NC needs creative Help

You've ll being waiting for it....ep 7 with the creation story

lol

EPISODE SEVEN – THE GENESIS OF KNIGHT-CROWE (FORMERLY: DET. LONG)

Starts wit KC sat looking at the screen in wonder, shows him thinking of what to do. Eventually he comes to one conclusion...Long.

Flash to Long's hotel room (he's still living there after the events of ep 4) wheres he's stood and thinking about things....the phone rings and it's Nate, asking him to come round asap.

Flash back to Nate's house where he is stood in jeans and t-shirt. Door goes and Long enters, and Nate tells him of KC's kidnapping. When Long asks why this would happen, KC is hesitant, but tells him that he is KC. Long is not surprised, he had guessed as much, and unbsure of any leads, asks Nate how he became the hero he was today.

FLASHBACK: Months (if not a year) earlier, Malc, Nate and the uncle are driving back from the hospital and get caught in an overly large pile up, caused by a terrorist who wants to kill a politician and does so using a large amount of explosives. They are caught badly, and the emergency services wouldn't be able to help enuf of them in time.

Feigning his true condition the uncle orders Nate to don the suit that his uncle has being making for some hero or another (lol), and use it's strength enchancers to help with the emergency. Nate reluctantly agrees and runs for the house. As he does this, Malc and the uncle talk briefly, before the uncle finally passes out and dies.

At the house Nate dons the suit and awkwardly rushes back to the site and begins to help, by lifting and free people, then flying them out of the way. He reaches his brother, and finds his uncle dead. Upset he threatens to go after the terrorist as he hears gunshots, but Malc manages to persuade him to save the others in the crash first....One life sacrificed (the politician) to save the rest of the others.

Finally, with the help of Nate, the scene is soon cleaned up and the vicitms taken to hospital, but the terrorist is gone.

As he flies off, Media people talk and compare him to both a crow and a knight, thus coining hisname...

Flashback to the present, where long comment on the irony of the whole crowe thing (with crowe being nates last name and all)

Nate then recounts how he developed afterwards briefly, as well as Havoc's role, and how he discover the Terrorist and brought him to the police, and decided that the city needed a hero, just as much as the other cities that had heroes did.

Long looks up and gives a meek smile, revelaing where he thinks Havoc will be with Malc...at the remains of the construction site that had being rebuilding the destroyed road.

Nodding that it makes sense the two head off...

Flash to Malc, who is informed via Havoc that the drones have just reveled that they discovered his whereabouts, and are on their way, and also theorises that Nate isn't smart enough to do this without help...
 
Firstly I understand your desire to have an origin story and have it early, however I'm not feeling this for a number of reasons. The first is that while I understand that not everybody is killed by Joker, Venom, Magneto or you know a "real" villian but I'm not a fan of the idea that his Uncle was killed by someone at random (it also suddenly occurs that if we know why the brothers didn't have their parents I don't recall it.)

My personal opinion is also that if you are only dedicating three episodes to the arc that all three should be chasing HAVOC not one involving Long. I'm going to assume there is some logical reason why he suspected Nate. I mean under normal circumstances you'd never figure out that Bats and Bruce or Supes and Kent are the same guy. (Though you really have to wonder how Lois, Perry and Jimmy Olsen NEVER figured it out) anyway I'm sure its explained at some point but I personally feel this deserves a longer build. If it was my call (and my vote is to) have KC somehow covertly employ Long. (Why does he think of Long anyway, had he shown truly extraordinary detective skills?)

He shouldn't be flying victims out (IMO) he should pretty much be freeing people and maybe clearing a path. The reason for this is that if you want him to improve in the handling of the suit flight should be extraordinarily difficult. I might go so far as to have him attempt flight back at the house, fail horribly (Have you seen Ironman?) and failing that take a car to as close as he can get.

This is again a personal point (as opposed to something that is actually wrong) I wouldn't view the politicians death as a trade for everybody else. Him dying didn't cause the crowd to die, the terrorist being alive did, letting the terroist escape makes the politician's death pointless instead of a sacrifice so that other may live. The way you have it IMO, I'd be double checking the politician to make certain he was dead so that such a thing didn't happen again because of him. Again this is personal opinion, and it comes from the same place that makes me question Spiderman 2 as I will explain here. *I HATE that Doc Ock throws a fucking CAR through a window at Parker and MJ, then throws Peter up against a brick wall and tells him to bring Spiderman. The only reason Parker [and MJ] survived was because Parker had Spider Sense and dodged the car and Spider toughness (or whatever he has) that allowed him to crack bricks with his skull and suffer no damage. So throwing a car was a really bad way to get the attention of somebody he didn't think was Spidey, and if he knew why not just take him there? End rant* It just doesn't seem like the charachters are making logical decisions based on the information that they have available to them. Though they don't truly need to that is my opinion.

I've been the first and formost person saying to ignore Batman connections when you can and maybe it's your AV but I ever realized until right now that KC was a black clad hero who could reasonably be described as a "Dark/Crow/Raven, Knight" I blame myself here (and your Shocker AV combine with your chosen handle) but. . .honestly I'm not sure what to do with this scene. . .feel free to bludgeon be about the head and shoulders though on this. It might be better if he chose his own name intentionally, or maybe if he'd been intending to call himself Crow, or Raven something that was a play on his name and then the Knight part was added because of something he did, you know maybe saving a girl who says "My knight in shining armor"

I'm not feeling the abandoned warehouse. Based on Havoc (the way I understand him so feel free tell me I didn't understand something) he's nanotech and being in an abandoned warehouse doesn't seem to offer him any strategic advantages. Maybe an abandoned factory would be better, lots of stuff for him to take over.
 
Firstly I understand your desire to have an origin story and have it early, however I'm not feeling this for a number of reasons. The first is that while I understand that not everybody is killed by Joker, Venom, Magneto or you know a "real" villian but I'm not a fan of the idea that his Uncle was killed by someone at random (it also suddenly occurs that if we know why the brothers didn't have their parents I don't recall it.)

My personal opinion is also that if you are only dedicating three episodes to the arc that all three should be chasing HAVOC not one involving Long. I'm going to assume there is some logical reason why he suspected Nate. I mean under normal circumstances you'd never figure out that Bats and Bruce or Supes and Kent are the same guy. (Though you really have to wonder how Lois, Perry and Jimmy Olsen NEVER figured it out) anyway I'm sure its explained at some point but I personally feel this deserves a longer build. If it was my call (and my vote is to) have KC somehow covertly employ Long. (Why does he think of Long anyway, had he shown truly extraordinary detective skills?)

He shouldn't be flying victims out (IMO) he should pretty much be freeing people and maybe clearing a path. The reason for this is that if you want him to improve in the handling of the suit flight should be extraordinarily difficult. I might go so far as to have him attempt flight back at the house, fail horribly (Have you seen Ironman?) and failing that take a car to as close as he can get.

This is again a personal point (as opposed to something that is actually wrong) I wouldn't view the politicians death as a trade for everybody else. Him dying didn't cause the crowd to die, the terrorist being alive did, letting the terroist escape makes the politician's death pointless instead of a sacrifice so that other may live. The way you have it IMO, I'd be double checking the politician to make certain he was dead so that such a thing didn't happen again because of him. Again this is personal opinion, and it comes from the same place that makes me question Spiderman 2 as I will explain here. *I HATE that Doc Ock throws a fucking CAR through a window at Parker and MJ, then throws Peter up against a brick wall and tells him to bring Spiderman. The only reason Parker [and MJ] survived was because Parker had Spider Sense and dodged the car and Spider toughness (or whatever he has) that allowed him to crack bricks with his skull and suffer no damage. So throwing a car was a really bad way to get the attention of somebody he didn't think was Spidey, and if he knew why not just take him there? End rant* It just doesn't seem like the charachters are making logical decisions based on the information that they have available to them. Though they don't truly need to that is my opinion.

I've been the first and formost person saying to ignore Batman connections when you can and maybe it's your AV but I ever realized until right now that KC was a black clad hero who could reasonably be described as a "Dark/Crow/Raven, Knight" I blame myself here (and your Shocker AV combine with your chosen handle) but. . .honestly I'm not sure what to do with this scene. . .feel free to bludgeon be about the head and shoulders though on this. It might be better if he chose his own name intentionally, or maybe if he'd been intending to call himself Crow, or Raven something that was a play on his name and then the Knight part was added because of something he did, you know maybe saving a girl who says "My knight in shining armor"

I'm not feeling the abandoned warehouse. Based on Havoc (the way I understand him so feel free tell me I didn't understand something) he's nanotech and being in an abandoned warehouse doesn't seem to offer him any strategic advantages. Maybe an abandoned factory would be better, lots of stuff for him to take over.

Fair enough....all good points, but atm, i just can't be assed with it...it's not ur fault it's a RL problem lol, and i think the best way for this would be for you to write an episode 7 plan, one which may easily cause me to change my mind.

I know i seem abrupt, but hey, that exactly how i feel atm.

so i'd write out what you suggest for the episode.

If your lucky i may be bk to my happy chirpy self in a few hours...
 
And also while i remember i envision KC as a cross between a Knight, Batman, and Hawkman.

Thats in appearance anyway...
 
I'll see what I can put together, are you going to give me parameters again or at least a what has to be here? I understand all about RL getting in the way I'm just blessed with a desk job with nearly infinite down time. So my RL sucking actually equates to MORE time on here.

Also just because I can point out what is wrong with your idea doesn't mean I can do better.:( I wish we had a little more input here from the others cus maybe there is something that is a quick instant fix for everything and I'm just not seeing it. Like that guy who came up with HAVOC, DRONE and SCIMITAR. I'd still be flinging spaghetti at the wall in hopes of hiting something half as brilliant as that.
 
Okay...

a) parent were cops that got killed just as they finished work...turned out they were after his father (long's partner)...during this the kids were with their uncle...

b) I want some different for the origin.

c) nothin else to put, i'm currently doing some villain based spaghetti flingin of my own.
 
Kay if you need a hand feel free to give me or us a basic outline of what you want and we'll see if we can't flesh it out. You've no idea how many skeletons I've got (well maybe you do) where I know the basics of what I want for a charachter but nothing else is coming out. I'll get to work on a draft of Chapter 7
 
How about if the terrorists abducted the politician instead of killing him? Perhaps they could be a group of metahumans? What did you call them again? Homo Sapiates? Perhaps they want him to use his influence to free one of their people from prison, or even another country's custody?
 
Here's another idea I just had.

A Murder of Crows: Some cosmic event draws several alternate reality versions of KC into the same reality. LOL. (Necrow, a vampiric KC. Mecha-crow, android made by Malc on one world where the real KC died prematurely. Tempest, Bethany using her nightmare powers for good, while wearing a similar suit to KC. Dire-Crow, a KC that was horribly transmutated by Dr. Taunt performing medical experiments on him, all bone spurred and feathered.)
 
Based on what I can tell of NC's likes and dislikes I don't think he's going to like that story. Personally I think it sounds like it would be a lot of fun, particularly if we could set it as a one shot where it doesn't have anything to do with anything. You know like Anime Movies, or crossover comics (usually anyway)
 
Here's another idea I just had.

A Murder of Crows: Some cosmic event draws several alternate reality versions of KC into the same reality. LOL. (Necrow, a vampiric KC. Mecha-crow, android made by Malc on one world where the real KC died prematurely. Tempest, Bethany using her nightmare powers for good, while wearing a similar suit to KC. Dire-Crow, a KC that was horribly transmutated by Dr. Taunt performing medical experiments on him, all bone spurred and feathered.)

Hehe, I like....

I may use it as a one off though, like Sean suggested....perhaps a non-canonical stand alone story, created as a result of Disciple finally getting the powers of the gods or something...
 
Wow that is way more thought than most stand alones seem to get. It seems like Marvel just slaps a number on it. This is Earth-978. That explains everything that makes no sense. DC seems to be similar just they use lower numbers :D.
 
Thanks guys, glad you both like the idea. :)

Could you imagine having a device like the eXiles Tallus? "I don't know guys, I dialed 616 for home, but I keep getting put on hold by some guy named Stan..."
 
I've only read one Exiles magazine ever, you'll have to excuse me while I wiki up some knowledge so I dont' sound like a fool.
 
Haha, that would be brilliant lol....or it could be canonical, but once disciple loses his powers everything reverts back to normal and everyone forgets about it....except for Malc and Disciple!

Mwahaha

lol, yeah, what were ppl's views on the tributes i used in episode 5 for the mobsters lol.

I usuall use 2611, 2710, 2809 and 2908 for my marvel based AU's.


Thinks of the old Exiles thread he was in where he played a heroic doc octopus.
 
Well it's not perfect but lets see what you guys think of this version of Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: First Flight (working title *which means I know it sucks*)

Flashback: Open on Nate and Malcolm playing video games at their uncles home completely engrossed in the game they aren’t aware of what their uncle is working on as he’s typing away on his computer. He is working on a prototype Knight Crow suit. The phone rings and he picks up the phone and reads the caller ID and collapses back into his seat. The boys remain oblivious for a few minutes until they become Nate becomes irritated by the phone ringing and asks if his uncle is going to answer. This jars Uncle into answering the phone.

Flash to KC fixing his HQ, the message from HAVOC still on the computer. KC is frustrated as he’s looking for clues that he doesn’t believe are there. After a while he finally decides he can’t handle this on his own, he needs to ask for help.

Flashback: Nate, Malc and the Uncle are sitting in a courtroom awaiting the verdict on the criminals responsible for the death of the parents. Currently on the stand is Detective Long giving his expert testimony linking the murder to the Homo Sapiete X. X is sitting behind a chair in unique shackles built to counteract his powers. The verdict is given as Death by Lethal Injection. X freaks out and managed to break the shackles holding him and his moves cause major structural damage to the court house injuring many of the people inside along with the Uncle. The Uncle orders Nate to don the suit which is stored in a “secret” compartment of their car (The spare wheel spot) and help with evacuating people. Nate wants to go after X but Uncle explains to him that it’s more important to save lives than to stop the badguy right now.

Enter KC who helps the police with the evacuation of troops, starting by lifting something that several of them had been straining with to free a woman. The cops at this point decide to trust KC as they don’t have time to be concerned about him, they continue the with the rescue and as KC is leaving one of the officers asks him his name and he replies that he hasn’t come up with a name yet. Awkward pause and then he exits.

Weeks later he’s still searching for X with no luck. X has been supposedly linked for the deaths of several other police and their families in recent weeks but nobody can track him down it seems, particularly not Nate who could never figure out where in the world was Carmen Sandiego. He eventually is out “patrolling” which is like wandering in circles when he notices the sounds of sirens and follows them.

Detective Long has managed to track down X and is involved in a shoot out with the villain when KC interrupts. He puts down X easily enough but realizing his identity is at risk he quickly hands X over to the police rather than exact revenge. Again Long asks who he is and KC responds he’s working on it. Long responds maybe you should try Knight Crowe. You kinda look like a modern knight. KC’s eyes widen with shock and Long shakes his head telling him as long as KC doesn’t make him use that knowledge it’s safe with him.

Flash to present and KC deciding it’s time to go ask for help.

Flash to present:

Notes: (I’m writing these as I write the summary)
I think we should have snazzy name for the suit but I’m all out of solid names.

X is a working name I couldn’t think of a name but I want to be a criminal who was of some significance. I don’t know what his powers are.

I had to really strain to keep from writing the words “With great power comes great responsibility.”

BLOODY FUCK. I can’t have him say I am Knight Crowe at the trial for the murders of mr and mrs Crowe. Anybody who hadn’t suffered a lobotomy would figure it out! I want him to say I am the Knight and let Crow be added on later but uh some other hero says that. FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!! Okay breathing, rewriting. . .

This is a work in progress I already have a few minor issues with it, particularly Nate getting lucky and hearing the patrol but I’ve no better ideas.
 
I just had a thought...what if the uncle wasn't dead, but merely comatose at the local hospital.
 
Ah, but for the good ol days... When all your supporting characters took stupid pills and had no idea that the mild mannered reporter was ACTUALLY the super hero they were all reporting on...
 
You two are being WAY too nice, I know that is less than perfect. I'm not even sure it any better than NC's version of it. I tried to take the important moments from his and do it in a way that made morse sense to me but I'm not sure I nailed it.

I decided that Long and KC's relationship can be one of those things that was defined before the story started and just leave it at that, partially because I don't like "stupid" people around the hero constantly and the other reason is that I think it further divides KC from the Bat if we downplay his detective skills, we could eventually kill Long and have KC have to start reaching out to find a replacement, or start depending more on Malc or whatever.
 
Okay heres the link to the superhero group project....

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=606568

I've also fiddled with it a bit, so it will be easier for us to find things lol.

Also, please remember that this is currently our main priority.


I'm off to get food in a sec, but once i'm done, I'll read ep7, give me views and tweaks, then sort out ep 8.

:)
 
I can see about three good reasons to keep the uncle alive, but in a coma.

1. Malc could go in and secretly make a digital copy of his brain waves or something, so that he could 'bring him back' in the future.

2. Give Crowe someone to go to to talk about all the hard grown up stuff that he doesn't want to put on Malc's shoulders.

3. If he ultimately should die, we could see how Crowe deals with the loss.

The only one I caught of your homage's was Stan Lee. Who were the others supposed to be references to?

How would Disciple be the cause of an A.R.C. (Alternate Reality Convergence.)?

Alternately, what if Bethany were the cause of an ARC. Say she goes to a psychic in the hopes of ridding herself of her powers, but the psychic wants to steal them from her, and does a botched transferal ritual or something, which makes Black's power draw the other KC's from their home realities?
 
Back
Top