Reviving sex drive after child birth

[Bottomlover]

After the kids go to sleep, my SO and I spend about an hour of quiet time together. Sometimes we watch TV and sometimes we talk. We go to bed together every single night. We're both tired from working and the kids, and sometimes we have to make an "appointment" to have sex. Sometimes it is spontaneous at bedtime, but we both prefer longer sessions. If one of us gets a bit crazy, help with masturbation is almost always there.

This has worked for us. As others have said, help with the chores so you have that hour before bedtime. Focus on her inner sexiness and embrace any new softness. Make sure that she knows that you find her desirable. This is a pretty difficult time, and you will get through it best by adapting and working together.

 

[catimann]

Lots of good advice already but I will add my two bits. These are just my observations, do as you please

Most people all try to get a night off, go on a date, party a little and then come home and what? Sex after a long day and a night of fun? Try sex in the morning! Lots of energy then and if you have managed to give the kid over to Grandma for the night it can be great. Get a bit more sleep so you can enjoy the fun.

Sleep is something the younger gen. seems to think is not needed. For themselves or their kids. The kids need to be in bed before you. When I was young all the kids in the neighbourhood were going to bed early, like 8pm for the under 8 crowd. I didn't get to stay up till 10 till I was 12. I know of 5 year olds who are up at 11 now. I do not wonder why the kids are a handful.

There was an old Chinese couple I met when our second child was born. They were there to see the grand child. She saw I had been up all night and had that new dad smile. She only said this: "If you don't have them where you want them by age 5, you are too late"
For the next 8 years we lived in a housing co-op with 40-50 other young families. She was right!

Take the time to let your partner know she is sexy and so on. Take the time to have time for the lead up to foreplay and then sex.

 

[BeachMomma]

I became a SAHM after my youngest was born, and non-spousal adult conversation was one of the things I craved and one of the things I missed most about my job. I so looked forward to my monthly book group meetings. I love my husband so much, and he's one of the smartest guys I know, but I also wanted to talk to someone else once in a while.

And then there was the time I took my mom to a doctor's appointment after her cancer diagnosis, and asked her, "Do you have to pee before we get back in the car?" when we stopped for lunch on the way home. Yup. Too much time around the little ones.

We do tend to get caught up in rote habit. I've done that and also started cutting up my ex's food for him.

My favorite rote habit issue - even now: I live with hubby, 2 labrador retrievers, and 3 cats, and I have the daughter who's now an adult. If somebody gets in trouble, I go through "roll call" to yell at the offender. I go down the list of names until I yell at the right person. lol Of course, the daughter and husband think it's hilarious, which certainly doesn't get them out of the trouble I was yelling about in the first place.

 

[satindesire]

After working full-time, driving kids to school and daycare, making dinner half the time at least; I'd say chances are 50/50, or less, so best of luck. I say knock sex off the top of your list, go find something else to with your time, read some good stories on Lit, etc. Nothing wrong with a good coping strategy!

??What?

 

[123Josh]

Before our daughter was born my girlfriend and I had sex a fair bit, nothing adventurous but still a lot more than we are now.

It seems like now we tend to "plan" when we have sex and even then more often than not we don't do it.

Granted we are young in comparison to some of you sexual veterans, I am 22 and my partner is 21.
Are there any other couples or people that have been in my situation before?

Any help is much appreciated, thanks!

Bugsy

You could try porn?

 

[box13]

...Focus on her inner sexiness and embrace any new softness. Make sure that she knows that you find her desirable...

That caught my eye, the part about "new softness". Well put I think.

 

[knot_sweet]

There's been a lot of great advice posted already but figured this wouldn't go astray;

Try for sex in the mornings instead of at night. After a long, often frustrating and tiring day, sex before bed just isn't on the cards.

After a good night's sleep, especially if it's a weekend and schedules aren't so rushed, it may be easier to arouse her interest.

 

[Oo_Bugsy]

You could try porn?

I masturbate a lot anyway, regardless of us having sex or not.

It's a wonderful addiction, what can I say

 

[Oo_Bugsy]

??What?

I believe they were referring to masturbation after reading some Stories here on Lit.
As a coping method of the lack of sex.

 

[satindesire]

I believe they were referring to masturbation after reading some Stories here on Lit.
As a coping method of the lack of sex.

I understood THAT part. I'm curious as to why he quoted ME.

 

[Oo_Bugsy]

I understood THAT part. I'm curious as to why he quoted ME.

Oh, afraid I cant help there

 

[box13]

I understood THAT part. I'm curious as to why he quoted ME.

Dear Satin, my sincere apologies for any offense perceived or taken. I was not directing my comment at you, but simply describing, with as few words as possible, and trying to avoid blame, that someone out there might have done "the more you do" and found it less than helpful. However, we do what we must, and sometimes the reward isn't a teaspoon of sugar, or great sex.

Again, I apologize for any misunderstanding. No harm was intended.

 

[Oo_Bugsy]

Today, while our daughter was asleep in her cot, we were having a nice cuddle under my duvet.
We was talking and kissing, just getting cosy and enjoying our time "alone".
Long story short we ended up having sex on the sofa.

Taking things a day at a time, but no longer prioritising sex.

Thank you everybody <3

 

[Emerson40]

Today, while our daughter was asleep in her cot, we were having a nice cuddle under my duvet.
We was talking and kissing, just getting cosy and enjoying our time "alone".
Long story short we ended up having sex on the sofa.

Taking things a day at a time, but no longer prioritising sex.

Thank you everybody <3

Earlier today, at the Bugsy house....

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/white-people.gif​

One day at a time is great.
Enjoy and make the most of each day as well. Sex-life aside, they (the days) seem go by very fast once you have kids. You'll wake up one day and go "Holy shit. My little girl is starting school next week".

 

[Oo_Bugsy]

Earlier today, at the Bugsy house....

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/white-people.gif​

One day at a time is great.
Enjoy and make the most of each day as well. Sex-life aside, they (the days) seem go by very fast once you have kids. You'll wake up one day and go "Holy shit. My little girl is starting school next week".

I tried to rock a 'snuggie' but it itched too much!

In other news, I just laughed so much a little bit of wee came out...

Happy days!