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my first story on literotica!

So finally I've submitted and had approved my first story on literotica! I'm really excited and I hope at least someone likes it. It's my first attempt at writing an erotic story, and I'm already picking it apart myself. I'd really appreciate any feedback to try and make my next story even better!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=205765

just a quick question... I can't find my story if I just look for it in the Interracial Love index... any ideas why that is?
 
isthisdesire said:
So finally I've submitted and had approved my first story on literotica! I'm really excited and I hope at least someone likes it. It's my first attempt at writing an erotic story, and I'm already picking it apart myself. I'd really appreciate any feedback to try and make my next story even better!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=205765

just a quick question... I can't find my story if I just look for it in the Interracial Love index... any ideas why that is?

new stories take a few hours to get indexed.
 
Come Join Da Fun~ Twist On Todays Poetry Submissions~

Come join the fun.
Da party has just begun.
Grab some coffee.
Snuggle in close,
to a bag full,
of poetry prose.

Some mystical
knights of the realm.
Fighting with soul,
together they might
beat the foe.

Classic ... Sad
Oh, how I love thee
Together forever,
they wanna be.

A muse who
whispers to clouds,
of moonlit walks
upon the moors.

Some women who
make their men sing.
Wayyyy out Loud.

Hunger dominates
these lusty gurls,
as her whip snaps
uncurls ...

A young lad
on a horse ride.
Fallin' into poo
and doo.

Mythical lights,
shooting
across the sky.
So beautiful,
makes the heart cry.

Broken hearted
maidens of peace.
Whose heart is torn,
as if by disease.

I heard the monster,
in the cellar.
Screaming through,
that young mans mind.
Please I ask ... Beg....
Do Not open that door,
nope not even one time...

A cute gurl
with boobies so big.
Leanin over the counter,
givin' rise to
a young mans prig.

Oh a serpent
in our midst.
Hell warmed over
the earth.
With the release
of pain ... misery.
Tell me,
how much
is that worth?

Tales of hunger.
A tingling so bad.
Without her love,
the maiden
shall forever,
be sad.

Tongues lapping,
succulent juices.
As the dogs
are waggling,
the paws
of their muses.

Can you feel
the excitement,
in the air,
Passion ...
Greed ...
Hatred ...
Lust ...

All to be had here,
filling one so full,
of a poets tricks.
Filling as if
they will bust.

So come,
join the fun,
had by all, here
at Lits' Poetry Hall...

:D
 
my latest

well, here it is, my latest. it took long enough coming

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=206934

You may find it short and pathetic, you may find it stimulating, either way, please let me know. all CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism welcome.

i am already aware of a couple of errors so feel free to point out ant more so i can resubmit ,

thanks,
sexyspiders >( ' . ' )<

:kiss:
 
Not my latest, but the Loving Wives gang didn't appreciate it much!
Dire Straits
Susie is the fee for her husband's financial saviour. A nasty cuckold/voyuer tale in which Susie turns the tables of power.
 
First Chapter In My Sequel

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. :) I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place
 
Chapter 4 in my Willing Victim series is Finally out! Please read it, enjoy it hopefully, but no matter what, if possible comment on it & give me ideas how I could improve my writing. The story can be found here Willing Victim Ch. 4


Anyone who comments, emails, or PM's me & wants 1 of their stories read over, I will return the favour & give editing info/constructive criticism to the best of my abilities.

Never stop submitting!!! :D
 
Onward and outward...

I have a new story out, "Sunset over Cairo". Any feedback would be very appreciated and responded to.

This is something a little different for me; Non-Erotic and more descriptive than my (few) other stories.

My aim was to create atmosphere, believable characters with some tension between them, and to present the city of Cairo itself as a living backdrop. The story is set in 1922 (an interesting time for Western women and for the Middle East).

Somehow a full-blown sex scene just didn't belong, so if you don't mind that (and can get through 4 pages), I would love to know how I did.

Teela,
I very much enjoyed "Arabian Night" for its lovely, exotic atmosphere. Give this one a hand, folks, it's a great first submission.

Thanks, and happy writing!
AH
 
I'm confusing people

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=207032
The title is "A Life Unknown"
non-consent/reluctance

Mixed feedback on it... so I'm feeling the need to explain it a bit.

"Somewhere, out there in the great beyond, where good things happen and people have the capacity for happiness, her 'other' was living the good life."

This is the very first line of the story of a woman from the time she married at 17 up to her 36th birthday. Everything from the second paragraph up to this line: "while somewhere in the great beyond..." is about her. From that line to the end concerns her 'other'.

It just barely touches on the concept of paralell universes and everyone having a double who lives a life completely opposite of the one they know. The title is in reference to the life my main characters 'other' lives, the life the main character would have preferred.

LOL.. seems easy enough for me to understand, but some people just aren't "getting" it. I hope I haven't made it even more confusing
arghh
the things that go on in my head.. be glad you're not there :)
 
Ch. 2 A Timeless Place/Sequel to Bigrig

Here it is. And this one does have some erotica in it. So, if you're not into gay male, please skip it. It's in the novels/novellas cat. But here's the link.

A Timeless Place Ch. 2
 
If you like non-consent stories...

you might like my story "Changed Girl."
OK, it's long, so if you're not into multi-chapter stories, maybe it's not for you, but each chapter's got something pretty juicy in it.

The first chapter is here.

If you've already been reading, the latest chapter just posted today.

If you have any feedback, it's always welcome.

Thanks!

-Varian
 
I've written a new one--Vieux Carre --(in Erotic Couplings) that I would like some feedback on.

At its root, it's a story of two people that meet via an electronic medium, their progressive interaction, and a trip to New Orleans. It also touches on what happens how life brings changes in yourself you aren't prepared for, and how you deal with them.
 
I have a new one up and I would love any and all feedback on it. While many of my stories draw on some aspect of personal experience, this is only the second thing I have put out there where if an ex reads it she would instantly know who it was even if she did not know my pen name...Exploring a Bare Frontier
 
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