Sex fails

[AZsurfer45]

Lots of posts here celebrating sexual wins but does anybody have any hilarious sex fails they’d like to share? Always good for a laugh.

 

[BillyWalrus]

Here is a sex fail that is not too embarrassing to tell about my girlfriend.

Back when she was single, her specialty was one night stands with foreigners in Manila. In her Tinder profile she made it abundantly clear that she was a trans woman who was only interested in topping her partner.

An attractive foreign guy responds and they go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and it was fairly expensive. She goes back to his hotel room where she expects him to drop his pants and get fucked.

Instead the guy protests and says that she is the one who needs to bend over for him and get fucked. They argue back and forth for several minutes with each of them refusing to budge.

Finally she has had enough. She tells him that she is leaving and then goes home. Excellent dinner but no sex for anyone that night!

 

[AZsurfer45]

Here’s one of mine.

Met a pretty hot fit MILF last summer. Tan. Toned. Short pixie cut hair. Nice round firm ball tits from surgery. She presented herself a proper lady but after some flirty messages she loosened up a little and I could tell she needed some.

We talked back and forth and finally made plans for me to come over and swim at her place for a first meeting. Sexual tension was high but we both needed to see where this was going. So I came over, hugged, made small talk and got to know each other. Thing is she had a very active German Shepard who was cute but a big diva and didn’t like me so close to his owner. She shooed him away and soon enough we changed to dip in her pool. Things were mostly fine until we started making out and the dog was doing laps around the pool barking up a storm as it didn’t like this at all. Cock blocker!

It was hot and the dog was being an ass so we came back inside. While we were flirting before we made a dare to see if we could both handle taking a shower together without having sex since she was a proper lady who didn’t give it up so easily. She said…. We ended up doing just that and took turns washing each other and laughing. It was actually very erotic to be fully nude and close washing and touching and teasing slightly while showing the restraint we said we both had. I think that impressed her.

We hung out a bit more afterwards on her couch talking. I had mentioned also I loved nursing prior and she was curious about that so the conversation finally drifted there and she wanted to try. She lifted up her shirt and I laid in her lap to suckle her firm hard tits but it was still enjoyable and she quite liked it as well.

So far so good right? Here comes the fail. We decide it’s only right to head to her bedroom as we both were comfortable and wanted more. I laid her down, undressed her and she took off my pants as my shirt came off while nursing. While we were tangled up having sex the damn dog was loosing its shit. Barking, running, growling, all over her bedroom. She couldn’t put it out the room she said cause it’d tear up the house so I was stuck trying to bone her while the dog was going crazy. I did my best but the dog was not having it and began nipping at my clothes on her nightstand. I’m shooing it away while also fucking her and eventually the dog pulls them down and starts ripping into my shirt and swimsuit. Seriously???? I pull out hard and grab my rags from the dog to put them higher on her dresser but it kinda killed my mood. We decided we better hurry and finish so I push my way back in and we both climax quick enough.

But my clothes were in bad shape and I didn’t bring nothing else so had to drive home with a torn up shirt and trunks that had a huge gash in the crotch. Thing is I needed to get gas so was very careful while pumping so nobody could see me happy cummy cock.

She was fun but the dog totally ruined it. I see now why she probably didn’t get laid too often

 

[write_or_wrong]

Here’s one if mine.

Met a pretty hot fit MILF last summer. Tan. Toned. Short pixie cut hair. Nice round firm ball tits from surgery. She presented herself a proper lady but after some flirty messages she loosened up a little and I could tell she needed some.

We talked back and forth and finally made plans for me to come over and swim at her place for a first meeting. Sexual tension was high but we both needed to see where this was going. So I came over, hugged, made small talk and got to know each other. Thing is she had a very active German Shepard who was cute but a big diva and didn’t like me so close to his owner. She shooed him away and soon enough we changed to dip in her pool. Things were mostly fine until we started making out and the dog was doing laps around the pool barking up a storm as it didn’t like this at all. Cock blocker!

It was hot and the dog was being an ass so we came back inside. While we were flirting before we made a dare to see if we could both handle taking a shower together without having sex since she was a proper lady who didn’t give it up so easily. She said…. We ended up doing just that and took turns washing each other and laughing. It was actually very erotic to be fully nude and close washing and touching and teasing slightly while showing the restraint we said we both had. I think that impressed her.

We hung out a bit more afterwards on her couch talking. I had mentioned also I loved nursing prior and she was curious about that so the conversation finally drifted there and she wanted to try. She lifted up her shirt and I laid in her lap to suckle her firm hard tits but it was still enjoyable and she quite liked it as well.

So far so good right? Here comes the fail. We decide it’s only right to head to her bedroom as we both were comfortable and wanted more. I laid her down, undressed her and she took off my pants as my shirt came off while nursing. While we were tangled up having sex the damn dog was loosing its shit. Barking, running, growling, all over her bedroom. She couldn’t put it out the room she said cause it’d tear up the house so I was stuck trying to bone her while the dog was going crazy. I did my best but the dog was not having it and began nipping at my clothes on her nightstand. I’m shooing it away while also fucking her and eventually the dog pulls them down and starts ripping into my shirt and swimsuit. Seriously???? I pull out hard and grab my rags from the dog to put them higher on her dresser but it kinda killed my mood. We decided we better hurry and finish so I push my way back in and we both climax quick enough.

But my clothes were in bad shape and I didn’t bring nothing else so had to drive home with a torn up shirt and trunk that had a huge gash in the crotch. Thing is I needed to get gas so was very careful while pumping so nobody could see me happy cummy cock.

She was fun but the dog totally ruined it. I see now why she probably didn’t get laid too often

Hilarious. Sorry!

 

[write_or_wrong]

Here is a sex fail that is not too embarrassing to tell about my girlfriend.

Back when she was single, her specialty was one night stands with foreigners in Manila. In her Tinder profile she made it abundantly clear that she was a trans woman who was only interested in topping her partner.

An attractive foreign guy responds and they go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and it was fairly expensive. She goes back to his hotel room where she expects him to drop his pants and get fucked.

Instead the guy protests and says that she is the one who needs to bend over for him and get fucked. They argue back and forth for several minutes with each of them refusing to budge.

Finally she has had enough. She tells him that she is leaving and then goes home. Excellent dinner but no sex for anyone that night!

It's always about communication, isn't it.

 

[BillyWalrus]

It's always about communication, isn't it.

Very true!

 

[Littlesubgirl350]

I met someone at a party while in high school. We danced, and things got dirty pretty quickly. We started making out & I suggested we go see if any of the rooms were available. I thought I was gonna get some serious dick at that point, but when we got in the room & he got my shorts off he started stammering, making excuses not to do anything "too wild" because he had a really bad back. Too wild???

Turns out he had a really small penis too! I mean, like maybe 2-3 inches, hard! I was good with going down on it, but I had kind of a reputation around school & he was afraid I'd be disappointed I guess, so he all of a sudden gets up & runs out of the room, leaving me with my shorts & panties hanging off one ankle. Total fail!

I saw him later at school & he wouldn't even look at me, EVER.

 

[ChuckWolf]

Many MANY sex fails, but none that I think are hilarious or interesting.

 

[BillyWalrus]

Many MANY sex fails, but none that I think are hilarious or interesting.

What is your worst sex fail?

 

[Texastuffbbc]

My biggest and scariest sexual fail was with a college girlfriend.

We had made out plenty of time, but had not gone all the way. Mostly touching and things. We finally made the decision to have sex. She wanted to start by sucking me and I was good with that. She was doing a good job until she tried to deepthroat me when I was lying back. Somehow her jaw dislocated and she could not close her mouth. I mean lockjaw for real.

I took her to the ER and they put it back in place, but that was it for the sex. The nurse did not believe the story we made up. She kept looking down. I had forgotten to put my briefs on and was hanging.

It almost happened again when I was staying over during holiday at her mom’s house. I was asleep on the sofa downstairs. She snuck down and started to suck me and again she felt her jaw slipping. That was our last encounter.

 

[BillyWalrus]

My biggest and scariest sexual fail was with a college girlfriend.

We had made out plenty of time, but had not gone all the way. Mostly touching and things. We finally made the decision to have sex. She wanted to start by sucking me and I was good with that. She was doing a good job until she tried to deepthroat me when I was lying back. Somehow her jaw dislocated and she could not close her mouth. I mean lockjaw for real.

I took her to the ER and they put it back in place, but that was it for the sex. The nurse did not believe the story we made up. She kept looking down. I had forgotten to put my briefs on and was hanging.

It almost happened again when I was staying over during holiday at her mom’s house. I was asleep on the sofa downstairs. She snuck down and started to suck me and again she felt her jaw slipping. That was our last encounter.

You guys were candidates for the show "Sex Sent Me to the ER"!

 

[Texastuffbbc]

You guys were candidates for the show "Sex Sent Me to the ER"!

Bro as a 20 year old it scared the shit out of me.

 

[BillyWalrus]

Bro as a 20 year old it scared the shit out of me.

Oh, I believe it.

 

[Texastuffbbc]

Oh, I believe it.

I can say that she had the tightest pussy. Reverse cowgirl was awesome. I would pull her inner lips out everytime she bounce up.

 

[AZsurfer45]

Here’s another kinda funny story. Not sure if a fail but it’s still humorous.

In college a group of friends and me would go up to stay at a family cabin for fun weekend getaways. All the others were couples which left me and one of the girls in the group as the only singles. She was a very cute Ecuadorian exchange student with a heavy sultry accent, big dark eyes, brown soft curves and massive titties. She was stacked! Super hot girl.

We had hooked up occasionally when the group got together and had a on and off again arrangement. We didn’t have a relationship but when the gang got together we often ended up going home together and having sex. Not sure why it became nothing more. Catch is, she refused to suck cock so maybe that’s why!

Regardless, one trip at the cabin I remember we ended up sleeping together in the same small bunk room with everyone else crammed in the tiny cabin. Everyone knew we were hooking up but we played it off during the day. We’d quietly be having sex till late at night, our sex was long, drawn out and hot. But we had to be quiet of course as we still tried to pretend nothing was happening. All fine until it came to my ejaculation. She wouldn’t swallow obviously since she wouldn’t even give head. Her pussy was a no cum zone. And if I came on her we were afraid of having to sneak out for a towel to clean up and risk waking everyone. Alcohol was involved and the best solution we came up with was I’d cum in a clear class cup bedside. So that’s what I’d do, we’d fuck and when I was close I’d pull out, grab the glass and shoot into it while she watched. She loved watching me spurt.

Then we’d put the cup under the nightstand and sleep. But the whole trip I kept cumming into this glass and we never risked cleaning it out for fear people would see it we just forgot about it, so my cum kept pooling over the weekend inside. There was a lot of cum!

One of the girls had to grab something out of her bag, makeup or something, so she went into the room and the bag was right on the floor by the cummy glass. I reminded my friend but she forgot and it was too late to stop the girl. I was super afraid she’d she my large cum collection just sitting here and was embarrassed. Lucky she never said anything so maybe she missed it, but the rest of the trip the girl was teasing both of us a lot more than usual I remember. Maybe she did see my cum collection cup?

 

[ChuckWolf]

What is your worst sex fail?

After thinking about it, probably a number of occasions in my youth where sex was pretty much guaranteed and then, being drunk and thinking I was funny, saying the wrong thing that killed the mood or unintentionally hurt the girl's feelings. Cringe-y stuff.

I don't feel as bad about missing the sex in those situations, but feeling bad about making the girl feel bad.

In most of these situations, I was able to apologize to the female who's feelings I hurt.

 

[BillyWalrus]

After thinking about it, probably a number of occasions in my youth where sex was pretty much guaranteed and then, being drunk and thinking I was funny, saying the wrong thing that killed the mood or unintentionally hurt the girl's feelings. Cringe-y stuff.

I don't feel as bad about missing the sex in those situations, but feeling bad about making the girl feel bad.

In most of these situations, I was able to apologize to the female who's feelings I hurt.

In the end, maybe a sex fail but a kind of success story.