She's way way.... WAY out of my league. How do I handle her?

[Lord Pmann]

You know what, forget it.

First of all, people bitch at me for not asking her out. I got bitched at for coming off as a friend. Then I get call her and text her and people say I'm too vague. Finally I outright ask her out via text and get shot down and now I'm getting bitched at for not being her friend.

Fuck it. I don't care. Let the thread die. I hate women, and I'll live alone with 3 cats for the rest of my life.

You get bitched at for being a whiny, unappreciative little shit. That's why. You have a lot of people offering good advice and rooting for you. Your like a homeless man who pisses and moans because the cheeseburger you bought him had pickles on it.

You like whining. You like wallowing in your own shit. That's the truth. You don't really want help. People are trying to teach you how to act around girls. Give you advice. Good advice. All you do is cry and say its hard. I don't know if you've just been treated like an infant your whole life or what. But this is the real world where you have to grow the hell up and better yourself. You seem to thrive off of this sympathy you're getting here. How I've been this patient with your sorry ass is beyond me.

You have a girl who is clearly interested in you. She texts you. But you'd rather sit at home and play World of Warcraft or whatever you do on Friday nights, talking to your lonely penis. There is nothing wrong with you other than your motivation. You're not a stupid guy. So why don't you listen to our advice and either get some professional help or grow a set and act like a part of society? You act like you're the only one who has ever had girl problems before. If I hear "you guys just don't understand" one more time, I'm going to chop off my dick. Wait, not mine, yours.

Are you an only child?

 

[Christopher2012]

You get bitched at for being a whiny, unappreciative little shit. That's why. You have a lot of people offering good advice and rooting for you. Your like a homeless man who pisses and moans because the cheeseburger you bought him had pickles on it.

You like whining. You like wallowing in your own shit. That's the truth. You don't really want help. People are trying to teach you how to act around girls. Give you advice. Good advice. All you do is cry and say its hard. I don't know if you've just been treated like an infant your whole life or what. But this is the real world where you have to grow the hell up and better yourself. You seem to thrive off of this sympathy you're getting here. How I've been this patient with your sorry ass is beyond me.

You have a girl who is clearly interested in you. She texts you. But you'd rather sit at home and play World of Warcraft or whatever you do on Friday nights, talking to your lonely penis. There is nothing wrong with you other than your motivation. You're not a stupid guy. So why don't you listen to our advice and either get some professional help or grow a set and act like a part of society? You act like you're the only one who has ever had girl problems before. If I hear "you guys just don't understand" one more time, I'm going to chop off my dick. Wait, not mine, yours.

Are you an only child?

How can you possibly say that I haven't followed anybody's advice, asshole?! Everybody and their grandma was PMing me say "ASK HER OUT! And if she says no, then move on."

I fucking tried three times to ask her out. I tried on the last Sunday that I would ever see her again. People posted, saying that I was too vague. I got her number but wasn't going to call her. Then everybody said to call her and ask her out. I called, no answer. Then people posted, saying to text her. I did. She gave me a shut down response about going to bed. And finally, people said to give my phone to a friend if I was too scared to ask her myself. I did that, too.

I've done every goddam thing that you guys have said to do. Now, I'm getting bitched at for not getting CBT and not watching Desperate Housewives with this girl.

So, if you're going to say that I haven't followed anybody's advice, then fuck you.

The chick said no. End of story. Quit making me out to be so non-compliant.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[fire_breeze]

Okay Breezy, then what is the first thing I should do? How do things change?

A personal friend is somebody you do something with outside of work/school. Lots of people like me in settings associated with business. But when in social environments, NOBODY has ever liked me. I just don't know how to be social. Trust me, I've tried.

Let me put it this way, every time I go out with groups from school, I always go home super depressed. The drive home is a nightmare. I don't know why. So, I just avoid people outside of business.

You will not like the answer.

You want things to change? Fine. You change them. Period. You get rid of that massive chip on your shoulder and you allow yourself to be liked. You stop seeing the world in black-and-white terms and instead appreciate that subtleties that life has to offer.

You see what you didn't like and you change it. You step out of your comfort zone. You do something that you are passionate about - pharmacy, by your own admission, is something that you do for the money. So... what do you, Christopher, enjoy doing? Then do it. You treat people how you want to be treated and accept the fact that there are douchebags everywhere. But just because you had the bad luck of encountering several, will you label all of the world's 7 billion as not worth it?

Above all, you stop expecting that the world/life owes you and that unless it matches exactly to your specifications, it's not worth it or it's bad or whatever.

You obviously do not like yourself. How do you expect others to like you? What, pray tell, is sooo horrible about you that you cannot be liked and appreciated for who you are?

The past informs us who we are. It doesn't have to mould and dictate us; that is our choice. It's called free will for a reason - I suggest you use it. So let go of whatever past hurts, forgive them and yourself and start making small changes. And accept that you are a human and there fallible like the rest of us and you will make mistakes.

In order for people to be friends, you have to show interest in them. And you have to realise that true friendship is rarely instantaneous but rather takes time and commitment to build it. If you are expecting magic words, or to be handed a friend on a silver platter, then you will be sorely disappointed.

And by the way, before you tell me that I do not understand, let me assure that I was in your shoes, and was a complete misanthropist by the tender age of 19. The difference? I wanted to change. I didn't like who I was, that I constantly blamed my past so I said fuck it and changed. I stopped using it as an excuse. It was my actions, my attitude that sucked. I chose to be like that. No one forced me, it was me. No one is forcing you to live the way you do. You choose to do so.

Again, I apologise, but you did ask. Maybe if I had more time to think, I could have worded it better, but in the end, I think I'd rather be blunt at the moment.

Oh so you think being M's girlfriend is a good idea, too?

Something odd DID happen during pharmacy school. A group of 7-8 very attractive girls (who knew I never went out partying with people at school) would always invite me to really nice restaurants in downtown Savannah. I never understood why. And I'd actually go. The reason I went was because: 1. I knew there would be no loud music (my ears can't take loud music so I'm scared of going out a lot of times), and 2. I knew I wouldn't be pressured to drink any kind of alcohol (scared of DUI).

So you'd see me at super nice restaurants (Vics on The River, Pink House, etc) sitting at a table with these hot girls. Now, at first I thought it was cool... but the truth was I couldn't actually have any of these women. They all had boyfriends, and regardless, they were seriously out of my league.

To me, that's like a slap in the face. I only went out with these girls because the experience of being around women was a novelty to me. But no, it wasn't fulfilling. It was just... depressing. Those girls were nice and I'm still cool with them. I just want a girlfriend, not girl friends.

How is that a slap in the face? These women asked you to hang out with them, obviously they want to spend time with you. People do not ask people out for dinner outside of work for shits and giggles. Did you consider that maybe they wanted to get to know you? I think that you're making it this a bigger deal than it it. You and your colleagues are no longer 12 - so why not accept it as them trying to get to know you? What were you expecting? Hot kinky monkey sex?

And for what it's worth: I do not date anyone that I am not friends with. I need to know if I can respect him as a person and see if he can respect me as a person. Hell, my all and I weren't even 'looking' when we found each other, but I fell for him long before sex was brought up, and I know he felt the same. Why? Because we liked each other's minds, and became friends first and built a lot from that foundation. It's easier to tolerate each other's faults that way .

I have a lot of male friends. My all has lots of female friends. Are women only good for being a 'girlfriend' and not as 'friends'? Or are friends only those who fit in a preconceived category?

And maybe, just maybe, one of those nice girls has a single female friend who they may have wanted introduce you to. However, they are not going to unless you are a friend of theirs. Why? Would YOU want to be set up by someone you don't really know?

Again, I think you're terrified of all the good that could come out if you allow yourself to be happy when you stop wallowing.

As always, Christopher, I wish you the best of luck. I really do truly hope that you discover your own happiness, in whatever form it takes, but above all, I hope that you will eventually come to recognise what we have all been trying to tell you: you are a likable and good guy with the world of potential, if only you learn to like yourself.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[satindesire]

Why do you not want girls as friends?

Women are people. Human beings, just like you. It's okay to have girls as friends.

And I suspect if you did have a genuine friendship with a girl that wasn't using you or you weren't lusting after her secretly, you might actually learn something about women being human and therefore would be more prone to stop idolizing us and putting us on pedestals we REALLY do not want to be on.

Read this:

http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html

And Now Read THIS:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-girls-dont-seem-to-understand-about-nice-guys/

Now read them every day for the next week and STOP ACTING LIKE THAT.

 

[Lord Pmann]

How can you possibly say that I haven't followed anybody's advice, asshole?! Everybody and their grandma was PMing me say "ASK HER OUT! And if she says no, then move on."

I fucking tried three times to ask her out. I tried on the last Sunday that I would ever see her again. People posted, saying that I was too vague. I got her number but wasn't going to call her. Then everybody said to call her and ask her out. I called, no answer. Then people posted, saying to text her. I did. She gave me a shut down response about going to bed. And finally, people said to give my phone to a friend if I was too scared to ask her myself. I did that, too.

I've done every goddam thing that you guys have said to do. Now, I'm getting bitched at for not getting CBT and not watching Desperate Housewives with this girl.

So, if you're going to say that I haven't followed anybody's advice, then fuck you.

The chick said no. End of story. Quit making me out to be so non-compliant.

But how long did you wait? You sat with your thumb in your arse for too long. And everything you did, you did it begrudgingly, assuming it won't work. Of course it isn't going to work with that attitude. Girls can smell the stench of defeatism from a mile away and I can smell this shit in Florida.

You don't comprehend the advice we gave you. You see everything in such absolutes. "Mary isn't sucking my dick so she must hate me. I can't be her friend."

Our point was this:

Don't write her off because she said no. Don't burn bridges. If you like a girl romantically, you should also like being her friend. Move on but do not burn her body and throw it in the river. Go out with the other girl. Have fun. Keep your options open. But don't assume Mary will never be interested, unless she makes it clear.

A good quote someone once told me (because I'm a know-it-all smart ass):

You might be the smartest person in the room. But you're not smarter than the collective experiences of every person in this room.

 

[Christopher2012]

Great, so now I'm sexist.

 

[fire_breeze]

Great, so now I'm sexist.

Where did you read that?

 

[Christopher2012]

Where did you read that?

Satindesire's links.

I can't really responde to your post yet b/c I'm on my phone. Too hard to hit all points.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[fire_breeze]

Satindesire's links.

I can't really responde to your post yet b/c I'm on my phone. Too hard to hit all points.

SatinDesire said nothing of the sort. Unless I completely misinterpreted her post, and she will correct me if I am, she is asking you why don't you want to have women as friends, and suggesting that if you did have a good, genuine friendship with a girl, you may understand women as a creature who is not all that dissimilar to you. A friendship with a girl will show you that females are not ideal beings need to be put on pedestals and feared.

You obviously did not read the links. Read them. Closely and critically. And understand they are social commentaries about attitudes towards women.

Satin WILL tell you if you're being a misogynistic pig. You are putting words in her mouth and attributing statements and claims that she did not make.

And no need to respond. Just actually think about what I said.

 

[satindesire]

SatinDesire said nothing of the sort. Unless I completely misinterpreted her post, and she will correct me if I am, she is asking you why don't you want to have women as friends, and suggesting that if you did have a good, genuine friendship with a girl, you may understand women as a creature who is not all that dissimilar to you. A friendship with a girl will show you that females are not ideal beings need to be put on pedestals and feared.

You obviously did not read the links. Read them. Closely and critically. And understand they are social commentaries about attitudes towards women.

Satin WILL tell you if you're being a misogynistic pig. You are putting words in her mouth and attributing statements and claims that she did not make.

And no need to respond. Just actually think about what I said.

My girl Fire knows me. She knows I have no qualms about telling the God's honest truth.

I don't think you're sexist. I think you're so wrapped up in your own head that you don't even begin to see the tiniest bit of reality when it comes to women and relationships. You're so wrapped up in what you think "should" happen that when your expectations aren't being met, you complain instead of stopping to realize that the universe turns without your input.

What I'm saying is that you "expect" the world to hand you a girl. You want a perfect 10 to walk up to you and hand you a ring, so that you don't have to do ANY work.

The world doesn't work that way. Women are like currency these days. No one's going to give away money for free, there's no "welfare" program for chicks. If you want money, you get a job and work for it. If you want a girl, you go out there and "work" for her.

Reality. Pure and simple. You have expectations and wants, and they're never gonna happen, so put your big boy briefs on and start working towards earning your desires.


ETA:

I had to work for MY wants. The guy I wanted was getting out of a sloppy and painful divorce. I didn't wait for him to come to me. But understand not all women are like me and you should not wait for a girl to come to you, EVER. My story of approaching the one I wanted is a one-time deal because I'm basically a really feminine dude in a chick's (awesome) body, I speak in a masculine way, think in a masculine way, and the only difference between me and my husband is the fact that I was the one who carried our two daughters. Oh, and I really like makeup. But that's literally it.

 

[Christopher2012]

Well, I don't really know what to say. I guess life's just a bitch and I'll just live through it and hope some positive things happen.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Well, I don't really know what to say. I guess life's just a bitch and I'll just live through it and hope some positive things happen.

Life is a meanie. Don't say bitch. That's sexist.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[Christopher2012]

This is frustrating in the wackiest way possible. I feel like I'm helping write a show about Mr. Bean.

A few things stood out to me about the articles. Chief among them, that nice guys will cause a train wreck to avoid a fender bender. I've done it and it's happening here.

You think this is frustrating for you?!

I live this shit every single day of my goddam life. It's like that movie Groundhog('s) Day except it never stops.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[Christopher2012]

Once again, you're assuming you're the only one who has gone through it. That's where the wackiness starts. And now you have probably ten people telling you the steps you need to take to fix it, and you're only reading what makes you look the worst. The wackiness continues! Then you attack the people who give advice based on a snippet that you didn't like. Wack factor is off the charts at this point. I'm with a few others on this: You WANT to feel bad, whether you ever admit it or not. When good things happen, you run from them (case in point: new girl) because you're so afraid you're gonna mess it up that you would almost rather be lonely and secure than out there and unsure. Dante from Clerks comes to mind. You're not someone who will make changes just so you can shit comfortably.

A lot of people recommend therapy. It wasn't for me. I tried preachers, therapists, family... nothing worked. Medication kept me from being doom-prone, but I found myself not caring whether or not I had friends, which solved the problem of social awkwardness, but in the worst possible way. What worked for me was listening to people things went wrong with and reacting accordingly. Really listen. That's something you haven't done, and I suspect it's a factor in your loneliness, because this can't be the first time you've been so short-sighted and dismissive with people who are trying to help you.

Oh, and remember that with 7 billion people in the world, what you want or need doesn't matter. You either do your best and end up with a little happiness, or you wallow in it and end up wasting an existence that could otherwise be spectacular.

You know, the nice guy trait might not be such a horrible thing. Did you read the first article that satin posted? It talks about how men cannot control their sex drives. We even get boners at our grandma's funeral because there's a woman showing cleavage.

Well, the "nice guy" trait seems to balance the overkill sex drive. For instance, there are a lot of women over the years that I liked. But looking back, I'm glad I didn't have kids with them. Think about the men who don't have the "nice guy" trait. Remember the man on the news who has 33 children with a whole host of different women. The guy makes minimum wage.

Me? I'm a 24-year-old PharmD who will be able to support himself and his potential family with a little on the side. The "nice guy" trait helped keep distractions away and promoted good decision making. Maybe it will slowly disappear. After all, making six figures might not mean anything to a woman from a direct standpoint, but maybe it'll drive my confidence through the roof. Who knows how I'll change? Maybe I won't but maybe I will. All I know is that actually don't know. I can't just get up and change just like that. It's not possible.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You know, the nice guy trait might not be such a horrible thing. Did you read the first article that satin posted? It talks about how men cannot control their sex drives. We even get boners at our grandma's funeral because there's a woman showing cleavage.

Well, the "nice guy" trait seems to balance the overkill sex drive. For instance, there are a lot of women over the years that I liked. But looking back, I'm glad I didn't have kids with them. Think about the men who don't have the "nice guy" trait. Remember the man on the news who has 33 children with a whole host of different women. The guy makes minimum wage.

Me? I'm a 24-year-old PharmD who will be able to support himself and his potential family with a little on the side. The "nice guy" trait helped keep distractions away and promoted good decision making. Maybe it will slowly disappear. After all, making six figures might not mean anything to a woman from a direct standpoint, but maybe it'll drive my confidence through the roof. Who knows how I'll change? Maybe I won't but maybe I will. All I know is that actually don't know. I can't just get up and change just like that. It's not possible.

This is the most positive thing you've said. And it still makes me want to jump off a bridge. But at least you see that there is some light somewhere maybe.

And I don't know that you're all that nice. You're kind of a dick. But that's okay.

 

[Christopher2012]

This is the most positive thing you've said. And it still makes me want to jump off a bridge. But at least you see that there is some light somewhere maybe.

And I don't know that you're all that nice. You're kind of a dick. But that's okay.

I never said I was nice. I just admitted to having "nice guy" syndrome.

I'm not a dick either, though. Not sure why you feel that way.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I never said I was nice. I just admitted to having "nice guy" syndrome.

I'm not a dick either, though. Not sure why you feel that way.

Messing with you dude.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[Goey]

Oh so you think being M's girlfriend is a good idea, too?

Something odd DID happen during pharmacy school. A group of 7-8 very attractive girls (who knew I never went out partying with people at school) would always invite me to really nice restaurants in downtown Savannah. I never understood why. And I'd actually go. The reason I went was because: 1. I knew there would be no loud music (my ears can't take loud music so I'm scared of going out a lot of times), and 2. I knew I wouldn't be pressured to drink any kind of alcohol (scared of DUI).

So you'd see me at super nice restaurants (Vics on The River, Pink House, etc) sitting at a table with these hot girls. Now, at first I thought it was cool... but the truth was I couldn't actually have any of these women. They all had boyfriends, and regardless, they were seriously out of my league.

To me, that's like a slap in the face. I only went out with these girls because the experience of being around women was a novelty to me. But no, it wasn't fulfilling. It was just... depressing. Those girls were nice and I'm still cool with them. I just want a girlfriend, not girl friends.

So you don't have any female friends, who are just friends? Like, at all?

 

[Christopher2012]

So you don't have any female friends, who are just friends? Like, at all?

I never talk to anybody (except for my best guy friend who lives out of state) outside of work or school.

So I have one personal (but out of state) guy friend. That's it. Basically no friends.