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New Story

I just posted my first story. It is really a chapter in a far longer story that I'm working on, and I would love feedback. It's themes are prison and bdsm related, so please take a look at it, if these sorts of stories interest you. Thanks.
 
feedback for britwitch

Britwitch said:
Hi , am kinda new to the boards but...am also kinda desperate for feedback on my latest submissions...pleeeeeease :D

I really liked your story!!!!

The suspense is killing me though, so please post the rest soon.

Since you are looking for feedback, and you are teasing about what is happening, you might want to throw in a paragraph on how/why the bride got to the room in the first place.

I at first thought it was the Lord's bride in the first night (another theme I like). If I had catched the real meaning sooner, it would have worked better for me.

Keep it up.

Maharat
Click to expand...
 
Britwitch said:
Hi , am kinda new to the boards but...am also kinda desperate for feedback on my latest submissions...pleeeeeease :D

'First Night' ~ Nonconsent/Reluctance
A Lord prepares to take a bride on her wedding night....

Chapter 1
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=258580

Chapter 2
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=258596

EDIT: And now also...

Chapter 3
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=258597
Click to expand...

very intense writing. I bet you get feedback about the build up not leading to more and more intense sex though.
 
Maharat said:
I really liked your story!!!!

The suspense is killing me though, so please post the rest soon.

Since you are looking for feedback, and you are teasing about what is happening, you might want to throw in a paragraph on how/why the bride got to the room in the first place.

I at first thought it was the Lord's bride in the first night (another theme I like). If I had catched the real meaning sooner, it would have worked better for me.

Keep it up.

Maharat
Click to expand...

Yay, feedback...woo hoo! :D

Thank you so much, glad you're enjoying it...am working on the next few parts at the moment, which do include a 'flashback' type sequence which will reveal just how she got to where she is now, so hope to have them up very soon... :eek:

Thanks again... :)

sirhugs said:
very intense writing. I bet you get feedback about the build up not leading to more and more intense sex though.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the kind words on my writing :eek: and have had a lot of feedback about wanting the sex to arrive soonish... ;) but also people seem to be liking the suspense side too so will just have to see how it turns out :)
Thanks again for reading... :eek:

Oh...and while I'm here.... ;)
I have the first two chapters of a non-erotic story that have been approved...a little tale about a Guardian Angel... :eek:
Would love to know people's thoughts on those two...*smiles wide and flutters eyelashes*...pleeeeease.... :)

Guardian ~ Chapter 1

Guardian ~ Chapter 2
 
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Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Well, my latest is up and I would appreciate any feedback and good votes, of course.

This was originally sent off to a UK publisher of erotic fiction, but wasn't accepted so here it is!

Many thanks to CopyCarver for his excellent editing skills.

We tried!

janiexx :)
 
Hoping to edge this one over the 10 vote hump :D

I've been told by nearly everyone that has read it that I overdid the strength of the warnings in the Author's Notes. Just didn't want anyone to end up with a redlined creepy-o-meter considering the tale deals with taboo elements ( Many would likely consider it borderline because it only involves step and half )

Ebon Genesis http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=259331
 
Darkniciad said:
Hoping to edge this one over the 10 vote hump :D

I've been told by nearly everyone that has read it that I overdid the strength of the warnings in the Author's Notes. Just didn't want anyone to end up with a redlined creepy-o-meter considering the tale deals with taboo elements ( Many would likely consider it borderline because it only involves step and half )

Ebon Genesis http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=259331
Click to expand...


I suspect the low totals are more a function of the length. Perhaps next timer you wwite that length, split it into 2 for submission? I think few readers will go past about 3 Lit pages.
 
sirhugs said:
you are SUCH a comment whore ;)
Click to expand...

Is that a bad thing...? ...*flutters eyelashes and smiles*... I just like to know where I'm going right and where I'm going wrong... :eek:
Thanks for you comment btw :D
 
Britwitch said:
Is that a bad thing...? ...*flutters eyelashes and smiles*... I just like to know where I'm going right and where I'm going wrong... :eek:
Thanks for you comment btw :D
Click to expand...


wellll....that depends if you LIKE to get spanked :devil:
 
sirhugs said:
I suspect the low totals are more a function of the length. Perhaps next timer you wwite that length, split it into 2 for submission? I think few readers will go past about 3 Lit pages.
Click to expand...

No, it is the disclaimer, trust me. Every chapter of Danica is that long and they're all pushing up toward the twenty range LOL I've actually received a lot of feedback from the people who are reading Danica that they like the length of the chapters.

Once I finish Book I, I'll be cutting the chapters in half for Book II, though. I had the first 14 chapters of Danica already finished before I ever posted 01, so it didn't leave too long between chapters to have them be that length. I'm going to try and find an editor for Book II, and I'm sure shorter chapters will improve those prospects as well.

Thanks for the advice; the suggestion is appreciated, and actually in force on most of my other work :)

Only one vote away now :D
 
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a ho hum

Hello Hello This is my first time posting anything on the forums so forgive the noob she knows not what she does....lol

I have written my very first erotic story after having been a fan of it for sometime. I'm all around new to this site and would love a friend or 2 to help me along. and since this thread is about story adds give my lil tale a look see and please let me know what you think of it. *gulp* Really any feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thanks

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=259855
 
for feedback83

Reflection83 said:
Hello Hello This is my first time posting anything on the forums so forgive the noob she knows not what she does....lol

I have written my very first erotic story after having been a fan of it for sometime. I'm all around new to this site and would love a friend or 2 to help me along. and since this thread is about story adds give my lil tale a look see and please let me know what you think of it. *gulp* Really any feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thanks

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=259855
Click to expand...
Hi,

I see you already had an editor, but since you are asking for more feedback I thought I would say something as well. It is easy to follow what is going on, but maybe there are too many adjectives in some of the descriptions, specially with the story being so concise.

what do you say?
 
reply to a reply

Maharat48,

I wondered if I got a little carried away with the adjectives...lol I did think I over did it some...The few people I actually did let read it befor I even sent it to an editor said it was great...Bless them for it.Thanks for your input.
 
Troll Control

kbate said:
*****
will be pulled from the site within a week due to trolling on the voting. so never mind.
Click to expand...

Why, when someone is a victim of destructive Trolls, can't we all rally around the person under attack. Really, our only reward is the constructive feedback from fellow writers and the voting score is a reassurance that we are at least doing something right.

Kbate, please rest assured that many of us feel the same devastated feeling as you when this happens.
 
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