She's way way.... WAY out of my league. How do I handle her?

[Goey]

You won't really know until you ring here. The chances are your lack of forwardness has left her in the same situation you find yourself.

 

[TartfromHell]

Well, I went through with it. We had to spend one last day (actually, only two hours) together. It was her last day on the internship at our pharmacy.

We didn't speak to each other a whole lot and time flew by. I was nervous as shit and thought I wasnt going to do it. It was hard because everytime I looked at her, I was overwhelmed. I hate that feeling!

At the end, she said, "Well, it's about that time.". And I'll be honest, the best I could muster was a quick "We need to hang out." She immediately changed the subject almost as if she didnt hear me. I wanted to say it again but didnt. I just agreed with what she was saying and then backed off. I tried so hard to play it cool but I was wrecked. I felt so disappointed. Helping customers and counting just barely got my mind off of it... but then she said, "Hey, you need to find me on Facebook."

"No Facebook."

"You dont have Facebook?"

"Nope, whats your number?"

She gave it to me and I told her that I'd call her. She maintained eye contact all the way out the pharmacy and jokingly told me she'd help me study for the Boards.

I guess thats success. I feel very indifferent about it.

Sorry for the grammar. I typed this on my pbone. Please tell me how you interpret her reaction.

perhaps you're feeling indifferent about it because it didn't go as you had imagined (or planned) it -- but that's ok. sometimes that happens when there's a prolonged build up of anxiety -- the actual event is a lot less dramatic than anticipated.

obviously i have no idea what was going through her mind, but my take on this is that when you said 'we need to hang out' that it could've been taken more as 'let's stay in touch' like friends, rather than 'i think you're hot and want to get to know you better!' ... or maybe she was also as nervous as hell and just froze up.

i don't do facebook either -- so it was a good come-back with directly asking for her number -- good for you Christopher!

in my experience, if a woman maintains eye contact with someone like that it means one of two things: one is that she's mentally sending daggers through you -- which i think we can write off in this instance; or two, because there's something about you that's rocking her world -- i think going with the latter would be a safe bet -- especially when she offered to help you study for your exam.

so, what's the next step? don't let too much time pass before asking her out -- she's probably second guessing everything that she said as well and wondering how it was received. one thing that is nice about having her number now is that you can send a text if you're feeling too nervous to call. i'm sure some would disagree with that approach, but i'm more of a texter than a talker ...

 

[culloden]

Call her. What do you have to lose, really? A rejection won't be the end of the world, and it would be better than not knowing for a lifetime.

Edit: BTW, I'm now an old married guy (which is a great thing in this case!), but in my youth I was fairly shy and suffered low self esteem. I've felt the anxiety you're feeling. Sometimes I got over it and asked a girl out. Sometimes I didn't. Those times I asked a girl out, sometimes I ended up on a date and sometimes I didn't. Those times I chickened out, I NEVER ended up on a date.

Thirty years later, I have to think hard to remember the rejections. The times I didn't try though, they stick with me.

If you think you want this girl, ask her out. Don't beat around the bush, just tell her you enjoy spending time with her and that you'd like to go out to get to know her better. There's nothing creepy about that, and she can say yes or no.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Please tell me how you interpret her reaction.

IMHO kids these days spend far too much time trying to interpret one another instead of just asking whatever it is they want to know. Maybe she likes you as a friend and just wants to keep in touch; maybe she's interested in more but is shy about it. The only way you're likely to find out is by asking. It's scary, not knowing what the answer will be, but if she's given you her phone number and suggested spending time together studying that's a good sign. The worst outcome you can get from asking politely is about the same as the best outcome from not asking.

FWIW, women are under more pressure than men to be "modest" about sexuality and there's a general expectation that it's the man's role to make the first move. It'd be nice if that changed, but in the meantime somebody has to be the first one to take a risk and say "I'm interested".

...oh, did I say "kids these days"? Sorry, I meant "me fifteen years ago", but it's probably still true.

 

[fire_breeze]

Well, I went through with it. We had to spend one last day (actually, only two hours) together. It was her last day on the internship at our pharmacy.

We didn't speak to each other a whole lot and time flew by. I was nervous as shit and thought I wasnt going to do it. It was hard because everytime I looked at her, I was overwhelmed. I hate that feeling!

At the end, she said, "Well, it's about that time.". And I'll be honest, the best I could muster was a quick "We need to hang out." She immediately changed the subject almost as if she didnt hear me. I wanted to say it again but didnt. I just agreed with what she was saying and then backed off. I tried so hard to play it cool but I was wrecked. I felt so disappointed. Helping customers and counting just barely got my mind off of it... but then she said, "Hey, you need to find me on Facebook."

"No Facebook."

"You dont have Facebook?"

"Nope, whats your number?"

She gave it to me and I told her that I'd call her. She maintained eye contact all the way out the pharmacy and jokingly told me she'd help me study for the Boards.

I guess thats success. I feel very indifferent about it.

Sorry for the grammar. I typed this on my pbone. Please tell me how you interpret her reaction.

Here's my interpretation:

If she offered for you to find her on Facebook, she wants to maintain contact with you. She offered. Not you. She didn't have to, but she did. Indication number 1.

If she gave you her number, and didn't make an excuse why not to give it to you, that indication number 2. So you better damn well call her - and don't wait for that 3 days bullshit. You want to get together? Ask her to get together. In fact, it may be easier for you on the phone, because you do not have to see her.

If she maintained eye contact with you - and brought up an inside joke/story (in this case, studying for the Boards), she is indicating that she does want to get together and to see you in the future. Indication number 3.

Oh, and lest we forget, her 'ambassador' also told you that you should ask her out. Indication, and possibly the most glaring, number 4.

In other words, do not over-analyse her every move. Trust me, over-analysing is NEVER a good idea: it makes you second-guess everything. And that, my dear, is shit and a half and becomes a hard habit to break.

So don't wait for a post that says "Christopher, ask me out - DreamChick" pasted onto your car, because it won't happen.

So ask her out. Now.

 

[Christopher2012]

So ask her out. Now.

First of all, let me just say I'm thankful for you guys. At the same time, I am so damn frustrated and confused.

Let me just say this.... Everybody keeps saying the same thing - What's the worst the could happen? You're just scared of rejection.

NO.

The worst that could happen is she really wants to go out with me and then I make a fool of myself when I'm blank on a date or on the phone. I will shut down. I know it. There's a high likelihood that I would be awkward while talking to her. Sure, I may have been fine at work around her... but business is business and personal feelings are usually left at the door. So I don't worry about it. That's why I have no problems socially at school or work. But in my personal life, I'm a loner.

This is so goddamn hard. Something that everybody else enjoys is the hardest thing in the world for me. I know I'm not the only one... but I wish I were better.

Hopefully, I'll get the courage to call her tonight. I have fought all last night and all morning to go through with this and I've only complicated things more. This fucking blows.

 

[Ellafun]

^^^^What she said. Ask her out. And make sure you come back on here and tell us what's going on. I'm loving following this story. I'm pretty sure I could turn this into a submission if I changed the names....

Good luck...now DO IT!!!

 

[Christopher2012]

^^^^What she said. Ask her out. And make sure you come back on here and tell us what's going on. I'm loving following this story. I'm pretty sure I could turn this into a submission if I changed the names....

Good luck...now DO IT!!!

Haha thanks. You can submit if you want. Actually, I may call her just because of the fact that it'll make the submission more interesting. Haha!

 

[Christopher2012]

All I have to do is hit "Call" and it is so damn hard. Each time I go to press it, I have this out-of-body experience. But I stop. I almost wish the button would accidentally get pressed. If it did, I bet instinct would take over from there.

 

[Christopher2012]

She didn't answer...

Edit: Well, she has told me in the past that she goes to bed very early. She's an early riser, and doesn't function well past 5pm. She loves jobs that start at 5-6am and she hates working 9-7.

Also, she does in fact have a new rotation in the morning at a hospital. And I'm pretty sure it's an early one. So, she's probably asleep.

I'll try back tomorrow afternoon.

 

[fire_breeze]

First of all, let me just say I'm thankful for you guys. At the same time, I am so damn frustrated and confused.

Let me just say this.... Everybody keeps saying the same thing - What's the worst the could happen? You're just scared of rejection.

NO.

The worst that could happen is she really wants to go out with me and then I make a fool of myself when I'm blank on a date or on the phone. I will shut down. I know it. There's a high likelihood that I would be awkward while talking to her. Sure, I may have been fine at work around her... but business is business and personal feelings are usually left at the door. So I don't worry about it. That's why I have no problems socially at school or work. But in my personal life, I'm a loner.

This is so goddamn hard. Something that everybody else enjoys is the hardest thing in the world for me. I know I'm not the only one... but I wish I were better.

Hopefully, I'll get the courage to call her tonight. I have fought all last night and all morning to go through with this and I've only complicated things more. This fucking blows.

Christopher, I'm usually much more tactful and diplomatic than I am going to be. I say it as it is, I'm honest, but I usually try to be extremely sensitive as to how I say it.

I will, against my own nature, do the opposite and be incredibly blunt. I will lay this out coldly and logically.

Yes. She will say yes. However, she's a woman, not a dolphin-dog hybrid, or some sort of extra-terrastrial. You both speak the same language. You both have some things in common. You obviously did not have a problem talking with her in the past, ergo, you should not have a problem talking with her when you do go out, unless some alien took possession of her body in the interim, which, let's face it, is a highly unlikely scenario.

If you say that there's a high likelihood that you will be awkward, then there will be a high likelihood that you will be awkward. It's called self-projecting, or in layman's terms, psyching yourself out, and by doing so, you're missing out an opportunity in getting to know a wonderful human being. Even if you decide that an intimate relationship is not what you want, there's nothing that prohibits you from enjoying each other's company, whether it is as lovers, confidents or friends, or even all three.

You're obviously not so much of a loner than you claim to be, otherwise you would not desire to get together with her, you would not stress out what to say, you would not be agonising whether or not you've said/did the right thing. As a true loner, you would simply not care. However, as one who is reserved, who may be uncomfortable in certain social situation, but who still desires the company of others, these are classic signs of feeling uncomfortable of stepping out of your comfortable boundaries. So man it up, and be adventurous. Expand your horizons. How did you know that you like lobster? You tried it. How would you know you won't be awkward unless you try it. That tingling feeling? Just like an orgasm which, if my biology serves me, is similar to certain nervous energy, can be exhilarating IF you channel it properly.

There's a reason why it's called the nerves. You can chose to see this pessimistically and call it the jitters, or you can see it optimistically and call it butterflies. I will guarantee you that she feels the same way. Even the suavest, most cool person feels nervous before his/her first date. The difference is that they see it as excitement and revel in that feeling while you may see it as the potential of being awkward. So be excited.

So. Enjoy the feeling. Channel your nerves into something positive and become excited that I know you are. Tomorrow, at 3pm, pick up the damn phone. Dial her number. Ask her how she is and how she is doing. Ask her about her hospital rotation and how she is enjoying it. Say that you would love to get together with her and celebrate, and would Tuesday 4.30pm at the corner of Stanley and Main at this cute cafe be a good time?

And then go.

Oh yes, and then tell us all about your success.

 

[Christopher2012]

Christopher, I'm usually much more tactful and diplomatic than I am going to be. I say it as it is, I'm honest, but I usually try to be extremely sensitive as to how I say it.

I will, against my own nature, do the opposite and be incredibly blunt. I will lay this out coldly and logically.

Yes. She will say yes. However, she's a woman, not a dolphin-dog hybrid, or some sort of extra-terrastrial. You both speak the same language. You both have some things in common. You obviously did not have a problem talking with her in the past, ergo, you should not have a problem talking with her when you do go out, unless some alien took possession of her body in the interim, which, let's face it, is a highly unlikely scenario.

Right, but I said that work is work and school is school. I don't care what a coworker thinks of me. But I do care about what a girl who I ask out thinks of me. So all of a sudden, BOOM... awkwardness. It's awkward. It's not something that I can help. If I could magically make it disappear, I would. I'm awkward around a lot of people outside of school and work.

If you say that there's a high likelihood that you will be awkward, then there will be a high likelihood that you will be awkward. It's called self-projecting, or in layman's terms, psyching yourself out, and by doing so, you're missing out an opportunity in getting to know a wonderful human being. Even if you decide that an intimate relationship is not what you want, there's nothing that prohibits you from enjoying each other's company, whether it is as lovers, confidents or friends, or even all three.

You're obviously not so much of a loner than you claim to be, otherwise you would not desire to get together with her, you would not stress out what to say, you would not be agonising whether or not you've said/did the right thing. As a true loner, you would simply not care. However, as one who is reserved, who may be uncomfortable in certain social situation, but who still desires the company of others, these are classic signs of feeling uncomfortable of stepping out of your comfortable boundaries. So man it up, and be adventurous. Expand your horizons. How did you know that you like lobster? You tried it. How would you know you won't be awkward unless you try it. That tingling feeling? Just like an orgasm which, if my biology serves me, is similar to certain nervous energy, can be exhilarating IF you channel it properly.

No, a loner is somebody who spends their free time alone. That's what a loner is. I have pretty much zero friends. There are a lot of people I'm cool with, but I have no friends. That's sad and pathetic, but I can't help it. I'm a loner. It's not a personality type.

There's a reason why it's called the nerves. You can chose to see this pessimistically and call it the jitters, or you can see it optimistically and call it butterflies. I will guarantee you that she feels the same way. Even the suavest, most cool person feels nervous before his/her first date. The difference is that they see it as excitement and revel in that feeling while you may see it as the potential of being awkward. So be excited.

I can see how excitement and nervousness could be seen as the same. I guess it's just my perception.

So. Enjoy the feeling. Channel your nerves into something positive and become excited that I know you are. Tomorrow, at 3pm, pick up the damn phone. Dial her number. Ask her how she is and how she is doing. Ask her about her hospital rotation and how she is enjoying it. Say that you would love to get together with her and celebrate, and would Tuesday 4.30pm at the corner of Stanley and Main at this cute cafe be a good time?

It is seriously seriously seriously not that easy.

And then go.

Oh yes, and then tell us all about your success.

......

 

[themilf]

Christopher, love,
I'm with Fire Breeze.
I'm normally much more diplomatic than this but for for heaven's sake Man, Shit or get off the pot!
As with anything you want, you can ask and you can ask nicely. Ask any salesperson. It is difficult for the person you are asking to say "no". She may say yes, she may say no.
My suggestion is this: please have a "plan A" and a "plan B". That way if she does decline, you can submit a second option. She may actually HAVE other plans. Consider this: if she declines after presenting "plan a", have a specific "plan b" but not a specific day/time. Like "well then what day next week would you like to/be available to check out the new winery/hookah bar/antique district with me?".
Ask open questions that one cannot answer with a "no".
OH And one more thing; VISUALIZE VISUALIZE VISUALIZE!!
Don't tell me you can't. Picture yourself speaking confidently like you do this all the time. Picture her saying "yes". Imagine what a great time you'll have. Take control of your own destiny, my friend.
Did you leave a message when you called? I don't answer unknown numbers. Perhaps she simply didn't answer because she didn't realize it was you. Or she was driving. Or checking out at the market. Or didn't hear her phone. Maybe she had it on the charger. She was in the laundry room. Or was on the other line.
I wish I possessed the power this young lady has over you!
Good Luck!

 

[Christopher2012]

Well I'm not a salesman. I'm a pharmacist.

Remember the original post? I suck. It's not a self-esteem issue. I actually suck.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The worst that could happen is she really wants to go out with me and then I make a fool of myself when I'm blank on a date or on the phone.

Something I took years to learn: asking a girl out is not a magic spell where getting one word wrong will make demons come and eat you. If she wants to date you, she's not going to knock you back just because you blanked for a bit (though if you're really worried about it, script something - you don't need to stick to the script, just have it available as a fallback).

There are exceptions to this. I used to date a woman where every word mattered; a single poorly-chosen word (or a poorly-chosen silence) could lead to a horrible argument. The main thing I learned from that relationship is not to date women like that again; trying to be perfect is EXHAUSTING, and there are other women around who can deal with a few imperfections.

And keep in mind that no matter how amazing you think she is, she probably doesn't see herself the same way. Everybody's got things to be insecure about.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Well I'm not a salesman. I'm a pharmacist.

Remember the original post? I suck. It's not a self-esteem issue. I actually suck.

Have you ever thought that maybe she likes you because you are a little awkward or nerdy or whatever? If she's as hot as you say she is, then she's probably used to being hit on by douchebags. Maybe she is sick of that. Maybe she wants a guy who is interested in being her friend first. Guys like you usually don't cheat on girls like her.

Grow a set of balls man. I realize you're nervous. But you've gotten through the hardest part already, getting her number. Give yourself more credit.

I hate to recommend a B grade comedy that is not very good, but go watch this movie:

m.imdb.com/title/tt0815236/

 

[culloden]

I can see being worried about locking up in a situation where a lack of conversation would be awkward - a fancy dinner, perhaps. Maybe that's not the sort of date to ask her on.

Apart from work, what interests do you share? Pick an activity you both like, that provides conversation fodder on its own. Go bowling. Go to a baseball game. Go to a lawn concert. Take a bike ride. Go canoeing. The activity doesn't matter as long as you both enjoy it.

 

[Christopher2012]

Okay the problem just got even more complicated.

A company just called and offered me an interview for a position in a city about 2 hours away. That was TOTALLY unexpected and it caught me off guard. I have a friend who said he'd hook me up with this company but I honestly didn't think it'd happen.

Alright alright alright, I do have a few friends but not many.

 

[bailadora]

Okay the problem just got even more complicated.

A company just called and offered me an interview for a position in a city about 2 hours away. That was TOTALLY unexpected and it caught me off guard. I have a friend who said he'd hook me up with this company but I honestly didn't think it'd happen.

Alright alright alright, I do have a few friends but not many.

Okaaay? So if you really click with this girl, you drive to see her one weekend, and she drives to you the other. Problem solved. Really, you're making mountains out of molehills.

 

[culloden]

What Bailadora said.

Really, it sounds like you're making excuses. Just do it. You'll kick yourself if you don't.

 

[Christopher2012]

What Bailadora said.

Really, it sounds like you're making excuses. Just do it. You'll kick yourself if you don't.

That wasn't an excuse. All I said was that it complicates things.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Okay the problem just got even more complicated.

A company just called and offered me an interview for a position in a city about 2 hours away. That was TOTALLY unexpected and it caught me off guard. I have a friend who said he'd hook me up with this company but I honestly didn't think it'd happen.

Alright alright alright, I do have a few friends but not many.

For fuck's same mate... You've got a pharmacy degree. Yet you're making this like a CW drama. Just do it man. If it doesn't work out long term, it doesn't. But it's not going to kill you. It might give you a shot in the arse and the confidence you need. Do you expect not to get offers outside of Savannah? Savannah isn't that big. You've got to shit or get off the pot.

 

[missgiter]

So... Far to lazy to read the entire thread.


Go for it. What's the worst thing that could happen? Her say no? Talk to her - flirt back. Ask her out. She'd have already put you on the back burner using her loaded schedule if she didn't want you.

Good luck.

 

[Miles Long]

Wow, I can't believe I read this entire thread.

Even in the remote chance that your awkwardness ruins things with this girl (and I'd put those chances at pretty close to zero...), it's good practice for the next girl. This isn't the one chance you get in life. You try it, if it works out, great; if it doesn't work out, you learn from it and do better with the next one.

So just fucking ask her out already, take her on a date, be the most awkward person in history, and have a funny story to tell your grandkids later.

Call her. Call her. Call her. Or give me her number and I'll do it. Just somebody please for the love of God call her already!

 

[agenttexx]

There are a handful of ladies I wish I had had the balls to ask out and I've always regretted it. Not because it would have been a fairytale, but because I missed out on getting to know them.

Later on, I had the opportunity to talk to them again and explained my nervousness and fragile self-esteem. Finding out they had just as big a crush on me and had been waiting for me to make a move fired my resolve.

Don't settle, don't put on a pedestal. If you have a feeling they like you and you like them, ask. Its better to get shot down then to find out years later you could have landed had you bothered to leave the run way.

Other airplane jokes... cockpit... that one sells itself.