question for submissives: When you Screw up....

[lil_slave_rose]

everyone already said what i wanted to, so ill settle for saying, i always beat myself up more then he does if i think ive dissapointed him, i think its somewhat of a "normal" (whatever that is) response.

oh yeah, and {HUG}

thank you! your input is valued as well and guess what??? He'll be here the day after tomorrow!

 

[myinnerslut]

thank you! your input is valued as well and guess what??? He'll be here the day after tomorrow!

YAAAAAY

 

[wynnie]

*sighs* i'm not going to into detail on the thread as to how i screwed up, but let's just say, i disobeyed an order. honestly i didn't mean to, He put me on the spot on something that He knows i fear, and i clammed up, i couldn't follow the order and the other person involved has now just disappeared after apologizing like she had done something wrong and i am left feeling like a fool and a terrible submissive. *cries* my question is:

when your limits are being pushed, and you just can't step over whatever it is that is a barrier in the way of 'obeying' a command, do you feel you need punished for disobeying said order?? or is it just 'shit happens' and you move on? i'm asking because i feel like i have let Him down, and He is just 'shit happens' about it, and i feel guilty, knowing i should have obeyed, He says He shouldn't have pushed so hard, i feel it's His place to push, and my place to overcome

*sighs* maybe i shouldn't be airing this out here, but i just wanted others feelings and thoughts. i know i've not given much in the way of an explanation of what exactly it is, but i'm hoping i've given enough to answer and give me some different takes on it....

rose...smiles.. I think shit happens and you shouldnt be so hard on yourself! we all have limits and sometimes it take a while to get over them..smiles..I am sure everything is fine.. I wouldnt worry so much about it as long as your master is fine you should be fine. smile.. hope this helps

 

[lil_slave_rose]

rose...smiles.. I think shit happens and you shouldnt be so hard on yourself! we all have limits and sometimes it take a while to get over them..smiles..I am sure everything is fine.. I wouldnt worry so much about it as long as your master is fine you should be fine. smile.. hope this helps

wynnie! *grins* this helps alot..thank you and Master is fine, as i said we discussed it and all is well. thank you for your input and thanks to everyone else also

 

[BeachGurl2]

Rose, you've pretty much gotten the advice that I would give as well, so I'll just reiterate it. Limits are called limits for a reason. Any Master who punishes you for not successfully pushing through a limit isn't very good, in my opinion. He's not punishing you because He knows that it would be wrong to punish you in this situation. However, being the perfectionist I am, I can feel your own punishment of yourself. I think all the other subs who have posted have all been right - we do punish ourselves much harder than anyone else possibly can when we fail at something we want very much to have succeeded at.

Some here may disagree with what I'm about to say, but it's the way I look at these kinds of things. I'm always harder on myself than anyone else can ever be, so these are often words I repeat to myself. The key here is to admit that you're being too hard on yourself and let it go for now. Understand that He knows punishing you wouldn't be for the best. By punishing yourself to this degree, in some ways, you're negating His view of the situation. He has His reasons for not punishing you. You now need to take a step back and realize and accept this. Accept that He may have a better handle on the situation than you do and that is why He isn't punishing you. In some ways, you're telling Him you know better - since He's not going to punish you, you'll just punish yourself. Let it go.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Rose, you've pretty much gotten the advice that I would give as well, so I'll just reiterate it. Limits are called limits for a reason. Any Master who punishes you for not successfully pushing through a limit isn't very good, in my opinion. He's not punishing you because He knows that it would be wrong to punish you in this situation. However, being the perfectionist I am, I can feel your own punishment of yourself. I think all the other subs who have posted have all been right - we do punish ourselves much harder than anyone else possibly can when we fail at something we want very much to have succeeded at.

Some here may disagree with what I'm about to say, but it's the way I look at these kinds of things. I'm always harder on myself than anyone else can ever be, so these are often words I repeat to myself. The key here is to admit that you're being too hard on yourself and let it go for now. Understand that He knows punishing you wouldn't be for the best. By punishing yourself to this degree, in some ways, you're negating His view of the situation. He has His reasons for not punishing you. You now need to take a step back and realize and accept this. Accept that He may have a better handle on the situation than you do and that is why He isn't punishing you. In some ways, you're telling Him you know better - since He's not going to punish you, you'll just punish yourself. Let it go.

*nods* perfect sense, and you're right, by punishing myself i was saying He didn't know best. He didn't punish me because He felt it wrong to punish for pushing something He knew i was uncomfortable with. He says He made His mistakes in the whole situation as well, and told me to move on. i have. i've also talked to the other person involved and all is well there too..so now, i'll go back to focusing on the fact that my Master will be here, i'll be in His arms, the day after tomorrow!!!

 

[Zinfandel]

so now, i'll go back to focusing on the fact that my Master will be here, i'll be in His arms, the day after tomorrow!!!

You could be feeling some heightened/stronger emotions right now just because of that fact as well.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

You could be feeling some heightened/stronger emotions right now just because of that fact as well. I know I would be in a similar situation! And that would definitely impact any feelings or worries or concerns or guilt I had in feeling like I had disappointed that person.

Take care and have a wonderful visit together

thank you Zinfandel, and i think you may be right *smiles* as i'm nervous that i'm not going to get everything done that i need to get done before He gets here, i'm in another blah mood tonight and that's not helping me to feel like getting my house cleaned up and ready for Him. *sighs* ah well....it's gotta be done so i might as well 'just do it' huh? hehe..thanks for your input and i think you hit on a good point. thank you also for your well wishes for our visit together....i can't wait!

 

[Netzach]

I used to get all bent when I thought I screwed up. Daddy doesn't. In a particular instance in which I was moping about after what I percieved as a failure, he basically told me to get the hell over myself..it was over, done, he wasn't upset and he wasn't going to put up with me being so dramatic about it. That was a huge turning point for us. Now, if I do my best to do something he asks but don't quite get it done, whatever "it" is, we shrug and move on. The fact that I honestly tried is far more important to him than the actual carrying out of "it".

This is how I am, more or less. I don't indulge wallowing, and it's my job to beat H up, not his. He doesn't get the thrill.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

*sighs* i'm not going to into detail on the thread as to how i screwed up, but let's just say, i disobeyed an order. honestly i didn't mean to, He put me on the spot on something that He knows i fear, and i clammed up, i couldn't follow the order and the other person involved has now just disappeared after apologizing like she had done something wrong and i am left feeling like a fool and a terrible submissive. *cries* my question is:

when your limits are being pushed, and you just can't step over whatever it is that is a barrier in the way of 'obeying' a command, do you feel you need punished for disobeying said order?? or is it just 'shit happens' and you move on? i'm asking because i feel like i have let Him down, and He is just 'shit happens' about it, and i feel guilty, knowing i should have obeyed, He says He shouldn't have pushed so hard, i feel it's His place to push, and my place to overcome

*sighs* maybe i shouldn't be airing this out here, but i just wanted others feelings and thoughts. i know i've not given much in the way of an explanation of what exactly it is, but i'm hoping i've given enough to answer and give me some different takes on it....

Oh my god, this JUST happened tonight. Yes, I definitely feel I should be punished for what happened, partly because it happens too often. I hate being put on the spot with ANYTHING, and it's been a huge continuous struggle for me. Snooze never says He shouldn't push so hard because we both know it isn't true for us, but He does often say that He simply expects me to do better next time. I do try to, but I HATE letting Him down.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

This is how I am, more or less. I don't indulge wallowing, and it's my job to beat H up, not his. He doesn't get the thrill.

I tell her this, as well...

Thank you to everyone who has offered their assistence to My little one, and contributed.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Oh my god, this JUST happened tonight. Yes, I definitely feel I should be punished for what happened, partly because it happens too often. I hate being put on the spot with ANYTHING, and it's been a huge continuous struggle for me. Snooze never says He shouldn't push so hard because we both know it isn't true for us, but He does often say that He simply expects me to do better next time. I do try to, but I HATE letting Him down.

*nods* i know what you mean ::hugs:: as i know how you are feeling. though as it was said on this same thread earlier us feeling like we should be punished when our Master's don't think we should, is basically suiting our needs, and i agree with that, so like i've been told by many here, don't beat yourself up too bad

 

[Penalt]

I am continually pushing Mamid's limits. So I never take it amiss if/when she freezes up or tells me, in a very unsubish way,"I don't think so mister." I look at it this way. Limits are made out of rubber. You expect to bounce off them. So when you do, its to be expected. Every so often though you can stretch the limit or even push beyond it.

A good example is last night. We were on the bed and I started reading a book to Mamid (The DaVinci Code btw), and started stroking her back. I kept reading and stroking her when she made that little 'I'm itchy' shrug. So I started scratching her back. Long slow scratches. Before we realized what had happened her entire back was a mass of red warmth. We've done scratching before but never to that extent, coverage or severity. Limit pushed.

But if she had stop at any time I would have and not had any problem at all with it. You and Master did the right thing by talking it over. The most important thing in ANY relationship, be it BDSM, vanilla, GLBT, whatever, is communication. Oh, and btw, yes the back scratching did lead to some very nice couple time.

BTW, lsr, love that collar in your AV.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I am continually pushing Mamid's limits. So I never take it amiss if/when she freezes up or tells me, in a very unsubish way,"I don't think so mister." I look at it this way. Limits are made out of rubber. You expect to bounce off them. So when you do, its to be expected. Every so often though you can stretch the limit or even push beyond it.

A good example is last night. We were on the bed and I started reading a book to Mamid (The DaVinci Code btw), and started stroking her back. I kept reading and stroking her when she made that little 'I'm itchy' shrug. So I started scratching her back. Long slow scratches. Before we realized what had happened her entire back was a mass of red warmth. We've done scratching before but never to that extent, coverage or severity. Limit pushed.

But if she had stop at any time I would have and not had any problem at all with it. You and Master did the right thing by talking it over. The most important thing in ANY relationship, be it BDSM, vanilla, GLBT, whatever, is communication. Oh, and btw, yes the back scratching did lead to some very nice couple time.

BTW, lsr, love that collar in your AV.

*smiles* thank You penalt, and i do agree that the most important thing any relationship is COMMUNICATION. that is my first words to anyone starting any type of relationship and asking advice..communication is key, as i posted in an earlier post, i lost that communication with Master once, and i will not make that mistake again, or atleast i will make every effort not to. *smiles* i love to be scratched, though more with a knife than fingers

 

[Etoile]

I just want to say that I think it took a lot of courage to post this here where he could read it. Good for you.

As for involuntary refusals, I have done that too. There was one time, when we had just come home from a club, and Daddy said e was going to pierce my nipples...with a tapestry needle. This causes significantly more damage than using a piercing needle, because the latter simply removes what's in it's way, but the tapestry needle just pushes flesh out of the way...it's not nearly as safe. So I just about flipped out, and I was running around the room trying to avoid em. I was hollering all kinds of things - "don't you fucking come near me with that fucking thing!" - and I was ready to strike/hit if I felt the need to. (This was actually not a mindfuck, e really was going to do it, although e has talked about piercings in the past just to fuck with my head.) Afterward I felt terrible about having reacted the way I did...we don't have negotiated limits, I consider myself open to whatever e wants to do with me, but this time I just freaked out.

I did want to be punished as a result of that, I can't remember if I actually was or not. But it seemed like the best way to assuage my guilt at having freaked out like that. Again, this ties into what Catalina and Netzach said - it's not my job to "want" to be punished, I don't get to make that choice.

 

[Mamid]

why is my back suddenly itchy?

if you don't want to do something, there is nothing or no one in the world that can make you do it willingly. Under duress, yes. But not willingly.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

why is my back suddenly itchy?

if you don't want to do something, there is nothing or no one in the world that can make you do it willingly. Under duress, yes. But not willingly.

*smiles* well i willingly gave control of everything over to Master, therefore i should have followed through on whatever His wishes were. though i know that no one can make me do anything that i don't want to, that is not the dynamic of the relationship we have, nor is that the dynamic i want because then, what's the point in having a D/s relationship. part of His 'job' as a Dom is to push my limits, if everytime He pushed, i refused to do as told, even if it's something i don't want to do then i would never be obeying Him. thank you for your input

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I just want to say that I think it took a lot of courage to post this here where he could read it. Good for you.

As for involuntary refusals, I have done that too. There was one time, when we had just come home from a club, and Daddy said e was going to pierce my nipples...with a tapestry needle. This causes significantly more damage than using a piercing needle, because the latter simply removes what's in it's way, but the tapestry needle just pushes flesh out of the way...it's not nearly as safe. So I just about flipped out, and I was running around the room trying to avoid em. I was hollering all kinds of things - "don't you fucking come near me with that fucking thing!" - and I was ready to strike/hit if I felt the need to. (This was actually not a mindfuck, e really was going to do it, although e has talked about piercings in the past just to fuck with my head.) Afterward I felt terrible about having reacted the way I did...we don't have negotiated limits, I consider myself open to whatever e wants to do with me, but this time I just freaked out.

I did want to be punished as a result of that, I can't remember if I actually was or not. But it seemed like the best way to assuage my guilt at having freaked out like that. Again, this ties into what Catalina and Netzach said - it's not my job to "want" to be punished, I don't get to make that choice.

*nods* i agree with you, cat, and Netzach, i didn't see it before, but you're right, it's not my place to decide if i need punishment. thank yoiu for saying i have courage for posting this with Master on the board, He and i have very open communication, and He knows that sometimes i really really need the advice of others outside of our relationship, it gives me a different unbiased opinion *smiles* and really i wanted more of a discussion on it, as Master and i had really already discussed what had happened..anyway, thank you Etoile for sharing your experience

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Though I am not a Catholic by any stretch of the imagination, they do have a couple of things right about handling feelings of guilt.

Confession (as it allows you to share the burden of the guilt) and penance (as it allows you to release the feeling of guilt because you have done something to atone for the sin/crime/failure/whatever).

By bringing your feelings and failure out to share here, rose, you have "confessed" your failure and it's gone a long way in helping you purge the guilt. Now MP, _you_ could help her even more by assigning some form of penance for her to do, to atone for that failure.

It could be an act of service like preparing an extra special meal for you, or a particularly unpleasant chore that's been put off, or a physical punishment that is truly painful (not of the erotic variety). It isn't so much that you are "punishing" her for her failure, but doing something that helps _her_ purge the feeling of guilt and failure and disappointment. By enduring something that she _can_ get through, rose can emotionally let go of the guilt.

It's not easy to do sometimes, but trust me on this, it helps.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Though I am not a Catholic by any stretch of the imagination, they do have a couple of things right about handling feelings of guilt.

Confession (as it allows you to share the burden of the guilt) and penance (as it allows you to release the feeling of guilt because you have done something to atone for the sin/crime/failure/whatever).

By bringing your feelings and failure out to share here, rose, you have "confessed" your failure and it's gone a long way in helping you purge the guilt. Now MP, _you_ could help her even more by assigning some form of penance for her to do, to atone for that failure.

It could be an act of service like preparing an extra special meal for you, or a particularly unpleasant chore that's been put off, or a physical punishment that is truly painful (not of the erotic variety). It isn't so much that you are "punishing" her for her failure, but doing something that helps _her_ purge the feeling of guilt and failure and disappointment. By enduring something that she _can_ get through, rose can emotionally let go of the guilt.

It's not easy to do sometimes, but trust me on this, it helps.

thank You Geoff, i always value Your input, well everyone's here actually, He is on the plane coming to me as we speak so He won't read this until tonight and i'll let Him respond then. Your post makes perfect sense to me, and though this is now long over (a few days) i'm still feeling some of the guilt of it, but i have been able to focus more on Him coming here than to dwell on the mistake i made because basically He told me to get over it and move on..that He wasn't mad and it was over (not in those exact words) He doesn't normally let me 'feel sorry for myself' for long nor does He let me dwell on a 'failure'.

 

[the captians wench]

He was talking about new toys he wants me to buy. And in there he mentioned mouse traps. Now I've seen a pic or two of mouse traps hanging from a girls tits, so I was okay no biggie. It's not like they'd be set or anything. Then he comes up with, oh yes they will be set too. That's when the "oh fuck no" came in along with " you snap one of those things off with your cock first and then we'll talk about it!"

He laughed at me and then I went into why I felt so strongly. Besides the fact I've seen these things snap the neck of a mouse, when I was younger (like around 4 or 5) I was playing with one and nearly snapped my thumb off. I still have the scar from where they sewed it back together (no nerve damage thankfully). Because of that I haven't touched a mouse trap since then, let alone set one, nor set one off on me again.

We joked about it a bit more, but I stick by my two original comments. And if I am ever injured by one of his quarky ideas, he knows he's getting the med bill.

Well guess what. I was feeling a bit brave and so I tried the mouse traps with my Love last night. And they weren't nearly as bad as I had imagined they would be. Infact the anticipation of the snap is a whole lot worse than the actual snap its self.

So we snapped my tits a few times, and the me being the brilliant little subbie I am, informed him that there were two more traps in the pack and that we could do my pussy lips as well...Which we did. Lemme tell you there is nothing harder than "knowing" what you're about to do is going to hurt worse than anything you've ever felt and then actually doing it.

I just had to keep laughing, because each time I just knew it was going to hurt so bad, and that I would cut myself on them or something and then the thing would go off and it wouldn't even be as bad as a slap. Infact it probably had the least pain factor of anything I've actually tried before, but deffinitly the most head trip factor. No matter how many times we did it, I just kept thinking "this one's going to break skin", and of course it didn't.

Sorry if this really doesn't belong here, but I thought it was a good place to share since this is were I mentioned this fear.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Well guess what. I was feeling a bit brave and so I tried the mouse traps with my Love last night. And they weren't nearly as bad as I had imagined they would be. Infact the anticipation of the snap is a whole lot worse than the actual snap its self.

So we snapped my tits a few times, and the me being the brilliant little subbie I am, informed him that there were two more traps in the pack and that we could do my pussy lips as well...Which we did. Lemme tell you there is nothing harder than "knowing" what you're about to do is going to hurt worse than anything you've ever felt and then actually doing it.

I just had to keep laughing, because each time I just knew it was going to hurt so bad, and that I would cut myself on them or something and then the thing would go off and it wouldn't even be as bad as a slap. Infact it probably had the least pain factor of anything I've actually tried before, but deffinitly the most head trip factor. No matter how many times we did it, I just kept thinking "this one's going to break skin", and of course it didn't.

Sorry if this really doesn't belong here, but I thought it was a good place to share since this is were I mentioned this fear.

'tis ok wenchie! i'm glad you shared as mouse traps are something i'm terrified of as well and as it's not something Master finds that appealing i'll probably never have to worry about it, i would be afraid setting them and making them 'snap' onto my body parts would maybe snap something 'off' LOL....

 

[the captians wench]

'tis ok wenchie! i'm glad you shared as mouse traps are something i'm terrified of as well and as it's not something Master finds that appealing i'll probably never have to worry about it, i would be afraid setting them and making them 'snap' onto my body parts would maybe snap something 'off' LOL....

That was my biggest fear, not just with the first one, but the second, and thrid, and 20th time I did it as well. *giggles* Which is why i was dieing from laughter each time it snapped. It's sort of like the effect a baby might get from a jack in the box. The antisapation, the jerk from the surprize, and then the laughter. And i'm sure he was falling out of his chair from my expressions as well.

I'm not sure if he comes up with these things because of the effect, or the fact that they look so bizzar. I mean, have you ever seen a tit with a mouse trap on it? Looks funny as hell! *giggles*

 

[Netzach]

Though I am not a Catholic by any stretch of the imagination, they do have a couple of things right about handling feelings of guilt.

Confession (as it allows you to share the burden of the guilt) and penance (as it allows you to release the feeling of guilt because you have done something to atone for the sin/crime/failure/whatever).

By bringing your feelings and failure out to share here, rose, you have "confessed" your failure and it's gone a long way in helping you purge the guilt. Now MP, _you_ could help her even more by assigning some form of penance for her to do, to atone for that failure.

It could be an act of service like preparing an extra special meal for you, or a particularly unpleasant chore that's been put off, or a physical punishment that is truly painful (not of the erotic variety). It isn't so much that you are "punishing" her for her failure, but doing something that helps _her_ purge the feeling of guilt and failure and disappointment. By enduring something that she _can_ get through, rose can emotionally let go of the guilt.

It's not easy to do sometimes, but trust me on this, it helps.

Neato maybe it's a worldview thing. As a Jew I don't get this "out" we just have to live with the guilt our mothers give us and suffer until we either get over it or just suffer more. Yer on yer own.

 

[myMastersCockSlut]

I like to...

do dumb things sometimes to get my Master to do things to me. He will tell me to get up out of his chair & I tell him no, & he grabs me by the hair (which is a turn on) & pulls me out of it. I hope he will start punishing me more... yeah baby..