Sexless Marriages

[Merideth34]

She knew I was a cross-dresser and had experiences before we met.

 

[LMWM321]

No one wants to get freaky when there’s this massive imbalance of responsibilities and work. No matter how much you think you’re doing at home, there is probably a lot of resentment that turns into frigidity. Not a withholding, just a ‘I don’t see you as sexy’ anymore.

Fair enough....

But sometimes what appears as a chore-imbalance in a marriage is really a disagreement about what does or doesn't need to get done.

I know a couple who both have very good jobs and have raised and launched two great kids. She is very vain about their home; so, when the weekend arrives she wants to spend her time constantly repainting rooms in the house. After helping her do this for many years, the husband now says, "No. I'm not going to repaint the hall bathroom for the 4th time in 2 years... If YOU want to paint it, then have at it.. but I'd rather watch football." She accuses him of not pulling his weight.

As another example, they have the best organized garage I know of yet once a month she wants to spend an entire Saturday pulling everything out, washing the garage floor, and re-organizing all the shelves and bins. Again, he thinks this is needless and chooses to instead watch a game on TV, which infuriates her. She tells him him he's unhelpful. But I think the truth is, he's normal, and she's nut's for being unable to relax.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Yeah that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about anticipating needs the way women do.

Dishes? Do them. Properly.
Trash full? Take it out without being asked.
Make your own appointments and keep them.
Participate in the emotional labor of parenting.
Do the laundry when it’s full not when your wife says to do it.

The way men think they can skirt by and let women do 97% of everything and be the hero when they ‘step up’ is a huge reason your wives don’t want to fuck you. Once menopause has entered the chat, there’s more clarity in our brains as well.

So it’s not 100% the case for all of you that she doesn’t want sex at all. Now, menopause libido drop is so real and the answer for ever woman isn’t always hormones. Sometimes intimacy is sex. Sometimes it’s knowing she just wants you to pick up the slack - consistently.

ETA not blaming anyone just giving you a common female perspective

 

[drklatinreturn]

 

[drklatinreturn]

Household responsibilities? just about communication and agreement. It is not thay complicated.



The sex or lack thereof is about something else.

 

[Trash_Panda_1994]

that sucks... for both of you.

Were you ever physically attracted to him?

Of course I was.
When we first started dating more often than not he would be the one to tell me no more for the day.

All my wife has to do is asked me to do something and I do my best to get it done. I worry about meeting everybody’s needs in the family kids wife animals everybody…
I have remodeled our house I go to work every day. Nothing gets turned off for lack of payment. There’s always food in the refrigerator gas in the cars.
I go grocery shopping. I mow the lawn. I take out the trash. We are currently remodeling the bedroom, and I will work a 10 hour shift today and then go home and put in a couple hours in the bedroom Remodel.
I kiss my wife goodbye every morning and tell her how much I love her while she sleeps.
I have to get my clothes out of the laundry basket and iron them because they’re never hung up or put away. She’s a housewife and I understand completely that a housewife is a full-time job. But I’m sorry when you don’t get up out of bed until 10 AM. You spend half the day on Xbox playing video games..
I’m sorry, ladies, but sometimes y’all need to look in the mirror too…
I haven’t gotten anything more than holding hands for the last 12 fucking years

I can understand that a bit. But I also work full time. Why do I have to point out obvious things to a person that sees the same things I do?

Yeah that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about anticipating needs the way women do.

Dishes? Do them. Properly.
Trash full? Take it out without being asked.
Make your own appointments and keep them.
Participate in the emotional labor of parenting.
Do the laundry when it’s full not when your wife says to do it.

The way men think they can skirt by and let women do 97% of everything and be the hero when they ‘step up’ is a huge reason your wives don’t want to fuck you. Once menopause has entered the chat, there’s more clarity in our brains as well.

So it’s not 100% the case for all of you that she doesn’t want sex at all. Now, menopause libido drop is so real and the answer for ever woman isn’t always hormones. Sometimes intimacy is sex. Sometimes it’s knowing she just wants you to pick up the slack - consistently.

ETA not blaming anyone just giving you a common female perspective

It's the fact that I have stop and take the time to explain simple shit that I've told you.

Being emotionally tired and drained makes me not want sex.

 

[PMarky3]

The hardest part about a sexless marriage isn't even the lack of physical intimacy, it’s the emotional disconnect that follows. It makes you feel so incredibly lonely, even when you're sleeping in the same bed with someone.

That's a hard truth, but one that I live with. My wife grumbles that I am more distant than I used to be, but it is partly the emotional disconnect that came from the cessation of sexual intercourse due to her poor health, and partly the fact I am having to handle a late diagnosis of AuDHD.

 

[LMWM321]

The way men think they can skirt by and let women do 97% of everything and be the hero when they ‘step up’ is a huge reason your wives don’t want to fuck you.

Point taken...

But sometimes the lack of intimacy in a marriage can lead to depression. And depression can look a lot like laziness.

And you did marry the person, right? So, they must have sufficiently acknowledged and fulfilled their share of responsibilities at some point, no?? If so, what changed?

 

[CuriousCat89]

Household responsibilities? just about communication and agreement. It is not thay complicated.



The sex or lack thereof is about something else.

Nope. It’s not really about communicating.
‘Take out the trash please’ is communicating.

Knowing that it needs to go out is part of being an equal partner in a household. While it will never be 50/50, even in same sec partnerships, there no way every woman I know has the same complaints because they’re bad communicators. The data is there about the burden on women and how that trickles down to resentment which trickles down to sex.

 

[CuriousCat89]

It's the fact that I have stop and take the time to explain simple shit that I've told you.

Being emotionally tired and drained makes me not want sex.

Even in this thread men are saying that’s not the case when women are saying it’s exactly the case

 

[CuriousCat89]

Point taken...

But sometimes the lack of intimacy in a marriage can lead to depression. And depression can look a lot like laziness.

And you did marry the person, right? So, they must have sufficiently acknowledged and fulfilled their share of responsibilities at some point, no?? If so, what changed?

You usually marry someone before kids. Before aging parents. Before home ownership.

Oh no. Wouldn’t want men to be depressed.

Forget the fact that women have anxiety because of all the shit their men don’t do

 

[Merideth34]

Yeah that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about anticipating needs the way women do.

Dishes? Do them. Properly.
Trash full? Take it out without being asked.
Make your own appointments and keep them.
Participate in the emotional labor of parenting.
Do the laundry when it’s full not when your wife says to do it.

The way men think they can skirt by and let women do 97% of everything and be the hero when they ‘step up’ is a huge reason your wives don’t want to fuck you. Once menopause has entered the chat, there’s more clarity in our brains as well.

So it’s not 100% the case for all of you that she doesn’t want sex at all. Now, menopause libido drop is so real and the answer for ever woman isn’t always hormones. Sometimes intimacy is sex. Sometimes it’s knowing she just wants you to pick up the slack - consistently.

ETA not blaming anyone just giving you a common female perspective

I work in a commercial kitchen trust me. I do the dishes properly and I do the dishes at home all the time. I do take the trash out without being asked, including the bathroom trash. I am very in touch with my feminine side and my wife reaps the benefit

 

[Merideth34]

Of course I was.
When we first started dating more often than not he would be the one to tell me no more for the day.


I can understand that a bit. But I also work full time. Why do I have to point out obvious things to a person that sees the same things I do?


It's the fact that I have stop and take the time to explain simple shit that I've told you.

Being emotionally tired and drained makes me not want sex.

I understand the emotionally tired. Completely and 100%.
But the lack of intimacy has allowed us to drift apart… where is the reconnection?
At least snuggle with me…
Act like you still want me.

 

[LMWM321]

You usually marry someone before kids. Before aging parents. Before home ownership.

Oh no. Wouldn’t want men to be depressed.

Forget the fact that women have anxiety because of all the shit their men don’t do

You seem to suggest it's only men who are unhappy with the lack of intimacy in their marriage. I can assure you that is definitely NOT the case. And no, you wouldn't want men to be depressed. Nor women.

Not be glib, but it sounds to me like you married the wrong person.

 

[HenryMorgan]

61 UK male. Been in a sexless marriage for about 4 years now. We still hold hands while walking, stuff like that, but the real intimacy has gone and I am left to fend for myself. It is much more common that one first thinks!

 

[CuriousCat89]

You seem to suggest it's only men who are unhappy with the lack of intimacy in their marriage. I can assure you that is definitely NOT the case. And no, you wouldn't want men to be depressed. Nor women.

Not be glib, but it sounds to me like you married the wrong person.

No. I understand. More than you know. Believe me.

there’s a lot of resentment in women that starts small and grows over time. That’s my line about outside of hormones.

 

[LMWM321]

That’s my line about outside of hormones.

Sorry? I don't know what you mean.

 

[Merideth34]

No. I understand. More than you know. Believe me.

there’s a lot of resentment in women that starts small and grows over time. That’s my line about outside of hormones.

Oh, and you think women don’t do things that cause resentment from their husbands?
Honey, that’s a two-way street

 

[CuriousCat89]

Oh, and you think women don’t do things that cause resentment from their husbands?
Honey, that’s a two-way street

Sure we do. Every relationship has it. But we aren’t starting threads about not fucking our husbands.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Sorry? I don't know what you mean.

Hormones are the loss of libido. The resentment just makes women not want to be intimate with their current partners. Libido is still there.

 

[Merideth34]

Sure we do. Every relationship has it. But we aren’t starting threads about not fucking our husbands.

I didn’t start the thread
Don’t know who did don’t care this is a forum for open topic discussion .

 

[Merideth34]

Sure we do. Every relationship has it. But we aren’t starting threads about not fucking our husbands.

And I’ve stated before that it’s not just about the sex, although that would be nice. It’s any form of intimacy, no snuggling at night no putting my arms around her to hold my wife at night. Stop defending it’s a two-way street sweetheart. No matter what is going on with each other in a marriage there should always be some form of physical contact some form of tender intimacy to recharge and reconnect so that you can both talk about your burdens and share them so that you’re not the only one carrying them.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Stop calling me sweetheart.
You’re so defensive and not receptive at all to a woman’s POV.

 

[drklatinreturn]

Nope. It’s not really about communicating.
‘Take out the trash please’ is communicating.

Knowing that it needs to go out is part of being an equal partner in a household. While it will never be 50/50, even in same sec partnerships, there no way every woman I know has the same complaints because they’re bad communicators. The data is there about the burden on women and how that trickles down to resentment which trickles down to sex.

Lol....yeah ok sweetie

 

[Merideth34]

Stop calling me sweetheart.
You’re so defensive and not receptive at all to a woman’s POV.

Heard