understandings, usually done by sitting down and talking about boundaries and limits. The power a dom has is only kept for as long as a sub still wants it that way.

Abuse is more where someone is trying to steal your power by intimidation or threats. Violence too. It’s roughing you up regardless of how you feel about it. If it scares you to speak up for fear of what he might do in retaliation, it’s abuse. Please please please take care of yourself and make sure you lay out a plan of action before you cut things off. And yes, as everyone is saying, you should 100% leave this relationship.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

The difference between sexual aggression in bdsm and abuse is whether the one being subjected to the punishment/roughness is consenting, willing, and enjoying. In bdsm, there are rules and mutual understandings, usually done by sitting down and talking about boundaries and limits. The power a dom has is only kept for as long as a sub still wants it that way.

Abuse is more where someone is trying to steal your power by intimidation or threats. Violence too. It’s roughing you up regardless of how you feel about it. If it scares you to speak up for fear of what he might do in retaliation, it’s abuse. Please please please take care of yourself and make sure you lay out a plan of action before you cut things off. And yes, as everyone is saying, you should 100% leave this relationship.

I understand that me leaving is the best option but nobody's undressing the situation of him having videos or pictures of me

 

[Zolitair]

I understand that me leaving is the best option but nobody's undressing the situation of him having videos or pictures of me

Isn't there a legal way to get those videos and photos???

 

[MiaBabe23]

I don't know who else to turn to because I'm 18 and none of my friends are mature enough to talk about this without making it into a joke.
Basically I started dating this guy with a little bit older about 4 months ago and lately every time we are together He is very rough, I don't mean something that's fine, he's like really bruising me and sometimes I have to tell him that I can't keep going because my parents will kill me they see anything on my body

I echo all of the above - get yourself safe
It may feel like a wrench, it may feel difficult acknowledging that what he’s doing is abuse, but the sad reality is, if you let him keep doing this, he’s not gonna change
Ease yourself outta the situation
Picture yourself a year from now. No bruises, no worry about having to hide your skin, no fear
Then call the hotline to work out your next steps

 

[MiaBabe23]

I understand that me leaving is the best option but nobody's undressing the situation of him having videos or pictures of me

That’s something you can deal with once you’re safe from him; you can discuss it with the police if you feel able to report him at this stage

 

[barefootgirl69]

I understand that me leaving is the best option but nobody's undressing the situation of him having videos or pictures of me

How can we discuss anything that you only mention now?

I echo @MiaBabe23 - deal with that later. He cannot legally put them on the internet.

 

[Poprockz]

Being safe is paramount. It’s really unfortunate that he has those videos and pics, and I truly feel for you. :/ That being said, you can’t neglect your wellbeing because he might post them as revenge. As embarrassing and hurtful as I know that would likely be, that possibility is better than continuing to be with him. Who’s to say he wouldn’t force you to do things you don’t want to do with the threat of releasing that stuff? You have recourse if he does though- revenge porn is illegal in a lot of places.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

How can we discuss anything that you only mention now?

I echo @MiaBabe23 - deal with that later. He cannot legally put them on the internet.

It's not about legality of it, she puts that stuff out then it's out then there's nothing I can do about it for the rest of my life

 

[barefootgirl69]

It's not about legality of it, she puts that stuff out then it's out then there's nothing I can do about it for the rest of my life

Unfortunately, that's a hard lesson to be learned.

Maybe the only way around it is to go to the police to begin with and/or talk to a lawyer preemptively.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Unfortunately, that's a hard lesson to be learned.

Maybe the only way around it is to go to the police to begin with and/or talk to a lawyer preemptively.

They're nothing for me to tell the police because you didn't do anything yet, he had all that stuff on his phone and he was the one who took them when we were together so it's not like he stole them

 

[barefootgirl69]

Also, why are you saying "she" now when it was a guy you've been dating?

 

[MiaBabe23]

Are you a person of High Character?

What the fuck kinda bs is this? The OP is talking about having suffered abuse, and you’re questioning her character, trying to blame her? Then trying to turn it into a kink?
Hobble back to the pb, you’re on the wrong thread

 

[CaliChiklkk]

What the fuck kinda bs is this? The OP is talking about having suffered abuse, and you’re questioning her character, trying to blame her? Then trying to turn it into a kink?
Hobble back to the pb, you’re on the wrong thread

I already got the ton of messages similar to this, people think it's hot that he hits me

 

[MiaBabe23]

you misunderstood
1) I made no claim about her
2) implicitly I encouraged strength because it comes from honor
3) yes, you have fierce ideas on what should be done. And you may have an abundance of success with that approach. It follows not that all else is horrible

Oh, I understood you plenty
And personally I do find it kinda horrible that you’re now talking about honor here. Not really the priority when someone’s faced with violence

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Oh, I understood you plenty
And personally I do find it kinda horrible that you’re now talking about honor here. Not really the priority when someone’s faced with violence

Thank you very much for defending me and I really truly appreciate it, it's very sweet of you but it's okay You've been just ignore because there's a lot of messages like this

 

[Poprockz]

The way I see it is that yes, you can’t take back pics/vids once they’re out there (though I’ve heard there are ways to get them removed from websites) but what’s the alternative?

Your options are:
A.) Stay with him and endure the abuse with all the suffering that entails. You could end up being either physically or emotionally broken down (sometimes both), and at some point he might even end your life, either on purpose or because he couldn’t control his aggression. You’ll be living in fear, unable to speak your truth to him without fearing retaliation.
B.) Break up with him in a way that makes sure you’re physically safe and risk your nudes getting leaked. You may endure shame and embarrassment, and it may be exhausting to seek legal counsel to remove the revenge porn. Ultimately though, you would have the freedom to find someone who will truly cherish you, and you would prevent injury to yourself.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

There's some stuff I can't really talk about on here but those videos he has can run my life so my only option is for a clean break up without any anger or anything