Sexless Marriages

[Merideth34]

Stop calling me sweetheart.
You’re so defensive and not receptive at all to a woman’s POV.

You’ve completely ignored my point and what I was saying.

 

[LMWM321]

Hormones are the loss of libido. The resentment just makes women not want to be intimate with their current partners. Libido is still there.

Still not exactly sure what you are saying. It is dropping hormone levels that precipitate a loss and libido, not the other way around.

And as soon as a woman notices her libido is dropping she should seek a consult with the doctor. Testosterone is the most abundant circulating hormone in a woman. And contrary to what people think, it is not just a male hormone, and it is not just responsible for libido. It’s important for cardio health, cognitive functioning, and is now believed to be protective against certain cancers. So, if a woman who has historically enjoyed sex notices she no longer wants it - from her partner, or otherwise. She should see a doctor to make sure it’s not a hormone issue.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

No matter what is going on with each other in a marriage there should always be some form of physical contact some form of tender intimacy to recharge and reconnect so that you can both talk about your burdens and share them so that you’re not the only one carrying them.

Yeah … this.
And I’d even say the physical part at times is secondary to the connection part. She might be on the other side of the room, but she’s still my person.
But the times when the physical part is front and center!! Need!!!

 

[CuriousCat89]

Still not exactly sure what you are saying. It is dropping hormone levels that precipitate a loss and libido. Not the other way around.

And as soon as a woman notices, her libido is dropping she should seek a consult with the doctor. Testosterone is the most abundant circulating hormone in a woman. Contrary to what people think… It is not just a male hormone, and it is not just responsible for libido. It’s important for cardio health, cognitive functioning, and is now leave to be protective against certain cancers. So if a woman notices she no longer wants sex… She should make sure it’s not an unhealthy drop in hormones.

You know not all women can take hormones, right?
And if you don’t take them, it doesn’t mean those things listed above will happen to you, either.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Sure we do. Every relationship has it. But we aren’t starting threads about not fucking our husbands.

This thread isn't called "Men In Sexless Marriages." It's a male-dominated thread because the Lit forums are male-dominated.

There are many women that have posted in this thread about their sexless marriages.

 

[LMWM321]

You know not all women can take hormones, right?
And if you don’t take them, it doesn’t mean those things listed above will happen to you, either.

Well... According to the FDA, NO woman should be taking testosterone - though that is going to change. Australia and UK have been giving menopausal women testosterone for decades and the studies on these populations conclude it's generally safe AND highly beneficial.

I don't know what medical conditions you have that make taking testosterone a non-starter, but I would make sure I'm getting my advice from the best-informed docs I can find. Yes, testosterone is powerful hormone and shouldn't be abused... But osteoporosis, loss of muscle tone, cognitive health, etc.. and YES libido are all very important as well.

In any case, if there is a hormonal component to the lack of sex in your marriage then why pile this generalized criticism on all men for not pulling their weight? ..Yes, there are definitely some shitty husbands out there who share in the blame of not having intimacy, but there are also some very good ones who are stuck in sexless marriages.

 

[Merideth34]

Stop calling me sweetheart.
You’re so defensive and not receptive at all to a woman’s POV.

Something else I noticed you didn’t tell me I was being defensive and not receptive to a woman’s point of view until I told you to stop defending why are you always trying to flipping around and put it on the men?
You’re obviously so wrapped up in the woman’s point of view that the men’s point of view falls by the wayside

 

[CuriousCat89]

Because there’s no point in saying anything. You’ve got your view. Good luck.

 

[Merideth34]

Because there’s no point in saying anything. You’ve got your view. Good luck.

And you have yours and that’s probably why nothing will ever get any better

 

[CuriousCat89]

Well... According to the FDA, NO woman should be taking testosterone - though that is going to change. Australia and UK have been giving menopausal women testosterone for decades and the studies on these populations conclude it's generally safe AND highly beneficial.

I don't know what medical conditions you have that make taking testosterone a non-starter, but I would make sure I'm getting my advice from the best-informed docs I can find. Yes, testosterone is powerful hormone and shouldn't be abused... But osteoporosis, loss of muscle tone, cognitive health, etc.. and YES libido are all very important as well.

In any case, if there is a hormonal component to the lack of sex in your marriage then why pile this generalized criticism on all men for not pulling their weight? ..Yes, there are definitely some shitty husbands out there who share in the blame of not having intimacy, but there are also some very good ones who are stuck in sexless marriages.

What’s interesting is how you keep bringing up T and not e2. E2 is more necessary in higher doses in menopause than T. But T makes you horny. Estradiol doesn’t, as much, but has those protective benefits to the afflictions you’ve mentioned. Adding T isn’t what slows or stops bone loss or neurological issues. It’s estrogen.

Osteoporosis can be mitigated by weight training. Heart disease can be mitigated with a heart healthy diet and exercise.

I haven’t said anything about hormones being the only culprit. The sexless marriages didn’t start overnight for a majority of relationships. It’s a slow death that, in many, starts with what I’ve mentioned.

Anyway, I wanted to provide the perspective of someone who is surrounded by peri menopausal women and none of them are saying they don’t want sex. They want their partners to step up so they stop feeling like a mother to their spouses and some of the mental load that exhausts them. They don’t want to be nags and task masters.

Take it or leave it. I’m sure the men all know best.

 

[CuriousCat89]

And you have yours and that’s probably why nothing will ever get any better

My view is based on actual fact when you look at data about satisfaction in marriage.

And, you know, as a married woman in medical menopause.

 

[CuriousCat89]

This thread isn't called "Men In Sexless Marriages." It's a male-dominated thread because the Lit forums are male-dominated.

There are many women that have posted in this thread about their sexless marriages.

Overwhelmingly men.
And overwhelmingly men, in general, complaining about this issue in other spaces. Including therapy.

 

[LMWM321]

What’s interesting is how you keep bringing up T and not e2. E2 is more necessary in higher doses in menopause than T. But T makes you horny. Estradiol doesn’t, as much, but has those protective benefits to the afflictions you’ve mentioned. Adding T isn’t what slows or stops bone loss or neurological issues. It’s estrogen.

Osteoporosis can be mitigated by weight training. Heart disease can be mitigated with a heart healthy diet and exercise.

I haven’t said anything about hormones being the only culprit. The sexless marriages didn’t start overnight for a majority of relationships. It’s a slow death that, in many, starts with what I’ve mentioned.

Anyway, I wanted to provide the perspective of someone who is surrounded by peri menopausal women and none of them are saying they don’t want sex. They want their partners to step up so they stop feeling like a mother to their spouses and some of the mental load that exhausts them. They don’t want to be nags and task masters.

Take it or leave it. I’m sure the men all know best.

I do appreciate your perspective and I'm not dismissing your remarks.

I didn't mention estrogen therapy b/c its appropriateness for menopausal women is more person-specific due to it's affect on certain cancers. And yes, risks of osteoporosis and heart disease can be mitigated but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to go years with below normal testosterone levels. Not all of the risks of low-T can be reduced by lifestyle changes, I'm afraid.

And I DO agree that men need to step up and behave like equals in their relationships. ..No doubt about it. I know several guys who have only themselves to blame for their wife's diminished (or absent) sexual interest in them.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Overwhelmingly men.
And overwhelmingly men, in general, complaining about this issue in other spaces. Including therapy.

Exactly the point of my post.

 

[Merideth34]

My view is based on actual fact when you look at data about satisfaction in marriage.

And, you know, as a married woman

What’s interesting is how you keep bringing up T and not e2. E2 is more necessary in higher doses in menopause than T. But T makes you horny. Estradiol doesn’t, as much, but has those protective benefits to the afflictions you’ve mentioned. Adding T isn’t what slows or stops bone loss or neurological issues. It’s estrogen.

Osteoporosis can be mitigated by weight training. Heart disease can be mitigated with a heart healthy diet and exercise.

I haven’t said anything about hormones being the only culprit. The sexless marriages didn’t start overnight for a majority of relationships. It’s a slow death that, in many, starts with what I’ve mentioned.

Anyway, I wanted to provide the perspective of someone who is surrounded by peri menopausal women and none of them are saying they don’t want sex. They want their partners to step up so they stop feeling like a mother to their spouses and some of the mental load that exhausts them. They don’t want to be nags and task masters.

Take it or leave it. I’m sure the men all know best.

I agree there are a lot of men out there that don’t step up. But on the same coin other side, there are a lot of women out there that aren’t stepping up who are so wrapped up in their female perspective and their way of seeing things all based in medical fact mind you. That they stay on their throne of fact, and refused to consider someone else’s point of view.

 

[CuriousCat89]

I do appreciate your perspective and I'm not dismissing your remarks.

I didn't mention estrogen therapy b/c its appropriateness for menopausal women is more person-specific due to it's affect on certain cancers. And yes, risks of osteoporosis and heart disease can be mitigated but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to go years with below normal testosterone levels. Not all of the risks of low-T can be reduced by lifestyle changes, I'm afraid.

And I DO agree that men need to step up and behave like equals in their relationships. ..No doubt about it. I know several guys who have only themselves to blame for their wife's diminished (or absent) sexual interest in them.

Testosterone loss isn’t what’s causing this issues in menopausal women. It’s estrogen. Replacing estrogen is what mitigates the age related health issues you are concerned about.

And testosterone isn’t safe for women with a history of certain cancers. It’s no different than estrogen because of the aromatisation of T into E2 during the metabolic process.

Where are you getting your info about T in women? It’s part of comprehensive HRT but not as a standalone treatment for the things you’re concerned about in older women. Estrogen (and progesterone depending on the age of woman) are the standard treatment for menopause issues outside of sexual concerns.

 

[CuriousCat89]

I agree there are a lot of men out there that don’t step up. But on the same coin other side, there are a lot of women out there that aren’t stepping up who are so wrapped up in their female perspective and their way of seeing things all based in medical fact mind you. That they stay on their throne of fact, and refused to consider someone else’s point of view.

Yeah. Stupid data about marriage satisfaction. So inconvenient.

On women not stepping up

 

[LMWM321]

Where are you getting your info about T in women?

https://esmed.org/testosterone-therapy-in-women-breaking-myths-and-gaps/

This is just one of many articles on the changing perspectives on T in women. Plus, there's a growing body of evidence of women who go through masculinizing hormone therapy to transition to men that assuages concerns about the relatively TINY amount given to menopausal women.

 

[CuriousCat89]

https://esmed.org/testosterone-therapy-in-women-breaking-myths-and-gaps/

This is just one of many articles on the changing perspectives on T in women.

Right, this doesn’t address the fact that estrogen is the issue with the menopause related quality of life concerns you had.

Or the aromatisation process in women who have had cancer. Which is why they can’t take it.

Most ‘menopause specialists’ in the US rx all three hormones (or two depending on the case - not everyone needs progesterone).

Anyway, good luck to you!

 

[LMWM321]

Anyway, good luck to you!

And you!

 

[Merideth34]

Yeah. Stupid data about marriage satisfaction. So inconvenient.

On women not stepping up

Yes, more fact on the female perspective, you are correct a lot of men don’t appreciate the work a woman does without any compensation and very little thanks.
Again you were sitting on that throne of female perspective why don’t you come down off of it and take a look around and actually listen to other people’s perspectives?
But I’m done with this. Have a good day peace be with you.

 

[CuriousCat89]

lol the throne of female perspective in a thread of people trying to get their (female) wives to have sex with them.

 

[Merideth34]

Again, you are not listening I am not talking about sex specifically. There is more to intimacy than fucking.

 

[Merideth34]

lol the throne of female perspective in a thread of people trying to get their (female) wives to have sex with them.

I’m not saying you are not correct in a lot of what you say. But there’s more to a marriage than spouting facts. Emotions are not factual. You can spout all the facts in the world and it won’t make a bit of difference to an emotion. To reconcile an emotion, you must approach it with an open heart and an open mind and actually listen to the other person‘s point of view
( edited because I wanted to clarify this goes for both men and women. In a marriage, you must both actually listen to the others perspective if any hope of a compromise is to be found.)

 

[CuriousCat89]

How’s that working out for folks here?
Either way, good luck!