Need help with my roomate

[throxus]

I just recently moved in with my current roommate, who of which is actually my boss at work. Long story on how we became friends and how i ended up moving in with her, but at the start it was "strictly" friends type of thing.

After I arrived, about two days after, we had some drinks and I found out that she was attracted to me, and I told her I was attracted to her, we shared a kiss, but after that she said that we must remain friends in order for our living situation to work.

What i'm wondering, is if there is a sexual attraction, which i've already confirmed, how do I show her that if we became sexually active with each other, that it'd still work out as far as the living situation goes? Any advice is welcome.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I just recently moved in with my current roommate, who of which is actually my boss at work. Long story on how we became friends and how i ended up moving in with her, but at the start it was "strictly" friends type of thing.

After I arrived, about two days after, we had some drinks and I found out that she was attracted to me, and I told her I was attracted to her, we shared a kiss, but after that she said that we must remain friends in order for our living situation to work.

What i'm wondering, is if there is a sexual attraction, which i've already confirmed, how do I show her that if we became sexually active with each other, that it'd still work out as far as the living situation goes? Any advice is welcome.

She is your boss and roomate, this could be frought with much peril if your not careful. I would say just be patient if its meant to be it will happen. Though some action is needed, so why do the stuff you would for another girlfriend. If she is ok with it take her to dinner and a show or stay in and cook for her maybe??

 

[throxus]

She is your boss and roomate, this could be frought with much peril if your not careful. I would say just be patient if its meant to be it will happen. Though some action is needed, so why do the stuff you would for another girlfriend. If she is ok with it take her to dinner and a show or stay in and cook for her maybe??

The thing is, she said it'd be different if we werent living together.

 

[flamesofdesire]

How do you know that it would work out? Starting a sexual/romantic relationship with someone who is already living with you could be a disaster.
Right now it is just an attraction, and a person doesn't usually ask someone to move in with them based on attraction. That would be a foolish commitment at the start of a relationship. You would date for awhile, fall in love and etc.. before you would move in together. So how do you start dating someone you already live with? Especially this soon. You could move out so you can date her, or just wait and see how compatable you two really are.
But there's no way to show her that it would work out, cause you don't know that it would. Let her make the first move, until then, just be yourself and let her fall for you. The other posters advice is right, if it's meant to happen, it will. Just remember, if it doesn't work out, you'll be looking for a new place to live, maybe even a new job. That is why she has concerns.

 

[Norajane]

What i'm wondering, is if there is a sexual attraction, which i've already confirmed, how do I show her that if we became sexually active with each other, that it'd still work out as far as the living situation goes? Any advice is welcome.

You might want to look into the sexual harrassment rules most companies have against bosses and employees seeing each other. You could both get fired.

Otherwise, you can't really show her that your living situation would work out if you started having sex. You don't really know that's true, do you?

 

[phoenix1224]

Can anyone say BOUNDARIES?

You are attempting to cross two boundaries which should not be.

1) She is your boss... If things don't work out, it will make things at work uncomfortable... Could you work with her after a breakup? Could she work with you?

2) She is your roomate... If things don't work out, it will make things at home uncomfortable... Could you handle her bringing home other men after the two of you have broken up? Could she handle you bringing home other women?

Are you willing/prepared to have both your work and home life made to be unbearable?

These are questions the two of you should be asking yourselves.

If you like this woman THAT much, the only advise I can give is 1) find a new job and 2) find a new place to live... Otherwise, you're just asking for trouble.

 

[EJFan]

The thing is, she said it'd be different if we werent living together.

this is the most important point, i think.

romance that develops from a space-sharing relationship RARELY works out well in home life.

romance that develops with a supervisor RARELY works out well at the office.

i'm not saying either of these is impossible, just prone to problems... and you have a DOUBLE whammy. i think if you're both interested in pursuing a romantic relationship you have to at least get your own living quarters. having your own space (each of you) will be your best chance at seeing this through to whatever its conclusion is... and with far less emotional trauma along the way. having different jobs, or at least jobs where you don't interact at work every day, would be a huge plus, but at least get out of the roommate situation.

it seems like you both want to investigate this attraction. i hope it works out well... just don't jeopardize it by putting unnecessary stress where it's not needed.

 

[bobsgirl]

You might want to look into the sexual harrassment rules most companies have against bosses and employees seeing each other. You could both get fired.

Otherwise, you can't really show her that your living situation would work out if you started having sex. You don't really know that's true, do you?

Nora's made a good point regarding sexual harrassment rules. If this is a relationship you really want to pursue, find out first. I've seen people I'm really close to lose their jobs because of this very thing. I personally think that the one in the position of authority is the one most likely to get fired.

 

[Straight-8]

Wow, what a conservative bunch! All 'good advice' but I assume you came to this site hoping for more than you'd get from Dear Abby . If you want to go for this then be prepared for all sorts of nastiness down the road.

I agree with the poster who suggests trying the kinds of things you might do at the start of any relationship: dinner, movies etc. See if it has got wheels. Booze helps! Go slowly given that she's pulled two ways. Reassure her: "who's going to know?" (probably everybody but that's the way it goes!). Be a bit vulnerable, set up quiet intimate moments...figure out what works. Hell, if I knew I'd probably get there first !

Good luck....or, at least, have fun.

 

[Eilan]

Wow, what a conservative bunch! All 'good advice' but I assume you came to this site hoping for more than you'd get from Dear Abby .

If that's the case, then I'd guess he wanted validation and not advice.

 

[bobsgirl]

Wow, what a conservative bunch! All 'good advice' but I assume you came to this site hoping for more than you'd get from Dear Abby . If you want to go for this then be prepared for all sorts of nastiness down the road.

This is the part of your post that makes the most sense.

Throxus, were you asking for tips on how to seduce her, or thoughts on possible repercussions?

How is it conservative to suggest that he should be smart about it?

 

[Norajane]

Wow, what a conservative bunch! All 'good advice' but I assume you came to this site hoping for more than you'd get from Dear Abby . If you want to go for this then be prepared for all sorts of nastiness down the road.

I agree with the poster who suggests trying the kinds of things you might do at the start of any relationship: dinner, movies etc. See if it has got wheels. Booze helps! Go slowly given that she's pulled two ways. Reassure her: "who's going to know?" (probably everybody but that's the way it goes!). Be a bit vulnerable, set up quiet intimate moments...figure out what works. Hell, if I knew I'd probably get there first !

Good luck....or, at least, have fun.

Sure, it's possible that they're both super-mature and emotionally well-adjusted and could really handle a relationship where she manages him at work, and they learn how to adjust to living together as roommates and sharing bills and housework, and they can deal with all the ups and downs and stresses of being lovers...

However, his very first response to her request to keep the relationship platonic is: to show her that she's wrong and get her to do what he wants.

Perhaps if he were to respect her request and show her that she can trust him, and that he can be her roommate and friend in this situation, she might, over time, believe that they can work something out in the romance area.

But right now, he's focused on doing something about the attraction, which sounds a lot like he's thinking with his dick and not his head.

 

[Mr. Mann]

You can get a new job.

You can get a new roomate and live somewhere else.

Go for it. If it goes bad... hey, that's life. Move on to whatever is next.

Life is short. Take risks. Enjoy the best of what life throws your way.

My two cents.

 

[Straight-8]

Perhaps if he were to respect her request and show her that she can trust him, and that he can be her roommate and friend in this situation, she might, over time, believe that they can work something out in the romance area.

So you recommend deception over the longer term? That's the stuff!

If you read his post he wasn't asking if this was a 'good idea'. He was asking how to get past this woman's resistance to what he apparently thinks is a good idea. I give him enough credit to assume that he knows his life well enough to make the fundamental decision of whether this is a good idea for him. So, yeah, by all means point out to him that by any measure of common sense this is not a great plan, but then answer his question and don't keep piling on about how bad it is!

What would you guys have told Romeo? 'That Juliet broad's family is nuttin' but trouble - stay away'. Good advice but if he'd listened we'd be out one great story about love!

 

[Norajane]

Perhaps if he were to respect her request and show her that she can trust him, and that he can be her roommate and friend in this situation, she might, over time, believe that they can work something out in the romance area.

So you recommend deception over the longer term? That's the stuff!

Excuse me, but I fail to see where I recommended deception.

 

[Straight-8]

Excuse me, but I fail to see where I recommended deception.

You are suggesting that he act in a certain gentlemanly way so that she lets down her guard enough 'to believe they can work something out in the roamance area'. In other words he should deceive her into thinking that he doesn't have an agenda while all the time working towards the end he has now. That is my definition of deception.

Her request is that they not get involved sexually. How can he respect that while still maintaining the goal of getting in her pants?

I fail to see why it will be a better idea to jump your boss/roomate then than now. If it's a bad idea for all the reasons given then it will still be a 'bad idea'.

 

[Norajane]

You are suggesting that he act in a certain gentlemanly way so that she lets down her guard enough 'to believe they can work something out in the roamance area'. In other words he should deceive her into thinking that he doesn't have an agenda while all the time working towards the end he has now. That is my definition of deception.

Her request is that they not get involved sexually. How can he respect that while still maintaining the goal of getting in her pants?

I fail to see why it will be a better idea to jump your boss/roomate then than now. If it's a bad idea for all the reasons given then it will still be a 'bad idea'.

That is not at all what I recommend. I recommend that he respect her request and BE trustworthy, and she might see that and feel more comfortable about extending their relationship into the romantic arena.

They have acknowledged their attraction - she knows he wants to get in her pants. She's not likely to forget it, either. There is no deception.

At no point do I recommend jumping her or deceiving her.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Frankly, the workplace thing bothers me a lot more than the roommate thing. Probably more people fall for roommates than people care to acknowledge. After all, the best ability is "availability" and roommates have a lot of that. The fact that she asked you to move in with her, when she KNEW she found you attractive sounds sneaky, however, and smacks of a deliberate attempt to seduce you without the risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit. She is probably trying to make a husband of you. If you are cool with marriage, then that's okay, as long as she is upfront about things in the future. This time, it might be more harmless manipulation. However, manipulation can easily become a pattern, and most people don't like being manipulated most of the time.

The reason that the work thing bothers me is that your life can be a living hell 24/7 if you break up with her. You wouldn't even be able to retreat into your work, because she would be there too.

 

[Norajane]

Frankly, the workplace thing bothers me a lot more than the roommate thing. Probably more people fall for roommates than people care to acknowledge. After all, the best ability is "availability" and roommates have a lot of that. The fact that she asked you to move in with her, when she KNEW she found you attractive sounds sneaky, however, and smacks of a deliberate attempt to seduce you without the risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit. She is probably trying to make a husband of you. If you are cool with marriage, then that's okay, as long as she is upfront about things in the future. This time, it might be more harmless manipulation. However, manipulation can easily become a pattern, and most people don't like being manipulated most of the time.

The reason that the work thing bothers me is that your life can be a living hell 24/7 if you break up with her. You wouldn't even be able to retreat into your work, because she would be there too.

Since our friend throxus hasn't come back with any comments on our advice, it's hard to say what their back story is. I looked up his posts - he's 20 and living in paradise in Maui, so he's got lots of glorious places to escape to if things don't work out.

 

[throxus]

Since our friend throxus hasn't come back with any comments on our advice, it's hard to say what their back story is. I looked up his posts - he's 20 and living in paradise in Maui, so he's got lots of glorious places to escape to if things don't work out.

I'm around, kinda. Just lurking to see what kind of advice is being given.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Since our friend throxus hasn't come back with any comments on our advice, it's hard to say what their back story is. I looked up his posts - he's 20 and living in paradise in Maui, so he's got lots of glorious places to escape to if things don't work out.

Let's hope so.

 

[tdh8770]

Confused

She kissed you then backed off? What's up with that? Sounds like this gal is playing hard to get. Feed her a few glasses of Pinot Noir and you'll be licking her pussy before you know it.

 

[Norajane]

I'm around, kinda. Just lurking to see what kind of advice is being given.

Why would you lurk on a thread you started asking for advice?

 

[throxus]

Why would you lurk on a thread you started asking for advice?

Because i'm giving each peice of advice some thought, before I go asking more un-needed questions that may have already been answered.

 

[SweetErika]

She kissed you then backed off? What's up with that? Sounds like this gal is playing hard to get. Feed her a few glasses of Pinot Noir and you'll be licking her pussy before you know it.

Yeah, trying to get someone to do something they wouldn't do sober is always a good way to go, right?




Well, maybe if your thoughts of a 'good outcome' include losing any chance you might have had, your home, job, and ending up in a jail cell.