New Poetry Recommendations

[Angeline]

Much as I’d like to continue shooting the breeze with darkmaas in that other thread, I am reminded that there are 42 new poems today. I have to admit that out of those 42, I find few I want to recommend. I very much agree with Rybka’s assessment of erotic poems. Good ones are really hard to write. I thought that over and over today as I read many, many poems categorized as “erotic” that felt lukewarm to me.

If you’re not going to be subtle in an erotic poem and let the reader’s imagination do the work, you can always go for comedy. At least that’s what I think hmmnmm’s intent is as there is no comedic erotic horror category. Day of the Pussies needs some editing and might work better shaped more strictly as a prose poem, but the story itself is very funny, and I like that hmmnmm stays in character throughout this strange tale. Anyway, it’s better than Day of the Trifids. Scarier. His other submission today, Residue is a spare, tightly knit extended image with a strong ending.

Going Home is one of a quartet of poems submitted today by a new poet, UnderYourSpell. At first I thought it was a sonnet (well the first line is iambic pentameter, anyway), but it’s just a simply rhymed poem with a fine natural flow and some lovely images. Sort of reminded me of something by Yeats.

SoftlyWhisper has eight new poems up today. My favorites are Grown-up Land and Blindly Alone, which is brief but intense, and has some excellent images (e.g., “ebony of eternity,” “charcoal existence”) that show something of this writer’s potential.

darkerdreamer‘s mysterious and edgy prose poem Little Black Book is a modernist trip through the rocky promises of phone sex for sale. It’s strange and good. Strangely good.

Read enough new poems and sooner or later you find your sonnet! And an erotic one to boot from SpectaclesInSkirt. His Name Means God is Gracious is a wonderful title for a sonnet that vacillates between loves me/I don’t want his love. I can’t help but think this sonnet would be improved with some careful enjambment of lines--that’s a good way to keep a sonnet from sounding forced, in fact, that technique works well with many poetic forms.

And then there are three poems from unpredictable bijou, whose name I love. My favorite and my pick of the day is Salome, which is really well written (though the ending needs more of a punch) and interesting. Interesting is an underrated quality in a poem. Her other two, Like Christmas and Once I Knew a Man Who are also really good. This is a poet to watch; she has a unique voice and a flair for language.

Well after all that reading and reviewing, why not a golden oldie? In for a penny, in for a pound. And on the first spin I got dreamy senselessness by Senna Jawa.

Whew. Remember these are just my opinions--if you have other poems that you want to recommend or comment on, please do. Happy reading.

Peace,
Angeline

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I guess I got lucky and there are only 11 new poems up today. Let's see if I can find a couple to get excited about.


UnderYourSpell, Lit's newest poet {see yesterday's review}, has 3 new poems posted today. They all exhibit a smooth effortless rhyming structure. It flows so well which is in stark contrast to so many poems folks submit in which the forced rhyme is painfully obvious.

A story in verse is a tale sweetly told of a love denied, told in the poet's rhyming style:

Her eyes beheld the hills she loved
And one day growing bored,
She called brave Gelert to her side
And disobeyed her Lord.

Lost somewhat shares the theme of the previous poem of love denied; though in this case, it's of her dying too soon and their search through the centuries for each other. It starts on a note of promise:

In times now long forgotten
You watched me as I grew,
A golden child, the elders
Had promised unto you.

For Ron is a more personal poem told in a romantic rhyming style, witness this start:

If I was just to fall asleep
And somewhere in the night
I slipped away from earthly life
I leave behind this light.

woz8822 is back. Break out your dictionary if need be for The Supplicants are Provoked. While that first strophe is a killer, the second strophe is much clearer:

So when fruits ripened in the far orchards, sunlight
Went amber to silver, women in black burqas
Shopping in the markets
Dreamed of orgasms
In color.

Tristesse2 has a rather engrossing poem out in The Moon and The Donkey. It is definitely well worth reading {I certainly enjoyed it} and the ending has a perfect slight twist. The first strophe gives it an excellent feel for being something of folk tale or legend:

The Moon was a legend in logger lore.
Near seven foot and bear-like,
strong as an ox.
We called him The Moon
on account
of his luminous bald head.

Finally, MungoParkIII looks at a different sort of hunger in Famine. The opening strophe makes it clear what hunger he's speaking of and the odds of that hunger ever being satiated:

It's a beat as rhythm calls
for fractured verse and pickled rhyme
from quasi-poets in demiglace
to feed a hungry illiterate.

That's it for today; a surprisingly larger selection than I expected. Again, read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[unapologetic]

Thursday Review

I can't imagine that I'm burnt out, since I've only been doing this a short time. I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh (quite likely) or if I just have different tastes than others who do reviews (also quite likely), but today was almost another shut out, and the one thing I kind of liked is in a language I don't understand: Wie ich Dich liebe by donkyschott yielded this at AltaVista's Babel Fish:

Like the worm its hole the candle its docht the rose their thorn so dear I you from the rear and from the front like the football its gate the river loves its bed of the angels its wing the sea the wind of the skies its earth the soap their foam as dear I you in being awake as in the dream as the fox the building of the lacings its shoe the wheel the hub the BA the NANE the ZIGA SAVE the stage the stairs so dear I you, in the corridor and also in bed like the light the hat the head loves its light head its curl the foot the sock the desert their rain of the Suender its benediction the apple its core of the servants its Mr. the toad their sign so dear I you and is completely wild on you.

Makes me want to learn German.

Later 'gators.

 

[champagne1982]

I can't imagine that I'm burnt out, since I've only been doing this a short time. I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh (quite likely) or if I just have different tastes than others who do reviews (also quite likely), but today was almost another shut out, and the one thing I kind of liked is in a language I don't understand: Wie ich Dich liebe by donkyschott yielded this at AltaVista's Babel Fish:

Like the worm its hole the candle its docht the rose their thorn so dear I you from the rear and from the front like the football its gate the river loves its bed of the angels its wing the sea the wind of the skies its earth the soap their foam as dear I you in being awake as in the dream as the fox the building of the lacings its shoe the wheel the hub the BA the NANE the ZIGA SAVE the stage the stairs so dear I you, in the corridor and also in bed like the light the hat the head loves its light head its curl the foot the sock the desert their rain of the Suender its benediction the apple its core of the servants its Mr. the toad their sign so dear I you and is completely wild on you.

Makes me want to learn German.

Later 'gators.

How the worm loves its hole,
the candle, its wick
the rose, its thorns
so I love you, darling
from behind or the front.

How a football loves the goal
the bed, its feathers,
an eagle, its flight,
the sea, the wind,
the soap loves its foam,
so I love you, darling
awake or in dreams.

How the fox loves its den,
the shoe loves its laces,
the wheel, the hub,
the ba its nana
the ciga its rette
the stairs, the riser,
So I love you, darling
in the hall or in our chamber.

How the lamp loves its light,
the hat loves the head,
and the head, its curl.
The foot loves a sock,
the desert, the rain,
the sinner, a blessing
and the apple its core.
How slaves love their master,
the toad loves its warts,
So I, truly do love you, darling.

I hope I'm forgiven for this less than perfect translation. Some of the idioms don't go over as well in English as they do in their native German. Please, someone with a better grip on the language, edit this translation!

 

[champagne1982]

Oh my, I knew there was something I was supposed to do yesterday. I'll be back to remedy my booboo in a minute. There are around 40 new poems posted yesterday. I need a coffee to go with the reading and reviewing.

From famine last week, to feast in this one. What have I taken on ?

 

[champagne1982]

As I said earlier, there are 40 or so, new poems for Friday, May 25, 2007. The poems mentioned here were ones that grabbed my particular attention and that I felt could be of particular interest to you poetry reading Litizens out there. Please remember that anything offered in critique in this post is of my opinion only, the poets are free to accept or refuse any offering I may have given.

Interrupted by jessy19 is a poem with the promise of being a really fine piece. I think you should read and comment with an eye to helping her realize the work's full potential. jessy19 has been submitting to Literotica for over 4 years and is a popular prose writer with a substantial list of poems on her personal story index. This poem is a pretty good one to start the reading with.

SoftlyWhisper offers a really pretty word landscape of the Black Hills of South Dakota. Through including a bit of variation in line length the rhymes start to flow into speech a little less obviously, I'd like to see different breaks that de-emphasize the rhyme even further. I know how hard that can be to accomplish though, but sometimes a little work carries huge dividends. It's a lovely poem and worth the moment it takes to read.

My pick of the day:
Oh, what a wonderful surprise and gift I've been given. Tristesse2, one of my favourite Lit Poets (and yes, she's out there in the real world of poetry, too), treats us to a superb jazz poem and sets it in the heart of pre-flooded New Orleans. The Ghosts of Storyville [redux] is a poem with the same bluesy riffs that many of the artists she features in the poem once used to explore sound and rhythm, you can hear it in phrases like:
that Morton wrote before
he blew town
spices the air
still not making much sense.
and then there's the alliteration that sounds like she's singing scat to some great bass beats in the back:
his hanky stark
against his big, black face;
he and Batch never were
After reading this poem, I'm gonna go back and read it again. This time with a bit of whiskey and a cigar burning in an ashtray (not for me to smoke sillies! Just to get that smokey bar smell). You should give it a moment too.

Something different on the lists. ramonathompson shares a lyric with her It Ain't Gonna Be Me submission. It's catchy and shares a universal theme with so many songs, but I'd still like to hear it. Lyrics don't need to avoid cliche, they are designed to get a response that is heightened by combining them with music. Check it out and see if you'd like to listen to the song too.

Don't let the title put you off of reading iqespresso's Small Clit Girls. It's a straightforward poem that uses earthy language to bring us a vignette full of humour and realistic frustrations that are shared with more people than only the girls he glorifies in his title. You'll be chuckling at the end, it's worth the moment.

UnderYourSpell writes poems not always to my taste, with too much rhyme and in being too metrical for some of the subjects in her poems, this time her techniques all work. A big One! explores all of the aspects that the title implies with a gentle humour and absolutely no vulgarity. It's wicked and funny and not disappointing in the least.

Think you're ready for summer? hmmnmm volunteers a little pep talk in A Summer Snapshot. I think the second, more poemishly formatted, half of the poem is much better than the first prose-style block of the opening strophe. Go read and let Tihmmnmm know what you think.

3spirited1 has a healthy number of poems on the list from Friday. peer pressure is a pretty fine poem that explores the type of insecurities everyone has as new situations present themselves for judgement. It's the best effort by this author, I think.

In the spirit of submitting many poems on the same day, Ds Padawan keeps the faith. However, this poem My Trespasses, even though its rhyme and structure are slightly off-putting, carries a treasure at the end. Read through and understand the story, then decide for yourselves. I think this is a very good poem that with some kind attention could develop into something even better.

Don't hesitate to go to read, vote and comment everyone. It is far more encouraging to gain notice than to feel you're being ignored out there. Have a great Saturday and my apologies for missing yesterday. I hope this makes up for it.

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

10 new poems up today

My pick:

4degrees gives us just a thought

Excerpt:

averted
in a word,
perverted
a personal twist
lipless distrust
write my name
in rust colored
bodymade paint
across your
insensativities

I loved the images of 'write my name in rust colored bodymade paint
across your insensativities' and 'lipless distrust'. The imagery in the latter half of the poem are suitably sensual ('that hot cavern filled up with my
potency') The poem chugs along with its rhythmic rhyme scheme and it flows pleasing on the tongue.

Good stuff, mister C

 

[Angeline]

There are four illustrated poems in today's new poems, and they are all excellent, well worth your time.

 

[wildsweetone]

as it is Autumn in my neck of the woods, today's chosen poem is:

In Hardwood Groves
by Robert Frost

The same leaves over and over again!
They fall from giving shade above,
To make one texture of faded brown
And fit the earth like a leather glove.

Before the leaves can mount again
To fill the trees with another shade,
They must go down past things coming up.
They must go down into the dark decayed.

They must be pierced by flowers and put
Beneath the feet of dancing flowers.
However it is in some other world
I know that this is the way in ours.







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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.



15 new poems up today.

five illustrated poems
never again by relatively new poet xxbadshychickxx. i like the illustration for this, it fits well. there are a couple of spelling errors i'd look at fixing and one that trips me up 'though' does fit without the 't'.


Pall Malls and Smoking Questions by Jamison . i love the colours, the illustration with this poem. i admit to not understanding 'when his disease kills' and would love for someone to explain it to me. don't forget to sign your art.

Trussed by MungoParkIII . very nice illustration and well placed words. i question the use of the word 'galvanised' as to me the trusses all look wooden. do they use galvanised nails on the trusses? but i do like the other meaning you've given it here. i think 'perlin' should be 'purlin'. i like the extended metaphor. well done.

brilliance by 4degrees . nice illustration. words are easy to read. two things i'd suggest for possible improvement. are the words 'utter' and 'for' necessary? and maybe i'm not reading it right but the last word seems not to have as much impact as i would like. like i said, it's probably me not reading it right.

Tincture today's second illustrated poem by MungoParkIII. interesting illustration and poem. the words and illustration are both clear and easy on the eye. i'm not sure about flesh being pink and then blue, or do you mean the eyes are blue? [line 4] (the illustration shows no blue) i think the words in this submission could be tightened. it leaves a lot to the imagination.

4 erotic poems
The Cock a first poetry submission by Deckard Kincaid. six lines to this poem. each line a complete sentence. i'd change 'cums' in the first line to 'comes' (i'd debate about the 'from which all life cums' phrase too, but won't here). would line 2 have more impact if the 'much, much' were left out? i quite like the last line ending in 'be' - but then i'm quirky like that.

Watch Me Undress first poetry submission by emilyrose. true to the title this poem delivers an undressing. the grammar and punctuation are correct (though i question the need for initial line capitals, as i always question them). the repetition of the single line is interesting. however, apart from the repetition and the initial line capitals, i don't feel like i've been swathed in poetry with this poem. i'd like to see sexiness in the word usage, i'd like the poet to tease me with the words. what poetic techniques can be used to turn this undressing into something that blows me, the reader, away? as i see it, this poem could be presented as prose. i think this poem has a great draft basis and with editing and turning phrases into poetic daggers, could be stunning.

Nice Though by jessy19 . this poem uses rhyme in an interesting mix. i quite like it (and i rarely say that about rhymes!) i'm unsure if the title is a typo or on purpose. as in another poem on today's submission list, it just happens to work okay. in this poem i would also like to see more poetic language used.

The Lash a first poetry submission by Shay73. nice to see some interesting language here. i find the capital 'H' to be distracting. i wonder if there is another, less intrusive, way of informing the reader that He is the Dom and she is not. and the inconsistent punctuation is a little distracting also - try putting the correct punctuation in and see if it reads smoother. i think the words used in this poem could be further enhanced to add more to the tale, great beginning.

6 non-erotic poems
Tower Blocks by UnderYourSpell. a light humourous poem with rhyme that works well.

Now I Debate by Ds Padawan i think to improve this poem i would suggest to the poet to try not to force the line lengths or rhyme i.e. 'Why so hard was my heart shoved?' it sounds a little 'odd' rather than poetic, in my opinion.

Sorry (a suicide poem) the second submission today by Jessy19. i wonder how this poem could stand without the words (a suicide poem). i have a feeling it could work and work well. i like the rhyme but on first reading found the rhythm not so easy to read. i think the last two lines have great impact.

third submission by Jessy19 Empty . a short poem that carries mood. is there another noun that could be used to replace the word 'heart'? that last line sounds a little cliche to me.


second submission by UnderYourSpell, The Stalker. another shortish succinct poem from this poet. to improve i'd ask, do you need the initial line capitals? i found the 'Too' in this line 'Too close, too close' to be distracting.

Lifeline by tungtied2u . i love the last stanza. stanza 3 'felts' needs fixing. and to improve i'd suggest to the poet to add in all punctuation. having a few commas near the beginning seems to lead me to think there will be sentence ends and i seem to use punctuation a lot to guide my reading. when there is a mixture, i find it less smooth to read.


Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[vampiredust]

The Tuesday Review

16 new poems this Tuesday

normal jean gets the shiny green E today with her moving downing her

Excerpt:

I sit beside her and drink her in.
Admiration is never enough and she beckons.
I believe she craves the act of my surrender
and the final plunge of my body into her being

This is quite a moving poem and I enjoyed reading it. It felt quite confessional, as if the poet was exposing a part of herself not seen before. It had that air about it. The images used to describe this act by the poet are quite powerful and stirring The first assault will be her chill, as she flows like Earth's blood/from beneath three hundred sixty-five feet/of quiet and crushing solitude
The final image of the poem - Wet and swollen, I follow. - is chilling, suggesting a continuation of the feeling the poet has experienced.

Go read this gem

Bill Dada has four new poems up

All four are quite succinct. I liked Dance the best, with its imaginative image:

abstract x-rays
of legs
listening to music

Keep reading, commenting and I hope you all have a great Tuesday

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Just because Chris is faster than me I'm not going to hold back.

Sixteen new poems today

SoftlyWhisper has six on offer today. She’s a prolific poet who varies her work and subjest matter, Of today’s poems I liked death best. It says more in its briefness than many.

Lunalta submitted Thoughts. A nice little piece with some well place alliteration.

Reincarnation? is by Under YourSpell who is trying hard to write in free form and does it well here, painting a wistful picture.

The Master of Brevity Bill Dada has four poems, all lovely in their simplicity. My pick is the word play poem Not Quite Sleeping. For an example of neatly packaged small gifts I recommend this poet.

Normal Jean has a coveted green E beside downing her and it’s well earned. I’ve always thought this poet’s underrated. Go and read her collected works – see if you agree.
There are other poems not mentioned here but there’s something for everyone in this cornucopia called Literotica. Check them out.

 

[WickedEve]

Normal Jean has a coveted green E beside downing her and it’s well earned. I’ve always thought this poet’s underrated. Go and read her collected works – see if you agree.

Still only one comment...
Read and comment, people.

 

[Angeline]

Still only one comment...
Read and comment, people.

Now there's two.

Eve is right--this is an excellent poem, well-deserving of your read, vote, and comment. That E is no fluke.

 

[skittles_lm]

I have to say normal jeans downing her moved me.

I have read it about 8 times, and I seem to get something a little different from it each time I read it. that's amazing.

And just to throw in a nother personal opinion... anyone who hasn't read everything by Vampiredust... go do that. It is well worth your time.

 

[unapologetic]

Thursday review

Here are the ones that caught my eye:

Reocurring Dream [sic] by brand new poet mysticstranger is a bit wordy, and there is some inconsistency with the capitalization of the word "I", but there is something here.

skittles_lm, has given us another good piece with untitled.

Newer poet LittleJade gave us a powerful piece with Sacrilege.

Finally, I found Thehiddenredhead's piece Marks was wonderfully erotic.

See ya next week, kiddies.

 

[ozymandiask]

Sum-mary

A Mathematicks Poem by colddiesel is to my mind more interesting than most of the others mentioned today.

 

[Rybka]

A Must Read

Occasionally Lit gives us an exceptional poem. Today it is one by Tristesse2.

I only wonder where the E for Rufous went?

 

[champagne1982]

I thought I was only getting thirteen poems this Friday, the first of June, but like all other well fed beasts, it grew. Now there are 24 new poems added to the Literotica archives today. I'm starting from the bottom and working my way up.

The first piece I'd like to refer you to is our own eagleyez's birthday poem to Angeline. Ever So Gently moves us outside with the two lovers as they whisper this song to each other... Awww, mush! But, gorgeous mush. Enjoy the read.

Tristesse2 offers two fantastic poems. Read Cob's Family and imagine floating with the poet as she sings a swan song to these birds. Save something up though for --

My pick of the day: Rufous.

When I read 'tess' poetry about the scenes outside her window I can't help but envy her the view. This poem is as gorgeous as the tiny 8 cm bird that inspires it. READ IT and then you'll understand that poetry isn't always about abstract concepts presented with big words or heady emotional serenades (although they have their place). It's about gifting the world with a work of art that assaults all our senses in a simply perfect word picture.

Relatively new poet Shay73 gives us a bite we won't forget about getting. Far from a mosquitoes pesky itch inducing nibble, in "bite", this poet explores how she feels about taking her licks. Stop in and give Shay73 some support, sometimes all it takes is to offer a new direction to turn what could amount to a small hill into a major rise in the lay of the land.

For Blue (revised) by f-cynyr, takes a sensual journey through a fantasy of yonder. There's a wealth of poetry in this one that in reading it, makes you feel rich.

woz8822 shares his aptly titled Milt today. I'd like to see him pare this down to just the metaphor and only suggest what he graphically describes in the poem. Go read it and let him know if you agree.

RisiaSkye pens a short purpose-titled poem. Elegy, almost reluctantly, explores aspects of a child's relationship with their parent and mourns them, or perhaps she mourns losing the child's view of their elder. It's good.

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

17 new poems up today

My picks:

And He Lived by SoftlyWhisper

Excerpt:

Does it hurt to die?
Probably.
More than to live?
Probably not

This is a poem that deals with the uncomfortable subject of suicide, a subject that I have had experiences with. It deals with it in straightforward language and the repetition of the line And he lived provides an effective contrast to the images of those particular stanzas. Good stuff.

Drummer Boy is juturuna 's first Lit poem

Excerpt:

Your body drips with sweat,
"You're tired and acheing..." I bet.


The poem is competently handled in rhyming couplets but suffers from its language. It is cliched and tired. The metaphor of drumming is an interesting one but could be developed in more imaginative ways to create an effective poem.

 

[ishtat]

!

Vampiredust didn't mention BlueRains' This Instant, maybe not her best but better than the rest perhaps today

I know they have already been mentioned but Tristesse2's Rufousand Risia Skyes Elegy on the first of June are both worth a read and a double recommendation.

 

[wildsweetone]

my choice for your taste buds today, two Sonnets from Shakespeare:

LXXIII.

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.


and

CXXX.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.



something to strive for, perhaps.

======================================================
this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.



13 new poems for us today. let's see what's here.

Non-Erotic Submissions

Waiting by UnderYourSpell . no matter if this poem is still very close to the poet's heart (if it is a true poem, you have my sympathy and prayers), to me as a reviewer i am looking for what i like and what can be improved. i like the succinct wording of this poem, i like the alliteration and assonance. i love the line end choices. all excellent. for improvement, i'd suggest lower case capital for the word 'Yours' - but to be frank with you, the capital is growing on me. well written. thanks for sharing this poem.

Goldeniangel has 7 submissions today. my choices are Safe, Ocean Blue, Close, and a pantoum called The Last Night. i like your poetry, the messages you are getting across to me as a reader. however as a suggestion for improvement, i would like to see more concrete imagery, and correct, consistent capitalisation of the 'I'.

Flight of the Cosmic Tractor by impulse. - unfortunately personal comments are not open on this submission, which is a pity because i'd like to have commented.

Erotic Submissions
It it it forever by arwenloves. to improve this poem, i'd suggest the poet looks at consistent punctuation to help the reader read more smoothly.

a first poetry submission by Teddybearsubmissive called My Submission. i think to improve this poem, i would suggest the poet look at punctuation and also word choice. to me this poem reads just a little bit 'flat' and i'd like some exotic or erotic word choices to tempt or tease the reader so the reader can become part of the experience of the lyrical subject.

The wanton lover by new poet lil_temptress. to improve this poem, i'd suggest correcting the spelling errors and looking at punctuation. are the initial beginning capitals on each line, necessary? welcome to Literotica.

Naked on my Bed by AnaLeePleasured . i think the best part of this poem is in the hint of the last two lines... i say it's the best because it makes me (the reader) think. to improve the poem i'd suggest to the poet to have a look at some phrases, some unusual ways of saying the things that are said here and to try them out on this poem. perhaps drop the 'list' sound of 'then'. is there any reason rhyme was used? perhaps you might like to try writing in free verse?

Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[Angeline]

Tuesday, June 5

There are 13 new poems today. I recommend the following:

Memorial Day by by a new poet WRJames is a very insightful piece on soldiers’ graves. Antiwar? Maybe, hard for me to say, but very moving and well worth your reading time.

She by SoftlyWhisper is deceptively simple because it’s a series of rhyming couplets. Don’t be deceived by the form though; there’s a lot going on here, and the horrific content, balanced against the simple singsong form, works really well. You may need to read it two or three times to get the full impact.

June Studies #1 by hmmnmm is erotic and very metaphoric. I had to read it a few times to get the meaning of the images. It’s well constructed, but you will have to work to put the images together and get at that erotica.

And from the archive spinner, I found Ephemeral by RazzRajen. Razz writes beautiful, delicately drawn poetry. Enjoy.

These are simply my recommendations. If you have other poems you’d like to recommend, please do so.

Peace,
Angeline

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Another hump day and today I see 20 poems calling out for attention. Let's see if any melt my butter.

Lauren Hynde leads of with an illustrated 'greenie', Eating Pessoa, an appropriate contribution a week from his birth date. There are so many snippets I could select, but here's one with so much thought compressed into so few lines:

In the mirror, Pessoa is a fish. Semantic.
Tears time along the river and the windstorm. Decisive.
Has margins with images of villages. Prepositions.
Of, to, in, for. Floods towns. Adverbial, adjective.
Beautiful nonetheless. Submerges cities. Ancient verbs.


But more on that later.

MungoParkIII once again sees things in a different light in Spiders. Who else would see steelwork and come up with a vision of a spider's web? Give it a read.


lesbiaphrodite is new to Litland and has a couple of poems posted today, my favorite being Rain. Too bad she's turned off the PC feature. Send her a comment and welcome her to Lit. There's a certain sensuous richness in her words:

...while the earth smiles at me, and nakedly, with my white skin exposed,
I sigh deeply, and the echoes fill the hushed air that
surrounds me.

That's it folks. Not much grabbed me today; either I'm having one of my off days or the selections aren't all that spectacular. Go ahead and give them a look; see what you think. And once again, remember ~ read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[champagne1982]

Hello everyone. Today in the new poems it seems we have a new face. Rumpleteazer has offered up four poems, all worth your attention. The one I was most impressed by Second Floor Canvas, is an unnerving vignette wrapped in a flashfic/prose poem package. Do take a moment and read this guy. It's great to encounter a young voice accompanied by such fine prosody.

CeriseNoire shares a really good mood piece in her poem, No Artist. Her metaphor captures the melancholy tone beautifully. I'm sure you'll enjoy the read.

confession from a bad friend exposes the evils of baking and how nothing good can come from a pot of fermented wheat flour and sour milk. normal jean 'fesses up and now it's time for you to, too. Enjoy the gentle humour and the comfort you can find in this slice of life poem from a good friend to this board.

Lauren Hynde shares her vision in the illustrated poem, Santa Cruz 12.Nov.1991. Her symbology speaks louder than words and says more than any treatise ever could. Take a look.

As is always the case, any comments or suggestions offered in this post are of my own opinion and view. I hope you take the time to read and consider the new poems yourself. Have a wonderful weekend.

 

[serendipity_lost]

"My Sweet Serendipity"

Been away for a while, Just submitted this new poem could use feedback. http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=314484
Thanks Serendipity_lost