Response for what to do....

[sexualbeing]

First I would like to thank eveyone that responded to my question. On the most part I do agree that I really need to think about my present relationship and what decision I will make. We have been together for a long time and that the main reason why we are still together. We both are scared of leaving but I know in my heart that this is what we need to do to be happy. We dont show affection , hell he hasnt told me he loved me in years. He also attempted to leave because he said he was just plain tired of me. But me being scared of losing him I begged him to stay. He complains about little things just to start a argument and I feel that I give this man the best of me and it doesn't matter to him. In my heart I know it's over. He wont even marry me, he says maybe he will in 2010 but life is too short and if he really loved me he'd poped the question a long time ago.

Pertaining to this guy I have a crush on he has all the characteristics in a man that im looking for. The only thing im concerned about is whether he would like to get to know me even if its just as friends. He has the personality that makes you drawn to him. I would like to get to know this guy but I know I have to make a decision whether to stay with the man im with now or leave. I know that if I stay and me and the guy who I want to get to know starts falling for each other or even become close friends there will be consequence. For one, my boyfriend is really jealous he doesnt want me talking to other males and another reason is if we start falling for each other the relationship with my boyfriend will be against us.

I am very confused and scared and the thing about it is that I never fell for a guy threw out me and my boyfriends relationship until now I just dont know what it is about this guy that gets me so involved with him. it's driving me crazy.

 

[Straight-8]

You've got some serious deciding to do. Just remember, kids come first; but that doesn't mean that staying in a bad relationship is good for you or the kids. Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Welcome, by the way! For future reference, it might make the most sense to add to your original thread instead of replying in a new one.

First I would like to thank eveyone that responded to my question. On the most part I do agree that I really need to think about my present relationship and what decision I will make. We have been together for a long time and that the main reason why we are still together. We both are scared of leaving but I know in my heart that this is what we need to do to be happy. We dont show affection , hell he hasnt told me he loved me in years. He also attempted to leave because he said he was just plain tired of me. But me being scared of losing him I begged him to stay. He complains about little things just to start a argument and I feel that I give this man the best of me and it doesn't matter to him. In my heart I know it's over. He wont even marry me, he says maybe he will in 2010 but life is too short and if he really loved me he'd poped the question a long time ago.

Pertaining to this guy I have a crush on he has all the characteristics in a man that im looking for. The only thing im concerned about is whether he would like to get to know me even if its just as friends. He has the personality that makes you drawn to him. I would like to get to know this guy but I know I have to make a decision whether to stay with the man im with now or leave. I know that if I stay and me and the guy who I want to get to know starts falling for each other or even become close friends there will be consequence. For one, my boyfriend is really jealous he doesnt want me talking to other males and another reason is if we start falling for each other the relationship with my boyfriend will be against us.

I am very confused and scared and the thing about it is that I never fell for a guy threw out me and my boyfriends relationship until now I just dont know what it is about this guy that gets me so involved with him. it's driving me crazy.

Frankly, your boyfriend sounds like an immature, controlling jackass. He doesn't want to be with you, yet he's jealous if you talk to other men? That reminds me of when a little kid grabs a toy from another who's playing with it, claiming it's theirs and the other kid can't use it, even though they've been perfectly happy playing with a variety of other toys for quite sometime. They play with the new toy for a few seconds, then toss it aside for another, maintaining their friend/sibling can't have it.

I agree with those who have said you need to deal with your current relationship before you even consider doing anything with your crush or anyone else; that will likely give you great clarity, perspective, and long-term happiness. It's probably going to be hard, but going any other way will likely put any new relationship at risk and increase your unhappiness overall. You may be glamorizing your crush because you don't like your current reality and a lot of people look better next to it. Take the necessary steps to get out of a bad situation, give yourself plenty of time to heal and sort things out, and THEN consider dating. It'd be a shame to jump into the same situation you're in now because your vision was so clouded.

 

[emap]

Going by what you describe, leave him now, get your life in order, get the kids to understand why you left him and then ask out your crush, make sure you do everything else first and just rely on your hand and whatever you happen to have in your drawer until you have your life in order.