New Poetry Recommendations

[wildsweetone]

Today's appetiser:

Come In

As I came to the edge of the woods,
Thrush music -- hark!
Now if it was dusk outside,
Inside it was dark.

Too dark in the woods for a bird
By sleight of wing
To better its perch for the night,
Though it still could sing.

The last of the light of the sun
That had died in the west
Still lived for one song more
In a thrush's breast.

Far in the pillared dark
Thrush music went --
Almost like a call to come in
To the dark and lament.

But no, I was out for stars;
I would not come in.
I meant not even if asked;
And I hadn't been.

Robert Frost


(lately i've spent time sitting on my deck with a hot drink and listening to my regular morning visitor. mrs thrush has a great voice!)


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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.



11 new poems today.

Home by relatively new poet Sassysubb2 . i like this poem. it's short and has some clear imagery. two things i'd suggest for improvement are 1. to sort out the punctuation/capital letters etc as i found the mixture a little distracting. 2. add in more specifics, more concrete imagery. i.e. what are 'his secret ways' - the abstractness kind of loses me as a reader. thanks for sharing this poem, i've learnt a lot in the critique.

The Drugs Don't Work the first of two submissions today by Rumpleteazer gave me a giggle, sort of. i guess that's a measure of how involved you managed to make me feel in the space of ten words. excellent title. excellent poem. no suggestions from me for improvement. thanks for sharing your poetry.

Sometimes, In the Dark is the second submission by Rumpleteazer. again, i find the succinctness of the poem to be very clever and apt. i would almost suggest an improvement to be getting rid of all the capital letters. would there be more impact without them? i'm not sure. i would also like to see this poet writing true haiku, or any ku for that matter. another well written poem. thank you.

what you lost by slavegurl . stanza 3, line 2 i found difficult to understand. i'm not sure if it's a spelling error or that it is meant to read as it does and i simply am not understanding it. stanza 4, line 3 - when i see speech marks like this, i get an image in my head of someone doing that two-finger-on-each-hand-wiggle thing. it distracted me from your words. perhaps using italics for those words would help, or simply adding in the word 'for' between 'it' and 'sex' and removing the speech marks...? just some thoughts. thanks for sharing your poetry. (the second submission by slavegurl today is lost love haiku)

Little Pink Pills by lesbiaphrodite . interesting poem. you almost lost me as a poem reader part way through because i felt i was reading prose, not poetry. repeating the stanza was an excellent idea and gave me cause to rethink. i do like this... however to improve i'd suggest adding in some poetic wording within the poem itself, to help keep the reader's interest. you were consistent with your punctuation and so i don't believe full stops/periods are necessary. thanks for sharing this poem.

Girl With The Crooked Tooth one of two submissions by Epmd607 . the title caught me. is the girl with the funny nose the same girl as the one with the right eye-tooth height the lyrical subject is unsure of? is daydream one word or hyphenated? i admit to stumbling in my read; when i saw the hyphen i assumed it was a new thought. i have to say, i loved this poem. i loved the verbiage, somehow it fits. i also think the last line has great impact. well written, thanks for sharing this poem.

Scar or Birthmark is the second submission by Epmd607 that's well worth your reading. to improve this poem, i'd suggest taking out the two 'and's in the first and second line of the last stanza. i'm uncertain about this phrase 'going to mark up you,' but definitely find it interesting. thanks for sharing this poem also.

From Master, to his slave by ScottishChieftan. the personal comments option is turned off on this submission, unfortunately.

Blue Liquorice by bluerains . i like the alliteration and sparsity of language. this poem makes my mind spin up some incredible imagery. forgive me for doing this but i see the words in this poem as what is above the sea in an iceberg, and the words that aren't there, as what rests below the sea. one could wonder if that's too much for a reader to deal with. i think if the images a reader imagines all join together well with the words the poet is using then great. as usual, this poet's work always gives me food for thought (sorry for the pun). thanks for sharing this poem.

Every Soul Seeks Its MASTER by new poet ann_guest unfortunately has it's personal comments option off.

Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[Rybka]

Not a review, but just a comment

Titles are very important if an author wants to capture a potential reader's wanderingi nterest. Often the body of the work may not live up to the pique created by a 'catchy' title, but that is what 'catchy' means. ~ Today there were several very good titles! Now as to content . . . I bow to today's reviewer.

PAX

Rybka

 

[annaswirls]

And then there are three poems from unpredictable bijou, whose name I love. My favorite and my pick of the day is Salome, which is really well written (though the ending needs more of a punch) and interesting. Interesting is an underrated quality in a poem. Her other two, Like Christmas and Once I Knew a Man Who are also really good. This is a poet to watch; she has a unique voice and a flair for language.

I have been scrolling through New Poem Reviews from the past few weeks and finding some real gems! Thank you generous reviewers for your time and efforts! I want to second Angeline's recommendation on this poet, please if you have not read her, go on in! I was not crazy about the first on the list, so if you feel the same, please don't let it stop you from moving on down her Author's Page A fresh voice, interesting context and lovely use of language.....sounds and meanings alike make this poet a lit must read

 

[Epmd607]

unpredictablebijou

I'm a fan of this writer, y'all should check out his/her poem about the runes and symbols and such... don't exactly know what "bindrune" means, but the language is reminiscent of some of Jamison's very good poems.

 

[Angeline]

June 12, 2007

There are 39 new poems today (oy), including multiple submissions from a few poets. Having read them all there are two poets whose submissions are so good, they’re in a class of their own. So good, in fact, that without exception they blinded me to what may be above average poetry in some of the other submissions today.

First, unpredictable bijou is one of the best poets I’ve read here. My dear poetess, if you are reading this, I sincerely hope you are submitting to poetry journals, online or in print. If you’re not published yet, you will be. Readers, she has four new poems today and each one is a pearl. Here are excerpts from them, but please read the full poems--you'll see why I am so blown away by her talent.

Her gods counsel her …

This is the price of passions, says Buddha
Unrequited love is most powerful.
He sips his macchiato, adds milk
to preserve the balance.
You must make peace with this
dichotomy; ecstasy and anguish are the same.
You must encompass them, or be lost in your own
jagged mountains.
He manifests his Nature in a biscotti to distract me;
I manage a smile.

ideogram:

we make the runes
we draw symbols of each other
with our hands and tongues
I curl
myself into your body
You trace
an alphabet on my lips
and from root to outstretched fingers
we are a bindrune
a spell made of our woven bones
written on mirrors, painted with our breath

Still Life Series

3.
Watch now
this delicate
flutter, this silence
a green moth
this motionless light
take no breath
let it be
ice: click

the contest

She was a simple goddess
his jewel in the lotus, his careful island
and he was only Herculean
her demiurge, a symbol of wands
her private Ace of God.
Then she was a bright planet rising
and he was the divine force of the dragon.
At the last, she became a single apple
and he was a pillar in the temple
and a slickness between her lips.

Five is not high enough for any of these poems, imho. Can’t wait to read more from her.


And then there‘s Epmd607. Remember that name! Read the poems he submitted today; read all his submissions if you have time. He has a wonderful sense of wordplay. Even when the poem doesn’t quite live up to the title, like his Sort of Like Bob Dylan, but Porn, there’s good stuff there. I especially liked his As You Do and Tonight I’m Sarcastic. This guy has Talent (capital T intended).

You may have other poems you want to recommend: please do so if you like. I’m going back to read these two poets again.

Peace,
Angeline

 

[wildsweetone]

the biography page of unpredictablebijou is well worth reading also, not just for the enjoyment but also for the comments about chosen punctuation.

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Looks like a dozen out there today, though the way the list keeps shuffling, I keep expecting more to appear. Well, let's go with what we've got and see what happens.


jclrrr, a new name here with a first submission in A Smoker?. Any former smoker can give this a read and recognize those cravings that never quite disappear, even years later. You can feel it in that longing look at the lit cigarette in the ashtray; where are those car keys? — it's only a quick 2-mile drive to the store...


JUDO responds to Eve's June challenge with an orgasm of light in Waiting for Green Darkness. Sounds like a way early look to the holiday season.


Rumpleteazer offers up a fun pussy piece {the four-legged kind} in Linds; give it a read for something that's light, breezy, and fun.


Finally, darkitude offers up a kaleidoscopic vision in Kaleidescope [sic]. She gives you a seductive look through a new pair of eyes offering so many delights.


That's it for today. There are other pieces out there you may want to peruse, some even a bit odd. In any case, read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[normal jean]

a poet to watch!!

and his name is epmd607

I came across his psych poem the other day and enjoyed much and every day, he has something and I hope I am not the only one who is impressed with this talented, young and new to Lit, poet.

He's goooood, really good and today, he has one that seems wise beyond his meager years of "23-26" as it states in his bio.


Today, he has for our enjoyment,

Flour fell in a circle around her

and, apologize if I stepped in where not needed, just did not notice if he had been mentioned or not, yet and I know that at times, we tend to skip over poems of newer people who have submitted multiple poems ina short span of time. His arent "bulk mail ( junk) " like it seems we get when that survivor thing comes along and anyone who has a word processor mills out 30 poems and they are all badd...lol

read write and enjoy!!

~~~~

Angeline!!

I just scrolled up and saw that you did indeed steer us to Epmd607, I should have known someone with his abilities would not escape your discerning eye.

as for bijou, I must be missing something, I found everything by her that I read, over edited and void of emotion. I keep hoping for something better, but her line breaks are predictable, and content sterile, I was disappointed and yes, her stuff would fit right in those journals that are also filled with perfectly positioned, punctuated and emotionless poems..I wish her luck but sadly, ( and this is a comment to the printedpoetry world) she wont need it...



j

 

[wildsweetone]

my choice today:

Salmon

In this shallow creek
they flop and writhe forward as the dead
float back toward them. Oh, I know

what I should say: fierce burning in the body
as her eggs burst free, milky cloud
of sperm as he quickens them. I should stand

on the bridge with my camera,
frame the white froth of rapids where one
arcs up for an instant in its final grace.

But I have to go down among
the rocks the glacier left
and squat at the edge of the water

where a stinking pile of them lies,
where one crow balances and sinks
its beak into a gelid eye.

I have to study the small holes
gouged into their skin, their useless gills,
their gowns of black flies. I can't

make them sing. I want to,
but all they do is open
their mouths a little wider

so the water pours in
until I feel like I'm drowning.
On the bridge the tour bus waits

and someone waves, and calls down
It's time, and the current keeps lifting
dirt from the bottom to cover the eggs.

Kim Addonizio



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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.


47 new poems today and hopefully with this second attempt i won't go losing all my review at the click of the wrong button. keep yer fingers crossed readers.

Shakespeare and I #2 by iqespresso - a poem from the poetry thread 'Shakespeare and I'. well written, the quotes do not detract from the poem, in my opinion.

Epmd607 brings us Erotic Poem but not Joycean, In the Skirt of Your Everyday, and What I Wrote in Iraq. all worth your reading. in the last poem, last stanza, the word 'gre' confuses me, is this perhaps a typo?

Nigel Debbonaire shares Cocoon, Continental Shift and Disappointment. all three are more prose than poetry in my opinion. i think for improvement i would suggest the poet slips in some poetic phrasing.

bednhead13's poem The Void gave me something to think about. i think to improve this, i'd suggest adding in more concrete imagery - but then that sounds contrary to perhaps the whole concept of the 'Void'. i think this is an excellent poem for poets who find line breaks difficult. each break falls at a natural pause in breathing. well done.

decadence316 posted 13 poems today. the one non-erotic submission is Whore of the Morning. an interesting poem. i read many of this poets submissions today (not all, i admit) and found the line spacing to be somewhat distracting. i think taking one of these submissions and closing it up, adding in some more poetry to the mixture might give a little more substance to the read.

unpredictablebijou has four for us today. Runes on Parts of the Body, Freyja's Riddle, Map for Shadow Travelers (i found the mixed initial line capitals to be somewhat distracting), and Sunday (my favourite i think). all have good titles and the poetry keeps up the standard i expect from this writer. i'd like to read more non-erotic submissions.

pipedream_ink has two poems up today. As I Touch My Empty Pillow and Death March. i like these poems and can see potential within each. i like the feelings they almost convey. i think i'd suggest for improvement that the poet learns a little about punctuation --- having said that, i think if this poet left out all punctuation, the poems he's written would have less distraction and be much smoother reading. a quick spelling check would help too. i'm looking forward to reading more of this poet's poetry.

next up, Opening Acts by Vampiredust . nice to see you Chris! great imagery, great tale... i love how the lyrical subject states they ignore their shadow and all that does is bring it to the forefront of my mind. excellent. i have only one point to question and that is the stanza break at the end of stanza 2, or perhaps it is the line break i question. i'm not sure... it just doesn't feel as smooth as the others.

Late Night Phone Calls one of four submissions by Next_Door . i like this one for its 'real' feel. i think the line spacing is distracting. i also think this poem could be enlarged, extended.

Requiem for Paul by Dale_Arden. nice flow in this poem.

normal jean submitted why the unchained dog runs today. no improvements to suggest here. (i am unsure about the penultimate line, should 'and the bread truck' be on a line of its own?)

Greener Silk by bluerains . i like the great concrete imagery in this poem. i found it much easier, much clearer to read. i have no suggestion for improvement other than perhaps a 't' in front of 'ease'.



those poems that did not make it into my review today were missed either because they did not give me the spark that i was looking for, or they held errors that would be easily fixed. i consider my time precious and i would prefer that what i read is at the very least, given some proofreading by poets before submission. if a poet appears not to care enough about their poetry to fix basic errors, then why should i be convinced to read and comment on their work?

my apologies if that sounds a little harsh. i've simply decided to be more discriminate with my reading.

Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[Angeline]

June 19, 2007

Nineteen new poems today, if I counted right, and with little exception a wasteland. A wasteland of telling, telling, telling and most of all overweening passion. I have come to think it is best to wait until your heart isn't overflowing to write the poem: too much "passion" saturates language with pathos and purple prose.

There were a few I'll recommend though and all from people whose work is very familiar to most of us here, which argues for daily (or near daily) writing and editing.

Ancient117331 has been around Lit for years, and written a lot of poetry. His Shades of Gray is a conversation (and frankly too colloquial for me in parts) piece of writing about the safety of living in the margins. He is a practiced writer and, as conversational as his poem is, it shows really good restraint in comparson to many poems I've read here. He knows his way around words and line breaks.

Our dear champagne1982 gives us Breathless Metamorphosis, which is a really well-written erotic poem that doesn't get graphic. There's nothing wrong with graphic language in erotic poems, but most people who use it are so heavy-handed that the poem becomes an unintended satire. In my opinion, poems that use precise language and strong imagery do a much better job (in all sorts of poetry), and this poem does just that. Great title, great precision and an excellent ending.

My favorite today is Figure of Speech by Jamison. It's short and hot and moves fluently from what the writer sees into his deliciously pervy imagination. Another excellent finish and Jamison uses onomatopoeia perfectly there. You can really see where his naughty thoughts have gone, and to preface it by "grunt ellipsis points" is just right.

For my golden oldie today, I didn't spin but instead clicked over to smithpeter, whose poems are always a wonderful antidote for too much telling. He could write an erotic poem that is sexy, funny and imaginative all at once. And he always leaves enough to the reader's imagination to take it where you will. Wotta guy.

almost understanding
by smithpeter©


I understand finally
when a head shakes
side to side it does not always
mean "no"

it may mean "know"
or "now" or
"just kick me in the ass"
once gently, with a gracefully pointed
stiff black/silver coated
leather toe
side salad and foul language, please.

Is tip included?

If you're feeling less grumpy and more open-minded than me, you may have new poems to recommend. This is the place to do it. Otherwise, happy Tuesday. Oh and go read something by DeepAsleep in case you don't know him or have forgotten how good he is.

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Running a bit late today with 27 poems up for grabs. Let's see what's out there on this day before the start of summer.


iqespresso has another Shakespearean inspired poem in Shakespeare and I scene 3. Check out all three in the rather ribald series.


UnderYourSpell has three out today: Dreams of happier times, A flower still blooms, and Am I Wicked?, my favorite of the three, with its look at a parent still alive but no longer 'here'.


l8bloom has an enjoyable little piece in Asking for the Moon, if only for the pleasure of the alliteration in the second strophe:

Oregon. Country of
sapphire, emerald, slate:
a black watch plaid of pines
and pouring skies.

Of the three she's got up today, two by Curiouswife are worthy of your attention: What I Do and especially, Brake. Having passed through that part of the country on numerous occasions, the imagery comes through quite powerfully.


Jamison has one you need to read, if only for that title, Youchouli. Just goes to show the power of olfactory senses.


JUDO is back with another poem, a spin-off from last week's submission. This time she did go to Vegas to let us share in the experience of its explosions of light (among other things).


Finally, lesbiaphrodite has a solution we'd all like to use when faced with impossible deadlines in her The Day Time Stopped. You've never had that urge?


There might be others out there I didn't mention that'd tickle your tummy. Go ahead and give 'em a read. And remember, read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[Guest]

...........

 

[champagne1982]

Friday, June 22

Well, an unusual finding on this Friday, June 22. Today brings us 22 new poems.

The first to catch my eye is Tathagata's The Order Of Things. This poem begs to be read out of order. Moving thoughts and segments around each time you look at it. It's a whole new piece every time you modify it. But read it as it's intended to and you can feel the sadness a wise man feels as the realization dawns that you can't change the order of things, at all.

The other poem to catch my eye is Epmd607's Mother and the Handsome Flowers. The explosion of colour and sensation is barely contained in the text of the poem. I had fun exploring the poet's synesthetic language in this piece where touch becomes colour and sound becomes taste.

There are some poems today that you may want to review, so please, let us know about them on this thread. Have a great afternoon, everyone.

 

[jessy19]

come check out my new poems! My favorite is "Beautiful Bones" check it out

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=316781

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

Only 8 new poems up so far today

My pick:

The Secretary by Visiting Exec

This was the only poem that grabbed my attention today. Concise imagery with good economy. Good work.

 

[wildsweetone]

today's choice:

Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

by William Wordsworth





======================================================

this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.


15 new poems today.

Audio Poetry

Grandmother's Tea by MungoParkIII . i enjoy listening to this poet's voice. the words are clear and the reading is smooth. this poem raises lots of questions for me and makes me think it could be filled out a little more. what i think the poem says is that the lyrical subject is remembering his/her grandmother who has now passed on. it took me a few readings to understand that. that might be my problem and not the poets. thanks for giving me food for thought.

Little Girl Lost by asian_princess . i found this poet pleasant to listen to. i found some places where the wording was differently spoken to the written wording and i found that the punctuation on the written poem did not match up with the reading. interesting. i liked this reading. to improve... i'd suggest to the poet to try adding information from the other senses. note: the word 'beauty' is mentioned five times.

Melting Vapors by inlovewithyourghost. has an amazing quality. i love the sound effects and the unusual reading. i can't praise the difference of this one enough. go listen to it yourself. most unexpected. (well, from this poet's limited reading/audio listening experience). i just love quirky.


Non-Erotic Poetry
In case of by Rumpleteazer has an E. i guess i need to be led by the hand through this one. it seems to have little attachment to anything specific for me, though i could say it's about several different things on different levels at the same time. so i'm just staying quiet for this one and i'll let you all read and form your own opinion. i will say, there is a mixture of capital initial letters for words and some have their place and some seem not to have their place. perhaps an improvement would be to be consistent with this.
Utero is the second submission by Rumpleteazer. a couple of improvements 'its' to 'it's', also i found slight confusion between one or two lyrical subjects.

June Studies #2 by hmmnmm . this poem is poetic however i found it too much to comfortably read and say AND understand on the first read. it took me several readings to get every image that was put into this poem. well written. i have no improvements to suggest.

Night Thoughts by RossDaniels . for a poem chock full of questions, i found this easy reading probably because there are plenty of concrete images for my mind to grasp. i think the initial line capitals work here, better than only using capitals for the beginning of a sentence, mainly because there are so many sentences. note to the poet: the second to last sentence does not seem to follow the pros and cons pattern, was this intentional?
second poem Summers Lost by RossDaniels. i loved this poem. only possible improvement i'd suggest would be to try having stanza breaks for more impact.
third submission Night . not sure about the wording for lines 3, 4 and 5. is it the sun that brings a dank chill into the room. (i realise it's not meant that way and perhaps i read it incorrectly).

My friend by lilhazy . i found the reading to be a little odd as almost every line finishes with a period. line 6, 'telling' should be 'tell'
lilhazy's second poem is Love Knows and similar to the above poem. improvements: proofread for typing or grammar errors.

Flash Damage by TMV . what you are saying in this poem comes across well. how you say it, doesn't. because it is short i choose to show you my thoughts, here.

“Flash Damage”

A sudden stand of innocence, and if we were so wrong.
Could we bear the evidence, a billion tears less strong?
The debate of god’s is pointless; it has no worth in this cause.
Taking lives who’re unaware, means war is waged ‘gainst law’s.

title: the formatting on Literotica includes the title in its header and so you have no need to add in the title the second time.
line 1: take out the period at the end as it is not a complete sentence.
line 3: 'god's' should be 'gods' or 'Gods' having god's makes me expect to see something following that belongs to a single god. does the debate belong to the gods i.e. god's debate, or gods' debate (if more than one god). or are you talking about other people debating about gods? in which case it should be 'debate of gods' (if talking about more than one god).
line 4: law's should be laws.

more information needed for me to understand your message:
who does 'innocence' refer to? who is standing and being innocent? what evidence are you talking about? who is debating the existence of god? what is the word 'cause' referring to, i.e. what cause? whose lives are being taken? and what laws do you refer to?

you have some concrete imagery that my mind can grasp and it is enough to make me question your words and want to know more about what exactly you are saying to me. i think this poem errs on the side of 'too little information'. i'd like to understand what you're saying and be able to relate to specific objects, things, events, but cannot as you don't show me them.

i've spent some time on this critique for you TMV. it is not meant as an insult but simply as a helpful critique that might help improve your ability to get your message across to a reader of poetry. i hope it helps.

Erotic Poetry
Raindrops a second submission by jessy19 . i like the idea the poet has here, however the image i get is that the kisses are leaving slobber on the lyrical subject's body. i doubt that is the image you want for me to have. perhaps it would help change that image if there were more words to enhance the last line. does anybody else get this image the same way i did?

Orgasm: for J by DawnJ . i think the line breaks are all that make this appear as a poem. to improve i'd suggest eliminating the ellipses and add in some poetic techniques.


Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[Angeline]

Tuesday, June 26

There are 30 new poems posted today, and more than half of them (16) are illustrated poems. That’s impressive considering that a few years ago most writers here hadn’t even heard of illustrated poetry, much less tried to produce it. Now there are literally hundreds of them here, and most of the best Literotica poets have tried their hand at creating them. Anyway, It’s very timely for me to be reviewing illustrated poems. I just submitted a slew of my own for publication to a wonderful online poetry journal, so I’ve been thinking about the genre a lot.

What makes an illustrated poem good? In my opinion, it’s all about the balance of words and image. A poem should be good on its own: it shouldn‘t lean on the image, but rather use it along with juxtaposition of words and space and even choice of fonts to enhance the words. And I expect most writers who have created illustrated poems would agree that creating them can be very illuminating because shaping (line breaks, use of space, and such) is as important in a poem as word choice. Illustrating forces a poet to think about shaping.

of ducks and men by the mysterious CafeDuck is a good example of words and image working really well together. The images are, well, strange and the words paint a surreal picture of an artist who really needs to switch to decaf. I’m not going to speculate about the identity of CafeDuck, but I guarantee there’s at least one very talented Lit poet at work here.

Pseudo Recall 2 and Bees are Leaving are both excellent examples of the genre by the talented Jamison, who has a gift for choosing arresting images and matching them with vibrant colors and fonts that grab your attention. His illustrated poems never disappoint. Of the two, I think I prefer Bees are Leaving. Pseudo Recall 2 is a smoother read, but “Bees” is really thought-provoking and with some minor editing (to lose some unnecessary language imo) has the potential to be a real knockout of a poem.
There’s also a pair of illustrated poems from MungoParkIII, another very talented poet. Dread Geraniums and Mosaic are both excellent writes that could stand on their own without the image. Read and appreciate them both. I preferred Dread Geraniums if only because Mosaic is not so easy on the eyes: I found the brightness of the font and the swirl of the image almost too hard to look at for very long. I believe Mungo chose these to underscore the theme of the poem, which is a very clever use of the genre. Poetry doesn’t necessarily have to be pretty; there are many ways it can have an impact.

Dogbee is the first submission by a new poet, rocker_wife. There’s nothing terribly complicated happening here with fonts or Photoshop bells and whistles, just a wonderful photo and poem about a day at the beach with man’s best friend that proves illustrated poems don’t have to wow with technique to be good.

Of the non-illustrated poems, I recommend Fade to Black by Rumpleteazer, a poem that embodies the notion that less is more (and if you missed his In Case Of yesterday, please check it out--it’s really good). hmmnmm’s June Studies #3 continues his series of sensory-rush poems that dazzle with wordplay. Finally, don’t miss Butterfly by UnderYourSpell: it’s lovely and pastoral and, by the way, would make a wonderful illustrated poem.

I went to the illustrated poem archives for my golden oldie today and in two spins came up with The River Fugue by hippiedude. The photo is unremarkable, but the poem is excellent and reminded me that hippiedude wrote some great poems here a few years back and would be a great choice for LeBroz’s Archival Review (hint, hint).

That’s it for me. You may have other poems you’d like to recommend; if so, please do it here. And please take the time to read, vote and comment on your favorites: your efforts are always much appreciated.

Peace,
Angeline

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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A nice light even dozen this Wednesday. Let's see if any tickle my fancy {or any other body part}.


LadynStFreknBed offers up as her first Poetry submission To Juvenile Offenders in Recovery. Take a look at this piece that examines what could be a harsh subject told in the form of a nice soft villanelle.


Curiouswife has two posted today, The Chance, a Disney World-themed poem and I like, which I like, a rather light whimsical piece.


UnderYourSpell offers up an erotic piece of whimsy in Back passage. Give it a read — it's light and brief.


That's it for today. Must be the other dark subject matter I've been reading of late. That which caught my eye today were light soft pieces. Go ahead and check out the others. Perhaps there's something that'll catch your eye. Just remember to read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[Eluard]

Poems for thursday 28th June.

Please bear in mind that the comments on today’s poems are personal reactions to the works. Others may react differently. But I will try to make my comments constructive, if I possibly can.

There are 14 poems today and 4 by our unpredictablebijou.

The erotic poems first. Her Surrender by MrKain is a promising piece of light bondage poetry. It relies on conjuring the scene in photographic detail, and this it does well. But it lacks an effective (and affective) closing, something that will bring it all to a higher point. The reader gets the lust, but misses the transcendent need. Thus the total effect is slightly flat. The ending could do with being rethought.

Friendly Indulgence by LadynStFreknBed is a nice experiment in a form that has been much admired here of late. It is a poem of lesbian encounter of the college experimentation kind that pits the rigid demands of the form against the casualness of the situation and the encounter. On the whole I think it works well and the repetition of the line ‘The night I got lost in your hazel eyes’, is very effective and beautifully done. This is a lovely piece of work and all the better for the impression that it gives of being utterly sincere. This poet is really someone to watch.

This is in stark contrast with Her Pussy wasn’t Special, by lesbiaphrodite, a poem that relishes its casual put down of an aging lover. The whole thing is done in negatives and wearies the reader with its casual spite.

Now the far more numerous non-erotic poems.

Afternoon Fantasy by KOLKORE is a little meditation on retiring to the country to write. I hear you, sister, (or brother)! The far better poem, however, is Maine, Beach. Here there is something allusive and open-ended that makes for a richer effect. Nicely done.

Rumpleteazer’s Shell Shock Suburbia is seemingly a poem of lament from a parent with a wayward child. A poem of frustration that teases the reader with its fragmentation. The overall effect is interesting, but I think it could do with either being more fragmented or more coherent, one or the other.

Sonnet to the End of Love by Tristesse2 is a poem in the venerable tradition of the letter/request made to a friend. It can’t help but conjur up the spirit of Donne and Marvell, but does so with grace and style. Very accomplished.

Into My Hidden Realm He Came is a nice, and original, love poem, by trinisunggoddess. It comes across as a sincere reflection on the nature of love for the introverted soul.

Two poems by Goldeniangel, the best of which is Intimate Meetings. There is a nice sense here of erotic promise. The other, Eyes, works for me up until the last couplet, and then we have

golden laughter
that sparkles with glass
and matches my eyes.

Now I don’t think that the poet intended to make herself sound like a stuffed toy, but that is the image that glass eyes carry for me. But perhaps I’m wrong: maybe the intent was precisely to make us think of herself a bright, dead thing. In which case: mission accomplished.

Now I come to the most significant contributions of the day; by unpredictablebijou. Of the four poems submitted Don’t Look Down is a meditation on aging and death that works well. I like the forensic contemplation of the skull that precedes the ending. How divinely they explode seems to be another meditation on time, in this case youth. Here, though, I have some qualms about the switching of pronouns throughout. I’m just not sure that this works in a poem that is so telegraphic in its effects. But everything else I think is really well done, and the rhythm of the poem is masterful.

Tanka for the Lost Child is truly heartbreaking. It probably helps being a parent but this poem really does break my heart. It is very understated in its effects, but more powerful for it. Reverdie is a surprising twist on the Rites of Spring, with death and destruction now unleashed on the world that had been held back by winter — a nice inversion. But it is the ending of this that is so powerful:

Rejoice: the peace of winter now recedes
and deadly to the infants comes the spring.

Read in conjunction with the preceding Tanka and it gains even greater weight.

Unpredictablebijou’s poems show an incisive intelligence and a mature sensibility. If she has not yet published she certainly should consider doing so. A good poet has to need to write, it has to be part of their being. For other poets here I sense that this is not so: their work more resembles needlepoint: nice, but there is no great weight forcing the need for expression. In unpredictablebijou’s work I sense a need to express, whether in poetry or some other form — and that makes the work compelling to read.

 

[champagne1982]

Today, Friday June 29, brings us twelve new poems and most are quite short.

One poem stands out for me. In Through a Glass Lightly, l8bloom offers us a poem about this weirding connection we find inside the pixellated gathering of light. There's even a neat XFiles reference buried in the poem.

That's it. For my fellow Canuckians, have a fantastic Canada Celebration. our 'mercan neighbours will be partying next week too, but I'll wait to wish 'em a happy 4th.

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

Only 3 new poems up so far. Nothing has grabbed my attention yet. I'll keep you posted when more appear.

 

[wildsweetone]

for today's delectable morsel, read this poetry . there's some stunning poetry here. soak it up and let it seep into your bones.



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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.

12 new poems up today. let's see what's in the box...

slavegurl has two poems up today. cops and the answer to a prayer. i think both poems have potential, and with editing, proofreading and poetic technique enhancements would be good reads.

templeminded submitted Anything . i liked this poem. i think the rhyming works well for the most part. there are a couple of errors that a quick proofreading would pick up. i think for improvement... i'd like to see this poem with more concrete imagery.

new poet, LadyCrimson posted To mend a Broken Heart today. to improve this poem, i would suggest the poet adds in some concrete imagery and fills out a little more information eg what brought the smile back? Welcome to Literotica.

hmmnmm has three poems up today. July Studies #1, July Studies #2 and Jive Pigs. i'm hoping the July Studies continues and will look for more. i like the language and i feel already that it will evolve as the month goes on (should the poet continue). there's so much in Jive Pigs that i've read it half a dozen times and am still finding things i didn't see previously. i very much enjoyed these three submissions.

new poet shtrdglassheart has two submissions today. Taste and A Buddist's Sexual Fantasy. i think both these poems have potential. improvements? Taste line six seems to have something missing. lines 12, 13 and 14 don't seem as cliche as i first thought. i think some of the other lines could do with a little sprucing up... try thinking of another way of saying those things and the poetic language might seep through into the poem. Welcome to Literotica.

Fantazies posted Her Hands today. i liked this poem but became a little bored with the lack of poetic language. if i took out the line breaks i think it would read as prose. the submission is insightful as to the use of hands and i think it would be worthwhile working with it more to bring out the poetic language that is lurking behind the prose.

MistressDarkness submitted Angelic Affair today. i think for improvements here, i'd suggest working on the punctuation. i found some of the punctuation incorrect and that made my reading choppy. also, some of the rhymes seem a little forced (maybe i'm too used to reading free verse).


new to poetry here, flutterbyspirit posted When Love Stops Being Returned. i found the line break for stanza four, lines three and four an interesting one. i think it's incorrect, but it gave me food for thought for a few moments. for improvements i'd suggest leaving this poem to stand for a little while and then going back and enhancing the depth of emotion by using showing techniques rather than telling ones. Welcome to the Literotica Poetry Forum.

Please note that these are my opinions on poems, it is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[Angeline]

July 3, 2007

Slim pickings today, folks, only a few poems to recommend and one is sort of a stretch:

Is revenge a dish that tastes best cold? I’m not sure, and you couldn’t prove it by this spicy little diatribe: For Her by fallen angel_jaded. This is a poet who appears to have returned after a long hiatus--at least from Lit poetry. The poem isn’t particularly fresh or creative, but it gets points (and props) from me for its unremitting anger. This poem is an excellent example of how to stay on topic.

Koba offers an interesting, quixotic poem in Aphrodite Lost.

But here’s a treat of a golden oldie, an audio poem from lickmyboot, Flesh Machine. I’ve posted the poem here in its entirety, but really, you do yourself an injustice if you don’t listen to her reading it. It’s a perfect--and very hot--reading.

Flesh Machine
by lickmyboot©

My spine coils and curves
under the clamp of your
hard hands
Thighs slick with oil
shudder under your weight
Our heat fills the air
sharp, metallic
Your tongue like molten lead
in my mouth
Mounting, we are
piston-pushing,
your steel rod piercing
the hollow within
We meld into one
hot furious pounding
Sparks igniting my skin
Quicksilver flash--
a burst of wet steam
Emissions of rusty moans
scraping together,
grinding,
slowly unwinding,
this flesh machine.

These recommendations are simply my opinions. If you hve other poems you'd like to recommend, have at 'em. Otherwise, Happy Fourth of July, America. Careful with those fireworks.


Angeline

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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It's a cool rainy day; the kind you want to totally veg out and watch the tube {or never leave the the sanctity of that bed}. Today's meager offering of 4 is not very strong. Or perhaps the dismal day's got me turned off.

LadynStFreknBed wanders from the villanelle this week in As The Clock Ticks On. I just can't get a feel for this today; perhaps it's the weather. It just seems as I read it that the words do not flow very well; right from the first to the second line it feels as though there are different rhythms at work and it just throws the mind off. It seems to affect reading the rest of the poem. See what you think.


hmmnmm continues this month's studies series with July studies #3 {my preferred tale of the two} and July studies #4. My responses to the two were quite different. With #4, it was more a yawning so what; #3 has a certain fascination about it for me, reminding me of running the gauntlet of carpenter bees back down in Georgia where they made their home in my apartment's wood siding. Of course it could just be that it's also the better written of the two.


Finally, herecomestherain has an erotic piece in The Giveaway. At least this one doesn't hit you over the head with the same tired old erotic formulation everyone else seems to try {a stroke story in poem form that fails on both counts}. The weakness here, I feel, is that it seems a bit wordy; perhaps it seems to wander a bit. Give it a read and see what you think.


That's it for today. Like I said, not much here today. But then, that's just my subjective opinion. Give 'em a read and see what you think. Perhaps there's more here than met my eye. If so, let the writer know how you feel about their work. But, whatever you do, remember to read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[Guest]

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