NC needs creative Help

[NiteCrowe]

I've decided that the first arc in which HAVOC turns rogue, will feature Blaize.

Secondly, as the Havoc ar of season one has an ending, i intend to do the same for the Mob arc....with treymayne getting arrested and then vanishing off the face of the earth (with potential so that he can come back.)

 

[NiteCrowe]

FIVE – VANISHING ACT

Starts off with Treymayne stood at a window, and listening to the radio, which is reporting that a mobster has being arrested. He turns and we discover that sat at the table is Mr. Ledger's, and his bodyguards Kane and Fingers (Yes, the names are all tributes, and I intend to use the three characters later on.) Ledgers states a rhetorical question that the captured mobster was Treymayne's number one. T nods, and Ledger informs him that his superiors want the captured mobster silenced.
Treymayne nods and calls in Mr Stanley (Yes another tribute) and ask's him to make it so. Stanley smiles and says that the mobster will soon have VANISHED for good.

Meanwhile Malc, Beth and Nate are at a magic variety act, which is being headlined bya young female Magician named, Izzy Bizarus, who's acts look to be 100 % magic, much to Malc's annoyance as he hates magic and is only there because Nate forced him to, he also notices what appears to be a member of the mob in the audience and tries to point it out to Nate, but Nate isn't paying attention.

After the show, Izzy is in her room, when a knock is heard on her door. Mr Stanley enters and asks her to make the mobster vanish. She happily agrees, and when Mr Stanley asks how she will do it, she replies by saying 'Magic.'

Meanwhile, Detective Long recieves a note informing him that the mob has put out a hit on the mobster, and it is signed IB. With this news Long goes to the precinct roof where he waits until KC appears. Long informs him that they intend to move him to a higher security place, and Longs asks KC to help as well.

Meanwhile, Malc realises that Izzy B must be a Homo Sapiete Technopath., and prepares to visit the show again the next night, and use an electromagnetic pulse to prove his theory. KC contacts him and tells him about the letter, and Malc suspects that IB is going to be making him vanish, and asks that KC come round and collect a piece of tech. (Clues....The Mob at the show, The word Vanish in the letter, and the fact it's signed IB)

IB breaks into the station and 'hypnotices' two officers in to helping her. (One of her powers is that she is invisible to technology as well as being a technopath) this is shown by a cursory glance at the camera which shows only the cops and not her.

Eventually she reaches Long and traps him using a net she pulled from her hat. As she is about to make the mobster and herself vanish, KC bursts in and uses the EMP, thus stopping her. IB remains calm though and lets herself be taken prisoner.

Long is freed and KC tells him about how it he stopped her (He gives nothing away about his real life though.)

Back home, Nate informs Malc that he was right, and as he turns it is revealed that Malc is secretly attempting to perform a magic trick.

Ends with an officer going to check on the prisoners, only to find that both cells are completely empty.

 

[Sean Renaud]

I don't like the name IB, but other than that I like this chapter and currently have nothing to add to it.

 

[RicoLouis]

Mr. Reaves
(As in to reave- To carry away forcefully.)

Spent several years capturing animals for zoo's and other wildlife groups before moving back to the united states where he became a bounty hunter. Using a wide assortment of non lethal weapons to capture fugitives. But when the woman he loved was killed in a battle between Knight Crow and a villian he blames Knight Crow for her death.

 

[Sean Renaud]

I'm not feeling that guy as a villian and his logic is silly at best (though this is comic land) Try this on and tell me how she feels.

John Reaves

John Reaves the son of the famous zoologist Allan Reeves (think Crocodile Hunter) grew up traveling the world and studying animals, like most boys he was particularly drawn to the predators and through his father he became an expert in tracking them and staying safe around them. When he was young (I like 15) he and his father were out on the Serengetti studying elephants when a pair of poachers arrived. Allan attempted to frighten the animal so it would escape the poachers and he partially suceeded, the animal was frightened and it did escape it's hunters. Unfortunately it also trampled Allan, Allan would survive but would be badly injured.

John didn't blame the elephant, he blamed the poachers and using his hunting skills he was able to hunt them down, and though he was smaler and weeker than them he took by surprise and was able to bring them to justice. Word got around and soon people were hiring John not only for safaris but also to bring in poachers when ever they were found. This goes on for years until the death of his father (I'm liking 25) upon the death of his father he can't bear being in Africa and returns to (I forgot the name of the city, I just remember not liking it ) and becomes a bounty hunter since it is something he has become talented at.

He starts dating a woman I want an asian chick so I'm naming her Mika (After the porn star Mika Tan, google her. . .right now, I won't finish this until you've googled her, and when you've googled her you'll be compelled to google yourself. . .ok now that you've finished googling I can continue) she gets killed in a fight between Nite & Butcher (or somebody else with super powers, it needs to be somebody that the audience will instantly recognize, not generic joe) John then decides that the city isn't safe and that it's Crow's fault, not only for not bringing villians in quickly but also by escalating the criminal arms race. In his opinion the reason why criminals are carrying increasingly dangerous weapons is because of Crow, a standard 9mm will kill a cop just find there is no reason to start bringing bigger guns for that, but Nite ups the ante.

He becomes a vigliante at this point hunting down criminals in a similar fashion to Nite al beit a little rougher (but not brutal) Nite finds out and thinking he has an ally starts trying to meet John but he can't seem to find him ever, just the criminals he's left behind. The reason for this is that the criminals are bait, he wants to catch Night and bring him to justice for his crimes (I'm sure by this point NC has racked up a fair amount of property damage, techincally all of the criminals could file assault and battery on him, likely assault with a deadly weapon for some, reckless endangerment, not to mention being a vigilante is illegal) and he is watching and studying KC occasionally even leaving criminals so he can study his fighting.

 

[NiteCrowe]

I like him....

What are opinion's on the chapters i have written 3,4 & 5, as i have not yet had any input on them.

I agree with IB, but i struggles to think of a name which is cool for a magician and a criminal.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Critically speaking.

The Long Run (Chapter 4) is pretty much perfect I don't have any real complaints about it, other than it feels a tad early, but don't worry about that because some stuff is going to feel early because even though we are just know writing of it this world didn't spring into being with Chapter 1, these charachters existed and had history so on and so forth. So I've no complaints on that one.

Chapter 3 actually has problems but it's largely me nit picking on the nature and function of Beth's powers and how they function. Early when she's being mugged she projects her fears onto others and that seems to be the jist of the episode is her accidently hurting others. Do her power make you THINK that you're being chased by your biggest fear (ie Scarecrow) or does she make your fears manifest? They are VASTLY different and if her power works on her then why when she was being mugged disn't she accidently dream up MORE attackers? Also I'm bloody well tired of everybody being afraid of clowns. We need a different phobia, seriously.

Chapter 5: I don't like the name IB, it's a magician take The Great, The Mysterious, The Mystifying and add another name just pull it out of a hat.

Aside from that I know it needs some tweaking but I'm not sure on what yet

 

[NiteCrowe]

Firstly, I'm not afraid of much, what i am afraid of is Clowns and Elavators.

The Great Bizarus?

I think she does it scarecrowe style.

 

[Sean Renaud]

We'll keep working on the name. We can start by just looking over famous magicians of all time, maybe Wiki something up.

So why haven't her powers effected her before? I think we need to really examine her and possibly retool the story once we've really figured out who she is.

 

[cats]

There could be a creative solution to why her power hasn't effected before. Perhaps she is afraid of being alone and manifesting something besides clowns (I agree clowns are over used) causes her to be left alone.

One could also say something like her powers only work when she is stressed, IE being mobbed or giving a speech on Monday. This could be combined with a stressful life style. (This is a common solution but also an increadably common human trait. Every one has defense mechanisms they can't control from bad jokes to crossing there arms.)

 

[Sean Renaud]

Ok, but how doe the powers work, why does it sometimes effect those around her and sometimes her or is it some kind of area effect where everybody withing X distance of her is bombarded?

If you need him to be afraid of something "rediculous" how bout Teletubbies, those things are kinda creepy.

 

[NiteCrowe]

Basically, This is the executive descision i made about that lol (always wanted to say it, but basically ignore it, it's just the premise i used lol)

Her power like her sister's, required to be kicked start, and this happened when she falls and hits her head during the mugging.

Trauma + Intense fear = Manifestation.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Ok so she can manifest things. Cool, it was activated for the first time then during the mugging which is as good an answer as any. How does her power function though, exactly. Does she do it on purpose does it project, and why at the end of the story is it on her, or are those Nite's fears that are surrounding her?

 

[NiteCrowe]

Basically her powers are autonomous, she has no control over them....at least not for a few volumes lol. Her powers instantly affect those within 250 metres of her who are currently experiencing extreme negative emotions (i.e. Guilt, fear, worry)

The Muggers are feeling guilt after she falls, as they think she may be dead, making them ideal targets.

KC is a target becuase he sees her door open and thinks someones in her house...(worry)

At the end she has reliased whats happened as she also has the ability to see the masnifestations, and after seeing the manifestations with the muggers, KC and her Aunt, she begins to fear herself, which makes her a target for her own powers.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Oh she's gonna be a blast. We need to retool this story pretty heavily though IMO. Either Damian or Deciple has to do a team up with her sometime in Volume 2.

Since her powers are a radius effect we need to show that in at least one scene, something with a crowd and maybe a terrorist attack, or gestapo depending on which side you want to err towards politically (or better yet Gestapo Terrorist just ot be over the top) and go through that.

Fuck the nulifier ring this is where we introduce the governmene agents for the first time and have them sweep her off to the facility for freaks and keep her locked away for a bit. We can bring her back later maybe even have Nite trying to get her out.

 

[NiteCrowe]

Unfortunatly that is where i'm going to say No. As i wrote it, i began to like her potential as a hero, and more importantly as Nate's love interest. That also became an important thing in my episode plan, it's also one reason for why Liz turns evil...her sister got the man that She wanted...

But I do have a solution....The ring is a prototype and not completely fool proof...so we can have a team up in volume 2....except its not actually her thats helping them....it's what her greatest fear was at the time of episode 2...her using her powers for evil.

Thus let me introduce, the newest addition to our rogues gallery...

Black Hope

A manifestion of a fear so strong that she became real. She is everything Beth isn't...and especially Evil...whats more, she can control her powers, to the point where she can control the manifestations themselves.

 

[Sean Renaud]

The ring is just so hokey and its way too easy. Not to mention you gotta question why they weren't. As for Damian or Deciple teaming up I think the drama is going to be better if it's actually her, it can be a forced team up. Damian as Torquemada kidnaps her and uses her pretty much to help him with a televangalist thing, he tells people they have demons in their loved ones, she manifest them (wether she likes it or not) and he exoricises them. You could run a cult with the same basic premise around Deciple though. Her powers not being control able is nice.

I gotta vote down on Black Hope, with the way we are using mutant powers we are already well into "almost magical" effects so she's a bit too far IMO, but if you want her we'll work with her.

Why does he love her though I mean I know in Batman he loves Catwoman. . .because they have similar outfits but what's the motivation here? It's also really early not only for a love interest (that wasn't there to begin with) and for there to be people getting let in on the secret (and dear god do you want your secret identity known to somebody who's power is manifesting their worst fear? The exact second that ring goes down his name, face, social security number, address, the specs of his suit and his fear of clowns are all mailed first class to every villian and on every billboard. Unless you know he's not worried about people hurting him through his loved ones.

 

[NiteCrowe]

Firstly: I like the idea of her being forced to use her powers. Thus we scrap BH.

Secondly: He was dating her from before the volume begins, but it truly gets serious after the manifestations begin.

Thirdly: The ring is merely a placebo, (i think, i was toying with this idea earlier), and it's her belief that everythings okay, that stops the manifestations....the beggining of her control. We find this out much later on, as I want Malc after a few volumes, to openly confront Nate over his Jealousy. (that is Malc, is jealous of Nate), this leads to a plot twist i am saving for volume four-ish, which i will reveal in a moment, when i let you into my future plans...mwahahaa.

 

[Sean Renaud]

1. You are thinking WAY to far in advance. I mean by the time we get to three and four I would be hoping that we would have at least SOME fan input which can radically alter what directions we'll end up taking. Not to mention some ideas that sound cool right now aren't going to come across well and some ideas that sound hokey are going to be awesome.

2. The ring being placebo might work, we'll see. I still think this works better as an ongoing problem, an obstacle to be overcome, maybe he sedates her and when she wakes up she's got the ring on and she's told that it stopped her powers where as the reality is that something in the way he sedated her temporarily blocked her powers and that once it wears off she'll believe she's in control and that should keep things under control.

3. If they were dating we need to see her in chapter one, even if it's just a photo of them at the park cus the way it's written right now she just pops up out of no where and that's no good.

 

[NiteCrowe]

My future plans

here are my future plan concepts for Knight Crowe.

Volume Two: Resolves around Brody and Disciple. May Possibly include the Death of Detectie Long.

Volume Three: The main villian for this saga is the Mob. Treymayne is back, and he's pissed off...He wants power, and he's going to get it by any means neccessary. Also back is Mr Stanley, who is now more than just human. This volume will end with Malc confronting Nate, and leaving Darwin Isle. This series will also introduce the Sniper, Carl RienBold (or whatever he's called).

Volume Four: Begins with KC struggling without Malc, and after an episode or two, this disablility results in him nearly being killed, and thus comatose for the rest of the volume (he will wake up.) Malc returns, feeling guilty, and decides along with Beth that Darwin Isle still needs a knight and they look for a 'replacement', and decide on Carl, Nate's oldest friend. This volume ends with Carl becoming a villainous version of KC, after Nate wakes up and he feels redundant. This leads to a fight between the two, during which Carl, wearing the prototype suit, is caught in a massive explosion that results in his becoming, merged with the suit, and with an equally twisted mind to match. The main storyline of this volume will be Nate being out of action, and Carl having to try and cope. This also gives me the excuse i've being looking for the following...Liz escapes and rapes Nate's comatose body, becoming pregnant. (a fute storyline lol)

Hope you like...


Mwahahahahaa

 

[NiteCrowe]

1. You are thinking WAY to far in advance. I mean by the time we get to three and four I would be hoping that we would have at least SOME fan input which can radically alter what directions we'll end up taking. Not to mention some ideas that sound cool right now aren't going to come across well and some ideas that sound hokey are going to be awesome.

2. The ring being placebo might work, we'll see. I still think this works better as an ongoing problem, an obstacle to be overcome, maybe he sedates her and when she wakes up she's got the ring on and she's told that it stopped her powers where as the reality is that something in the way he sedated her temporarily blocked her powers and that once it wears off she'll believe she's in control and that should keep things under control.

3. If they were dating we need to see her in chapter one, even if it's just a photo of them at the park cus the way it's written right now she just pops up out of no where and that's no good.

1) I am thinking too far in advance, true, but i like it, and its what i do...like i say, its just ideas, and things i would like to see happen.

2) Yep, i like your idea better lol.

3) I do intend for her to be mentioned a few times before ep 3 lol, i just couldn't be assed to put it in the basic overview lol.

 

[Sean Renaud]

1. I hate yourre volume four, but I won't cry too much right now, I figure I've got three volumes to work on convincing you to do soemthing else and I just want to get Volume 1 up and running at this point.

2. Glad you like it.

3. Good point about not mentioning her in the summary cus she wasn't important to the plot. So when do we get 6+ cus I figure once we've got that cessed out we can start an actual first draft of the story, obviously we won't post the finished product on here that we'll email between whomever you feel is active enough to warrarnt it. Be prewarned I'm in no way shy about aggressive editing, if we use MS Word I can put it to track changes so you can see exactly what I changed which save you the time of having to go back and check what I changed vs what you had.

 

[NiteCrowe]

1. I hate yourre volume four, but I won't cry too much right now, I figure I've got three volumes to work on convincing you to do soemthing else and I just want to get Volume 1 up and running at this point.

2. Glad you like it.

3. Good point about not mentioning her in the summary cus she wasn't important to the plot. So when do we get 6+ cus I figure once we've got that cessed out we can start an actual first draft of the story, obviously we won't post the finished product on here that we'll email between whomever you feel is active enough to warrarnt it. Be prewarned I'm in no way shy about aggressive editing, if we use MS Word I can put it to track changes so you can see exactly what I changed which save you the time of having to go back and check what I changed vs what you had.

Okay, are we okay with eps 1 to 5 then? I'll get a few more up and running in a sec, i was just improving my filing system for the characters and villians we've got lol. (atm they were just randomly saved as villain1, 2 ect ect)

I'll just do one more then i will work on ep 6

 

[Sean Renaud]

I think episode one is pretty great at this point at least from an outline POV

I think episode two is ok, I don't like the car battery thing but I also don't have a better idea at the moment either so again I'll just kinda sign on with a general discontent.

I think the same about three but again no idea what to fix.

Chapter 4 is brilliant and even well named

Chapter 5 will be perfect if we can find a better name than IB

 

[NiteCrowe]

Okay, I have just decided on three things... My favourite villain is Disciple. My face story so far is number four. And that Number Six is Impossible to write.

Thus, I am going to do the following...I am going to post the basics as i have them for #6 (and trust me its not alot), and then i am going to pass over the writing reigns for one time only! and instead take up an editorial position.

Remember this is only for this chapter, i don't intend to make this a regular thing lol.

EPISODE 6 BASICS
>Malcolm's training program for Nate takes on a life of it's own. Ends with Havoc kidnapping Malcolm.
>Assisting and manipulating Blaize Harmon into attacking KC, and then by Kidnapping Malc.
Basically, this is where Havoc's true colours are shown, i'm thinking that you don't discover this till the very end of the chapter. Mainly he is manipulating Blaize somehow into attacking KC.

Enjoy.