Secretary on Oxygen

[Netzach]

So who is a good fictional Dom on film?

I actually liked him and found his reticence realistic and attractive, and I could also relate to it a little. I have always cared less what the external world thought, but I'm not a small town lawyer - but internally, you bet it's terrifying when you finally DO meet someone who actually gets your "sick and wrong" and wants it.

I also think that anyone who was totally obviously and clearly dick swingin' alpha would scare the shit out of someone like Lee and alienate her. And me, as a viewer, because I really am bored by unflawed and unconflicted people.

I like a small dose of ambiguity, or a large one, and I gravitate toward personalities that dwell on the problematic and sticky side of being a Dom/Top
if they are.

 

[saw_man1]

That's too bad

My grandmother was on oxygen but that was towards the end. She's gone now and missed by most of us.
Sorry to hear about your secretary.

 

[ownedsubgal]

So who is a good fictional Dom on film?

I actually liked him and found his reticence realistic and attractive, and I could also relate to it a little. I have always cared less what the external world thought, but I'm not a small town lawyer - but internally, you bet it's terrifying when you finally DO meet someone who actually gets your "sick and wrong" and wants it.

I also think that anyone who was totally obviously and clearly dick swingin' alpha would scare the shit out of someone like Lee and alienate her. And me, as a viewer, because I really am bored by unflawed and unconflicted people.

I like a small dose of ambiguity, or a large one, and I gravitate toward personalities that dwell on the problematic and sticky side of being a Dom/Top
if they are.

actually my favorite portrayal of D/s on film would be a little known '70s Irish (or maybe Scottish, sorry i get 'em mixed up at times) flick by the title of "Breaking the Waves." Big, strong, burly alpha male falls madly in love with and comes to the rescue of the weak, helpless, endlessly submissive (what most here would term "doormat), sweet little country girl. it's clear they're perfect for one another, he gives her a singular purpose and focus in life (serving and pleasing him), and she brings out his tender side....but it's very realistic in that it shows all the true to life horror that can result when one person is entirely dependent on, and unfailingly submissive to, another. i won't give away too much, but the end is totally devastating, and depressingly realistic. i'd highly recommend it to any D/s'er.

 

[saw_man1]

One to look for

actually my favorite portrayal of D/s on film would be a little known '70s Irish (or maybe Scottish, sorry i get 'em mixed up at times) flick by the title of "Breaking the Waves." Big, strong, burly alpha male falls madly in love with and comes to the rescue of the weak, helpless, endlessly submissive (what most here would term "doormat), sweet little country girl. it's clear they're perfect for one another, he gives her a singular purpose and focus in life (serving and pleasing him), and she brings out his tender side....but it's very realistic in that it shows all the true to life horror that can result when one person is entirely dependent on, and unfailingly submissive to, another. i won't give away too much, but the end is totally devastating, and depressingly realistic. i'd highly recommend it to any D/s'er.

You are the second person who has recommended that movie. I goggled it and the story sounds intriguing.
Thanks

 

[WriterDom]

actually my favorite portrayal of D/s on film would be a little known '70s Irish (or maybe Scottish, sorry i get 'em mixed up at times) flick by the title of "Breaking the Waves." Big, strong, burly alpha male falls madly in love with and comes to the rescue of the weak, helpless, endlessly submissive (what most here would term "doormat), sweet little country girl. it's clear they're perfect for one another, he gives her a singular purpose and focus in life (serving and pleasing him), and she brings out his tender side....but it's very realistic in that it shows all the true to life horror that can result when one person is entirely dependent on, and unfailingly submissive to, another. i won't give away too much, but the end is totally devastating, and depressingly realistic. i'd highly recommend it to any D/s'er.

It was filmed in the Scottish highlands. Breaking the Waves won the Grand Prix at the 1996 Cannes Film Festival, and three awards at the 1996 European Film Awards including: Film of the Year, International Film Journalists Award, and European Actress of the Year (Watson).

I haven't seen it. I'll see if I can find a copy somewhere.

 

[Netzach]

actually my favorite portrayal of D/s on film would be a little known '70s Irish (or maybe Scottish, sorry i get 'em mixed up at times) flick by the title of "Breaking the Waves." Big, strong, burly alpha male falls madly in love with and comes to the rescue of the weak, helpless, endlessly submissive (what most here would term "doormat), sweet little country girl. it's clear they're perfect for one another, he gives her a singular purpose and focus in life (serving and pleasing him), and she brings out his tender side....but it's very realistic in that it shows all the true to life horror that can result when one person is entirely dependent on, and unfailingly submissive to, another. i won't give away too much, but the end is totally devastating, and depressingly realistic. i'd highly recommend it to any D/s'er.

Lars Von Trier - it's a great movie, really brutal. My vanilla friends hated it. It's still way more about her though. His needs seemed just as complicated, two-edged and he seemed just as imperfect a presence to me as Spader's chararcter, only the tension there is given a physical manifestation.

I like La Strada by Fellini for expressions of D/s, but the D is a brutal, insensitive, unaware D. We don't get to know him or need to know him - the D's are narrative vehicles.

The D's are almost always narrative vehicles in these fictions. I'd love a film about Dominant consciousness.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Breaking The Waves

DRAT!

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Breaking The Waves

It was filmed in the Scottish highlands. Breaking the Waves won the Grand Prix at the 1996 Cannes Film Festival, and three awards at the 1996 European Film Awards including: Film of the Year, International Film Journalists Award, and European Actress of the Year (Watson).

I haven't seen it. I'll see if I can find a copy somewhere.

<< Highjack Alert>>

Can anyone really doubt that Breaking the Waves is really a retelling of the Easter/Passion Story?. Cf. the scene where the female character (character names I don't recall, at the moment) is pushing her bicycle up the hill (Calvary) while being stoned and spat upon. Isn't this really the via Dolorossa?

Of course, anyone can read anything in everything. Reminds me of a fellow I knew in college, who used Rorschach ink blots to masturbate. But, that is another story.

To put the two together: the director Derek Jarman used the story of Saint Sebastian (he was martyred by multiple arrow shots) as the basis for a gay S/M story: Sebastiane. The dialog is entirely in Latin (subtitles available), long before Mel Gibsn had the idea.

 

[BiBunny]

You totally missed it Bunny. HE doesn't fix her. SHE fixes herself. Grey was a helpful tool for her self expression and discovery but it isn't because of what he does. It's because she learns to accept who and what she is and comes to peace with that. He just helps her come to that realization. It's a journey about her discovering herself, and she takes Grey along with her growth and discovery.

If anything, it's her coming into Grey's life that saves him...

Now go back and re-watch the movie.

I am probably wrong with my perception of the movie. To be fair, I was about half-asleep when I watched it.

It just didn't grab me in any way. I'm one of those people who just can't do the willing suspension of disbelief. If it doesn't seem realistic to me, I just sort of roll my eyes and go on. I think I posted somewhere in the past couple of days about my REALLY literal mind....

I'm about to say something that I may never say again--I agree with osg. It's a movie about Top/bottom roles, not a D/s relationship. Even you said in your post that she has to get him to accept the role. He doesn't take it himself, and I think that may be what irritates me so much about him.

And, for the record, bitch though I may be, I wouldn't put a bug on His Royal Chunkiness's bed. I mean, I have to sleep there, too!

And, nope, EG, I wouldn't try to flip you, either. I hardly ever do that to people, but I've been known to pull it out on men who obviously are into being "dominant" because they're intimidated by strong people around them and think that the only way they can maintain the upper hand is to try to squash others beneath their feet. You, my friend, couldn't be farther from that description.

 

[CutieMouse]

I am probably wrong with my perception of the movie. To be fair, I was about half-asleep when I watched it.

It just didn't grab me in any way. I'm one of those people who just can't do the willing suspension of disbelief. If it doesn't seem realistic to me, I just sort of roll my eyes and go on. I think I posted somewhere in the past couple of days about my REALLY literal mind....

I'm about to say something that I may never say again--I agree with osg. It's a movie about Top/bottom roles, not a D/s relationship. Even you said in your post that she has to get him to accept the role. He doesn't take it himself, and I think that may be what irritates me so much about him.

What's interesting to me, is that what you and OSG describe as a more realistic film D/s dynamic, would require a hell of a lot of suspension of disbelief, for me. A guy who just automatically has 100% of his dominant shit together, never goes through any angst, doesn't have to struggle to resolve society's issues with his desires, etc, and doesn't occasionally fuck up... well those sorts of men might exsist, but I view that sort of character/person as being very two-dimensional, steriotypical, and blank.

As at ease as I am with who I am, it has still been a struggle to embrace my submissive nature, with screw ups, and taking steps back, and everything else along the way; I refuse to believe that Dominants don't have the same sorts of struggles - which is what I saw in Mr. Grey.

 

[minx1]

I refuse to believe that Dominants don't have the same sorts of struggles - which is what I saw in Mr. Grey.

I think thats why I liked him. I didn't think he was whiney.....I though he was normal, with doubts and concerns and hangups like many of us.

and precisely for the reasons he wasn't a burly, hairy, macho Dom lol.......no offence burly, hairy, macho Doms

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

See we are long lost twins.

I literally haul ass over to my sister in law's when Project Runway is in season and that's IT.

:chuckles : Well there you go , I can live with that .

Netz , you're aware Project Runway has a free video podcast ?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

<< Highjack Alert>>

: continues to stalk :

 

[Netzach]

:chuckles : Well there you go , I can live with that .

Netz , you're aware Project Runway has a free video podcast ?

And now you're enabling me to be anti-social as well -- it's probably good for me to go out at all!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

being obedient and non-manipulative doesn't make one a doormat, it's part of what makes one submissive. perhaps you don't want "a" submissive so much as a sexual sub or a bottom.

ok first of all, i am a submissive and Daddy says at the end where she puts that bug on the bed, is SO me....that does not make me only a 'sexual sub' or a 'bottom' it might make me a completely different submissive than you but it doesn't make me any LESS submissive than you. and yes, i am offended by your comments about this movie and just about everything else, because every time you post in a thread, it's all about how much MORE submissive you are than everyone else because you would NEVER consider doing something like THAT.

i do silly things all of the time, and it keeps Daddy on His toes and 9 times out of 10 He will laugh it off and tell me i'm a Silly girl and we move on. i will not say i've never been punished for doing things like this, because i have. but to say that because we like to joke around and have fun in our D/s relationship means that i am just sexually submissive or a bottom. is just absurd. i know you were not talking about ME in particular but since i identify with Gyllenhaal's character alot, i took offense. and i'm not going to sit here and argue so please just let it go..i just had to put my two cents in....that's all...

as for the movie, i don't think it was supposed to be a perfect depiction of the lifestyle, i think it was 2 people's journey into the lifestyle , two people who really really struggled with their needs and desires (spader's character more than Gyllenhaal's) and then the two helping each other to overcome their fears and misconceptions. yes they are flawed characters, but aren't we all??

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I am probably wrong with my perception of the movie. To be fair, I was about half-asleep when I watched it.

It just didn't grab me in any way. I'm one of those people who just can't do the willing suspension of disbelief. If it doesn't seem realistic to me, I just sort of roll my eyes and go on. I think I posted somewhere in the past couple of days about my REALLY literal mind....

I'm about to say something that I may never say again--I agree with osg. It's a movie about Top/bottom roles, not a D/s relationship. Even you said in your post that she has to get him to accept the role. He doesn't take it himself, and I think that may be what irritates me so much about him.

And, for the record, bitch though I may be, I wouldn't put a bug on His Royal Chunkiness's bed. I mean, I have to sleep there, too!

And, nope, EG, I wouldn't try to flip you, either. I hardly ever do that to people, but I've been known to pull it out on men who obviously are into being "dominant" because they're intimidated by strong people around them and think that the only way they can maintain the upper hand is to try to squash others beneath their feet. You, my friend, couldn't be farther from that description.

so what you are saying is that everyone embraces their kinky side from the start? i dont' agree with that. Spader's character knew what he wanted, he knew what he liked, but he was conflicted...every time he would do something to her "punish" her or whatever he would have feelings of guilt, that what he was doing was wrong. i don't think there are any of us here, at least not the majority, who can honestly say that they accepted their dominance or submission from the start....or have never had doubts about their desires...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

And now you're enabling me to be anti-social as well -- it's probably good for me to go out at all!

oh yes it's all my fault , so nice to feel 'useful'

: working on feeling shame :

: struggling with shame :

: smiling a shameful smile :

 

[BiBunny]

so what you are saying is that everyone embraces their kinky side from the start? i dont' agree with that. Spader's character knew what he wanted, he knew what he liked, but he was conflicted...every time he would do something to her "punish" her or whatever he would have feelings of guilt, that what he was doing was wrong. i don't think there are any of us here, at least not the majority, who can honestly say that they accepted their dominance or submission from the start....or have never had doubts about their desires...

No, I'm not saying that, either. I don't really know how to explain it. He was too damn wishy-washy for my personal taste. The way he'd do things with her for awhile, then withdraw, then start back again was what irritated me. If I were going to submit to someone, I'd want him to have his shit together before he became involved with me. The start/stop/start again thing is too much like game-playing in my book. I've had too many experiences with damned wishy-washy people. Shit or get off the pot, already.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

No, I'm not saying that, either. I don't really know how to explain it. He was too damn wishy-washy for my personal taste. The way he'd do things with her for awhile, then withdraw, then start back again was what irritated me. If I were going to submit to someone, I'd want him to have his shit together before he became involved with me. The start/stop/start again thing is too much like game-playing in my book. I've had too many experiences with damned wishy-washy people. Shit or get off the pot, already.

right but the wishy washy was that he wasn't sure what he was doing was right. that was the struggling within part. she wasn't exactly an 'established' submissive either...they took the journey together, and she helped him to see that what he wanted, his desires, etc...was OK...i felt the same way about the movie that you do, the first time i watched it, but then i watched it again and got a different perspective......

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I think thats why I liked him. I didn't think he was whiney.....I though he was normal, with doubts and concerns and hangups like many of us.

and precisely for the reasons he wasn't a burly, hairy, macho Dom lol.......no offence burly, hairy, macho Doms

HEY!

Us burly, hairy, macho Doms can have a soft, sensitive side too!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

No, I'm not saying that, either. I don't really know how to explain it. He was too damn wishy-washy for my personal taste.

Ahhhh! Bunny doesn't want to have to train any newbie Doms who are still using training wheels on their floggers!

*quickly unscrews the training wheels on his single tail and kicks them under the couch... whistles innocently...*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

So who is a good fictional Dom on film?

...

*Bounces up and down and waves his hand in the air..* Oo! Oo-oo! I am! Pick me! Pick me! I'm a GREAT fictional Dom on...

Uuuuhhhhhh... wait a minute... I haven't been on film as a Dom... Do digitial images count? ? ?

 

[minx1]

HEY!

Us burly, hairy, macho Doms can have a soft, sensitive side too!

*giggles and nods* and those are exactly the ones I like best Geoff

*digs* am I out of this hole yet?

 

[DVS]

Enjoyed the movie in general, but felt his character would have had more impact minus the closet scene.

And where the hell have you been hiding?

 

[DVS]

My grandmother was on oxygen but that was towards the end. She's gone now and missed by most of us.
Sorry to hear about your secretary.

I got it, even if nobody else seemed to.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. But, the secretary is doing fine now, thanks.