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Bryce3D said:
Ok that sounds fair where do you think that it would fit better?
Click to expand...


perhaps mature, or exhibitionist? Or by default, erotic couplings rather than Romance?
 
Feedback would be great...

Part 2 of "Love & Peace" has appeared today and I would really love to get some feedback on this story. Any constructive comments on how I can improve my writing are welcome.

A link to my stories can be found below.

Thanks in advance,
janiexx :)
 
janiexx said:
Part 2 of "Love & Peace" has appeared today and I would really love to get some feedback on this story. Any constructive comments on how I can improve my writing are welcome.

A link to my stories can be found below.

Thanks in advance,
janiexx :)
Click to expand...

I'm not an expert on the genre by any means, but I felt the power of his emotions.
 
Thank you

Sirhugs,

Thank you for that. I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply. :)

Regards
janiexx
 
Captain Amsterdam Fans

My latest tale reinvents a sexy comic book character bringing it into todays mainstream political world. The stakes are high but a hot female sex machine will always win out over any other force on this planet.

A Sci-Fi (Fantasy)/Humor/Lesbian saga that will be a light read I promise...

Captain Amsterdam
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=241682

Thank you for all you viewers naturally!
 
new First Time story

Hi all,

I just had my first go at a First Time story, moving from the lesbian sex category into straight. I'd love any feedback. It's in a style I call soft but graphic. Explicit but tender?

M-Y
 
M-Y-Erotica said:
Hi all,

I just had my first go at a First Time story, moving from the lesbian sex category into straight. I'd love any feedback. It's in a style I call soft but graphic. Explicit but tender?

M-Y
Click to expand...

might we have a link please?
 
What have you been waiting for?

M-Y-Erotica said:
Hi all,

I just had my first go at a First Time story, moving from the lesbian sex category into straight. I'd love any feedback. It's in a style I call soft but graphic. Explicit but tender?

M-Y
Click to expand...

I must say: if this is the first story away from lesbian sex, than you have waisted a lot of time!
Stick with it, forget what you have done before, this is brilliant!

Hope to see more stories from you. :cathappy: :rose:
 
heaven-whh said:
I must say: if this is the first story away from lesbian sex, than you have waisted a lot of time!
Stick with it, forget what you have done before, this is brilliant!

Hope to see more stories from you. :cathappy: :rose:
Click to expand...
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story. I know you could have been doing lots of other things with that hour, and I appreciate it.

I also appreciate your really nice comment as well, of course! ;)
 
A request for opinions

Like so many here, I have posted my first story to Literotica and I'm somewhat concerned I have not placed it in the correct catagory. I placed the story in Gay Male, because the main relationship (and all the sex) is between two men. Frankly, I worry that the first page might mislead or turn off a potential reader, since it is a set up for the story itself.

In the Temple of Nogged

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=239867

There are so many catagories and this story might be considered to cross some of them. Have I placed it correctly? I would appreciate opinions on this.

Thank you in advance.
 
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Review

Owlwhisper said:
My story...represents a first try at writing erotica after years of generating articles for science journals. It's a real change of pace, to say the least; for example, I'm still fighting the urge to write an abstract for it. <smile>

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=241488

Your comments and suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Owl
Click to expand...

I thought you did quite well. The story subject is not something I usually find appealing, but you managed to engage my interest through to the end.

You also displayed some of the better writerly qualities I admire -- proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and some apparent knowledge of verbs and nouns! (Do I sound snarky? Well, yes, I am. Craft errors bother me because they are easy to avoid. Even if Spell Check isn't infallable, it helps!)

You handled the change in point of view well, although on a TECHNICAL level it should have been more balanced. It switches completely to Carrie after the first section and I never saw a switch back to balance it out. In fact, the beginning section could be eliminated without much loss to the story. It really seems like a long wind up, almost an appendix. Since we never really find out who this man is, having that much access to his thoughts doesn't really make sense. I think the story would be more effective if the reader knew only what Carrie knew. It would keep the feeling of mystery alive.

My other comment would be that you've placed a good bit of distance between the reader and the protagonist. This might be a stylistic choice you've made, or just a reliance on the "to be" verbs. I wasn't aware of an overuse of passive verbs and I didn't really analyze the story structure, but I had a general feeling of passivity. This, in part, works, since Carrie is passive and things are done to her, but there are sections where action takes place, yet she still seems inactive. (I suffer from this writing tendency myself). You might play around with verbs to bring more immediacy to scenes. Perhaps trying to handle the various mental states Carrie experiences maintains that kind of distance.

I did like the fact that you spent time building up to the sex. This might make the story slow for the instant-gratification-seeking reader, but then, I don't think that is a negative. I am a fan of the slow build up :> Spending the time there helped me believe in the characters and their choices.

Actually, I think this is an above-average presentation of an erotic story, with emphasis on STORY rather than detailed, gory depictions of "slot A, tab B, gooy liquid ensues". It has a lot of polish. Congratulations!
 
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Latest one to appear

A bit different from my usual rambling stories and I would appreciate any feedback and votes.

Thanks to everyone who has commented and voted on the others so far.


janiexx :)
 
First Story Posted!

Yay! My first ever story posted on Literotica! I'm so proud of me. :D
My first commenting reader so far seems pretty happy!
Care to peek?

Long Lost Friend

I'd love to hear (er, read?) some other feedback on it!
Do be gentle- its my first Literotica story.... ;)
 
fae_bella said:
Yay! My first ever story posted on Literotica! I'm so proud of me. :D
My first commenting reader so far seems pretty happy!
Care to peek?

Long Lost Friend

I'd love to hear (er, read?) some other feedback on it!
Do be gentle- its my first Literotica story.... ;)
Click to expand...


here is what I submitted as a public comment:

The intensely descriptive emotions and action gripped me and sent shivers through my spine. Though I generally do not get into "second person" narrative, this story held my interest and allowed me to observe rather than feel like the writer's puppet.


I think it held greater promise as a first story, and think as you grow, you will be a very special writer.
 
Sexual Prisoner - Chapter 1

Few sci-fi movies or TV shows could ever achieve the quality of work as that of the 1960s show "The Prisoner". My warped version/battle of witts promises to add a bit of sexual tension to the classic saga as a man discovers that leaving the porno industry without explanation is not acceptable to some. And for those wondering if the giant deadly spermacide balloon is going to make it's pressence felt, you'll just have to stay tuned and keep reading.

Sexual Prisoner - Chapter 1
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=243669

Viewers, Reviewers and Do-gooders are always welcome.
 
I hate my GPA

My first story.

I wrote it, I posted it, I am an eager beaver.

I have after 5 days, 5700 views, 6 rates, avg score of 3.7.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=243155

Any feedback is welcome, especially if it comes with a 5.

But tell me whether I should have put this in the "humor" category. And perhaps titled it, "My Cup Runneth Over With Jizz and I Will Love You Forever, Jizzman" instead.
 
Well thank you sirhugs!

sirhugs said:
here is what I submitted as a public comment:

The intensely descriptive emotions and action gripped me and sent shivers through my spine. Though I generally do not get into "second person" narrative, this story held my interest and allowed me to observe rather than feel like the writer's puppet.


I think it held greater promise as a first story, and think as you grow, you will be a very special writer.
Click to expand...

Well thank you for the encouragement! :)
I'm working on something new right now.. I've told my hubby I need "real life inspiration" a few more times before I can fully finish this new one.
Once I get it posted, you'll understand. :D
 
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