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I've just had my first story posted (and this marks my first post). So far one person has left some nice feedback; hope others will enjoy the story as well. Thanks in advance for any feedback.
 
Well, it finally happenned, I took the plunge and departed from erotic poetry.
My first story just went up last night...The Substitute Pt. 1
(First of a trilogy based on a certain saucy tatooed New Zealander with her own pic thread....

Would appreciate comments...
(paces nervously)
 
Last edited:
Christmas Promises Wrapped in Dreams

Hey everyone, my holiday contest story got stuck in toys and masturbation, but I think it's more of an erotic couplings story because that's more of the focus. My tagline is kinda misleading so that is probably why it's in toys and masturbation. So if any one is interested, please go read it. And don't forget to vote! Btw, if any one is interested, my good friend Barnaby suggested the title. Go check it out, I promise you won't be disappointed. :)

Christmas Promises Wrapped in Dreams
 
Memories in the Snow

OMG, I have my first story up on Lit!

Memories in the Snow

An afternoon spent skiing and messing around with a little sex in the snow to heat up the evening.
 
MnRider said:
OMG, I have my first story up on Lit!

Memories in the Snow

An afternoon spent skiing and messing around with a little sex in the snow to heat up the evening.
Click to expand...


I wish my first story had been that good. I never am much for second person, and the dialogue will improve over timre, but a great start.
 
NatalieRose said:
Hey everyone, my holiday contest story got stuck in toys and masturbation, but I think it's more of an erotic couplings story because that's more of the focus. My tagline is kinda misleading so that is probably why it's in toys and masturbation. So if any one is interested, please go read it. And don't forget to vote! Btw, if any one is interested, my good friend Barnaby suggested the title. Go check it out, I promise you won't be disappointed. :)

Christmas Promises Wrapped in Dreams
Click to expand...


the moderators will avoid putting a story in "EC" if they can move it to a category. Although this might cost you some views, it will focus the audience, and likely improve your scores and comments. Under "EC" inevitably, a high percentage of readerswill have been looking for somthing different than your story, which I thought was charming.
 
Thank you sirhugs

sirhugs said:
I wish my first story had been that good. I never am much for second person, and the dialogue will improve over timre, but a great start.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the kind words. I wrote the story for my girlfriend, she tends to enjoy the little stories I make up in bed (Yeah I wrote it to get laid) so it ended up as I/you.

Is the dialogue poorly written or should there be more? I'm working on another story and I am using more dialogue and I'm very curious on how to make it better.

Thank you for your input!
MnRider
 
MnRider said:
Thank you for the kind words. I wrote the story for my girlfriend, she tends to enjoy the little stories I make up in bed (Yeah I wrote it to get laid) so it ended up as I/you.

Is the dialogue poorly written or should there be more? I'm working on another story and I am using more dialogue and I'm very curious on how to make it better.

Thank you for your input!
MnRider
Click to expand...


I love lots of dialogue. It was not poorly written. It just seemed a tad stiff. Practice wil cure that.
 
Thanks

sirhugs said:
I love lots of dialogue. It was not poorly written. It just seemed a tad stiff. Practice wil cure that.
Click to expand...

Wonderful! That gives me both hope, and a goal. It's my first real attempt at dialogue since high school. [Laughing] And that was 30 years ago!
I'll keep writing dialogue and practicing!!
I did find an essay on writing more believable dialogue and saw some nice ideas.
One thing I noted in my writing is I'm using a lot of I said/you said phrases which seemed forced. I'm planning to edit a lot of that out of the new story. I also tend to write dialogue like I write, I need to write dialogue more like people talk. That seems to be very tricky while I'm writing. [laughing] I even start to talk to myself like I write!

sirhugs, Thank you for helping me!!!
 
Brightdawn said:
I just posted my second story a few days ago called Dripping Wet
http://engish.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=229865
It's a shower scene inspired by a very sexy englishman here on lit.

My other story ,Lana's Secret, was writen awhile ago and got a lot of great responses. It's about Lana's affair with ther husbands brother, I've ben told I should write a whole story around it.
http://enlish.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=202401
Click to expand...


As I mentioned, i'm not big on "you" stories, but I love shower scenes, and yours was intense. Mmmmmmmmmmmm
 
sirhugs said:
As I mentioned, i'm not big on "you" stories, but I love shower scenes, and yours was intense. Mmmmmmmmmmmm
Click to expand...

Thanks,
I know what you mean about the 'you' thing. I was trying to get the reader to experience it first hand and I hoped it worked. Any other thoughts are always welcome!
 
Brightdawn said:
Thanks,
I know what you mean about the 'you' thing. I was trying to get the reader to experience it first hand and I hoped it worked. Any other thoughts are always welcome!
Click to expand...

maybe its cause I am a voyeur that I'd rather have the 'watcher' viewpoint.
 
My new holiday story is up, so I'm begging for reads. :)

Thanks ahead of time :kiss:

(BIG link in my sig :D )
 
cloudy said:
My new holiday story is up, so I'm begging for reads. :)

Thanks ahead of time :kiss:

(BIG link in my sig :D )
Click to expand...


my story Under the Fucking Mistletoe carries on the spirit of giving of the Good sisters hot tub adventures, with friends. Incest, group, office, interraccial, inter generational,
 
I have a new story up today that I wrote quite some time ago but just had misgivings about posting...I'd love any and all feedback, especially on the believability of the characters and their motivations....

San Franciso Surrender
 
brigidgirl said:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=228155

wow this is a long thread! Hi, let me know any and all criticism...I was hoping to make it visual, found it came out a little too short (do you agree?) What would you have done differently?

Thanks in advance!

~b
Click to expand...


take my comments with a grain of salt. They start with a profound dislike of second person narrative. Add that amnd the breezy non-conversation in a conversational tone of writing and I just couldn't get into it. Though I did think it ended before you got to the best parts...
 
Dans la Tonnelle de Mebh

This is my newest story, and it's a very different sort than I've previously written. I am interested in feedback, positive or negative, so that I can either improve in this style or forget about it altogether :)

Thanks!
Shawn
 
thanks

sirhugs said:
take my comments with a grain of salt. They start with a profound dislike of second person narrative. Add that amnd the breezy non-conversation in a conversational tone of writing and I just couldn't get into it. Though I did think it ended before you got to the best parts...
Click to expand...


Isn't the use of "I" for the narrator considered first person, not second?
 
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