Noticing the little things

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Sleeping pills haven't worked so far.

They haven't worked for me either, they make me jumpy and paranoid.

The idiot Drs tried to do a sleep study with me... but I didn't sleep at all. I kept getting up and pacing as far as those annoying electrode thingys would let me. Ticked off the technicians too... they felt it was a waste of their time.

 

[Lorelei_11]

They haven't worked for me either, they make me jumpy and paranoid.

The idiot Drs tried to do a sleep study with me... but I didn't sleep at all. I kept getting up and pacing as far as those annoying electrode thingys would let me. Ticked off the technicians too... they felt it was a waste of their time.

I haven't tried the sleep study thing yet. I have a bunch of other medical problems I'm dealing with, and in the process of getting diagnosed.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Well I would advise against the sleep study, if you are anything like me and it sounds like we have similar situations. Though I've been mostly diagnosed the Drs are running out of treatments nothing is working. Anyway - it was a complete waste of time and I couldn't have a computer or radio or anything in the room with me... so I couldn't even be somewhat productive.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

Hey, I'm used to it, the you and I could never be part. Especially online, most guys aren't my type online.

They may be valueable, but so is my peice of mind. Catch it and take it far away outside for me?

That would certainly be something I could do. But what do you do about insects and other bug-like critters if the spiders aren't there to turn them into munchies ?

 

[sassykat]

The little things are what kept me in a bad relationship...I so loved the times he would sit with me on the swing and hold my hand, or brush my hair away and just give me a kiss, or fill the foot massager with water and get the back massager out and tell me to sit still and relax, ask if I wanted anything to drink or needed anything. Sharing his kids and grandkids with me, sitting in the swing with his arm around me, my head on his shoulders. The problem was it started to get where these things started happening less and less and I was just taken for granted and used for what I could provide...a home, a person to take care of his daughter, provider of food and drink...and I very rarely got those little things. It has hardened me toward my expectations from a man....they are good for what I can get to satisfy me...that is all that most want from you anyway. So I have blocked my heart from feeling...again. Leaves me so confused sometimes...cause I want those "little things" again.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

The little things are what kept me in a bad relationship...I so loved the times he would sit with me on the swing and hold my hand, or brush my hair away and just give me a kiss, or fill the foot massager with water and get the back massager out and tell me to sit still and relax, ask if I wanted anything to drink or needed anything. Sharing his kids and grandkids with me, sitting in the swing with his arm around me, my head on his shoulders. The problem was it started to get where these things started happening less and less and I was just taken for granted and used for what I could provide...a home, a person to take care of his daughter, provider of food and drink...and I very rarely got those little things. It has hardened me toward my expectations from a man....they are good for what I can get to satisfy me...that is all that most want from you anyway. So I have blocked my heart from feeling...again. Leaves me so confused sometimes...cause I want those "little things" again.

I hate to say this, but it's hard to continue to want to give those little things in some relationships.

Look at clip nine at http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/Knocked-Up/1809701428/trailers/16/398

My experience is that I've received way more of the attitude from the woman on the left than from the woman on the right. It really sucks, and makes it hard to want to keep doing special little things. In my experience, yes, I did change somewhat to stop the criticism about things that really didn't matter that much. But those weren't the only changes; I changed inwardly as well as externally. You can't control that, it's going to happen.

It's not a particular reflection on anyone in here particularly, just my experience.

 

[omahaman2]

The little things are what kept me in a bad relationship...I so loved the times he would sit with me on the swing and hold my hand, or brush my hair away and just give me a kiss, or fill the foot massager with water and get the back massager out and tell me to sit still and relax, ask if I wanted anything to drink or needed anything. Sharing his kids and grandkids with me, sitting in the swing with his arm around me, my head on his shoulders. The problem was it started to get where these things started happening less and less and I was just taken for granted and used for what I could provide...a home, a person to take care of his daughter, provider of food and drink...and I very rarely got those little things. It has hardened me toward my expectations from a man....they are good for what I can get to satisfy me...that is all that most want from you anyway. So I have blocked my heart from feeling...again. Leaves me so confused sometimes...cause I want those "little things" again.

Just like all woman arent the same, all men arentthe same! Dont judge the gender by one member,all people are individuals! If you had a rotten apple, you wouldnt throw all the apples away! I know these sound like cliche's,but they are true. Each person is different,that is why it is hard to form a relationship sometimes, to find two individuals that mesh. The reason is because they arent formed by just a man and a woman,but by two distinct individuals! Dont give up, you will find the right one,but just like with everything great, sometimes it takes time or hard work.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

Just like all woman arent the same, all men arentthe same! Dont judge the gender by one member,all people are individuals! If you had a rotten apple, you wouldnt throw all the apples away! I know these sound like cliche's,but they are true. Each person is different,that is why it is hard to form a relationship sometimes, to find two individuals that mesh. The reason is because they arent formed by just a man and a woman,but by two distinct individuals! Dont give up, you will find the right one,but just like with everything great, sometimes it takes time or hard work.

Don't believe this! If you had a bag of fruit, and found one rotting and a bit moldy, you'd certainly look closely at every other piece of fruit in the bag! And relationships are much more important than eating a bit of bad fruit!



I say this in jest, but am a FIRM believer in the idea of looking VERY closely. And, while I'm extremely jealous of your relationship with Jenny, it's not accurate to suggest any particular person will find the right one. A lot of us don't, and that's a fact. It doesn't mean we should stop trying, but we certainly ought to learn to be happy by ourselves, without feeling lost if/when we don't find that person.

 

[omahaman2]

Don't believe this! If you had a bag of fruit, and found one rotting and a bit moldy, you'd certainly look closely at every other piece of fruit in the bag! And relationships are much more important than eating a bit of bad fruit!



I say this in jest, but am a FIRM believer in the idea of looking VERY closely.

I used the fruit as just an example. What I was trying to say is all people are individuals!

 

[NorthernPA4U]

I used the fruit as just an example. What I was trying to say is all people are individuals!

I was just joshing about that. But I edited my previous post to make the point I really felt like making -- some people find a soulmate; a lot of people don't. It's not necessarily a reflection on that person, but it's not infrequent for someone to just not find that other person that meshes with their life.

I think maybe you don't realize what a rare couple you are.

 

[VaGentleOne]

The way she makes me such a intergrel part of her everyday life, the way she just pops in with a Boo, and the occasional email to let me know that she cares.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

The way she makes me such a intergrel part of her everyday life, the way she just pops in with a Boo, and the occasional email to let me know that she cares.

You are very lucky, somewhere along the way we lost that. At least I thought we had until this morning he was being so sweet and caring. So now I'm confused because this morning was wonderful and lead to some afternoon lovin' then it was like the switch got flipped again and we're back to having a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon between us.

And guys say women are confusing!

 

[Diamond_Girl]

The little things... Wow...

* A PM, text message or phone call when I'm missing him most

* Walking on the outside

* Holding doors open for me

* Putting me first, even when it causes him discomfort

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

Just the simple things...

Hold open the door for me
pull out my chair
wait for me to be seated first
buy me flowers for no reason at all

I agree Chivalry! I like that

 

[Lorelei_11]

Well I would advise against the sleep study, if you are anything like me and it sounds like we have similar situations. Though I've been mostly diagnosed the Drs are running out of treatments nothing is working. Anyway - it was a complete waste of time and I couldn't have a computer or radio or anything in the room with me... so I couldn't even be somewhat productive.

I can sleep eventually now. It was a long time ago that I was up for days, due to nightmares. It might be helpful to me. I can see how it didn't help you. I know about how medical problems are a long road, many things not working.

 

[Lorelei_11]

That would certainly be something I could do. But what do you do about insects and other bug-like critters if the spiders aren't there to turn them into munchies ?

Cool.

The other bugs don't scare me. I'm only afraid of spiders.

 

[Lorelei_11]

The little things are what kept me in a bad relationship...I so loved the times he would sit with me on the swing and hold my hand, or brush my hair away and just give me a kiss, or fill the foot massager with water and get the back massager out and tell me to sit still and relax, ask if I wanted anything to drink or needed anything. Sharing his kids and grandkids with me, sitting in the swing with his arm around me, my head on his shoulders. The problem was it started to get where these things started happening less and less and I was just taken for granted and used for what I could provide...a home, a person to take care of his daughter, provider of food and drink...and I very rarely got those little things. It has hardened me toward my expectations from a man....they are good for what I can get to satisfy me...that is all that most want from you anyway. So I have blocked my heart from feeling...again. Leaves me so confused sometimes...cause I want those "little things" again.

Its hard to assess what happened by just seeing this post. I'd like to offer some information I know. It may not apply to your situation, since relationships are complex. I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Men are not as romantic once the relationship is established. Women, tend to be less sexy and sexual once the relationship is established. Although, it should still continue. Just at a slower pace. When you're dating and falling in love, the endorphines are raging and its similar to being drunk.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I hate to say this, but it's hard to continue to want to give those little things in some relationships.

Look at clip nine at http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/Knocked-Up/1809701428/trailers/16/398

My experience is that I've received way more of the attitude from the woman on the left than from the woman on the right. It really sucks, and makes it hard to want to keep doing special little things. In my experience, yes, I did change somewhat to stop the criticism about things that really didn't matter that much. But those weren't the only changes; I changed inwardly as well as externally. You can't control that, it's going to happen.

It's not a particular reflection on anyone in here particularly, just my experience.

I wish I could see the clip, so I know what you're talking about. Could you explain it to me? or is it difficult to explain, and has to be seen?

 

[NorthernPA4U]

The heroine of the story told about the poor guy proposing to her with just an empty box because he didn't have the money for a ring. She thinks it's sweet.

The sister is unimpressed. Here's her commentary:
"You need to train him. When two people meet, they are forced to point out each other's differences and flaws. You criticize them a lot, and then they get so down on themselves and are forced to change. And then in the end, they thank you for it."

I don't think people consciously think that way, but there's a reasonably large number of people who subconsciously think this is accurate, or at least act that way -- you should be glad someone points out where you can be improved ... and it shouldn't make a difference how that suggestion is delivered ...

 

[Golden_Silence]

The heroine of the story told about the poor guy proposing to her with just an empty box because he didn't have the money for a ring. She thinks it's sweet.

The sister is unimpressed. Here's her commentary:
"You need to train him. When two people meet, they are forced to point out each other's differences and flaws. You criticize them a lot, and then they get so down on themselves and are forced to change. And then in the end, they thank you for it."

I don't think people consciously think that way, but there's a reasonably large number of people who subconsciously think this is accurate, or at least act that way -- you should be glad someone points out where you can be improved ... and it shouldn't make a difference how that suggestion is delivered ...

There are many people like that in the world though, shame really as these are the ones missing out on some really wonderful people themselves.

For me thoughm the little things are just as important as the big, like a call to tell you they are thinking about you.

One little thing for me is the way she holds out her hand as if demanding me to hold it back - very sweet actually

 

[elizabeth22673]

him referring to me as 'my love'

melting.....

 

[Lorelei_11]

The heroine of the story told about the poor guy proposing to her with just an empty box because he didn't have the money for a ring. She thinks it's sweet.

The sister is unimpressed. Here's her commentary:
"You need to train him. When two people meet, they are forced to point out each other's differences and flaws. You criticize them a lot, and then they get so down on themselves and are forced to change. And then in the end, they thank you for it."

I don't think people consciously think that way, but there's a reasonably large number of people who subconsciously think this is accurate, or at least act that way -- you should be glad someone points out where you can be improved ... and it shouldn't make a difference how that suggestion is delivered ...

O.k.... thats bad. I know a lot of people do that. First, find the right person for you, rather than someone you want to do a overhaul on. Then, when telling someone, I need or want something. I tell them in a nice way. The relationship would be good overall, so it something that I'd like, or something that I haven't had in awhile, that I'd like.

For instance, one of the worst areas to do this in is sex. I did eventually speak up and tell my ex what I'd like. I said, I'd love it if you'd continuing licking me, until I have an orgasm.

It didn't work out for me, because he wasn't into giving oral to orgasm. He thought it was for a brief 10-20 second warm up.

The thing is, its good to speak up. Then its clear when the other person can't meet your needs, or just doesn't give a damn.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Don't believe this! If you had a bag of fruit, and found one rotting and a bit moldy, you'd certainly look closely at every other piece of fruit in the bag! And relationships are much more important than eating a bit of bad fruit!



I say this in jest, but am a FIRM believer in the idea of looking VERY closely. And, while I'm extremely jealous of your relationship with Jenny, it's not accurate to suggest any particular person will find the right one. A lot of us don't, and that's a fact. It doesn't mean we should stop trying, but we certainly ought to learn to be happy by ourselves, without feeling lost if/when we don't find that person.

(conversation hijack)

I agree. I believe in learning from failed relationships, so you have a better chance of making a better choice next time. Its not just looking closely, but knowing what to look for.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

O.k.... thats bad. I know a lot of people do that. First, find the right person for you, rather than someone you want to do a overhaul on. Then, when telling someone, I need or want something. I tell them in a nice way. The relationship would be good overall, so it something that I'd like, or something that I haven't had in awhile, that I'd like.

For instance, one of the worst areas to do this in is sex. I did eventually speak up and tell my ex what I'd like. I said, I'd love it if you'd continuing licking me, until I have an orgasm.

It didn't work out for me, because he wasn't into giving oral to orgasm. He thought it was for a brief 10-20 second warm up.

The thing is, its good to speak up. Then its clear when the other person can't meet your needs, or just doesn't give a damn.

I won't say it's not good to speak up. But I think (a) there are some things that speaking up about just isn't that important; (b) when you do need to speak up, how you do it is important -- blaming your partner for not giving a damn isn't the way to do it, for example ; and (c) it's also important to remember that you can't get your own way all the time, without your partner developing resentment in the relationship.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I won't say it's not good to speak up. But I think (a) there are some things that speaking up about just isn't that important; (b) when you do need to speak up, how you do it is important -- blaming your partner for not giving a damn isn't the way to do it, for example ; and (c) it's also important to remember that you can't get your own way all the time, without your partner developing resentment in the relationship.

How a person responds to my request, tells me if they give a damn or not. Thats what I mean't. I'm not sure if you think I talk to people in that fashion.... saying you don't give a damn about me or you'd... or if you are just referring to things you don't like.

I realize I won't always get my way, but I think someone that is right for me, would want to see me happy, and as much is humanly possible, would do it. Sometimes people have to compromise, or put the other first. You dont' want to be doing that constantly though. If you are truely compatable, you wont' need to.

I'm not a controlling woman, and thats what you describe, in someone that wants their way all the time.