Sad, Sad, News

[Raimondin]

Re: Re: Re: Sad, Sad, News

....and ruin his life he did.

An update on the case. The district attorney filed eight counts against him. Seven counts of (Calif Penal Code Sections) PC 288(A) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS W/CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS. One count of PC 288(C)(1) LEWD & LASCIVIOUS ACT W/CHILD 14/15: DEFENDANT 10 YRS OLDER THAN VICTIM.

He pled NO CONTEST to one count of PC 288(A) and other charges were "Dismissed in the furtherance of justice." Quite a plea bargain but then it spares the victims the trauma of testifying in court. Sadly, it also reflects the fact that he is well connected in the community. Since the initial charges were filed, three more victims have come forward but there is no word as to whether or not the DA is going to file or, again, dismiss them also in the "furtherance of justice." Sentencing is set for mid-January.

Sentencing guidelines state that the defendant SHALL be sentenced to 3,6, or 8 years. He can also be fined $10,000. This could have been per count, and could have been either concurrent or consecutive, but thats all moot due to the plea bargain. He will also have to register as a sex offender no doubt with the stipulation that he no longer be allowed to teach, or even be alone in the presence of, minor children.

In any event, he shall not have an easy time of it in state prison and, as he is a rather effiminate person, of slight build, he will easily become prey for other convicts.

As I intially said, and others reinforced, he has made a mess of his life, his families life, and the lives of his victims. As a former cop, and a parent, you would think I would wish only misery upon him but, because of my history with him, and my compassion, I have to pray that he survives his incarceration and comes out changed on the other end.

This is terrible! I wonder how many cases such as yours still go unnoticed or have simply fallen thru the cracks? Your case is so unique in that you have been able to maintain a compassion or feelings for this man. Although forgiveness is one of the highest virtues, I imagine your situation will be difficult for you to forget. An idelible mark in your life. of mixed emotions. If it can be said that if there's a 'positive'side to all of this, it is that 'You' still have your whole life ahead of you, whereas this man no longer does, at least not in the same way. I commend you on your strength of character that you have been able to somehow cope with this, and have been able to put some perspective in it all, while still praying for his well being and survival, is of the highest order. Still, I don't think one can just easily forget or erase something this traumatic or tragic. Nevertheless, there is 'no' justification for this man's abuse of innocence...

 

[UnderMyKilt]

I had asked for removal of the thread. They apparently won't do it. So I have edited, updated and removed some of my comments.

After publication of my most recent story I have gotten PM's from people asking, "What happened to him?" "Did you get back together," so I restored some deleted comments so they can read it here.

 

[Essene]

 

[marcap]

Dredging up a six year old thread (is anyone still here that remembers me?)


I feel very sad, and sorry for him. .

I wasn't around when this thread was first posted, but just read through it. I would have to say your sympathy is mis-directed, try the victims not the predator.

A couple of times in previous posts, your state that your old friend never got over his attraction to 'young men'. I don't know anyone who considers an 11, 12 or 13 year old person a man. 'Boy' is the correct descriptor, and by you inadvertantly referring to them as young men, you are sort of giving your friend a pass. I understand how you could have mixed feelings about this, but your friend is getting what he deserves. And, if you were to ask most people, they would likely feel that he got off light.

No disrespect inteded, just my $.02.

 

[Essene]

I wasn't around when this thread was first posted, but just read through it. I would have to say your sympathy is mis-directed, try the victims not the predator.

A couple of times in previous posts, your state that your old friend never got over his attraction to 'young men'. I don't know anyone who considers an 11, 12 or 13 year old person a man. 'Boy' is the correct descriptor, and by you inadvertantly referring to them as young men, you are sort of giving your friend a pass. I understand how you could have mixed feelings about this, but your friend is getting what he deserves. And, if you were to ask most people, they would likely feel that he got off light.

No disrespect inteded, just my $.02.

My sympathy is directed toward the OP. It must be very difficult for him to deal with the flood of emotions regarding this case.

It IS a sad situation, and I don't think it's wrong to feel sorry for someone whom you care about that has made some very bad decisions, and has deeply hurt or wounded others.

I don't think the OP thinks his old flame should have gotten away with it. It sounds like he's trying to reconcile loving someone who is capable of doing heinous things.

I mean really? How would you handle it if the great love of your life did some really evil things? Wouldn't at least part of you want to try to understand it - even if it wasn't something worth understanding?

 

[marcap]

My sympathy is directed toward the OP. It must be very difficult for him to deal with the flood of emotions regarding this case.

It IS a sad situation, and I don't think it's wrong to feel sorry for someone whom you care about that has made some very bad decisions, and has deeply hurt or wounded others.

I mean really? How would you handle it if the great love of your life did some really evil things? Wouldn't at least part of you want to try to understand it - even if it wasn't something worth understanding?

Essene, I share in your sympathy for the OP, he must be very conflicted to have such fond memories of this man, and then to learn many years later what his friend has become.

I do disagree with your second point though, I don't feel that any person who willfully harms children is deserving of sympathy. Whatever penalties they are dealt are more than deserved, and it doesn't make me sad to see the position they have put themselves in.
What makes me sad is the lasting impact their actions will have on the lives of their victims.


Lastly, I do not ever care to understand what drives a person to commit evil acts.

 

[UnderMyKilt]

Delete

Delete the entire thread please.

 

[none2_none2]

Oh believe me. Your disrespect is recognized and received.

I wouldn't let him bother you too much. It is very common to take a negative approach to such subject matters. I personally could never fathom sex with someone underage as I always wanted to be a father. How can one be a father figure if they are more interested in their own pleasure than helping a young person? I think the the other thing that bugged me about such relationships was that if it was really about love, then you would think that the love would last. I have known some guys that needed an older man's love (some under age, some just young adults). For some of them that love stopped when the guy thought they were too old. They were devastated. To me that caused me to doubt that there was ever any love from the older guy - only a desire to take advantage of the situation.

That being said, over the years I have learned that many things are not as black and white as our minds would like things to be. Sometimes you have to hold off quick judgements and instead take it from the standpoint of the affect on the individual involved.

Case in point, my own partner got started with sex at a VERY shockingly early age by an adult in his family. In fact the more he told me the more it was very strange just how much incestuous gay activity went on in his family with multiple males -- both adults as well as young cousins. Furthermore, there was plenty of that activity in the neighborhood. I always thought he should have been enraged or felt violated as a result of all the early sexual activity. At least in my mind I thought that he should have come out of it being warped. However, he is one of the sanest people I know, and he never viewed the past as abusive. I should add that contrary to popular thought, he didn't end up repeating that same behavior with relatives when he was an adult. I admit that before me, he was seeing guys 10 or more years younger. Note: they were of legal age, and not relatives.

My past is totally different As I looked back, I was NEVER sexually abused as a kid. Now I had lots of sexual thoughts about adults when I was a kid. Nothing turned me on more than a handsome, muscular, hairy adult man. I had the overwhelming urge to touch such guys' asses, but knew better as I was sure I would get beat up. It is just as well that an adult didn't try to seduce me. I was devastated enough by some of the platonic relationships I had with adult males that didn't last. Thus I know my personality well enough that if sex had been thrown into the mix, and then I had been rejected later; it would have been a horrible experience. The difference between myself and my partner is our personalities. I would never, ever have been able to deal with it as a kid nor for that matter later as an adult.

Sexuality is so diverse. I think most of us don't realize just how varied it is. We all try to fit it into a mold. I know for myself that while I was always attracted to older guys, I never saw myself as an older guy. So though I'm 50 now, I have to remind myself that I'm not that young guy in my fantasizes that still loves to fuck older hairy guys. I'm just another old guy who hopes he can get it up another day and get inside my old better half who is the same age as me.


I do not condone sexual relationships between minors and adults. I'm just saying that if it happens, you have to deal with it on a case by case bases. As long as you have been in law enforcement, I'm sure you realize that people aren't either all saints and demons. Most of us are simply flawed individuals who hope at the end of our life that the good we did outweighed the mistakes we make. Your former friend simply made some very serious inappropriate mistakes, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he is the devil incarnate.

I hope that one day you and this man can talk. If you wrote about him in this thread as well as your stories, then the fact remains that he still has a very important place in your heart. Perhaps too you mean more to him than you may know. It is possible that these mistakes he made were in part trying to recreate those wonderful times he had with you when you were both young. That doesn't excuse it, but perhaps it may put into a stronger light how significant those times were not just for you -- but for him.

 

[Etoile]

Oh believe me. Your disrespect is recognized and received.

As is the case with most who just "want to make a point", rather than show a modicum of understanding, you hand pick tiny parts of phrases or the use of a single word here and there to make your "point" in what I DO perceive as a personal attack.

Wow, dude. Overreaction much? It was a perfectly polite and thoughtful post, and you got your panties in a bunch. How about you dial it down a little and realize that maybe, just maybe, not everybody is out to get you?

 

[HarlotMinx]

Wow, dude. Overreaction much? It was a perfectly polite and thoughtful post, and you got your panties in a bunch. How about you dial it down a little and realize that maybe, just maybe, not everybody is out to get you?

Yeah I'm seconding Etoile too, I don't think what he said was particularly offensive, or rude in any way. You need to calm down.

 

[mntcmn]

thinking

It seems to me 'Under' is quite correct to be sad but to remember the good times and good events he had with his friend. This world is not fair and it is very sad that the victimizer became, in a sense, a victim of his own desires because they involved underaged. And, rest VERY assured, there is a good reason for laws and efforts to protect the young because the effects of abuse are vicious and long-lasting. There are many events that point that up and the Roman Catholic church experience and reaction to abuse by priests is a bad example of how not to proceed.
I like Regis' thinking--wise words.
Does the abuser deserve horrible things? Oh, I'm not so sure. He needs to be prevented from further abusing. Does he deserve to burn in hell? I don't know. Thankfully, that decision is quite a long way above my pay grade. He has my compassion. I'm sorry for for him and wonder whether he was abused or his brain was mis-wired.
M