Sex Negative Stories

[JohnEngelman]

I have written two sex negative stories that express my negative feelings about the sexual revolution, three romance positive stories, and two romance positive stories I have not finished yet.

https://www.literotica.com/authors/JohnEngelman/works/stories

The romance positive stories could have been shown on prime time television during the 1950's. The sex negative stories could not have been shown because they are explicit.

 

[CalBishForNow]

I think the stuff about "negative feelings about the sexual revolution" would make more sense on the Politics board, and the rest of this post was meant for the Story Feedback board. With that in mind, I'll offer one bit of feedback here: your language is weird. From Seducing a Young, Christian Virgin:

"You are wearing a beautiful dress," the third man told her. "It displays your perfect figure in a way that is in excellent taste. It shows the top of your beautiful breasts, tapers down to your small waist, and then reveals your rounded hips and your athletic thighs. You look like you are modeling the dress for an expensive clothier. As beautiful as you look in your dress you would look even more beautiful naked."

"You should not have told her that," the first man said. "The poor girl is blushing. Remember, she is only eighteen years old."

"How can I forget that?" the third man asked. "She is so young, so beautiful, and so legal. If she was my girlfriend, she would be naked whenever we were alone together."

Alice loved the way these good looking, successful middle aged men appreciated her. What they said was explicit but not crude.

The third man, never named, uses the word "clothier", which has dropped by a thousand percent since its peak in 1807 (source), and he describes her in a way that should be blatantly obvious to people present in the room, as redundant as commenting on the color of the sky or grass. This is taking place in public, 5 minutes after meeting Alice, and we're told by the narrator that she likes it. We're also told that it's explicit but not crude, when I'd say the reverse is true.

I'm not saying men don't act or think like that, but I would say they don't talk like that.

 

[JohnEngelman]

I think the stuff about "negative feelings about the sexual revolution" would make more sense on the Politics board, and the rest of this post was meant for the Story Feedback board. With that in mind, I'll offer one bit of feedback here: your language is weird. From Seducing a Young, Christian Virgin:

The third man, never named, uses the word "clothier", which has dropped by a thousand percent since its peak in 1807 (source), and he describes her in a way that should be blatantly obvious to people present in the room, as redundant as commenting on the color of the sky or grass. This is taking place in public, 5 minutes after meeting Alice, and we're told by the narrator that she likes it. We're also told that it's explicit but not crude, when I'd say the reverse is true.

I'm not saying men don't act or think like that, but I would say they don't talk like that.

What you say may be true.

 

[AlexBailey]

"You are wearing a beautiful dress," the third man told her. "It displays your perfect figure in a way that is in taste. It shows the top of your beautiful breasts, tapers down to your small waist, and then reveals your rounded hips and your athletic thighs. You look like you are modeling the dress for an expensive clothier. As beautiful as you look in your dress you would look even more beautiful naked."



Eleven you’s and your’s in one short paragraph is a lot.

 

[AlexBailey]

I read a piece of Richard and the Seven Brigands.

Your writing could benefit from more subtext. As it is feels dry and literal rather than immersive.

————

Richard did as advised, walking through a wooded area that looked as though it had never been cleared. When he finally saw a cottage that looked as old as the woods he knocked on the door, and turned around, looking at the door through the mirror. "Who is it who knocks?" came the sound of an old woman's voice.

—————

What made the wooded area seem like it had never been cleared?

What made the cottage look as old as the woods?

Was Richard nervous about the encounter? You mentioned earlier that he “had no time for village superstition.” So why was he using the mirror? A beat of internal conflict could tell the reader a lot about the character.

What sounds old about the woman’s voice? Was it dry or gravelly? Did she sound cautious? Annoyed? We find out a few lines later but the reader has to recalibrate how they read her response after the fact.


Anyway, I’m no great writer. I’m just giving two cents of feedback.

 

[Emperical]

I thought I would see fireworks, just one lonely sparkler