Oral Go Bye Bye

[MyDixieWrect]

I've been married for almost 2 years, before marriage my wife was always into getting oral from me (I love it a ton,and not to toot my own horn...im amazing at it) anyway after we got married i could go down on her every now and then, now its rejected every time. She says she thinks its gross now. I also do not recieve from her anymore and I used to. not a big deal because i definately love going down on her more. Anyone know why she would have the sudden change about this?

 

[SweetErika]

No clue...your best bet is to talk to her more about this and find out why she thinks it's gross, and whether or not her mind has changed (it's not unheard of for people to hide their real feelings before marriage). She may have heard someone say it was gross and took that viewpoint, or a bad experience from the past is surfacing, or she doesn't like giving so figures not receiving makes her not obligated to give, or a number of other things.

When my husband and I started dating, I overheard him laughing at a joke a male friend made about oral, and as irrational as it was, I couldn't bring myself to allow him to do it for very long very often for YEARS afterward. It didn't matter how many times he reassured me, I still felt uncomfortable. So, my point is that it doesn't take much to plant or reinforce the idea that it's dirty and no person in their right mind would really want to do or enjoy it.

If this is really a problem for you and you're having difficulty talking about it, perhaps some counseling is in order.

 

[Eilan]

When my husband and I started dating, I overheard him laughing at a joke a male friend made about oral, and as irrational as it was, I couldn't bring myself to allow him to do it for very long very often for YEARS afterward. It didn't matter how many times he reassured me, I still felt uncomfortable. So, my point is that it doesn't take much to plant or reinforce the idea that it's dirty and no person in their right mind would really want to do or enjoy it.

A friend of my ex told the woman he was dating that he didn't like being around one of his grad school professors because the guy "smelled like pussy" (it was, apparently, a body-odor kind of smell). It was a LONG time before she let him go down on her again.

Anyone know why she would have the sudden change about this?

You'll have to ask her, but don't be critical or confrontational.

 

[Moleculor]

Reverse Madonna/Whore syndrome?

 

[Pyro Paul]

Reverse Madonna/Whore syndrome?

how would that work? if she did it she would think she is a whore? if she didnt she think she is a saint?

 

[urbodyismytempl]

women are a bit weird about this. Obviously if u have been down there before and you are begging to go back, you didnt think it was unpleasant, and any rational person would understand that, but they still are concerned about the odor and taste. I dont think you can convince them otherwise either, anymore than u could convince a psychotic that his delusions arent real.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I've been married for almost 2 years, before marriage my wife was always into getting oral from me (I love it a ton,and not to toot my own horn...im amazing at it) anyway after we got married i could go down on her every now and then, now its rejected every time. She says she thinks its gross now. I also do not recieve from her anymore and I used to. not a big deal because i definately love going down on her more. Anyone know why she would have the sudden change about this?

One of my all time favorite jokes is: What's the one food on the planet that can completely kill a woman's sex drive?

Wedding cake.

Truth behind the joke: There are a lot of women out there who will put up the goods if they think it will get that ring on their finger, or whatever the goal is that they're after. Don't be afraid to bring this up to her. And whatever the answer, don't settle for less than you were getting before. Getting married doesn't mean that you get to start forfeiting things without due cause. "It's gross" is not due cause.

 

[Moleculor]

how would that work? if she did it she would think she is a whore? if she didnt she think she is a saint?

From what I've vaguely been told, that particular syndrome is where a guy will have sex with a woman, so long as he's not married to her and/or she hasn't had his kids. Once that happens, she's a wife/mother, and not supposed to be thought of in a sexually attractive way.

I can't see how you'd reverse the gender roles on that, but anything is possible.

I think I like the other person's theory better. Women'll do anything to get married.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

From what I've vaguely been told, that particular syndrome is where a guy will have sex with a woman, so long as he's not married to her and/or she hasn't had his kids. Once that happens, she's a wife/mother, and not supposed to be thought of in a sexually attractive way.

I can't see how you'd reverse the gender roles on that, but anything is possible.

I think I like the other person's theory better. Women'll do anything to get married.

I've heard of this sort of thing in at least one of the Asian cultures, but not so much outside of there. Then again, there are some religious folk out there who are extreme enough to subscribe to that mentality.

 

[ultra99]

Then again, there are some religious folk out there who are extreme enough to subscribe to that mentality.

While there are prudes out there, this is about a person's selfishness, and unwilling to fill the needs of their spouse.

I thank God he sent me a Christian woman. She knows that God created sex to be awesome, and a mainstay in marriage. Using the bible as our couples handbook, our sex life is AWESOME, even after four kids. It is all about meeting the needs of our spouse, not what they can do for us?

 

[silverwhisper]

i think that eilan's got the right idea.

ed

 

[DevilsAngel369]

My wife somtimes doenst like oral in the week before the period saying that she's too sensitive down there.

Also sometimes she my facial hair bothers her.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

While there are prudes out there, this is about a person's selfishness, and unwilling to fill the needs of their spouse.

I thank God he sent me a Christian woman. She knows that God created sex to be awesome, and a mainstay in marriage. Using the bible as our couples handbook, our sex life is AWESOME, even after four kids. It is all about meeting the needs of our spouse, not what they can do for us?

The two of you should try the Kama Sutra. That book has much better descriptions, positions and illustrations.

 

[human_male]

I always assumed it was just a myth, or a joke that a woman goes off sex when she gets married but I guess it's true. I guess subconsciously she's thinking she's got you where she wanted you now, so why should she bother.

 

[herecomestherain]

This is the second thread I've read here today about women losing interest in sex after marriage. It may be the truth for some, sure, but please don't go making out like it's the norm. That's just nonsense. Married women love sex too.

To the original poster, I'd suggest a talk with your wife, talk about how you feel and how you'd like things to be, talk about how you love her and her body etc. Check in with how she's feeling about life, love and sex. Listen.

Sometimes women have a hard time receiving pleasure, they feel like you're doing it just for them, not because it's something that also turns you on, they feel like they're taking too long to get off (which almost certainly means they won't).

 

[ladylust20]

I got a question first.... do you have children yet?? IF SO, it may be that before child-bearing... she was confident in how she looked sexually, and now, IF she has had children... she doesn't feel to comfortable with the idea of oral sex because it's very visual, and she's become uncomfortable with how her body has changed after she's given birth.

If you DO NOT have kids yet, you can completely VOID this reply and just be persistant in asking her what's wrong? Good-luck! =)

 

[Red 2 Gray]

Please disregard any post containing the words "Talk to her". She has all of the "information" she needs and she has rendered her decision.

NO ORAL

She is now a "liberated" woman, free from the constraints of the single life that compelled her to put on an act that could hook an unsuspecting fool. She got what she wanted and now she is free to let her true colors fly.

Face it. You effed up. You married her. You stayed the same. She changed. It's a huge club and growing by the day. There are no words that can dissuade the naive and unassuming single male from pursuing this irrational course of action. She led you to believe that she was different from all the rest... that the frustration you hear from your friends could never happen to you. Do not feel ashamed. It happens everyday.

You now have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this. Actuarially, she'll outlive you, so how much will your decision cost? If kids are involved, you are done...doomed to walk the earth a sullen, shrunken mass of empty flesh quietly praying to God that a meteor hurdles through space and arrives in time to wrest humanity from this evil...

...or maybe it's just me.

 

[Eilan]

Please disregard any post containing the words "Talk to her". She has all of the "information" she needs and she has rendered her decision.

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I'd say that those of us who are advocating communication are doing so because we communicate in our own relationships and/or we've had relationships that were destroyed because we DIDN'T communicate with our partner(s). If MyDixieWrect is coming here to find out why his wife won't let him go down on her instead of going directly to the source, then his relationship already has problems, whether there's oral sex involved or not.

NO ORAL

She is now a "liberated" woman, free from the constraints of the single life that compelled her to put on an act that could hook an unsuspecting fool. She got what she wanted and now she is free to let her true colors fly.

Face it. You effed up. You married her. You stayed the same. She changed. It's a huge club and growing by the day. There are no words that can dissuade the naive and unassuming single male from pursuing this irrational course of action. She led you to believe that she was different from all the rest... that the frustration you hear from your friends could never happen to you. Do not feel ashamed. It happens everyday.

You now have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this. Actuarially, she'll outlive you, so how much will your decision cost? If kids are involved, you are done...doomed to walk the earth a sullen, shrunken mass of empty flesh quietly praying to God that a meteor hurdles through space and arrives in time to wrest humanity from this evil...
...or maybe it's just me.

I think it's (mostly) just you. But then I'm not a big fan of generalizations/blanket statements, so maybe it's (mostly) just me. Not all women are like that.


This might be an unpopular position, but since that's never stopped me before, here goes:

I'm of the opinion that most of the time, when there's a sexual issue in a relationship, BOTH halves of the couple are at least 50% responsible. Before I get attacked for saying so, keep in mind that I DID say MOST of the time. Perhaps some people are exceptional.

You know what I'd really love to see? I'd love to see the spouses of some of the I'm-not-getting-any thread starters respond to these posts. Not bloody likely, I know, since not all couples share Lit as well as my hubby and I do (if only I could get him to post!). While I'm not calling anyone here a liar, I do believe that we're not always getting the full story. There's a whole other side to these relationships that we know nothing about, and I generally try to keep that in mind when I respond to these types of threads.

 

[Quoll]

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I'd say that those of us who are advocating communication are doing so because we communicate in our own relationships and/or we've had relationships that were destroyed because we DIDN'T communicate with our partner(s). If MyDixieWrect is coming here to find out why his wife won't let him go down on her instead of going directly to the source, then his relationship already has problems, whether there's oral sex involved or not.

I think it's (mostly) just you. But then I'm not a big fan of generalizations/blanket statements, so maybe it's (mostly) just me. Not all women are like that.


This might be an unpopular position, but since that's never stopped me before, here goes:

I'm of the opinion that most of the time, when there's a sexual issue in a relationship, BOTH halves of the couple are at least 50% responsible. Before I get attacked for saying so, keep in mind that I DID say MOST of the time. Perhaps some people are exceptional.

You know what I'd really love to see? I'd love to see the spouses of some of the I'm-not-getting-any thread starters respond to these posts. Not bloody likely, I know, since not all couples share Lit as well as my hubby and I do (if only I could get him to post!). While I'm not calling anyone here a liar, I do believe that we're not always getting the full story. There's a whole other side to these relationships that we know nothing about, and I generally try to keep that in mind when I respond to these types of threads.

Just in case anyone missed it the first time.

 

[Red 2 Gray]

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I'd say that those of us who are advocating communication are doing so because we communicate in our own relationships and/or we've had relationships that were destroyed because we DIDN'T communicate with our partner(s). If MyDixieWrect is coming here to find out why his wife won't let him go down on her instead of going directly to the source, then his relationship already has problems, whether there's oral sex involved or not.

I think it's (mostly) just you. But then I'm not a big fan of generalizations/blanket statements, so maybe it's (mostly) just me. Not all women are like that.


This might be an unpopular position, but since that's never stopped me before, here goes:

I'm of the opinion that most of the time, when there's a sexual issue in a relationship, BOTH halves of the couple are at least 50% responsible. Before I get attacked for saying so, keep in mind that I DID say MOST of the time. Perhaps some people are exceptional.

You know what I'd really love to see? I'd love to see the spouses of some of the I'm-not-getting-any thread starters respond to these posts. Not bloody likely, I know, since not all couples share Lit as well as my hubby and I do (if only I could get him to post!). While I'm not calling anyone here a liar, I do believe that we're not always getting the full story. There's a whole other side to these relationships that we know nothing about, and I generally try to keep that in mind when I respond to these types of threads.

Wow!

Methinks you doth protest TOO much. Perhaps it's only because I'm dead-on balls accurate.

Thank you Oprah for enlightening us all.

 

[Melesse]

And as always, the truth lies somewhere in between.

It's true there are women who will do anything to get married, and once they are they think they're set.

It's also true there are women who once they get married think they don't have to try anymore, but are willing to change, if they knew they were making you unhappy.

It's still worth talking to her, if only to ascertain which breed you seem to have married. Cause if it's the first, you have a choice ahead of you. It's likely to be an unpleasant choice, but you should make the effort to talk to her first. It'll only, in the worst case, cost you a couple of unhappy days.

Melesse

 

[Eilan]

Wow!

Methinks you doth protest TOO much. Perhaps it's only because I'm dead-on balls accurate.

Thank you Oprah for enlightening us all.

Maybe I'm protesting too much because when you started with the generalizations, your argument lost what little credibility it had.

FWIW, I hate Oprah's touchy-feely guts, but if thinking that couples should communicate about potential problems in a relationship makes me a self-righteous, Oprah-esque cunt, then so be it.

 

[herecomestherain]

Maybe I'm protesting too much because when you started with the generalizations, your argument lost what little credibility it had.

FWIW, I hate Oprah's touchy-feely guts, but if thinking that couples should communicate about potential problems in a relationship makes me a self-righteous, Oprah-esque cunt, then so be it.

Oprah-esque! OMG I love it, I snorted my tea all over the place but I love it.

 

[Eilan]

Oprah-esque! OMG I love it, I snorted my tea all over the place but I love it.

Hey, I do what I can.

 

[Private_Label]

Wow!

Methinks you doth protest TOO much. Perhaps it's only because I'm dead-on balls accurate.

Thank you Oprah for enlightening us all.

Said the person scheduled for an appearance on the Jerry Springer Show.

*please note we have removed anything that wasn't screwed to the floor, and have pull tested the remaining items with WWE wrestler to ensure your happy surfing at Lit*