She's way way.... WAY out of my league. How do I handle her?

[fire_breeze]

So how do I find out specifics about what's going on downtown? How do you find out when special events are taking place?

Here's something else that you should probably know... I grew up in Savannah, sure... but I've NEVER gone downtown except for absolute necessities (very few over my 24 years). In January, I started working at a pharmacy on Victory Drive and am becoming more aware of how special the place is. I guess my parents always tried to keep me away from harm's way and anchored me to the South Side and Richmond Hill.

Downtown Savannah is soooooooo weird. One second, you could be on the most glamourous block and the next second, you could be in the ghetto.

I'll be honest, I'm so sheltered that I don't know shit about the place that I've lived my entire life...

This past Sat night, I was driving downtown looking for The World of Beers, and I was seeing soooo many gorgeous women walking down the street. I was like "Where the hell have I been all these years? Looks like I've finally found where all the women are..."

Welcome to every single city in the world.

I hate to sound facetious, but Google is your friend. Or the Arts and Entertainment section in your favourite local paper. Or hunt around the more bohemian/artist quarters of the city, and I will guarantee you will find something interesting to do. Ask the tender at your favourite cafe or waiter at your favourite restaurant - even if it's a chain. Ask your co-workers - a simple, "I'm getting together with a friend this weekend, and I am at a loss at what to do. Any suggestions?" Or if you ever take the cab, ask the driver.

In a sense, you moved into the city; if you present yourself as a new resident, most people are more than happy to show off their hidden little gems. However, you have to ask and look around. And it's fun to be a tourist in your own city.

Here are a few links that will jump start your search.

http://savannahvisit.com/getaways
http://www.savannahthingstodo.com/
http://www.10best.com/destinations/georgia/savannah/
http://www.southernliving.com/travel/south-east/savannah-georgia-travel-guide-00400000040616/
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g60814-Activities-Savannah_Georgia.html
http://go.savannahnow.com/savannah_ga/events/free+summer+events+savannah
http://go.savannahnow.com/savannah-ga/events/savannah+summer+events

Exploring is half the fun, and if you don't over-think it, any date won't suck. If you go into this with the aim of getting to know someone better, it'll take the pressure off of you both and then you can relax and enjoy each other's company. Isn't that what a date is about anyway?

 

[SweetErika]

Oh yeah, that answers my question!

It's so overwhelming. There's so much to choose from. I feel like any plan I could possibly come up with is going to suck. I just don't know anything. This is like a whole new world...

Most bigger cities have at least one free newspaper or magazine that tells what's going on in terms of music, art, performances and special events. You could also google 'savannah events calendar' and similar terms.

I get how it can be overwhelming, but having so much to choose from is a huge positive for you! What it means is there's definitely something happening or somewhere you can go that you both will enjoy, and any plan you come up with (as long as it's not so specific that it likely won't appeal to her) is probably going to be fantastic.

You don't know anything? Well, here's a great chance to learn about your hometown!

If you're worried about it, come up with a few ideas and even ask her what she enjoys, like I said before. Don't go into details about how sheltered/uninformed you've been, just tell her you've only recently started exploring your city, and ask her where she loves to go, what she'd like to see/do, if she'd show you her favorite place, etc.

I WOULD make it clear that you're seeking a date. You don't have to use that word specifically, but make sure she doesn't misinterpret your date as just an outing between friends. Words like "take you out," or "go out with me," and/or your ideas should be sufficient to make the distinction.

 

[TartfromHell]

i've been to savannah a couple of times Christopher, and just loved it -- the historic district, savannah river, forsyth park, the cobblestone streets, and all the oak trees with spanish moss -- it's the perfect setting for a romantic evening (or day date)!

an ideal date for me is very low-key and without all the fuss and formalities of an expensive dinner or full itinerary.

if you're feeling nervous, i'd recommend one of two things:

come up with a list of things that interest you and that could divert your attention away from yourself (like going to a museum and sharing your knowledge on a particular subject, etc.)

or make a list of things you could do where both of you need to focus on someone or something else (initially) just to get over that butterflies in the tummy stage (like taking one of those ghost tours in the historic district -- they had a candlelit one last time i was there, and it was a lot of fun -- perfect opportunity for getting close and making a lot of eye contact without having to come up with anything clever to say)

and then take things from there ... have a list of ideas in your head, but be spontaneous -- maybe a late evening stroll along river street, and then sitting and enjoying the view of the river and exchanging funny stories from when you both were kids (since you've both know each other for so long) ... and if things are feeling right, lean in for a kiss

 

[subwannabe]

I didn't read any of the other posts but I bet I am going to say the same thing that many others said. You are way overanalyzing this. Why can't you just be happy with the fact that she seems attracted to you? She already said she hates cocky jerks so obviously she doesn't consider you a cocky jerk. Throw all of your self esteem issues out in the trash and go for it. What's the worse that can happen? You date for a short period and she decides that it is not going to work out? I hate to burst your bubble but that's what happens to 90% of all relationships anyway, even with hunky cocky jerks. Be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not because that what she hates anyway.

 

[Christopher2012]

Okay so wait... should I ask her if she wants to "hang out" or do I have to say "take you out"? Because I was going to just ask her if she wanted to hang out.

Short response because I'm typing on my phone.

Oh and we havent known each other since childhood. We just met three weeks ago. Our past is coincidental.

 

[Goey]

Okay so wait... should I ask her if she wants to "hang out" or do I have to say "take you out"? Because I was going to just ask her if she wanted to hang out.

Short response because I'm typing on my phone.

Oh and we havent known each other since childhood. We just met three weeks ago. Our past is coincidental.

Just ask if she'd want to do something sometime, have a walk, hang out, get a coffee etc. (make sure it's obvious it's just a you and her thing and for the love of god avoid the cinema) and then during that event ask if she'd fancy going on a date or something.

Use your own words, they'll sound better then any anyone can give you.

 

[TBOZ]

Okay so wait... should I ask her if she wants to "hang out" or do I have to say "take you out"? Because I was going to just ask her if she wanted to hang out.

Short response because I'm typing on my phone.

Oh and we havent known each other since childhood. We just met three weeks ago. Our past is coincidental.

This will be great! The fact that she's out of your league is actually ideal (guys probably act like idiots around her) and u are genuinely interested.

Embrace your own style, and the girls on lit of course - but my one gift in life is dating ridiculously far up. Based on my reflection I know three things: 1) it's mostly out of your hands so relax and be yourself; 2) CONTEXT - its self evident that the scenary, sounds, and activity is so much more important than u can imagine. U can be the dos Equis guy and if u have her over to watch a movie she will associate u with bein lethargic and half-bored. 3) don't think about closing - it makes things awkward and there is no rush. If u can't stop thinking about a kiss it's mutual so do it, but do NOT plan it. In fact plan not to.

Ask her for some fun so she can't really reject it. Instead of a "do u like
Me" question - think "you have to help me for this canoe trip (ghost tour,etc) I have to burn up a groupon and I am totally not doing I alone.". Don't bullshit - but ask her for help or company as opposed to the formal dates which it sounds like u get anxious about. Keep us posted!

 

[SweetErika]

Just ask if she'd want to do something sometime, have a walk, hang out, get a coffee etc. (make sure it's obvious it's just a you and her thing and for the love of god avoid the cinema) and then during that event ask if she'd fancy going on a date or something.

Use your own words, they'll sound better then any anyone can give you.

I'd normally agree with this approach completely.

However, I think Christopher is putting himself at a real risk of getting stuck in the dreaded "friend zone," so I think his best bet is to ask her out on what's clearly a date straightaway so there's no ambiguity about what the outing is for either of them.

Now could they hang out, get a coffee, take a walk or something similarly low-key as part of the date? Sure! The only big difference between hanging out as platonic friends and going on a date is the intention. In this case, I feel like Christopher needs to make it clear that his intention is to develop the friendship AND romance from the start. Then the woman will know he's into her and hopefully he can relax and have a better time without worrying about asking her on an actual date after they hang out.

Chris, you don't have to use any specific words. My point was simply that *something* should indicate this is a date. That could be achieved with words when you ask her out, or with the activities you plan. What you don't want to do is leave it up to her interpretation. If you do, she might figure it's a platonic thing and/or misinterpret your

 

[Christopher2012]

Holy shit, if I end up end the friend zone, I'll flip out. But I don't think that'll happen because I've been told that she does, in fact, like me. She also does have an incentive since I've graduated and she's only a first-year student. She probably sees a quick jump start for profit.

 

[Que]

if you think anything that you can come up with will suck...then I'm certain you are absolutely right.

women hate a man that dithers.

 

[Christopher2012]

if you think anything that you can come up with will suck...then I'm certain you are absolutely right.

women hate a man that dithers.

Well, I don't "dither" around her. When I'm with her, I'm fine. As a professional of what I do, I'm super confident. And that's the light that she sees me. So as long as I can play it cool the rest of the way, I might be home free.

Because I'm not going to lie... I'm awesome at what I do for al living. Hell, I spend 95% of my time doing it!

 

[Christopher2012]

I have bad news. Let me give you some background... A couple of weeks ago, I saw this girl's nails. They were yellow. That hit me as odd because smokers usually have yellow nails. Nicotine builds up in the nail bed.

I mentioned it to somebody and they said "Nooooo way, dude. Not possible."

Well I found out tonight that I was right. I am soooooooo so so disappointed. That sucks so bad. So I didnt ask her. I feel like shit.

 

[culloden]

Too bad. I never could date a girl who smoked either - Just can't get past it.

 

[RobertBarre]

I've spent a lot of my life being single, and I've spent a lot of my life pining for women who were "out of my league", so I say this as a brother. Consider the possibility that you have too quickly written this young woman off. You think she is amazing and fantastic. I bet she is. She clearly likes you and has sent you the greenest of green lights through her ambassador. This, my friend, is a rare and exquisite opportunity. I envy you! She is interested in you despite your (acknowledged) imperfections. Consider extending her the same generosity. There's nothing wrong with high standards, but my experience is that the people with the highest standards are single and unhappy about it.

 

[Christopher2012]

I've spent a lot of my life being single, and I've spent a lot of my life pining for women who were "out of my league", so I say this as a brother. Consider the possibility that you have too quickly written this young woman off. You think she is amazing and fantastic. I bet she is. She clearly likes you and has sent you the greenest of green lights through her ambassador. This, my friend, is a rare and exquisite opportunity. I envy you! She is interested in you despite your (acknowledged) imperfections. Consider extending her the same generosity. There's nothing wrong with high standards, but my experience is that the people with the highest standards are single and unhappy about it.

You're right. I'm still going to ask her out. I talked with her friend today. The friend said it would be a wise decision to.

 

[Goldeniangel]

You're right. I'm still going to ask her out. I talked with her friend today. The friend said it would be a wise decision to.

Good luck!

 

[nayia]

You're right. I'm still going to ask her out. I talked with her friend today. The friend said it would be a wise decision to.

Good luck! My bf used to smoke a lot too but he's quitting now because he said he wants to be healthy and have a long life so we can have a family together. Smoking doesn't have to be a deal breaker

 

[TartfromHell]

I've spent a lot of my life being single, and I've spent a lot of my life pining for women who were "out of my league", so I say this as a brother. Consider the possibility that you have too quickly written this young woman off. You think she is amazing and fantastic. I bet she is. She clearly likes you and has sent you the greenest of green lights through her ambassador. This, my friend, is a rare and exquisite opportunity. I envy you! She is interested in you despite your (acknowledged) imperfections. Consider extending her the same generosity. There's nothing wrong with high standards, but my experience is that the people with the highest standards are single and unhappy about it.

a very thoughtful response and excellent advice

 

[SweetErika]

You're right. I'm still going to ask her out. I talked with her friend today. The friend said it would be a wise decision to.

Your friend is right, and I'm glad you're following their advice. Otherwise, I think you'd regret not going for it in the future.

Best of luck, and let us know how it works out for you!

 

[Goey]

She sounds like a considerate smoker, so I don't see too much of any issue with it. Worse case scenario is you might have to febreeze your pillows after tumbling in the sheets.

 

[Christopher2012]

She sounds like a considerate smoker, so I don't see too much of any issue with it. Worse case scenario is you might have to febreeze your pillows after tumbling in the sheets.

Yeeeah, I dont even want to think about kissing and sex. I'm just at the asking out stage and I'm having a nervous breakdown. Moving past that will probably cause my brain to explode. haha

And on that note, tomorrow it's all or nothing. I am fucking SCARED. Geez...

 

[fire_breeze]

Yeeeah, I dont even want to think about kissing and sex. I'm just at the asking out stage and I'm having a nervous breakdown. Moving past that will probably cause my brain to explode. haha

And on that note, tomorrow it's all or nothing. I am fucking SCARED. Geez...

Just breathe, and be yourself. You know you're an incredible guy, and the lady knows it too, or else she would not have expressed any interest in you. You both get along, and enjoy similar things.

And one breath at a time.

Good luck

 

[Lord Pmann]

Yeeeah, I dont even want to think about kissing and sex. I'm just at the asking out stage and I'm having a nervous breakdown. Moving past that will probably cause my brain to explode. haha

And on that note, tomorrow it's all or nothing. I am fucking SCARED. Geez...

If she rejects you, tell her to eff off and that you didn't want to date a smoker anyway; that the people on the Internet made you ask her.

Good luck mate.

 

[TartfromHell]

Yeeeah, I dont even want to think about kissing and sex. I'm just at the asking out stage and I'm having a nervous breakdown. Moving past that will probably cause my brain to explode. haha

And on that note, tomorrow it's all or nothing. I am fucking SCARED. Geez...

fire_breeze's advice was spot on -- just breathe, and remember she's probably feeling nervous as well.

best of wishes to you

 

[Christopher2012]

Well, I went through with it. We had to spend one last day (actually, only two hours) together. It was her last day on the internship at our pharmacy.

We didn't speak to each other a whole lot and time flew by. I was nervous as shit and thought I wasnt going to do it. It was hard because everytime I looked at her, I was overwhelmed. I hate that feeling!

At the end, she said, "Well, it's about that time.". And I'll be honest, the best I could muster was a quick "We need to hang out." She immediately changed the subject almost as if she didnt hear me. I wanted to say it again but didnt. I just agreed with what she was saying and then backed off. I tried so hard to play it cool but I was wrecked. I felt so disappointed. Helping customers and counting just barely got my mind off of it... but then she said, "Hey, you need to find me on Facebook."

"No Facebook."

"You dont have Facebook?"

"Nope, whats your number?"

She gave it to me and I told her that I'd call her. She maintained eye contact all the way out the pharmacy and jokingly told me she'd help me study for the Boards.

I guess thats success. I feel very indifferent about it.

Sorry for the grammar. I typed this on my pbone. Please tell me how you interpret her reaction.