No, honey, not in front of the cows...

[Guest]

Fat cow: Look! Hungry lionesses are after us juicy cows!

Lioness 1: Grrr.

Mad cow:Don't look at me. I'm a zebra.

Lioness 2: Grrr.

Smart cow: Look, ya'all! We are eating Grass! We are eating fucking grass!

Lioness 4: Where's lioness 3?

 

[Liar]

Sounds resonable.

I for one hate it to be caught in the middle of a goddamn bovine stampede when I'm fucking in the meadows. It sucks every time.

#L

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Having slipped into my old blue corduroy Future Farmers of America jacket (sucker seems to have shrunk a bit), I'm now ready to join this bucolic thread.

First, a couple technical notes:

STEERS are male bovines who have, as the cowgirls say, had their nuts cut. Grown male bovines who have avoided this once-in-a-lifetime experience are called, BULLS.

HEIFERS are young female bovines that have not been bred. By reputation, they're a little wild and frisky. The floor is open to those with theories on why.

Second, a pronunciation note: As noted, TEAT is sometimes pronounced "tit." However, the most common pronunciation is, "teet."

At issue is whether the mere presence of the bovines in question, Highlander heifers, or their digestive by-product "cow pies" is supposed to deter these open-air sexual antics. The answer is a resounding, yes. A fresh pile of cow crap is not conducive to erotic impulses--but neither is coming upon a Highlander.

I regret being unable to replicate the rich aroma of bovine manure. Those of a scientific bent (or just weird) can either visit a poorly maintained zoo, a guy's dorm room, or empty a cat's litter box, then factor in the size difference and use a little imagination.

However, I can provide an up-close and personal view of a Highlander heifer. A real love-bug.

Rustic Rumple Foreskin

http://www.junglewalk.com/APics/628/471090.jpg