Sexless Marriages

[CuriousCat89]

Absolutely no offense taken. I work in the medical field (not that specific realm but educated). My wife hasn't started menopause. And when we do get to be intimate she just about always comments that we need to more frequently...but months go by and she denies any advance.

Have you looked into other aspects of your relationship? Like the mental load she carries? Childcare, elder care, etc that could make her mind focus on the vast array of things we need to focus on besides sex?

 

[CuriousCat89]

Well... Just to be clear, HRT in the US does not always included prescribing testosterone. That particular hormone is often left out of Hormone Replacement Therapy because of now debunked beliefs about it's safety. And testosterone is the hormone that is mostly responsible for libido.

As to your other comment, can you re-state? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking.

Yeah I know it doesn’t always include T. I’m well versed as someone who isn’t able to take any of it.

I meant, a lot of these comments talk about the frequency declining or disappearing and it makes me wonder how much the men entered marriage knowing this was a very real and frequent possibility. Most women don’t crave sex at 50 the way they did at 20. It’s just what happens. Even with HRT. But a lot of men enter marriage and really don’t (or didn’t) understand what menopause really is and does.

 

[Hausfrauenficker46]

Die meisten Frauen lassen sich in der Ehe einfach gehen und meinen es wird schon reichen 1 x im Monat etwas vorzuspielen.

 

[Dolphey36]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

you are not alone im married for 15 years used to be a Stud and bull in rl life and haven't sex except once in the pst 6 month with wife

I have the stamina , size and desire bur she is always busy with work

SO FRUSTRATING

 

[Shygentleman2]

Have you looked into other aspects of your relationship? Like the mental load she carries? Childcare, elder care, etc that could make her mind focus on the vast array of things we need to focus on besides sex?

We have had numerous conversations. The life pressures are definitely real. This sandwich generation thing is hard! Elderly parents. Young kids. Work. I try extremely hard to alleviate anything. I do all the laundry for the fam. I also do at least 50% of the cooking, dishes, etc. As well as any of the maintenance needs of the house/vehicles. She mentions frequently how happy she is with all the things I do...

 

[justyouraveragedaniel]

Have you looked into other aspects of your relationship? Like the mental load she carries? Childcare, elder care, etc that could make her mind focus on the vast array of things we need to focus on besides sex?

I'm really dreamy. How could my wife think of anything else?

 

[LMWM321]

But a lot of men enter marriage and really don’t (or didn’t) understand what menopause really is and does.

Absolutely true, and was true of me as well.

I've since learned that sex is different after menopause. Communication is key! I now recognize that what used to feel good for her may no longer, or it it does it need to be approached very gradually. And high quality lube is essential. I once read a post from a dude who refused to use lube with his menopausal wife because "it didn't feel as good." Well, he's a POS who doesn't deserve a sex partner.

Another key is to NOT put pressure on my wife to orgasm, as it's counter productive. It creates anxiety around sex and eventually sex avoidance. Instead, I focus on doing whatever I can that feels good without causing discomfort. And if PIV sex is what she wants, I offer to stop the moment it becomes uncomfortable and that may be just a minute or two. Sometimes, I finish inside of her, other times she may encourage me to finish on her feet (I'm nuts for them) or her breasts. And as I do, she'll often continue on using a clitoral suction toy. And if I don't get to cum, no big deal...

I think a LOT of woman call a halt to sex after menopause because their husbands refuse to approach sex differently than they did prior.

Finally, a word about Porn. Most wives these days are resigned to their husbands occassionally looking at porn. Most relationships have a desire discrepancy and, for some, watching Porn is a way of dealing with it. But it doesn't make a woman feel good about her aging body and struggles with sex when she finds "Barely Legal Bukkake Anal Gang Bang" in her husband's browser history or catches him viewing it. Knowing her husband is getting off on such wild porn involving such young women while she is struggling with body issues and enjoying just basic sex, can leave a woman feeling sexually left behind. And this, too, can definitely lead to sex avoidance.

 

[LMWM321]

you are not alone im married for 15 years used to be a Stud and bull in rl life and haven't sex except once in the pst 6 month with wife

I have the stamina , size and desire bur she is always busy with work

SO FRUSTRATING

Not to be a dick... but when you use words like "Stud" "Bull" "Size" "Stamina" you're describing a sort of porn-driven, male-centric sex that an older women may no longer care for. So, maybe the issue isn't that she's no longer interested in sex, maybe it's that she's no longer interested in THAT kinda sex. ..Just sayin'

 

[HotWifeOC]

I'm really dreamy. How could my wife think of anything else?

Lucky lady

 

[justyouraveragedaniel]

Lucky lady

I keep telling her that!

 

[HotWifeOC]

I keep telling her that!

 

[Rodlicker57]

This isn’t a jab, but a serious question:
What did you know about how menopause impacts a woman’s sex drive before you got married…?

The answer is nothing. I’ve been married for 46 years and now I do. I love my wife very much, but the sex drive difference is real. I am very empathetic, but it’s hard. I don’t want to harm or hurt her in any way. So I come to Lit and play and fantasize. No harm done or intended.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Absolutely true, and was true of me as well.

I've since learned that sex is different after menopause. Communication is key! I now recognize that what used to feel good for may no longer l if not approached very gradually. And high quality lube is essential. I once read a post from a dude who refused to use lube with his menopausal wife because "it didn't feel as good." Well, he's a POS who doesn't deserve a sex partner.

Another key is to NOT put pressure on my wife to orgasm, as it's counter productive. It creates anxiety around sex and eventually sex avoidance. Instead, I focus on doing whatever I can for her that brings pleasure without causing discomfort. And if PIV sex is what she wants, I offer to stop the moment it becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes I finish inside of her, other times she may enncourage me to finish on her feet (I'm nuts for them) or her breasts. And as I do, she'll often continue on using a clitoral suction toy. And if I don't get to cum, no big deal...

A LOT of woman call a halt to sex after menopause because their husbands refuse to approach sex differently than they did prior.

Finally, a word about Porn. Most wives these days are resigned to their husbands occassionally looking at porn. Most relationships have a desire discrepancy and, for some, watching Porn is a way of dealing with it. But it doesn't make a woman feel good about her aging body and struggles with sex when she finds "Barely Legal Bukkake Anal Gang Bang" in her husband's browser history or catches him viewing it. Knowing her husband is getting off on such wild porn involving such young women while she is struggling with body issues and enjoying just basic sex, can leave a woman feeling sexually left behind. And this, too, can definitely lead to sex avoidance.

It’s not just the physical but the mental. The complete loss of desire and interest in it. Not just the physical changes.

As skeptical as I am about HRT for normal healthy women without major menopause side effects, vaginal estrogen should be given to every woman. It’s localized and helps with atrophy. It can help with better orgasms but I wouldn’t assume. It helps the tissue and between that and lube, things should be a lot better for women. Not perfect. But a lot better.

 

[CuriousCat89]

I'm really dreamy. How could my wife think of anything else?

When’s the last time you s he dukes all of your kids doctors appointments, did all the school forms, knew all their friends names, knew when they needed new shoes, etc. ?

 

[CuriousCat89]

We have had numerous conversations. The life pressures are definitely real. This sandwich generation thing is hard! Elderly parents. Young kids. Work. I try extremely hard to alleviate anything. I do all the laundry for the fam. I also do at least 50% of the cooking, dishes, etc. As well as any of the maintenance needs of the house/vehicles. She mentions frequently how happy she is with all the things I do...

That’s a good start. If she’s open to it, Addyi is a drug that could help. If she has concerns about her levels of desire.

 

[LaBreia]

Sexless cuz her ass has the side piece.
Her- Goes get dick.

Also her-will freak out and torch career(s) and finances if I get side piece.

Won't commit to sex in the marriage but wont let go of the marriage.

Makes perfect "woman sense" = retarded shit.

So...its more complex that your little assessment.

The way I described it was SPECIFICALLY LIMITED TO A PARTICULAR SITUATION. That is, married men who have hit on me and used "sexless marriage" as part of their come on.

You're a sad bitter creep, but besides that your critique is completely irrelevant.

 

[Mtnmike]

This isn’t a jab, but a serious question:
What did you know about how menopause impacts a woman’s sex drive before you got married…?

Honestly very little which is strange because I read and studied everything about women and sex, least thought I did, oops.
Definitely know a lot about it now!!!!!

 

[queen_keira69]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Thank god, no

 

[CuriousCat89]

Thank god, no

can I ask if you’re under 50?

 

[queen_keira69]

can I ask if you’re under 50?

31yo

 

[CuriousCat89]

31yo

I’m glad it’s all working for you. Just please be prepared for that not always being the way it might be.
I was forced into medical menopause on the young side.
I wasn’t prepared for the instant change.

 

[queen_keira69]

I’m glad it’s all working for you. Just please be prepared for that not always being the way it might be.
I was forced into medical menopause on the young side.
I wasn’t prepared for the instant change.

sorry to hear that

 

[CuriousCat89]

sorry to hear that

It’s all good. Just…menopause comes for every female.
Good luck (and not in a sarcastic way!)

 

[justyouraveragedaniel]

When’s the last time you s he dukes all of your kids doctors appointments, did all the school forms, knew all their friends names, knew when they needed new shoes, etc. ?

So, first, I was being facetious. But, second, I’m incredibly appreciative for all my wife does. I don’t need to detract from that. But I do school drop off and pickup daily. I do all orthodontic and dental. I am very knowledgeable of their friends. I don’t do everything, clearly. My wife does amazing things (that I don’t take for granted). But, I am pretty stellar

 

[CuriousCat89]

So, first, I was being facetious. But, second, I’m incredibly appreciative for all my wife does. I don’t need to detract from that. But I do school drop off and pickup daily. I do all orthodontic and dental. I am very knowledgeable of their friends. I don’t do everything, clearly. My wife does amazing things (that I don’t take for granted). But, I am pretty stellar

It’s an example of how women disproportionately carry a mental burden and men wonder why their minds aren’t always in the sex sphere