Noticing the little things

[NorthernPA4U]

How a person responds to my request, tells me if they give a damn or not. Thats what I mean't. I'm not sure if you think I talk to people in that fashion.... saying you don't give a damn about me or you'd... or if you are just referring to things you don't like.

I realize I won't always get my way, but I think someone that is right for me, would want to see me happy, and as much is humanly possible, would do it. Sometimes people have to compromise, or put the other first. You dont' want to be doing that constantly though. If you are truely compatable, you wont' need to.

I'm not a controlling woman, and thats what you describe, in someone that wants their way all the time.

No, I'm not talking about you, lorelei ... all this was just my gut response to my thoughts on why someone stops doing the little things ... I should get off my platform now

 

[Lorelei_11]

No, I'm not talking about you, lorelei ... all this was just my gut response to my thoughts on why someone stops doing the little things ... I should get off my platform now

I understand, and its good to talk about things that matter to you. I'd be happy to continue doing so, unless you are ready for a change of subject.

I was going to say about the woman that thought the empty box he proposed to her was sweet. It may or may not have been. I want to be financially comfortable, so for me, if the guy was offering that permanently, it wouldn't work out.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

I was going to say about the woman that thought the empty box he proposed to her was sweet. It may or may not have been. I want to be financially comfortable, so for me, if the guy was offering that permanently, it wouldn't work out.

I understand that ... it wasn't her attitude I was looking at, but the sister who had to get the one receiving the ring box to think she had to start training the guy by putting down his efforts.

The movie's a comedy, but it's funny because this stuff really happens. A lot.

As you say, the thing to do is just move on, rather than try to change the person. Find the right one first ...

 

[Lorelei_11]

I understand that ... it wasn't her attitude I was looking at, but the sister who had to get the one receiving the ring box to think she had to start training the guy by putting down his efforts.

The movie's a comedy, but it's funny because this stuff really happens. A lot.

As you say, the thing to do is just move on, rather than try to change the person. Find the right one first ...

I tried posting on another thread several times, and almost didn't get back into literotica. I think something might be going wrong with the server. Are you having any trouble?

Yeah, I don't want to have a project of any kind in a relationship, so yes.... I want to be with someone compatable in the first place. Then you'll always have differences and arguements anyway, but they will be much much much less often.

For me, a project is for the world, not for a relationship. I need a smooth sailing stable relationship, where we get along.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

I tried posting on another thread several times, and almost didn't get back into literotica. I think something might be going wrong with the server. Are you having any trouble?

Yup, I had a couple of Lit threads open and they timed out ... just a hiccough though, I think.

Otherwise, I think we agree on the need to get things right up front. I did such a lousy job on that on my first marriage, though, so I'm not too comfortable trusting myself next time (at least right now I don't trust myself).

 

[Lorelei_11]

Yup, I had a couple of Lit threads open and they timed out ... just a hiccough though, I think.

Otherwise, I think we agree on the need to get things right up front. I did such a lousy job on that on my first marriage, though, so I'm not too comfortable trusting myself next time (at least right now I don't trust myself).

And that is the "most important thing" to trust yourself. Trust yourself to make a good decision. We all make mistakes, but learn from it.

I was married young, and for a long time, did an extremely lousy job of picking someone. Left him, went to therapy, learned about myself and other people, changed many things, and didn't date. I didn't want to end up with the same kind of guy I married, and needed to focus on me. Then dated, made a bad choice again. Learned alot. Dated some more, and could recognize pretty quick when I wasnt' compatable with people, and most of them agreed with me.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Just popping in to say HI

I'm feeling somewhat better today - actually have some motivation to do something. I'm still confused and trying to decide what to do about my marriage... if it ends I know I'll feel like a failure and he was sweet today (for most of it anyway).

Got a little over three hours of sleep so I'm feeling a little refreshed.

 

[elizabeth22673]

the way my body zinggggggggggged when i thought of our first kiss

 

[onetrulyshy]

the way he held my hand across the table at the restaurant

snuggling with him during movies

his arms around me when i fell asleep

kisses just because

 

[Lorelei_11]

I love flowers, and I miss a guy bringing me them. My friends have brought me some,and even for my Birthday. I love it and appreciate it but its just not the same.

Or perfume, a guy buying me that for a gift. Obsession is my favorite, but I could use some chanel no 5.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Or perfume, a guy buying me that for a gift. Obsession is my favorite, but I could use some chanel no 5.

Oooo, perfume... I miss perfume and makeup -hubby doesn't like them so I stopped wearing the stuff shortly after we were married.

My favorite perfumes come from Bermuda Lilli - Oleander and Passion Flower. Unfortunately not available in stores, but you can order it online now

 

[Lorelei_11]

Oooo, perfume... I miss perfume and makeup -hubby doesn't like them so I stopped wearing the stuff shortly after we were married.

My favorite perfumes come from Bermuda Lilli - Oleander and Passion Flower. Unfortunately not available in stores, but you can order it online now

Thats to bad, I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that. I like my girlie things. I don't wear perfume that often, but I like to on occassion. I like having it just in case. I wear makeup when I go out, most often. That perfume sounds nice.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Thats to bad, I wouldn't want to be with a guy like that. I like my girlie things. I don't wear perfume that often, but I like to on occassion. I like having it just in case. I wear makeup when I go out, most often. That perfume sounds nice.

I like the girlie things too. We've actually argued over it and I usually end up caving when he says something like "You don't need any of that, you're beautiful the way you are." The damn sweet talker, he knows exactly what buttons to push.

 

[Disrupted]

In reading through the posts, I can only look on as a spectator, attempting to envision the items and instances mentioned by each individual that may yield both joy and sorrow within a relationship.

I suppose they are the things that, at times, make me smile and feel temporarily that everything will be all right. In other instances, however, they are the things that could cause me to fall to my knees and selfishly yet solemnly ask in the veil of darkness whether I would ever be able to experience those occasions someday.

If I did not know any better I would say the hopeless romantic within me quietly weeps for those who might be clutching dearly onto their memories of such "little things" which are fading away.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I like the girlie things too. We've actually argued over it and I usually end up caving when he says something like "You don't need any of that, you're beautiful the way you are." The damn sweet talker, he knows exactly what buttons to push.

I don't like the smooth talkers either, they can be fun, but they're not for me. I hope you get it all worked out. Things take time.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

I don't like the smooth talkers either, they can be fun, but they're not for me. I hope you get it all worked out. Things take time.

So do I. He's set a deadline of a week for us to figure out where we go from here (I abhor ultimatums.) So while he is at his cousin's watching the NASCAR race tomorrow I think I'm gonna sit down and have a nice long chat with my Mom.

If nothing else comes of it - I'll have a smile on my face because we'll be watching my niece (who will be one in July)

 

[Lorelei_11]

So do I. He's set a deadline of a week for us to figure out where we go from here (I abhor ultimatums.) So while he is at his cousin's watching the NASCAR race tomorrow I think I'm gonna sit down and have a nice long chat with my Mom.

If nothing else comes of it - I'll have a smile on my face because we'll be watching my niece (who will be one in July)

Good idea, talk with your mom. I just figure it out all on my own, would be nice to have someone to talk with.

 

[TheLadyOfShalott]

Good idea, talk with your mom. I just figure it out all on my own, would be nice to have someone to talk with.

I'm really lucky in that respect. I can honestly say that my mom is my best friend, but we don't get together nearly as much as I would like to even though she lives in the next town. But I have a temp job at the company she works for so I'm getting to see her every morning and afternoon when she picks me up and brings me home (we only have 1 vehicle at the moment).

I'm beginning to see that things could be worse, but they still aren't good at the moment. C'est la vie.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I'm really lucky in that respect. I can honestly say that my mom is my best friend, but we don't get together nearly as much as I would like to even though she lives in the next town. But I have a temp job at the company she works for so I'm getting to see her every morning and afternoon when she picks me up and brings me home (we only have 1 vehicle at the moment).

I'm beginning to see that things could be worse, but they still aren't good at the moment. C'est la vie.

Thats good.

 

[garbage can]

Anyway, add what little things you like about woman, or would like.

You know Lorelei, little things mean a lot, but remember, little things go in many directions......Not always the way you'd like to see them to go.

 

[msde83]

- remembering that I like coffee with cream and tea with honey
- guiding me through a doorway...

forget it... my list would be wayyy too long...

 

[Lorelei_11]

You know Lorelei, little things mean a lot, but remember, little things go in many directions......Not always the way you'd like to see them to go.

I'm generally talking about typical little things, why wouldn't they go the way I'd like them to go?

 

[elizabeth22673]

he understands my home life interruptions and has never once made me feel bad

 

[sassykat]

I hate to say this, but it's hard to continue to want to give those little things in some relationships.

Look at clip nine at http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/Knocked-Up/1809701428/trailers/16/398

My experience is that I've received way more of the attitude from the woman on the left than from the woman on the right. It really sucks, and makes it hard to want to keep doing special little things. In my experience, yes, I did change somewhat to stop the criticism about things that really didn't matter that much. But those weren't the only changes; I changed inwardly as well as externally. You can't control that, it's going to happen.

It's not a particular reflection on anyone in here particularly, just my experience.

I am more like the woman on the right. I appreciate the little things and enjoy the simple things of life. I am not about changing someone. He changed...and since we have split he has changed even more...his daughter even moved away from him because of his selfishness. It is sad because in the beginning...he was a wonderful companion and friend...and like I said, I enjoyed the little things...I would wait patiently to have him do something like that for me. I enjoyed doing things for him, cooking his favorite meal, dressing how he liked me to dress, listening to him talk about work, when sometimes I didn't care, but he wanted to share his day, so I listened, ask questions, always asked him when he got home how his day went...then he started coming home and telling me he just needed time to himself...he worked away all week, we would talk on the phone every day, several times a day, when our work schedules allowed, but would always talk at least once a day. Well, he was alone all week, and always would talk about how he couldn't wait to get home to see me, but then when he got here, he might not even talk to me. He started drinking heavily and by the time he would get home, it was a 2 1/2 hr drive, he would be fairly intoxicated...I wouldn't give him attitude, I would just try and feel him out to see what his mood was, started feeling like I was walking on egg shells around him. It doesn't matter, it is over, the point was that I stayed in a relationship that wasn't healthy for me and has hardened me some because I enjoyed those little things. I didn't want a big diamond ring, I can buy myself that if I wanted it... I would have loved the idea of an empty box. Another of the simple things he used to do was stop along the road and pick me a bouquet of wild flowers...I liked this more than if he would have given me roses, cause he took his time to think of me and he would always try and find some type of daisy as that was my favorite flower...more to it than stopping in the flower shop and picking roses. Point is...I like the little things. I know so many women like the one on the left where it is all about what am I getting material wise from a relationship. I am not saying that it wouldn't be nice to receive nice jewelry or something like that, but that isn't what I longed for.

 

[sassykat]

Just like all woman arent the same, all men arentthe same! Dont judge the gender by one member,all people are individuals! If you had a rotten apple, you wouldnt throw all the apples away! I know these sound like cliche's,but they are true. Each person is different,that is why it is hard to form a relationship sometimes, to find two individuals that mesh. The reason is because they arent formed by just a man and a woman,but by two distinct individuals! Dont give up, you will find the right one,but just like with everything great, sometimes it takes time or hard work.

Thanks for the encouraging words. It is just a pattern for me, the type of man I chose to be in a relationship with. Haven't been in that many because of the type of men I choose and where it leads. I am not saying I am done with men, just will be a while before I put the kind of trust in someone to get involved at the level I was involved in with him.